Well, it's that time of year again, with them Oscars on the horizon, and the American Film Institute have announced their Top 100 movie quotes of all time; here's the top 10 I got from the press this morning. What do you think, or any that should have been right up there?
1 "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." Rhett Butler Clark Gable Gone with the Wind 1939
2 "I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse."[2] Vito Corleone Marlon Brando The Godfather 1972
3 "You don't understand! I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I could've been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am."[3] Terry Malloy Marlon Brando On the Waterfront 1954
4 "Toto, I've got a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore." Dorothy Gale Judy Garland The Wizard of Oz 1939
5 "Here's looking at you, kid." Rick Blaine Humphrey Bogart Casablanca 1942
6 "Go ahead, make my day." Harry Callahan Clint Eastwood Sudden Impact 1983
7 "All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up."[4] Norma Desmond Gloria Swanson Sunset Boulevard 1950
8 "May the Force be with you." Han Solo Harrison Ford Star Wars 1977
9 "Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy night." Margo Channing Bette Davis All About Eve 1950
10 "You talkin' to me?" Travis Bickle Robert De Niro Taxi Driver 1976
"Wax on, wax off" - Mr Miyagi - Karate Kid
Don't get yourself into anything that you can't walk away from in 60 seconds when the heat is around the corner. (Robert De Niro in the film "Heat")
"and tell our enemies, that they may take our lives, but they will never take our freedom!" Braveheart
[Harry Callahan has to explain why he shot a man]
Harry Callahan: Well, when an adult male is chasing a female with intent to commit rape, I shoot the bastard. That's my policy.
The Mayor: Intent? How did you establish that?
Harry Callahan: When a naked man is chasing a woman through an alley with a butcher's knife and a hard-on, I figure he isn't out collecting for the Red Cross!
[walks out of the room]
The Mayor: He's got a point.
"Wow is this the same car, it looks totally different". "Yeah its amazing". "Ok gentlemen lets not start sucking each others dicks just yet"
Mr Winston Wolf, Pulp Fiction ...
"Yo Adrian, we did it!" Sylvester Stallone - Rocky
"say hello to my little freind" Al Pacino - Scarface
"funny how, funny like a clown?" Joe Peschi - Goodfellas
I'll be back
Rocky IV at the bottom of the stairas before the tunnel cruise:
Adrian - 'You can't win!'
T2 - 'Hasta la Vista, baby'
'What in the wide, wide world of sports is going on here. I hired you boys to get some track laid, not jump about like a bunch of Kansas City faggots'
Taggart to Lyle, Blazing Saddles.
'What did you expect? Welcome Sheriff? Marry my daughter? You've got to remember, these are simple folk. The common clay of the new west. You know... morons'
Jim to Sheriff Bart, Blazing Saddles.
Taggart - 'I gottit, I gottit, we'll work up a number 6 on 'em'.
Lamarr - 'A number 6? I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that one?'.
Taggart - 'That's where we go a-ridin' into town, a-whoppin' and a-whompin' every livin' thing to within an inch of it's life. 'Cept the women folks o'course'.
Lararr - 'You spare the women?'
Taggart - 'Nope, we rape the sh1t outta them at the Number 6 dance afterwards'.
Again, Blazing Saddles. I like Blaxing Saddles ;D
"lets startin buildin sum hurtin bombs", Rocky Balboa, had me poundin the head of my mate in the Cinema!!!
"That uppity nigger went and hit me on the head with a shovel. I'd sure appreciate it sir, if you could find it in your heart to hang him up by his neck until he was dead."
-Taggart, Blazing Saddles
scarface "say hello to my little friend"
Holden: If the buzz is any indicator, that movie's gonna make some huge bank.
Jay: What buzz?
Holden: The Internet buzz.
Jay: What the f**k is the Internet?
Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back, love that movie!
'Yippee-Kay-Aye MotherF*cker' John McClane Bruce Willis Die Hard
'Zed's dead baby, Zed's dead' Butch Bruce Willis Pulp Fiction
'I love you Dad' (its the way he says it) Frank The Tank Will Ferrell Old School
"Oh great. Real bullets. I'll keep these. You're in a lotta trouble mister!" Dusty Bottoms, The 3 Amigos
"Heres Johnny" The Shinning - Jack Nicholson
"Keep the change you filthy animal" - Home Alone
"I'm a star, I'm a great big shining star" Dirk Diggler (looking at his willy in the mirror) - Boogie Nights.
Beetlejuice: It's Showtime!
Remember this dinner party scene:Day-O (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUqtC1oiztw)
"Let off some steam, Bennett" Commando - Arnold Schwarzenegger
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-tRErs5UcI (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-tRErs5UcI)
"We're gonna need a bigger boat"
Chief Brody, Jaws
you lucky bastard, you lucky jammy bastard - Life of Brian
Quote from: Hoof Hearted on February 08, 2008, 12:03:54 PM
you lucky bastard, you lucky jammy bastard - Life of Brian
So many classic lines in that movie.
I'd go for "welease woger" or "I'm Brian and so is my wife"
The Dude: Mr. Treehorn treats objects like women, man.
Malibu Police Chief: Mr. Treehorn draws a lot of water in this town. You don't draw shit, Lebowski. Now we got a nice, quiet little beach community here, and I aim to keep it nice and quiet. So let me make something plain. I don't like you sucking around, bothering our citizens, Lebowski. I don't like your jerk-off name. I don't like your jerk-off face. I don't like your jerk-off behavior, and I don't like you, jerk-off. Do I make myself clear?
The Dude: [after a pause] I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.
nobody puts baby in a corner - dirty dancing
Quote from: ludermor on February 08, 2008, 12:12:18 PM
nobody puts baby in a corner - dirty dancing
Ludermor proves he aint single!!
Jaysus watched Dirty Dancing at least 20 times back in the courting days, could practically act it .
" I carried a watermelon "
Made it, Ma! Top of the world!
James Cagney White Heat
One ring .........
Kahn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Quote from: his holiness nb on February 08, 2008, 12:10:57 PM
Quote from: Hoof Hearted on February 08, 2008, 12:03:54 PM
you lucky bastard, you lucky jammy bastard - Life of Brian
So many classic lines in that movie.
I'd go for "welease woger" or "I'm Brian and so is my wife"
Watched it again just last week, if i started quoting lines i would have the whole script up before i went home today !
Bigus Dickus :D
Watched Blazing Saddles again too earlier in the week - another classic !!
some classics from Anchorman:
Ron Burgundy: The only way to bag a classy lady is to give her two tickets to the gun show...
[kisses his biceps]
Ron Burgundy: and see if she likes the goods.
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Veronica Corningstone: ...and that can be very distracting. Okay, so when we get to the pet shop...
Brick Tamland: [while coughing] Cough. Look over here.
[spoken]
Brick Tamland: Excuse me, Veronica?
Veronica Corningstone: Yes? What is it, Brick?
Brick Tamland: I would like to extend to you an invitation to the pants party.
Veronica Corningstone: Excuse me?
Brick Tamland: [struggling] The... party. With the... with the pants. Party with pants?
Veronica Corningstone: Brick, are you saying that there's a party in your pants and that I'm invited?
Brick Tamland: That's it.
Veronica Corningstone: Did Brian tell you to say this, Brick?
Brick Tamland: No. Yes. He did.
Veronica Corningstone: Okay. No. I don't want to go to a party in your pants.
Brick Tamland: Very well. Ian, would you like to go to a party in my pants?
Ian: No, Brick.
Brick Tamland: All right. Let's go.
[runs off, there is a sound of crashing off screen]
Brick Tamland: It's all right. I'm all right.
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Brian Fantana: Don't get me wrong, I love the ladies. I mean they rev my engines, but they don't belong in the newsroom.
Champ Kind: It is anchor*man*, not anchor*lady*. And that is a scientific fact.
Brick Tamland: I don't know what we're yelling about.
Brian Fantana: You're with us, Ron, what do you think?
Ron Burgundy: [shouting] She... Sh... It's terrible. She has beautiful eyes, and her hair smells like cinnamon.
Brick Tamland: [shouts] Loud noises.
Airplane
"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue. "
"Surely you can't be serious."
"I am serious... and don't call me Shirley."
"It's my field"
Well, this piece is called "Lick My Love Pump".
It's like, how much more black could this be? and the answer is none. None more black.
The review for "Shark Sandwich" was merely a two word review which simply read "Shit Sandwich".
this one goes to 11
"you old motor boatin' son of a bitch, you old sailor you!!" - Wedding Crashers
"Hey Sarge, how do i get out of this chicken shit outfit?" - Aliens
"If it bleeds we can kill it" - Predator
"Saaaannntttaaaa....... i know him, i know him" - Elf
Nihilists! f**k me. I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.
Corporal, another classic from Elf....
"did you hear that?"
You had to see the film to get it.
"i came down through the 7 levels of the candy cane forest, then past the swirley wirley gum drops" lol Elf is a classic!
Pretty much any line from Casablanca, Some Like It Hot or The Usual Suspects ("Ever hear of a religious guy called John Paul?")
Most of The French Connection
Quint's Indianapolis speech in Jaws.
Harry Lime's Cuckoo clock extract from The Third Man
"When you have to shoot, shoot, don't talk" - The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.
"I like Starrett but I'll kill him if I have to. You mean I'll kill him if you have to" - Shane.
Forgot about the Naked Gun classic lines:
"Heah nice beaver", in which she replies, "funny i had it stuffed last week" brilliant.
"she had breasts that said, hey look at these"!!!
Leslie Nielson, legend.
Jamie: I wish we had time to bury them fellas.
Josey Wales: To hell with them fellas. Buzzards gotta eat, same as worms.
The Outlaw Josey Wales
From Fargo
Mr. Mohra: Well, so I'm tending bar down there at Ecklund and Swedlin's last Tuesday and this little guy's drinking and he says, "So where can a guy find some action? I'm goin' crazy out there at the lake." And I says, "What kind of action?" And he says, "Woman action. What do I look like?" And I says, "Well what do I look like? I don't arrange that kind of thing." And he says, "But I'm goin' crazy out there at the lake." And I says, "Yeah, but this ain't that kind of place."
Officer Olson: Uh-huh.
Mr. Mohra: He says, "Oh, so I get it. So you think I'm some kind of jerk for asking." Only he don't use the word "jerk."
Officer Olson: I understand.
Mr. Mohra: Then he calls me a jerk. Says the last guy thought he's a jerk is dead now. So I don't say nothin'. He says, "What do you think about that?" And I says, "Well, that don't sound like too good a deal for him, then."
Officer Olson: You got that right.
Mr. Mohra: Yeah, he says, "Yeah, that guy's dead, and I don't mean of old age." And then he says, "Geez, I'm goin' crazy out there at the lake."
Officer Olson: White Bear Lake?
Mr. Mohra: Yeah well, at Ecklund and Swedlin, that's closer to Moose Lake. So I made that assumption.
Officer Olson: Oh, sure.
Mr. Mohra: Anyways, he's drinkin' at the bar, so I don't think a whole great deal of it, but then Mrs. Mohra, she heard about the homicides down here and thought I should call it in, so I called it in. End of story.
________________________________
And a classic from The Princess Bride
Man in Black: All right. Where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink, and find out who is right... and who is dead.
Vizzini: But it's so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you: are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemy's? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
Man in Black: You've made your decision then?
Vizzini: Not remotely. Because iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows, and Australia is entirely peopled with criminals, and criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.
Man in Black: Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.
Vizzini: Wait til I get going! Now, where was I?
Man in Black: Australia.
Vizzini: Yes, Australia. And you must have suspected I would have known the powder's origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
Man in Black: You're just stalling now.
Vizzini: You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? You've beaten my giant, which means you're exceptionally strong, so you could've put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you've also bested my Spaniard, which means you must have studied, and in studying you must have learned that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
Man in Black: You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work.
Vizzini: IT HAS WORKED! YOU'VE GIVEN EVERYTHING AWAY! I KNOW WHERE THE POISON IS!
Man in Black: Then make your choice.
Vizzini: I will, and I choose - What in the world can that be?
Vizzini: [Vizzini gestures up and away from the table. Roberts looks. Vizzini swaps the goblets]
Man in Black: What? Where? I don't see anything.
Vizzini: Well, I- I could have sworn I saw something. No matter.First, let's drink. Me from my glass, and you from yours.
Man in Black, Vizzini: [they drink ]
Man in Black: You guessed wrong.
Vizzini: You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha...
Vizzini: [Vizzini stops suddenly, and falls dead to the right]
Buttercup: And to think, all that time it was your cup that was poisoned.
Man in Black: They were both poisoned. I spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder.
Can't let it go to a fourth page without some Marx Bros.
From Duck Soup:
Rufus T. Firefly: What has four pairs of pants, lives in Philadelphia, and it never rains
but it pours?
Chicolini: Atsa good one. I give-a you three guesses.
Rufus T. Firefly: Hmmm ... let me see. Has four pair of pants, lives in Philadelphia ... Is
it male or female?
Chicolini: No, I no think so.
Rufus T. Firefly: Is he dead?
Chicolini: Who?
Rufus T. Firefly: I don't know. I give up.
Chicolini: I give up, too.
Rufus T. Firefly: Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot,
but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.
Chicolini: Now I aska you one. What has a trunk, but no key, weighs 2,000 pounds and
lives in a circus?
Prosecutor: That's irrelevant.
Chicolini: Haha – thatsa right.
Groucho, "Animal Crackers":
Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west
is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more
like prunes than rhubarb does.
Prosecutor: Chicolini, when were you born?
Chicolini: I don't-a remember. I was just a little baby.
"dont eat the yellow snow" - ELF
"How ironic, a group of convicts on a highjacked plane singing a song made famous by a band that was killed in a plane crash" - CON AIR, while singing lynard skynard's sweet home alabama.
"Your my Boy Blue, your my boy" - Old School
"we're going steaking" - Anchorman
"Don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining!" The Outlaw Josey Wales
"He's not the Messiah; he's a very naughty boy!" The Life of Brian
"What the f**k is going on?"
"I'm robbing you."
Ruthless people.
"Brick don't hit back"
Blood Sport
'Listen to me you little eight year old bastard' EdTv
@What we have here, is failure to communicate' Cool Hand Luke
pulp fiction "bring out the gimp","royal with cheese"
American Psycho
Patrick Bateman: I don't think we should see each other any more.
Evelyn Williams: Why? What's wrong?
Patrick Bateman: I need to engage in homicidal behaviour on a massive scale. It can not be corrected but I have no other way to fulfill my needs.
Patrick Bateman: I don't think we should see each other.
Evelyn Williams: But your friends are my friends and my friends are your friends. I don't think it would work. You have a little something...
Patrick Bateman: I know that your friends are my friends and, uh... I thought about that. You can have'em.
Clerks
Silent Bob: You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you.
Ace ventura:
Old Man Finkel: Ray aint comin' home,
Ace: But your wife said......
Old Man Finkel: She expects him home any minute, you see, (pointing to wife) the motors runnin', but theres no-one behind the wheel.
From superbad
Jules: You scratch our backs, we'll scratch yours.
Seth: Well Jules, the funny thing about my back is that it's located on my c**k.
wedding crashers
Chazz Reinhold: HEY MOM! CAN WE GET SOME MEATLOAF?
Mom the meatloaf... f**k!
American pie
Chuck Sherman: I'm a sophisticated sex robot, sent back in time to change the future for one lucky lady.
Old school
Frank: Honey, you think KFC is still open?
four great films
Quote from: Lecale2 on February 08, 2008, 02:17:32 PM
"Don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining!" The Outlaw Josey Wales
"He's not the Messiah; he's a very naughty boy!" The Life of Brian
Have you been writing on the walls on the Ormeau Road Lecale"
Zuzu exclaims, "Look, daddy! Teacher says, every time a bell rings, an Angel gets his wings. Its a wonderful liife
'your ego is writing cheques your body can't cash'!
'if you guys mess this up, you'll be flying a cargo plane full of rubber dogshit outta hong kong'!
TOP GUN
Quote from: bridgegael on February 08, 2008, 10:07:39 PM
'your ego is writing cheques your body can't catch'!
Should that not be cash?
of course it should, my heads away!
Jules and Vincent cleaning the car in pulp fiction.
One of my favourite quotes, that and the one where Michael Collins is unhappy about the bullet riddling as bullets dont grow on trees
Jules: I will never forgive your ass for this shit. This is some fucked up repugnant shit.
Vincent: Jules, did you ever hear the philosophy that once a man admits that he is wrong that he is immediatley forgiven for all his wrongdoings?
Jules: Get the f**k out my face with that shit. The motherfucker said that shit never had to pick up itty-bitty pieces of skull on account of your dumb ass.
Vincent: Ive got a threshold Jules. I got a threshold for the abuse that I will take. Right now im a race car, right? And you got me in the red. Im just saying that its f**king dangerous to have a race car in the f**king red, thats all. I could blow.
Jules: Oh, you ready to blow?
Vincent: Yeah, Im ready to blow
Jules: Well im a mushroom cloud-laying motherfucker, motherfucker. Everytime my fingers touch brain, im "Superfly TNT." Im "The Guns of the Navarone" In fact, what the f**k am I doing in the back? You the motherfucker who should be on brain detail. We f**king switching. Im washing the windows and you picking up this nigger's skull.
In the name of the father:
Gerry Conlon: What I remember most about my childhood is holding your hand. My wee hand in your big hand, and the smell of tobacco. I remember, I could smell the tobacco in the palm of your hand. When I want to feel happy, I try to remember the smell of tobacco.
Giuseppe Conlon: Oh, my heart.
Gerry Conlon: I'm an innocent man. I spent 15 years in prison for something I didn't do. I watched my father die in a British prison for something he didn't do. And this government still says he's guilty. I want to tell them that until my father is proved innocent, until all the people involved in this case are proved innocent, until the guilty ones are brought to justice, I will fight on. In the name of my father and of the truth!
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Abbott and Costello - absolutely superb !
Who's On First?
A Word-for-Word Transcript
Abbott: Well Costello, I'm going to New York with you. You know Bucky Harris, the Yankee's manager, gave me a job as coach for as long as you're on the team.
Costello: Look Abbott, if you're the coach, you must know all the players.
Abbott: I certainly do.
Costello: Well you know I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's playing on the team.
Abbott: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these ball players now-a-days very peculiar names.
Costello: You mean funny names?
Abbott: Strange names, pet names...like Dizzy Dean...
Costello: His brother Daffy.
Abbott: Daffy Dean...
Costello: And their French cousin.
Abbott: French?
Costello: Goofè.
Abbott: Goofè Dean. Well, let's see, we have on the bags, Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third...
Costello: That's what I want to find out.
Abbott: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.
Costello: Are you the manager?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: You gonna be the coach too?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: And you don't know the fellows' names?
Abbott: Well I should.
Costello: Well then who's on first?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: I mean the fellow's name.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy on first.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The first baseman.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy playing...
Abbott: Who is on first!
Costello: I'm asking YOU who's on first.
Abbott: That's the man's name.
Costello: That's who's name?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.
Abbott: That's it.
Costello: That's who?
Abbott: Yes.
PAUSE
Costello: Look, you gotta first baseman?
Abbott: Certainly.
Costello: Who's playing first?
Abbott: That's right.
Costello: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?
Abbott: Every dollar of it.
Costello: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name on first base.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy that gets...
Abbott: That's it.
Costello: Who gets the money...
Abbott: He does, every dollar. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.
Costello: Whose wife?
Abbott: Yes.
PAUSE
Abbott: What's wrong with that?
Costello: Look, all I wanna know is when you sign up the first baseman, how does he sign his name?
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: How does he sign...
Abbott: That's how he signs it.
Costello: Who?
Abbott: Yes.
PAUSE
Costello: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base.
Abbott: No. What is on second base.
Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.
Abbott: Who's on first.
Costello: One base at a time!
Abbott: Well, don't change the players around.
Costello: I'm not changing nobody!
Abbott: Take it easy, buddy.
Costello: I'm only asking you, who's the guy on first base?
Abbott: That's right.
Costello: Ok.
Abbott: All right.
PAUSE
Costello: What's the guy's name on first base?
Abbott: No. What is on second.
Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.
Abbott: Who's on first.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott: He's on third, we're not talking about him.
Costello: Now how did I get on third base?
Abbott: Why you mentioned his name.
Costello: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?
Abbott: No. Who's playing first.
Costello: What's on first?
Abbott: What's on second.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott: He's on third.
Costello: There I go, back on third again!
PAUSE
Costello: Would you just stay on third base and don't go off it.
Abbott: All right, what do you want to know?
Costello: Now who's playing third base?
Abbott: Why do you insist on putting Who on third base?
Costello: What am I putting on third.
Abbott: No. What is on second.
Costello: You don't want who on second?
Abbott: Who is on first.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott & Costello Together:Third base!
PAUSE
Costello: Look, you gotta outfield?
Abbott: Sure.
Costello: The left fielder's name?
Abbott: Why.
Costello: I just thought I'd ask you.
Abbott: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya.
Costello: Then tell me who's playing left field.
Abbott: Who's playing first.
Costello: I'm not... stay out of the infield! I want to know what's the guy's name in left field?
Abbott: No, What is on second.
Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.
Abbott: Who's on first!
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott & Costello Together: Third base!
PAUSE
Costello: The left fielder's name?
Abbott: Why.
Costello: Because!
Abbott: Oh, he's centerfield.
PAUSE
Costello: Look, You gotta pitcher on this team?
Abbott: Sure.
Costello: The pitcher's name?
Abbott: Tomorrow.
Costello: You don't want to tell me today?
Abbott: I'm telling you now.
Costello: Then go ahead.
Abbott: Tomorrow!
Costello: What time?
Abbott: What time what?
Costello: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching?
Abbott: Now listen. Who is not pitching.
Costello: I'll break your arm, you say who's on first! I want to know what's the pitcher's name?
Abbott: What's on second.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott & Costello Together: Third base!
PAUSE
Costello: Gotta a catcher?
Abbott: Certainly.
Costello: The catcher's name?
Abbott: Today.
Costello: Today, and tomorrow's pitching.
Abbott: Now you've got it.
Costello: All we got is a couple of days on the team.
PAUSE
Costello: You know I'm a catcher too.
Abbott: So they tell me.
Costello: I get behind the plate to do some fancy catching, Tomorrow's pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up. Now the heavy hitter bunts the ball. When he bunts the ball, me, being a good catcher, I'm gonna throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?
Abbott: Now that's the first thing you've said right.
Costello: I don't even know what I'm talking about!
PAUSE
Abbott: That's all you have to do.
Costello: Is to throw the ball to first base.
Abbott: Yes!
Costello: Now who's got it?
Abbott: Naturally.
PAUSE
Costello: Look, if I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta get it. Now who has it?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Who?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Naturally?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.
Abbott: No you don't, you throw the ball to Who.
Costello: Naturally.
Abbott: That's different.
Costello: That's what I said.
Abbott: You're not saying it...
Costello: I throw the ball to Naturally.
Abbott: You throw it to Who.
Costello: Naturally.
Abbott: That's it.
Costello: That's what I said!
Abbott: You ask me.
Costello: I throw the ball to who?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Now you ask me.
Abbott: You throw the ball to Who?
Costello: Naturally.
Abbott: That's it.
Costello: Same as you! Same as YOU! I throw the ball to who. Whoever it is drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow, Triple play. Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know! He's on third and I don't give a darn!
Abbott: What?
Costello: I said I don't give a darn!
Abbott: Oh, that's our shortstop.
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Who goes there?
King Arthur: It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, Sovereign of all England!
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Pull the other one!
King Arthur: I am, and this is my trusty servant Patsy. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master.
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: What? Ridden on a horse?
King Arthur: Yes!
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: You're using coconuts!
King Arthur: What?
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together.
King Arthur: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercia, through...
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Where'd you get the coconuts?
King Arthur: We found them.
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical!
King Arthur: What do you mean?
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Well, this is a temperate zone
King Arthur: The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land?
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
From Dr. Strangelove
[Turgidson advocates a further nuclear attack to prevent a Soviet response to Ripper's attack]
General "Buck" Turgidson: Mr. President, we are rapidly approaching a moment of truth both for ourselves as human beings and for the life of our nation. Now, truth is not always a pleasant thing. But it is necessary now to make a choice, to choose between two admittedly regrettable, but nevertheless *distinguishable*, postwar environments: one where you got twenty million people killed, and the other where you got a hundred and fifty million people killed.
President Merkin Muffley: You're talking about mass murder, General, not war!
General "Buck" Turgidson: Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed. But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops. Uh, depending on the breaks.
Major T. J. "King" Kong: Survival kit contents check. In them you'll find: one forty-five caliber automatic; two boxes of ammunition; four days' concentrated emergency rations; one drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills; one miniature combination Russian phrase book and Bible; one hundred dollars in rubles; one hundred dollars in gold; nine packs of chewing gum; one issue of prophylactics; three lipsticks; three pair of nylon stockings. Shoot, a fella' could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff.
President Merkin Muffley: Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
From the The Big Lebowski
Maude Lebowski: What do you do for recreation?
The Dude: Oh, the usual. I bowl. Drive around. The occasional acid flashback
The Dude: Also, my rug was stolen.
Younger Cop: The rug was in the car?
The Dude: No. It was here.
Younger Cop: [eager] Oh, separate incidents.
Maude Lebowski: [on answering machine] Jeffrey, this is Maude Lebowski. I need to see you. I'm the one who took your rug.
Younger Cop: Well. I guess we can close the books on that one.
Blond Treehorn Thug: [holding up a bowling ball] What the f**k is this?
The Dude: Obviously you're not a golfer
Bunny Lebowski: I'll suck your c**k for a thousand dollars.
Brandt: Ah hahahahaha! Wonderful woman. We're all, we're all very fond of her. Very free-spirited.
Bunny Lebowski: Brandt can't watch, though, or he has to pay a hundred.
Brandt: Ah haha. That's marvelous.
The Dude: Uh, I'm just gonna go find a cash machine.
-From Raising Arizona
FBI Man: Was the boy wearing any jammies?
Nathan Arizona Sr.: Of course he was wearing his jammies nobody sleeps naked in this house.
FBI Man: Well could you describe the jammies?
Nathan Arizona Sr.: I don't what is damn jammies looked like... they had Yodas and shit on them.
From Kingpin
Roy: How about a gross of fluorescent condoms for the the novelty machine in the men's room? I mean, those are fun even when you're alone. We're talkin' the hula hoop of the nineties.
Lancaster Bowl Manager: Look, I've told you. We don't need nuthin'. We don't even have a novelty machine in the men's room anymore.
Roy: And you call yourselves a bowling alley?
Roy: Just because you're familiar with the missionary position doesn't make you a missionary.
[Roy Munson is getting ready for his turn to bowl]
Ernie McCracken: It all comes down to this roll. Roy Munson, a man-child, with a dream to topple bowling giant Ernie McCracken. If he strikes, he's the 1979 Odor-Eaters Champion. He's got one foot in the frying pan and one in the pressure cooker. Believe me, as a bowler, I know that right about now, your bladder feels like an overstuffed vacuum cleaner bag and your butt is kinda like an about-to-explode bratwurst.
Roy: Hey. Do you mind? I wasn't talking when you were bowling.
Ernie McCracken: Was I talking out loud? Was I? Sorry. Good luck
True Grit
Rooster: I mean to kill you in one minute, Ned, or see you hanged at Fort Smith at Judge Parker's convenience. Which'll it be?
Ned: I call that bold talk for a one-eyed fat man!
Rooster: Fill your hand, you son of a bitch!
From South Park (it's on at the minute).
Garrison has had a sex change operation, hasn't had a period yet, so reckons he's pregnant, then heads off to the abortion clinic to take care of matters:
QuoteDoctor: Mr. Garrison
Garrison: MRS. Garrison
Doctor: Mrs. Garrison you can't have an abortion.
Garrison: Don't you tell me what I can and can't do with my body. A woman has a right to chose!
Doctor: No I mean you're physically unable to have an abortion because you can't get pregnant.
Garrison: But I missed my period.
Doctor: You can't have periods either. You had a sex change Mr. Garrison but you don't have ovaries or a womb, you don't produce eggs.
Garrison: You mean I'll never know what it feels like to have a baby growing inside me and scramble it's brains and vacuum it out?
Doctor: That's right.
Garrison: But I paid $5,000 to be a woman. This would mean I'm not really a woman I'm just a....I'm just a guy with a mutilated penis.
Doctor: Basically, yes.
Garrison: Oh boy do I feel like a jackass.
M.A.S.H.
Col. Blake-'Hawkeye Pierce, l have a report from Headquarters that you stole a Jeep!'
Hawkeye-'No Sir! No, not stolen. lts right outside..'
Col. Blake to Radar as they watch Hawkeye drive off..'Did Hawkeye steal that Jeep son?'
Radar-'No Sir. Thats the one he came in.'
'what are you looking at f**k face' (To a 5 yr old kid) Me Myself and Irene
'stupid is stupid does' forest gump
'im goin out the fuckin front door wey gerry' In the name of the father
ADRIAN - ROCKY
-You can't handle the truth.
- What we've got here is a failure to communicate
Quote from: AZOffaly on February 08, 2008, 10:57:14 AM
'What in the wide, wide world of sports is going on here. I hired you boys to get some track laid, not jump about like a bunch of Kansas City faggots'
Taggart to Lyle, Blazing Saddles.
'What did you expect? Welcome Sheriff? Marry my daughter? You've got to remember, these are simple folk. The common clay of the new west. You know... morons'
Jim to Sheriff Bart, Blazing Saddles.
Taggart - 'I gottit, I gottit, we'll work up a number 6 on 'em'.
Lamarr - 'A number 6? I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that one?'.
Taggart - 'That's where we go a-ridin' into town, a-whoppin' and a-whompin' every livin' thing to within an inch of it's life. 'Cept the women folks o'course'.
Lararr - 'You spare the women?'
Taggart - 'Nope, we rape the sh1t outta them at the Number 6 dance afterwards'.
Again, Blazing Saddles. I like Blaxing Saddles ;D
"Never mind that shit....here comes Mongo!"
"the sherriff's a Ni...
dong"
'if he calls me big nose one more time i'll take him to the f**king cleaners" "shaddup big nose" "right, thats your last warning" Life of brian - way too many in that film alone
Quote from: Mentalman on February 08, 2008, 01:24:28 PM
Jamie: I wish we had time to bury them fellas.
Josey Wales: To hell with them fellas. Buzzards gotta eat, same as worms.
The Outlaw Josey Wales
then the big clocher of tobacco spit between the eyes!
"WAY OUT WEST" 1937
Oliver: Well, fan my brow! I'm from the South!
Mary Roberts: You are?
Stan: Well, shut my mouth! I'm from the South too!
Oliver: The South of what, sir?
Stan: The South of London.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ollie: We'll all go down to Dixie. Oh, for a slice of possum and yam. Mm!
Stan: Yes sir, and some good old fish and chips. I can smell 'em.
Ollie: [disgusted] Fish and chips!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lola Marcel, the Singing Nightingale: Tell me about my dear, dear Daddy! Is it true that he's dead?
Stan: We hope so, they buried him.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oliver: This is another nice mess you've gotten me into!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oliver: A lot of weather we've been having lately!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oliver: That reminds me, you said that if we didn't get the deed back, you'd eat my hat.
Stan: Oh, now you're taking me illiterally.
Oliver: Nevertheless, I'm going to teach you not to make such rash promises. Eat the hat.
Stan: Whoever heard of anybody eating a hat?
Oliver: Whoever heard of anybody doing *that*.
[making as if to light his thumb like a cigarette lighter]
Oliver: Eat the hat!
Stan: I won't do it.
Oliver: If you don't eat that hat, I'll tie you to a tree and let the buzzards get you!
Stan: Would you do that?
Oliver: I certainly would.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stan: That's the first mistake we've made since that fellow sold us the Brooklyn Bridge.
Oliver: Buying that bridge was no mistake. That's going to be worth a lot of money to us some day.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sheriff: There's one thing in this here town we don't allow! And that's messing with our women. Now if you want to stay healthy, you'll catch the next coach out of town.
Oliver: Yes, sir.
Sheriff: And if you miss the next coach,
[draws revolver]
Sheriff: you'll be riding out of here in a hearse.
[Walks away]
Stan: Goodbye.
Oliver: Let well enough alone.
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Patron: Hey Finn, you're a lucky man to have a swell gal like that.
Mickey Finn: Yeah I... What are you talking about? She's the lucky one to have a swell guy like me!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lola Marcel: Tell, me, what did he die of?
Stan: I think he died of a Tuesday, or was it a Wednesday?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stan: Do you mind if I have another idea?
Ollie: If it's anything like the last one, yes.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stan: Now that you've got the mine, I'll bet you'll be a swell gold-digger.
Marx Brothers - A Night at the Opera
Groucho: "That's in every contract, that's what you call a sanity clause."
Chico: "You can't a fool a me there ain't no sanity clause"
The Blues Brothers:
Elwood Blues: Its 106 miles to Chicago, we gotta full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, its dark and we're wearing sunglasses...
Jake Blues: Hit it!
"A True Romance"
"Looks like she fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down"
(Also has my favourite film title music ever)
That's not a knife, THIS is a knife - Crocodile Dundee
QuoteThat's not a knife, THIS is a knife - Crocodile Dundee
That bar used to be my local...
Clerks.
Randal: So they build another Death Star, right?
Dante: Yeah.
Randal: Now the first one they built was completed and fully operational before the Rebels destroyed it.
Dante: Luke blew it up. Give credit where it's due.
Randal:And the second one was still being built when they blew it up.
Dante: Compliments of Lando Calrissian.
Randal: Something just never sat right with me the second time they destroyed it. I could never put my finger on it-something just wasn't right.
Dante: And you figured it out?
Randal: Well, the thing is, the first Death Star was manned by the Imperial army-storm troopers, dignitaries- the only people onboard were Imperials.
Dante: Basically.
Randal: So when they blew it up, no prob. Evil is punished.
Dante: And the second time around...?
Randal: The second time around, it wasn't even finished yet. They were still under construction.
Dante: So?
Randal: A construction job of that magnitude would require a helluva lot more manpower than the Imperial army had to offer. I'll bet there were independent contractors working on that thing: plumbers, aluminum siders, roofers.
Dante: Not just Imperials, is what you're getting at.
Randal: Exactly. In order to get it built quickly and quietly they'd hire anybody who could do the job. Do you think the average storm trooper knows how to install a toilet main? All they know is killing and white uniforms.
Dante: All right, so even if independent contractors are working on the Death Star, why are you uneasy with its destruction?
Randal: All those innocent contractors hired to do a job were killed- casualties of a war they had nothing to do with. (notices Dante's confusion) All right, look-you're a roofer, and some juicy government contract comes your way; you got the wife and kids and the two-story in suburbia-this is a government contract, which means all sorts of benefits. All of a sudden these left-wing militants blast you with lasers and wipe out everyone within a three-mile radius. You didn't ask for that. You have no personal politics. You're just trying to scrape out a living. (The Blue-Collar Man (Thomas Burke) joins them.)
Blue-Collar Man: Excuse me. I don't mean to interrupt, but what were you talking about?
Randal: The ending of Return of the Jedi.
Dante: My friend is trying to convince me that any contractors working on the uncompleted Death Star were innocent victims when the space station was destroyed by the rebels.
Blue-Collar Man: Well, I'm a contractor myself. I'm a roofer... (digs into pocket and produces business card) Dunn and Reddy Home Improvements. And speaking as a roofer, I can say that a roofer's personal politics come heavily into play when choosing jobs.
Randal: Like when?
Blue-Collar Man: Three months ago I was offered a job up in the hills. A beautiful house with tons of property. It was a simple reshingling job, but I was told that if it was finished within a day, my price would be doubled. Then I realized whose house it was.
Dante: Whose house was it?
Blue-Collar Man: Dominick Bambino's.
Randal: "Babyface" Bambino? The gangster? Blue-Collar Man: The same. The money was right, but the risk was too big. I knew who he was, and based on that, I passed the job on to a friend of mine.
Dante: Based on personal politics.
Blue-Collar Man: Right. And that week, the Foresci family put a hit on Babyface's house. My friend was shot and killed. He wasn't even finished shingling.
Randal: No way!
Blue-Collar Man: (paying for coffee) I'm alive because I knew there were risks involved taking on that particular client. My friend wasn't so lucky. (pauses to reflect) You know, any contractor willing to work on that Death Star knew the risks. If they were killed, it was their own fault. A roofer listens to this... (taps his heart) not his wallet.
Samuel L Jackson:
AK-47, the very best there is. When you absolutely, positively, have to kill every single motherfucker in the room; accept no substitute.
Well, I'm a mushroom-cloud-layin' motherfucker, motherfucker! Every time my fingers touch brain, I'm Superfly T.N.T., I'm the Guns of the Navarone! IN FACT, WHAT THE f**k AM I DOIN' IN THE BACK? YOU'RE THE MOTHERFUCKER WHO SHOULD BE ON BRAIN DETAIL! We're fuckin' switchin'! I'm washin' the windows, and you're pickin' up this nigger's skull!
From Once Upon A Time In The West
Quote
Cheyenne: You know, Jill, you remind me of my mother. She was the biggest whore in Alameda and the finest woman that ever lived. Whoever my father was, for an hour or for a month - he must have been a happy man.
Quote
Frank: Morton once told me I could never be like him. Now I understand why. Wouldn't have bothered him, knowing you were around somewhere alive.
Harmonica: So, you found out you're not a businessman after all.
Frank: Just a man.
Harmonica: An ancient race. Other Mortons will be along, and they'll kill it off.
Frank: The future don't matter to us. Nothing matters now - not the land, not the money, not the woman. I came here to see you. 'Cause I know that now, you'll tell me what you're after.
Harmonica: ...Only at the point of dyin'.
Quote
Cheyenne: [to Jill] You know what? If I was you, I'd go down there and give those boys a drink. Can't imagine how happy it makes a man to see a woman like you. Just to look at her. And if one of them should pat your behind, just make believe it's nothing. They earned it.
And in case anyone hasn't seen the film and doesn't know who Jill (Claudia Cardinale) is.... :P
(http://www.claudiacardinale.co.uk/filmography/ouatitw/ouatitw04.jpg)
Marcellus Wallace after getting violated by Zed etc in Pulp Fiction..
QuoteI'm gonna call a couple of hard pipe-hitting niggers to go to work on the holmes here with a pair of pliers and a blow torch. You hear me talkin' hillbilly boy? I ain't through with you by a long shot. I'm gonna get medieval on your ass.
I love the smell of napalm in the morning
"I look good, I mean really good. Hey everyone, come and see how good I look" Ron Burgundy
Team America:
"We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. And Kim Jong Il is an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also f**k assholes: assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can f**k an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is: they f**k too much or f**k when it isn't appropriate - and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... because pussies are an inch and half away from ass holes. I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don't let us f**k this asshole, we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit!"
"I drink your milkshake"
Daniel Day Lewis - There Will Be Blood
Classic!