I went home earlier in July to Armagh and was home the year before that too. Something I noticed and I suppose I'm experiencing a bit of it myself is the scary realization that life is moving very fast, time is precious and lots of men (and maybe women too) around the age of 40 are having a bit of a mid life crisis and wondering if they chose the right path. I've changed jobs recently in to a brand new industry. Some friends at home have done the same. I also see the negative side of things with people ending their marriages in the hope for something better....
I find myself concerned more about time. Missed opportunities to spend time with my aging parents or missed opportunities to spend time with my kids. My job change hopefully will provide more work/life balance and afford me more time at home and less travelling for work. But I still wonder what else I can do.
Anyone in the same boat?
#GaaBoardTherapy
I think it's very even with regards to mid life crisis, as many women go through it as men..
Is the grass greener
Married to early, and actually have grown out of him/her
New job
Extra money
Children leaving the nest, lost sense of purpose
Bored of each other and not willing to compromise or work on it
Any one of the above or a combination will surely be met with a mid life crisis, if you get married early 20's you both aren't the same person come 45, I've some friends/relatives that have been through the worst and now starting over again, which isn't smooth.
If I'm honest I'd say most people go through it, but once you're through it you're on the home straight!
Quote from: The Iceman on July 26, 2018, 08:20:31 PM
I went home earlier in July to Armagh and was home the year before that too. Something I noticed and I suppose I'm experiencing a bit of it myself is the scary realization that life is moving very fast, time is precious and lots of men (and maybe women too) around the age of 40 are having a bit of a mid life crisis and wondering if they chose the right path. I've changed jobs recently in to a brand new industry. Some friends at home have done the same. I also see the negative side of things with people ending their marriages in the hope for something better....
I find myself concerned more about time. Missed opportunities to spend time with my aging parents or missed opportunities to spend time with my kids. My job change hopefully will provide more work/life balance and afford me more time at home and less travelling for work. But I still wonder what else I can do.
Anyone in the same boat?
#GaaBoardTherapy
In the same age bracket, and its a bit stark looking back: 20 year old me would not be impressed with the way things turned out.
That said, you improvise as you go along, and I often think of Robert Frost's 'The Road Not Taken' when looking back to see how I got here.
Best of luck with it all, especially the work-life balance, spending time with kids and parents. Every minute is an investment in memories.
Thankfully the marriage is in great shape, then again we're only married 11 years, but I'm hopeful we will stay the course.
I think my priorities have shifted as I approach 40. Time is my most valuable asset. I don't have many regrets because I see each mistake or wrong turn as part of the journey to today. Like anyone I often wonder what if....
My observation in my own life and some lads I know in similar boats from the same year in school even, is we all want more time. Or better use of the time we have. And we all recognize there has to be more to life than running the hamster wheel, commuting to major cities for stressful jobs, keeping up appearances and worrying what others think/say about you...
The 40's will hopefully be a great decade for those of us facing or in them. Where we make decisions to give us more time to do the things that matter and worry less about the things that don't.....
Stop thinking.
You've lived longer than you have years left. Be grateful. Eat and drink more. Push the boundaries. Just fcuk it as far as you can. But be nice too. Tell people they've left their windee open and stuff.
Remember reading a saying on a wall 'Time and Tide wait for no man'. I must have stared at this for about 15 minutes or more as it made me think of what had gone behind me and what was in front. I often wonder what if studied more, payed more attention at school etc etc. Tell myself to catch myself on.
Ive been there and done that but now the same age bracket as yourself, small kids, good marriage, a decent job (that i could take or leave), its the small things in life that I want and cherish. spending alot of time with kids, my folks and if i get a few pints with the mates once in a bluemoon then even better.
Tomorrow marks 37 years with the same woman😎 I count my blessings, because I wouldn't have put up with myself for 37 minutes. The single biggest regret I have is that I didn't spend enough time with the kids when they were smaller.....you can never get that back. My advice is enjoy life....you never know what tomorrow brings. Don't get caught up with material things....you'll never starve....especially if you are from Armagh😜.
Quote from: hardstation on July 26, 2018, 09:57:48 PM
Stop reading how great some cnut's life is on Facebook and tell your wife to do the same. Their life is as big a pile a ballix as yours. They just don't put that on Facebook.
Like
Quote from: Jeepers Creepers on July 26, 2018, 09:58:29 PM
Quote from: hardstation on July 26, 2018, 09:57:48 PM
Stop reading how great some cnut's life is on Facebook and tell your wife to do the same. Their life is as big a pile a ballix as yours. They just don't put that on Facebook.
Like
Shared
Quote from: hardstation on July 26, 2018, 09:57:48 PM
Stop reading how great some cnut's life is on Facebook and tell your wife to do the same. Their life is as big a pile a ballix as yours. They just don't put that on Facebook.
I think a mid life crisis has been going on long before fb
Sex at least 3 times a week. Minimum
Quote from: redzone on July 26, 2018, 10:33:37 PM
Sex at least 3 times a week. Minimum
With the mistress
Quote from: redzone on July 26, 2018, 10:33:37 PM
Sex at least 3 times a week. Minimum
Take your boasting elsewhere!!
Quote from: redzone on July 26, 2018, 10:33:37 PM
Sex at least 3 times a week. Minimum
And don't let the wife know.
But seriously, I've never been as busy ever in my life. I actually thought as I got older and with technology then I would have had more free time. No.
Be thankful for a woman that lets you follow your county, play golf, cycle, meet mates for a night away, work late etc etc
Quote from: Orior on July 26, 2018, 10:44:19 PM
Quote from: redzone on July 26, 2018, 10:33:37 PM
Sex at least 3 times a week. Minimum
And don't let the wife know.
But seriously, I've never been as busy ever in my life. I actually thought as I got older and with technology then I would have had more free time. No.
Be thankful for a woman that lets you follow your county, play golf, cycle, meet mates for a night away, work late etc etc
Yeah be thankful, nothing like a good woman to keep a good marriage :)
Quote from: Orior on July 26, 2018, 10:44:19 PM
Quote from: redzone on July 26, 2018, 10:33:37 PM
Sex at least 3 times a week. Minimum
And don't let the wife know.
But seriously, I've never been as busy ever in my life. I actually thought as I got older and with technology then I would have had more free time. No.
Be thankful for a woman that lets you follow your county, play golf, cycle, meet mates for a night away, work late etc etc
??
This thread explains a lot about some posters' attitudes towards women.
Quote from: Syferus on July 27, 2018, 12:19:24 AM
This thread explains a lot about some posters' attitudes towards women.
Syf if you're not married F$$K off out of this thread.
I'm only 2 years married, yet I've heard of people married since then who have split up. I think it's very sad.
Quote from: Farrandeelin on July 27, 2018, 07:20:34 AM
I'm only 2 years married, yet I've heard of people married since then who have split up. I think it's very sad.
Yeah have a few acquaintances who have split up from their wives before the 2 year mark also.
Not a nice thing to hear for sure.
Quote from: galwayman on July 27, 2018, 07:59:37 AM
Quote from: Farrandeelin on July 27, 2018, 07:20:34 AM
I'm only 2 years married, yet I've heard of people married since then who have split up. I think it's very sad.
Yeah have a few acquaintances who have split up from their wives before the 2 year mark also.
Not a nice thing to hear for sure.
Being split up after 2 years is hardly a midlife crisis! Think the thread is about people coming to a point in life (40 to 45) where they ask themselves questions..
Syferus, f**k off please, as many women or Non specific gender people go through it
Quote from: Syferus on July 27, 2018, 12:19:24 AM
This thread explains a lot about some posters' attitudes towards women.
When you get a life feel free to join the conversation.
Quote from: galwayman on July 27, 2018, 07:59:37 AM
Quote from: Farrandeelin on July 27, 2018, 07:20:34 AM
I'm only 2 years married, yet I've heard of people married since then who have split up. I think it's very sad.
Yeah have a few acquaintances who have split up from their wives before the 2 year mark also.
Not a nice thing to hear for sure.
Seems to be happening more and more. Worse still, there is couples still together and it's obvious to everyone else and that one or the other isn't into it, hence the fooling around with others when they get half the chance...that is sad.
Quote from: Syferus on July 27, 2018, 12:19:24 AM
This thread explains a lot about some posters' attitudes towards women.
Please elaborate and describe your attitude to the fairer sex.
Quote from: Tony Baloney on July 27, 2018, 08:20:00 AM
Quote from: Syferus on July 27, 2018, 12:19:24 AM
This thread explains a lot about some posters' attitudes towards women.
When you get a life feel free to join the conversation.
8) Burned
Quote from: Farrandeelin on July 27, 2018, 07:20:34 AM
I'm only 2 years married, yet I've heard of people married since then who have split up. I think it's very sad.
Happy Birthday.
I'm 40 in November. Life can be very stressful at times but I wouldn't say I'm having a mid life crisis or anything yet. Marriage is good,work is good, don't have many regrets at all apart from wishing I had lived in a different country for 5 or 6 years, that would have been nice. Spent a year drinking and riding in Australia but that doesn't really count.
How do you know you're having a midlife crisis anyway?
On marriage,It is sad people break-up after a couple of years. The wife's brother and his (ex)wife only lasted 7 months.
I think alot of couples get caught up in the actual wedding itself. Sure some are planning it for a couple of years and it takes over their life. Then it's all over and reality hits home.
It's one thing being boyfriend and girlfriend but being married is a whole different kettle of fish.
I tell the wife everyday how lucky she is to have me, we're married 8 years so I like to think it's working.
I have so far avoided the Mid-Life crisis by never really growing up. 10 years married, and recently had another baby. She likes to do her things (shopping and other stuff that I've no interest in), I like to do mine (golf, football) and lots of times we do things together. Seems to work ok anyway.
We always do something at the weekend as a family even if it's just going for dinner or the park.
We should do a poll. Is your partner:
1) a daughter of Satan
2) high maintenance
3) easy going
4) missing in action
5) some form of livestock
*syferus only option
Quote from: Orior on July 27, 2018, 10:45:54 AM
We should do a poll. Is your partner:
1) a daughter of Satan
2) high maintenance
3) easy going
4) missing in action
Mine is definitely 2, mind you she will probably tell you and am far too easy going (which I am) to the point that it has held me back in life..
Quote from: hardstation on July 26, 2018, 09:57:48 PM
Stop reading how great some cnut's life is on Facebook and tell your wife to do the same. Their life is as big a pile a ballix as yours. They just don't put that on Facebook.
You could write a book on that theme and go on the Ellen show, Hardstation. You'd never look back
Quote from: laoislad on July 27, 2018, 08:48:20 AM
I'm 40 in November. Life can be very stressful at times but I wouldn't say I'm having a mid life crisis or anything yet. Marriage is good,work is good, don't have many regrets at all apart from wishing I had lived in a different country for 5 or 6 years, that would have been nice. Spent a year drinking and riding in Australia but that doesn't really count.
How do you know you're having a midlife crisis anyway?
On marriage,It is sad people break-up after a couple of years. The wife's brother and his (ex)wife only lasted 7 months.
I think alot of couples get caught up in the actual wedding itself. Sure some are planning it for a couple of years and it takes over their life. Then it's all over and reality hits home.
It's one thing being boyfriend and girlfriend but being married is a whole different kettle of fish.
I tell the wife everyday how lucky she is to have me, we're married 8 years so I like to think it's working.
What changes though? Most couples are generally living together anyway and some already have kids. I agree facebook and the like doesn't help, 'oh look, their life/marriage seems perfect and far better than ours, so there must be something wrong'. Think it dawns on some people that they were never actually in love with the OH in the first place.
Quote from: tintin25 on July 27, 2018, 11:24:27 AM
Quote from: laoislad on July 27, 2018, 08:48:20 AM
I'm 40 in November. Life can be very stressful at times but I wouldn't say I'm having a mid life crisis or anything yet. Marriage is good,work is good, don't have many regrets at all apart from wishing I had lived in a different country for 5 or 6 years, that would have been nice. Spent a year drinking and riding in Australia but that doesn't really count.
How do you know you're having a midlife crisis anyway?
On marriage,It is sad people break-up after a couple of years. The wife's brother and his (ex)wife only lasted 7 months.
I think alot of couples get caught up in the actual wedding itself. Sure some are planning it for a couple of years and it takes over their life. Then it's all over and reality hits home.
It's one thing being boyfriend and girlfriend but being married is a whole different kettle of fish.
I tell the wife everyday how lucky she is to have me, we're married 8 years so I like to think it's working.
What changes though? Most couples are generally living together anyway and some already have kids. I agree facebook and the like doesn't help, 'oh look, their life/marriage seems perfect and far better than ours, so there must be something wrong'. Think it dawns on some people that they were never actually in love with the OH in the first place.
Facebook?? Ffs! People go through this who aren't on Facebook and went through it before Facebook! And anyone who looks at a friends Facebook page and envies it wants a good slap ! And probably shouldn't be married!
Quote from: tintin25 on July 27, 2018, 11:24:27 AM
Quote from: laoislad on July 27, 2018, 08:48:20 AM
I'm 40 in November. Life can be very stressful at times but I wouldn't say I'm having a mid life crisis or anything yet. Marriage is good,work is good, don't have many regrets at all apart from wishing I had lived in a different country for 5 or 6 years, that would have been nice. Spent a year drinking and riding in Australia but that doesn't really count.
How do you know you're having a midlife crisis anyway?
On marriage,It is sad people break-up after a couple of years. The wife's brother and his (ex)wife only lasted 7 months.
I think alot of couples get caught up in the actual wedding itself. Sure some are planning it for a couple of years and it takes over their life. Then it's all over and reality hits home.
It's one thing being boyfriend and girlfriend but being married is a whole different kettle of fish.
I tell the wife everyday how lucky she is to have me, we're married 8 years so I like to think it's working.
What changes though? Most couples are generally living together anyway and some already have kids. I agree facebook and the like doesn't help, 'oh look, their life/marriage seems perfect and far better than ours, so there must be something wrong'. Think it dawns on some people that they were never actually in love with the OH in the first place.
Nothing changes
Quote from: Milltown Row2 on July 27, 2018, 11:57:12 AM
Quote from: tintin25 on July 27, 2018, 11:24:27 AM
Quote from: laoislad on July 27, 2018, 08:48:20 AM
I'm 40 in November. Life can be very stressful at times but I wouldn't say I'm having a mid life crisis or anything yet. Marriage is good,work is good, don't have many regrets at all apart from wishing I had lived in a different country for 5 or 6 years, that would have been nice. Spent a year drinking and riding in Australia but that doesn't really count.
How do you know you're having a midlife crisis anyway?
On marriage,It is sad people break-up after a couple of years. The wife's brother and his (ex)wife only lasted 7 months.
I think alot of couples get caught up in the actual wedding itself. Sure some are planning it for a couple of years and it takes over their life. Then it's all over and reality hits home.
It's one thing being boyfriend and girlfriend but being married is a whole different kettle of fish.
I tell the wife everyday how lucky she is to have me, we're married 8 years so I like to think it's working.
What changes though? Most couples are generally living together anyway and some already have kids. I agree facebook and the like doesn't help, 'oh look, their life/marriage seems perfect and far better than ours, so there must be something wrong'. Think it dawns on some people that they were never actually in love with the OH in the first place.
Facebook?? Ffs! People go through this who aren't on Facebook and went through it before Facebook! And anyone who looks at a friends Facebook page and envies it wants a good slap ! And probably shouldn't be married!
RE: the broken marriages I think people give up too easily. They hit upon a rough patch or an argument escalates and they think feck it this isn't worth the hassle. I know of men in Armagh walking away from 4 kids...another lad walked away from 2 young kids and one of them had Down Syndrome.
I don't believe I'm having a mid life crisis the way hollywood would describe it but I've definitely been thinking a lot about life and choices and time. I think crisis is a negative word. I'm having more of a realization or awakening that life is short, I'm not invincible after all, that time is precious and the people I love deserve more of my time.....
Thankfully my woman is very easy going - though I never went for the high maintenance or daughter of satan type - why would anyone?
She isn't on any social media, she thinks it's the biggest waste of time. I periodically turn FB off. I definitely agree it could wreck marriages but more from the standpoint of exes being in touch or old school acquaintances getting a bit flirty and then taking it further.
I don't think a mid life crisis is all about leaving the wife/husband
Its also about questioning who you are and what have you achieved! Are you stuck in a merrygoround which isnt so merry or in a job that dumbs you down the longer you stay in it. Targets you may have set yourself in your early 20's, have you reached any of them yet?!
The biggest problem is reconnecting with your wife/husband once the kids take themselves off to their rooms once the become teenagers and young adults.. they need you less, only money and lifts and the joint responsiblity of bringing them up has gone and then you both have time for each other, but as anyone who has kids will know that bringing up children is hard work and stress..
This is the period I think were the midlife problems come from, once over that hurdle then you set your targets on different things, saving for retirement, trying to pay house off quicker.. Anyone going through it, evaluate everything
Anyone who leaves their partner after 2 years of marraige never wanted to be married in the first place, or probably didnt have the skills to do it, providing there are no kids involved then that was the best outcome..
Iceman, I know as many women who have ended things than men
Quote from: hardstation on July 26, 2018, 09:57:48 PM
Stop reading how great some cnut's life is on Facebook and tell your wife to do the same. Their life is as big a pile a ballix as yours. They just don't put that on Facebook.
This is one of the best pieces of advice I could give. Gave up Facebook for this reason. It's all nonsense. All of it.
Hoping the news yesterday is the beginning of the end for it.
Wife always says love you, and I always say I love me too
I think social media is definitely playing a part in destroying relationships. You're all mentioning Facebook but it's probably the least dangerous. Snapchat, Instagram, dating apps like tinder are all much more lethal. I know fellas with kids and wives/partners and they wouldn't think twice about shagging some randomer behind their back infact some would actively seek it. I'm not the most conservative but there's a lot to be said for maintaining traditional family values
Quote from: general_lee on July 27, 2018, 01:11:04 PM
I think social media is definitely playing a part in destroying relationships. You're all mentioning Facebook but it's probably the least dangerous. Snapchat, Instagram, dating apps like tinder are all much more lethal. I know fellas with kids and wives/partners and they wouldn't think twice about shagging some randomer behind their back infact some would actively seek it. I'm not the most conservative but there's a lot to be said for maintaining traditional family values
So before Facebook/snapchat/tinder it never happened?
What is a mid life crisis? Some people's mid life crisis is a daily state of being for others. I finalised my divorce there recently at 42 and feel like I have a great future. If anything I feel like I have had a mid life renaissance. It's all about perspective really.
I put it down to the decline of the influence of the Catholic Church here in Ireland.
Divorce that is, not a midlife crisis.
When word got round that a marriage was on the rocks the local PP would be dispatched round to the house of said couple where the PP would coerce the poor afflicted wife to stay with the adulterous, alcohol sodden, wife beating brute for the good of the family name or the kids.
Quote from: The Iceman on July 27, 2018, 12:35:19 PM
Quote from: Milltown Row2 on July 27, 2018, 11:57:12 AM
Quote from: tintin25 on July 27, 2018, 11:24:27 AM
Quote from: laoislad on July 27, 2018, 08:48:20 AM
I'm 40 in November. Life can be very stressful at times but I wouldn't say I'm having a mid life crisis or anything yet. Marriage is good,work is good, don't have many regrets at all apart from wishing I had lived in a different country for 5 or 6 years, that would have been nice. Spent a year drinking and riding in Australia but that doesn't really count.
How do you know you're having a midlife crisis anyway?
On marriage,It is sad people break-up after a couple of years. The wife's brother and his (ex)wife only lasted 7 months.
I think alot of couples get caught up in the actual wedding itself. Sure some are planning it for a couple of years and it takes over their life. Then it's all over and reality hits home.
It's one thing being boyfriend and girlfriend but being married is a whole different kettle of fish.
I tell the wife everyday how lucky she is to have me, we're married 8 years so I like to think it's working.
What changes though? Most couples are generally living together anyway and some already have kids. I agree facebook and the like doesn't help, 'oh look, their life/marriage seems perfect and far better than ours, so there must be something wrong'. Think it dawns on some people that they were never actually in love with the OH in the first place.
Facebook?? Ffs! People go through this who aren't on Facebook and went through it before Facebook! And anyone who looks at a friends Facebook page and envies it wants a good slap ! And probably shouldn't be married!
RE: the broken marriages I think people give up too easily. They hit upon a rough patch or an argument escalates and they think feck it this isn't worth the hassle. I know of men in Armagh walking away from 4 kids...another lad walked away from 2 young kids and one of them had Down Syndrome.
I don't believe I'm having a mid life crisis the way hollywood would describe it but I've definitely been thinking a lot about life and choices and time. I think crisis is a negative word. I'm having more of a realization or awakening that life is short, I'm not invincible after all, that time is precious and the people I love deserve more of my time.....
Thankfully my woman is very easy going - though I never went for the high maintenance or daughter of satan type - why would anyone?
She isn't on any social media, she thinks it's the biggest waste of time. I periodically turn FB off. I definitely agree it could wreck marriages but more from the standpoint of exes being in touch or old school acquaintances getting a bit flirty and then taking it further.
I think it also worth stating that staying in a loveless/ negative marriage helps no-one, certainly not the kids, so I don't believe in the staying together for the kids sake. Sometimes people realise there is no fixing it and that people have changed and moved apart. Staying together for the sake of it is a recipe for disaster.
In the UK divorce rates are 30,000 less now than they were before social media.. could be couple factors in that, more people staying as partners rather getting married and just less people finding the right person.. Though one of the reasonsgiven was, the recession
So don't use social media, as trump would say... FAKE NEWS
I would echo what Iceman and MR2 have said. I think after a lot of years together (married or not) what "love" means changes from what it was when you first got together. Life i.e. mortgages, kids, bills, work etc. take up more and more of your time, meaning you have less time together. That means you have to put in the work to keep it going and that work inevitably includes getting that balance right that Iceman has talked about - you need to find time for the wains and the missus as a family group but it is important to make time for just you and her.
40 seems to be the age when I started to be reflective on what I had done and what I could have done and with the social media it is easy to get your head turned with other women, more lucrative work (potentially meaning more time away) especially if you have slipped into the "friend zone" with the missus as you are too busy for each other. But it really isn't hard to make some lifestyle adjustments and freshen things up a bit - as Iceman as said it seems very easy to jack the whole thing.
We have an agreement that it we were to divorce we would have a custody battle to make sure the other party kept the kids ;D
Quote from: trueblue1234 on July 27, 2018, 01:45:28 PM
Quote from: The Iceman on July 27, 2018, 12:35:19 PM
Quote from: Milltown Row2 on July 27, 2018, 11:57:12 AM
Quote from: tintin25 on July 27, 2018, 11:24:27 AM
Quote from: laoislad on July 27, 2018, 08:48:20 AM
I'm 40 in November. Life can be very stressful at times but I wouldn't say I'm having a mid life crisis or anything yet. Marriage is good,work is good, don't have many regrets at all apart from wishing I had lived in a different country for 5 or 6 years, that would have been nice. Spent a year drinking and riding in Australia but that doesn't really count.
How do you know you're having a midlife crisis anyway?
On marriage,It is sad people break-up after a couple of years. The wife's brother and his (ex)wife only lasted 7 months.
I think alot of couples get caught up in the actual wedding itself. Sure some are planning it for a couple of years and it takes over their life. Then it's all over and reality hits home.
It's one thing being boyfriend and girlfriend but being married is a whole different kettle of fish.
I tell the wife everyday how lucky she is to have me, we're married 8 years so I like to think it's working.
What changes though? Most couples are generally living together anyway and some already have kids. I agree facebook and the like doesn't help, 'oh look, their life/marriage seems perfect and far better than ours, so there must be something wrong'. Think it dawns on some people that they were never actually in love with the OH in the first place.
Facebook?? Ffs! People go through this who aren't on Facebook and went through it before Facebook! And anyone who looks at a friends Facebook page and envies it wants a good slap ! And probably shouldn't be married!
RE: the broken marriages I think people give up too easily. They hit upon a rough patch or an argument escalates and they think feck it this isn't worth the hassle. I know of men in Armagh walking away from 4 kids...another lad walked away from 2 young kids and one of them had Down Syndrome.
I don't believe I'm having a mid life crisis the way hollywood would describe it but I've definitely been thinking a lot about life and choices and time. I think crisis is a negative word. I'm having more of a realization or awakening that life is short, I'm not invincible after all, that time is precious and the people I love deserve more of my time.....
Thankfully my woman is very easy going - though I never went for the high maintenance or daughter of satan type - why would anyone?
She isn't on any social media, she thinks it's the biggest waste of time. I periodically turn FB off. I definitely agree it could wreck marriages but more from the standpoint of exes being in touch or old school acquaintances getting a bit flirty and then taking it further.
I think it also worth stating that staying in a loveless/ negative marriage helps no-one, certainly not the kids, so I don't believe in the staying together for the kids sake. Sometimes people realise there is no fixing it and that people have changed and moved apart. Staying together for the sake of it is a recipe for disaster.
I've seen many relationships heal from "relationships that can't be fixed" but also recognize some marriages should never have happened.I would challenge the thinking that someone getting divorced after 7 months or 2 years didn't really try? Or a younger generation can't handle problems?
But this isn't all about marriage.... I agree more with MR2 on this and I'm not just pointing at men. I've had long conversations with my Mrs about this too and her role in life, what she wants, how she sometimes feels stuck or labelled as the "mummy" and sometimes needs to escape from that for 5 mins...
I would push back though that this happens when kids get older...I have 5 under 10 and I'm turning 40. A lot of people marry in their late 20s and early 30s now and don't get to the empty nest stage until their 50s and 60s...
Quote from: Tony Baloney on July 27, 2018, 01:57:05 PM
I would echo what Iceman and MR2 have said. I think after a lot of years together (married or not) what "love" means changes from what it was when you first got together. Life i.e. mortgages, kids, bills, work etc. take up more and more of your time, meaning you have less time together. That means you have to put in the work to keep it going and that work inevitably includes getting that balance right that Iceman has talked about - you need to find time for the wains and the missus as a family group but it is important to make time for just you and her.
40 seems to be the age when I started to be reflective on what I had done and what I could have done and with the social media it is easy to get your head turned with other women, more lucrative work (potentially meaning more time away) especially if you have slipped into the "friend zone" with the missus as you are too busy for each other. But it really isn't hard to make some lifestyle adjustments and freshen things up a bit - as Iceman as said it seems very easy to jack the whole thing.
We have an agreement that it we were to divorce we would have a custody battle to make sure the other party kept the kids ;D
I'll just wait till they look after themselves... 50 is the new 40, so I've 4 years, my kids will be 22 and 19! :o
Though i can honestly say that I've (we've) been through the mill (a small mill) and back out the other end, dinner dates and Sat afternoon eating/drinking in Belfast or at the local, nights away and going to a play/musical can break up the mundane day to day
The one thing though for me, I have great friends where I live, and my proper old clubmate friends from the road, my wife has her old friends too, but its the friends we made when we moved and the kids went to school, great network, if that is missing then it can lead to more stress! Same bakes looking at each other all the time would be a nightmare
Quote from: Milltown Row2 on July 27, 2018, 02:08:54 PM
Quote from: Tony Baloney on July 27, 2018, 01:57:05 PM
I would echo what Iceman and MR2 have said. I think after a lot of years together (married or not) what "love" means changes from what it was when you first got together. Life i.e. mortgages, kids, bills, work etc. take up more and more of your time, meaning you have less time together. That means you have to put in the work to keep it going and that work inevitably includes getting that balance right that Iceman has talked about - you need to find time for the wains and the missus as a family group but it is important to make time for just you and her.
40 seems to be the age when I started to be reflective on what I had done and what I could have done and with the social media it is easy to get your head turned with other women, more lucrative work (potentially meaning more time away) especially if you have slipped into the "friend zone" with the missus as you are too busy for each other. But it really isn't hard to make some lifestyle adjustments and freshen things up a bit - as Iceman as said it seems very easy to jack the whole thing.
We have an agreement that it we were to divorce we would have a custody battle to make sure the other party kept the kids ;D
I'll just wait till they look after themselves... 50 is the new 40, so I've 4 years, my kids will be 22 and 19! :o
Though i can honestly say that I've (we've) been through the mill (a small mill) and back out the other end, dinner dates and Sat afternoon eating/drinking in Belfast or at the local, nights away and going to a play/musical can break up the mundane day to day
The one thing though for me, I have great friends where I live, and my proper old clubmate friends from the road, my wife has her old friends too, but its the friends we made when we moved and the kids went to school, great network, if that is missing then it can lead to more stress! Same bakes looking at each other all the time would be a nightmare
We live near the wife's homeplace out in the sticks and you could walk to the houses of her parents and 4 of her 5 brothers and sisters whereas it is about 80 miles for me. She's a homebird and wouldn't be fussed on going out boozing so it took her a while to realise that we're not all the same and I'd need my own space to go out on the beer up at home or in Belfast with different sets of mates, even if that wasn't her scene. That realisation made things a lot easier as she was pretty selfish about it at one stage (in my opinion) but obviously when the kids were more hassle she'd have seen me as being the selfish one leaving her to deal with it.
Quote from: Boycey on July 27, 2018, 11:12:43 AM
Quote from: Orior on July 27, 2018, 10:45:54 AM
We should do a poll. Is your partner:
1) a daughter of Satan
2) high maintenance
3) easy going
4) missing in action
Mine is definitely 2, mind you she will probably tell you and am far too easy going (which I am) to the point that it has held me back in life..
Held you back from what my friend? Being a different person most likely. Nothing wrong with being easy going. Be proud and take comfort from who you are, someone probably well liked, and keep "Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners".
Poor Facebook is getting an awful hammering today. It seems to have become trendy to bash it.
I use it as it's a great source of information. The key is to unfollow any of your "friends" whose every thought you don't want to read about. They still remain on your friends list but you don't have to put up with them.
Quote from: Substandard on July 26, 2018, 09:15:42 PM
Quote from: The Iceman on July 26, 2018, 08:20:31 PM
I went home earlier in July to Armagh and was home the year before that too. Something I noticed and I suppose I'm experiencing a bit of it myself is the scary realization that life is moving very fast, time is precious and lots of men (and maybe women too) around the age of 40 are having a bit of a mid life crisis and wondering if they chose the right path. I've changed jobs recently in to a brand new industry. Some friends at home have done the same. I also see the negative side of things with people ending their marriages in the hope for something better....
I find myself concerned more about time. Missed opportunities to spend time with my aging parents or missed opportunities to spend time with my kids. My job change hopefully will provide more work/life balance and afford me more time at home and less travelling for work. But I still wonder what else I can do.
Anyone in the same boat?
#GaaBoardTherapy
In the same age bracket, and its a bit stark looking back: 20 year old me would not be impressed with the way things turned out.
That said, you improvise as you go along, and I often think of Robert Frost's 'The Road Not Taken' when looking back to see how I got here.
Best of luck with it all, especially the work-life balance, spending time with kids and parents. Every minute is an investment in memories.
Wouldn't look back too harshly. Maybe 20 year old you had even less answers and a simplistic outlook. You must keep looking forward in life and can't compromise yourself too much. I think a lot of relationships breakdown because couples have unrealistic expectations of each other and refuse to yield or accept each other warts and all. You should not try to change someone too much or allow yourself to be changed too much either because that begs the question, what did people see in each other to begin with.
Quote from: johnnycool on July 27, 2018, 01:35:07 PM
I put it down to the decline of the influence of the Catholic Church here in Ireland.
Divorce that is, not a midlife crisis.
When word got round that a marriage was on the rocks the local PP would be dispatched round to the house of said couple where the PP would coerce the poor afflicted wife to stay with the adulterous, alcohol sodden, wife beating brute for the good of the family name or the kids.
That's fairly mean spirited, it was rarely the influence of the priest but society's view in general that marriages where meant to stay together.
I'd agree with iceman, people don't ride out the rough patches and make it work the way they used to. If the idealised view of the marriage they have doesn't work out they largely just say f**k it and leave. I look at the generation above my own and you see couples who lived through the troubles and the economic depression of the 70-80s. There's far too idealised a view of romance and marriage in the modern world. There's a large cohort of people who believe that it's meant to be like what they seen in the movies.
Quote from: Esmarelda on July 27, 2018, 02:42:33 PM
Poor Facebook is getting an awful hammering today. It seems to have become trendy to bash it.
I use it as it's a great source of information. The key is to unfollow any of your "friends" whose every thought you don't want to read about. They still remain on your friends list but you don't have to put up with them.
useless information though ::)
Social media reinforces peoples attitudes. Especially twitter. You're not going to follow someone or some media organisation you disagree with. Therefore you end up following what you believe to be true and therefore it just reinforces your own viewpoint.
I digress, a good bit of riding is very helpful. A great stress reliever I find.
Quote from: trileacman on July 27, 2018, 02:57:18 PM
Quote from: johnnycool on July 27, 2018, 01:35:07 PM
I put it down to the decline of the influence of the Catholic Church here in Ireland.
Divorce that is, not a midlife crisis.
When word got round that a marriage was on the rocks the local PP would be dispatched round to the house of said couple where the PP would coerce the poor afflicted wife to stay with the adulterous, alcohol sodden, wife beating brute for the good of the family name or the kids.
That's fairly mean spirited, it was rarely the influence of the priest but society's view in general that marriages where meant to stay together.
I'd agree with iceman, people don't ride out the rough patches and make it work the way they used to. If the idealised view of the marriage they have doesn't work out they largely just say f**k it and leave. I look at the generation above my own and you see couples who lived through the troubles and the economic depression of the 70-80s. There's far too idealised a view of romance and marriage in the modern world. There's a large cohort of people who believe that it's meant to be like what they seen in the movies.
All true. Gender roles were more defined in the past though where as now women are much more foot loose career wise and have more independence financially. Men too have more choices. But I'd agree with your point, people are now probably more self centred and have an idealised view of how things should be and will move on if it's not realised instead of working at it. To what I don't know because that path will most likely lead to unfulfilled and loneliness.
Quote from: trailer on July 27, 2018, 03:46:36 PM
Social media reinforces peoples attitudes. Especially twitter. You're not going to follow someone or some media organisation you disagree with. Therefore you end up following what you believe to be true and therefore it just reinforces your own viewpoint.
I digress, a good bit of riding is very helpful. A great stress reliever I find.
You should follow Ewan MacKenna.
Quote from: Esmarelda on July 27, 2018, 02:42:33 PM
Poor Facebook is getting an awful hammering today. It seems to have become trendy to bash it.
I use it as it's a great source of information. The key is to unfollow any of your "friends" whose every thought you don't want to read about. They still remain on your friends list but you don't have to put up with them.
Clearly Wall Street regularly check in here for market intelligence. Facebook shares down close to 20% yesterday wiping the equivalent value of McDonalds of the business! Mark Zuckerberg persoanlly down over $15bn in a day....
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-44978452
Quote from: Mikhail Prokhorov on July 27, 2018, 03:42:36 PM
Quote from: Esmarelda on July 27, 2018, 02:42:33 PM
Poor Facebook is getting an awful hammering today. It seems to have become trendy to bash it.
I use it as it's a great source of information. The key is to unfollow any of your "friends" whose every thought you don't want to read about. They still remain on your friends list but you don't have to put up with them.
useless information though ::)
You choose whose page to like/follow so if it's useless to you then it couldn't be easier to change.
Quote from: trailer on July 27, 2018, 03:46:36 PM
Social media reinforces peoples attitudes. Especially twitter. You're not going to follow someone or some media organisation you disagree with. Therefore you end up following what you believe to be true and therefore it just reinforces your own viewpoint.
I digress, a good bit of riding is very helpful. A great stress reliever I find.
Not true. I follow plenty I don't usually agree with so that the reinforcing you mention is reduced.
Quote from: Dinny Breen on July 27, 2018, 03:54:10 PM
Quote from: trailer on July 27, 2018, 03:46:36 PM
Social media reinforces peoples attitudes. Especially twitter. You're not going to follow someone or some media organisation you disagree with. Therefore you end up following what you believe to be true and therefore it just reinforces your own viewpoint.
I digress, a good bit of riding is very helpful. A great stress reliever I find.
You should follow Ewan MacKenna.
I actually do and regularly disagree with him. But sure so does half the country.
Quote from: brokencrossbar1 on July 27, 2018, 01:31:07 PM
What is a mid life crisis? Some people's mid life crisis is a daily state of being for others. I finalised my divorce there recently at 42 and feel like I have a great future. If anything I feel like I have had a mid life renaissance. It's all about perspective really.
Out of interest was she a daughter of Satan or high maintenance?
Always thought getting married didn't make a button of difference, shit got real with children tho. My kids are all teen and pre-teen now, they've got really annoying.
Secret of a happy marriage - time apart is as important as time together.
True happiness comes from finding some activity that you're really passionate about - slot that in beside a reasonable personal life and it's a recipe for a very contented life.
Quote from: bennydorano on July 27, 2018, 10:29:57 PM
Always thought getting married didn't make a button of difference, shit got real with children tho. My kids are all teen and pre-teen now, they've got really annoying.
Secret of a happy marriage - time apart is as important as time together.
True happiness comes from finding some activity that you're really passionate about - slot that in beside a reasonable personal life and it's a recipe for a very contented life.
I know plenty golf widows, cycling widows are new, just be aware ;)
Would you believe me if I told you I had a quarter-life crisis?
Things went south for me in a big way early in my twenties. Got dumped by my gf, lost my job, lost confidence, racked up a pile of debt without realising it, etc.. In my first job out of college I made just about every mistake you could make while working for one company.
It was the wake-up call I needed though. I had a hard time adjusting to life after university, and I needed the wallop up the ass that that experience gave me. Brought me down to earth and taught me a good hard lesson, which is you can't rest on laurels, you have to deliver, you can't get romantically involved at work without taking a big risk, you can't go on borrowing forever, you can't just buy what you want on a whim, if you go out partying several nights a week you'll have a good time but nothing to show for it financially after a few years, and above all, when your boss tells you to do something you'd better make sure and do it.
I came out of it a lot wiser.
I had a bit of a midlife crisis a few years ago when I got laid off, but was able to get through it suffering only a bit of financial damage. And a few months ago, I got married! I'm 43, so my wedding was from the "about bloody time" department.
You get these little ups and downs in life.
Quote from: TabClear on July 27, 2018, 04:06:08 PM
Quote from: Esmarelda on July 27, 2018, 02:42:33 PM
Poor Facebook is getting an awful hammering today. It seems to have become trendy to bash it.
I use it as it's a great source of information. The key is to unfollow any of your "friends" whose every thought you don't want to read about. They still remain on your friends list but you don't have to put up with them.
Clearly Wall Street regularly check in here for market intelligence. Facebook shares down close to 20% yesterday wiping the equivalent value of McDonalds of the business! Mark Zuckerberg persoanlly down over $15bn in a day....
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-44978452
Good enough for the p***k. I'm sure that ye will all agree.
I got married at 24 to a girl I had NO business marrying. I thought it would make her happy and I had to justify the huge decision to go to America after college. Big mistake - but despite the beating and bruising, I have a gorgeous 10 year old darling girl who is the apple of my eye to show for it.
I met another girl when my daughter was 1 and her mother and I were divorced and we will be 7 years married this fall. Since we met, 9 years ago - life has been a long battle. Making mortgage payments on a condo after I got kicked out of grad school. Paying for work permits and masters degrees after failing my PhD. Not getting home for 3 years during all the immigration stuff. Finally getting a job at 28 making $17 an hour. I've done well this last 8 years and now pay more in tax than my first job paid in gross salary.
Now I'm 37 and I don't have to struggle for anything. First time in 16 years life has been a doddle - and its NOW that I find myself feeling this "crisis" feeling settling in. Life is comfortable, there is no struggle - and within that lies the struggle. I think its a very interesting time in our lives. We are happy, we are comfortable - but it a strange feeling to not have to be battling the odds at the moment. It is very much wash, rinse - and repeat. I have my daughter half the time and that is certainly not ideal - but you get used to it.
It could be worse I suppose - but it's definitely weird!
I remember when I was getting married.....away back in black and white😜, my mother's advice.....marriage is not a bed of roses, you have to work at it.
I think yiz all need a good kick up the balls.
Quote from: ONeill on July 28, 2018, 08:09:12 AM
I think yiz all need a good kick up the balls.
Form an orderly queue 😎
I don't buy into the mid life crisis thing. Be thankful for what you have in life, let it be family or whatever. Even the ability to get out of bed and do everyday things! Our couple we would be friendly with split up recently, 10 years married this year. They had the Big House, decent jobs and weren't a bit scared to ram it down your throats than they had a bob or 2. Times have changed now for them.
Be content with what you have and things will be ok was the advice I got on my wedding day.
Mods, can we re-name this thread the 'Self-absorbed' thread?
Quote from: Captain Obvious on July 27, 2018, 08:39:30 PM
Quote from: brokencrossbar1 on July 27, 2018, 01:31:07 PM
What is a mid life crisis? Some people's mid life crisis is a daily state of being for others. I finalised my divorce there recently at 42 and feel like I have a great future. If anything I feel like I have had a mid life renaissance. It's all about perspective really.
Out of interest was she a daughter of Satan or high maintenance?
No comment. Just had a difficult set of circumstances to the start of a relationship which had us on the back foot from early on.
Quote from: brokencrossbar1 on July 28, 2018, 10:00:23 AM
Quote from: Captain Obvious on July 27, 2018, 08:39:30 PM
Quote from: brokencrossbar1 on July 27, 2018, 01:31:07 PM
What is a mid life crisis? Some people's mid life crisis is a daily state of being for others. I finalised my divorce there recently at 42 and feel like I have a great future. If anything I feel like I have had a mid life renaissance. It's all about perspective really.
Out of interest was she a daughter of Satan or high maintenance?
No comment. Just had a difficult set of circumstances to the start of a relationship which had us on the back foot from early on.
Well played sir.
Quote from: Tony Baloney on July 28, 2018, 11:02:14 AM
Quote from: brokencrossbar1 on July 28, 2018, 10:00:23 AM
Quote from: Captain Obvious on July 27, 2018, 08:39:30 PM
Quote from: brokencrossbar1 on July 27, 2018, 01:31:07 PM
What is a mid life crisis? Some people's mid life crisis is a daily state of being for others. I finalised my divorce there recently at 42 and feel like I have a great future. If anything I feel like I have had a mid life renaissance. It's all about perspective really.
Out of interest was she a daughter of Satan or high maintenance?
No comment. Just had a difficult set of circumstances to the start of a relationship which had us on the back foot from early on.
Well played sir.
The thing is I walk away from a relationship and I've no regrets. We both have bright futures, we have 3 wonderful children together and no matter what shit we lived with we still have left a positive legacy on the world from our relationship, in my opinion anyway. I believe that I will find someone again, and I am enjoying the whole process of being out there again. The world as far as 'dating' has changed dramatically but I'll tell you this the whole process of finding a new love interest is great fun!!
Quote from: brokencrossbar1 on July 28, 2018, 12:25:19 PM
Quote from: Tony Baloney on July 28, 2018, 11:02:14 AM
Quote from: brokencrossbar1 on July 28, 2018, 10:00:23 AM
Quote from: Captain Obvious on July 27, 2018, 08:39:30 PM
Quote from: brokencrossbar1 on July 27, 2018, 01:31:07 PM
What is a mid life crisis? Some people's mid life crisis is a daily state of being for others. I finalised my divorce there recently at 42 and feel like I have a great future. If anything I feel like I have had a mid life renaissance. It's all about perspective really.
Out of interest was she a daughter of Satan or high maintenance?
No comment. Just had a difficult set of circumstances to the start of a relationship which had us on the back foot from early on.
Well played sir.
The thing is I walk away from a relationship and I've no regrets. We both have bright futures, we have 3 wonderful children together and no matter what shit we lived with we still have left a positive legacy on the world from our relationship, in my opinion anyway. I believe that I will find someone again, and I am enjoying the whole process of being out there again. The world as far as 'dating' has changed dramatically but I'll tell you this the whole process of finding a new love interest is great fun!!
When it's fine it's great but when it becomes too much for everyone involved and all avenues tried then cutting ties on good terms (well with best intentions) is the best outcome..
The ones I know who recently have separated they initially went overboard on the dating scene then it died down as they were not used to the dating set up nowadays!
Happy hunting
Quote from: Milltown Row2 on July 28, 2018, 12:37:42 PM
Quote from: brokencrossbar1 on July 28, 2018, 12:25:19 PM
Quote from: Tony Baloney on July 28, 2018, 11:02:14 AM
Quote from: brokencrossbar1 on July 28, 2018, 10:00:23 AM
Quote from: Captain Obvious on July 27, 2018, 08:39:30 PM
Quote from: brokencrossbar1 on July 27, 2018, 01:31:07 PM
What is a mid life crisis? Some people's mid life crisis is a daily state of being for others. I finalised my divorce there recently at 42 and feel like I have a great future. If anything I feel like I have had a mid life renaissance. It's all about perspective really.
Out of interest was she a daughter of Satan or high maintenance?
No comment. Just had a difficult set of circumstances to the start of a relationship which had us on the back foot from early on.
Well played sir.
The thing is I walk away from a relationship and I've no regrets. We both have bright futures, we have 3 wonderful children together and no matter what shit we lived with we still have left a positive legacy on the world from our relationship, in my opinion anyway. I believe that I will find someone again, and I am enjoying the whole process of being out there again. The world as far as 'dating' has changed dramatically but I'll tell you this the whole process of finding a new love interest is great fun!!
When it's fine it's great but when it becomes too much for everyone involved and all avenues tried then cutting ties on good terms (well with best intentions) is the best outcome..
The ones I know who recently have separated they initially went overboard on the dating scene then it died down as they were not used to the dating set up nowadays!
Happy hunting
It's a bit mental....the differing needs of different women is so diverse. Im kinda in that I between age where I can date younger ones who want kids and older ones who don't. I've done my duty to the world population so I know where my focus is!
Quote from: hardstation on July 26, 2018, 09:57:48 PM
Stop reading how great some cnut's life is on Facebook and tell your wife to do the same. Their life is as big a pile a ballix as yours. They just don't put that on Facebook.
Post of the week.
Quote from: trileacman on July 27, 2018, 02:57:18 PM
Quote from: johnnycool on July 27, 2018, 01:35:07 PM
I put it down to the decline of the influence of the Catholic Church here in Ireland.
Divorce that is, not a midlife crisis.
When word got round that a marriage was on the rocks the local PP would be dispatched round to the house of said couple where the PP would coerce the poor afflicted wife to stay with the adulterous, alcohol sodden, wife beating brute for the good of the family name or the kids.
That's fairly mean spirited, it was rarely the influence of the priest but society's view in general that marriages where meant to stay together.
I'd agree with iceman, people don't ride out the rough patches and make it work the way they used to. If the idealised view of the marriage they have doesn't work out they largely just say f**k it and leave. I look at the generation above my own and you see couples who lived through the troubles and the economic depression of the 70-80s. There's far too idealised a view of romance and marriage in the modern world. There's a large cohort of people who believe that it's meant to be like what they seen in the movies.
I'd definitely agree with that.
Quote from: paddyjohn on July 28, 2018, 09:10:42 AM
I don't buy into the mid life crisis thing. Be thankful for what you have in life, let it be family or whatever. Even the ability to get out of bed and do everyday things! Our couple we would be friendly with split up recently, 10 years married this year. They had the Big House, decent jobs and weren't a bit scared to ram it down your throats than they had a bob or 2. Times have changed now for them.
Be content with what you have and things will be ok was the advice I got on my wedding day.
Seen a few marriages fail like that. A few got into serious debt keeping up the big house/car image, while essential things neglected.
A lot of people are insecure and materialistic these days.
Quote from: BennyCake on July 28, 2018, 01:16:10 PM
Quote from: paddyjohn on July 28, 2018, 09:10:42 AM
I don't buy into the mid life crisis thing. Be thankful for what you have in life, let it be family or whatever. Even the ability to get out of bed and do everyday things! Our couple we would be friendly with split up recently, 10 years married this year. They had the Big House, decent jobs and weren't a bit scared to ram it down your throats than they had a bob or 2. Times have changed now for them.
Be content with what you have and things will be ok was the advice I got on my wedding day.
Seen a few marriages fail like that. A few got into serious debt keeping up the big house/car image, while essential things neglected.
A lot of people are insecure and materialistic these days.
I'm using this couple as an example as it's close at hand to me.
My marriage is far from perfect, it's a work in progress and I think most marriages are, we've worked hard in our jobs and our lives and we are lucky that we both sing off the same hymn sheet. We want the same things but aren't materialistic.
Quote from: brokencrossbar1 on July 28, 2018, 12:43:55 PM
Quote from: Milltown Row2 on July 28, 2018, 12:37:42 PM
Quote from: brokencrossbar1 on July 28, 2018, 12:25:19 PM
Quote from: Tony Baloney on July 28, 2018, 11:02:14 AM
Quote from: brokencrossbar1 on July 28, 2018, 10:00:23 AM
Quote from: Captain Obvious on July 27, 2018, 08:39:30 PM
Quote from: brokencrossbar1 on July 27, 2018, 01:31:07 PM
What is a mid life crisis? Some people's mid life crisis is a daily state of being for others. I finalised my divorce there recently at 42 and feel like I have a great future. If anything I feel like I have had a mid life renaissance. It's all about perspective really.
Out of interest was she a daughter of Satan or high maintenance?
No comment. Just had a difficult set of circumstances to the start of a relationship which had us on the back foot from early on.
Well played sir.
The thing is I walk away from a relationship and I've no regrets. We both have bright futures, we have 3 wonderful children together and no matter what shit we lived with we still have left a positive legacy on the world from our relationship, in my opinion anyway. I believe that I will find someone again, and I am enjoying the whole process of being out there again. The world as far as 'dating' has changed dramatically but I'll tell you this the whole process of finding a new love interest is great fun!!
When it's fine it's great but when it becomes too much for everyone involved and all avenues tried then cutting ties on good terms (well with best intentions) is the best outcome..
The ones I know who recently have separated they initially went overboard on the dating scene then it died down as they were not used to the dating set up nowadays!
Happy hunting
It's a bit mental....the differing needs of different women is so diverse. Im kinda in that I between age where I can date younger ones who want kids and older ones who don't. I've done my duty to the world population so I know where my focus is!
I've often thought I wouldn't like to be back in that market, I wouldn't know where to start. Getting half cut, talking shite and chasing some thing round a disco hardly works anymore.
Absolutely Benny....it's not like the good old days in the Arena or McKennas ;D
Good luck to you!
It seems like now it's all done on Tinder and the like. No need to actually talk to a girl anymore, it seems.
The fun was always in the chase.
It's not that long ago that I had to phone the landline in the wife's house and her dad answered the phone and you had to ask to talk to her.
Tell young ones that today and they are aghast!
Quote from: Smokin Joe on July 28, 2018, 07:15:14 PM
It seems like now it's all done on Tinder and the like. No need to actually talk to a girl anymore, it seems.
The fun was always in the chase.
It's not that long ago that I had to phone the landline in the wife's house and her dad answered the phone and you had to ask to talk to her.
Tell young ones that today and they are aghast!
Yep that's true alright ;D
Quote from: Smokin Joe on July 28, 2018, 07:15:14 PM
It seems like now it's all done on Tinder and the like. No need to actually talk to a girl anymore, it seems.
The fun was always in the chase.
It's not that long ago that I had to phone the landline in the wife's house and her dad answered the phone and you had to ask to talk to her.
Tell young ones that today and they are aghast!
Why was your wife still living at her parents home? :P
Quote from: BennyCake on July 29, 2018, 12:01:03 AM
Quote from: Smokin Joe on July 28, 2018, 07:15:14 PM
It seems like now it's all done on Tinder and the like. No need to actually talk to a girl anymore, it seems.
The fun was always in the chase.
It's not that long ago that I had to phone the landline in the wife's house and her dad answered the phone and you had to ask to talk to her.
Tell young ones that today and they are aghast!
Why was your wife still living at her parents home? :P
35 years is "not that long ago".
May I suggest the Allingham arms hotel in bundoran for a Saturday night out for any of you older generation that are single. Mate does be at and says if you can dance you will sorted no bother
Quote from: redzone on July 29, 2018, 06:57:20 PM
May I suggest the Allingham arms hotel in bundoran for a Saturday night out for any of you older generation that are single. Mate does be at and says if you can dance you will sorted no bother
your ''mate''. Yea sure... ;) ;)
Quote from: GJL on July 30, 2018, 09:19:09 AM
Quote from: redzone on July 29, 2018, 06:57:20 PM
May I suggest the Allingham arms hotel in bundoran for a Saturday night out for any of you older generation that are single. Mate does be at and says if you can dance you will sorted no bother
your ''mate''. Yea sure... ;) ;)
Is that one of those second hand shops?
The Bee Hive bar in Lurgan is full off 35-55 year olds out looking their fill of it, all divorced/separated (or the odd one looking his/her cake and eating it too). Wouldn't have a clue what to even say to a woman now if i was after one, they way i'm spoilt a new one would stick me about a week if i was lucky.
Marriage is strange alright, there are times i think my wife hates my guts and visa versa and then other times we just dislike each other
Quote from: Puckoon on July 28, 2018, 04:17:12 AM
I got married at 24 to a girl I had NO business marrying. I thought it would make her happy and I had to justify the huge decision to go to America after college. Big mistake - but despite the beating and bruising, I have a gorgeous 10 year old darling girl who is the apple of my eye to show for it.
I met another girl when my daughter was 1 and her mother and I were divorced and we will be 7 years married this fall. Since we met, 9 years ago - life has been a long battle. Making mortgage payments on a condo after I got kicked out of grad school. Paying for work permits and masters degrees after failing my PhD. Not getting home for 3 years during all the immigration stuff. Finally getting a job at 28 making $17 an hour. I've done well this last 8 years and now pay more in tax than my first job paid in gross salary.
Now I'm 37 and I don't have to struggle for anything. First time in 16 years life has been a doddle - and its NOW that I find myself feeling this "crisis" feeling settling in. Life is comfortable, there is no struggle - and within that lies the struggle. I think its a very interesting time in our lives. We are happy, we are comfortable - but it a strange feeling to not have to be battling the odds at the moment. It is very much wash, rinse - and repeat. I have my daughter half the time and that is certainly not ideal - but you get used to it.
It could be worse I suppose - but it's definitely weird!
thanks for the honesty here Puck! and for your's Eamonn!
Crisis, like I said, is a very negative word and I wish I had painted it better originally. I think there are loads of lads wondering about life and family and time and change. To call it self-absorbed is a complete misunderstanding of the post. I'm thinking about life and time so I can give more of both to my wife and kids.
These threads take many different routes!!!!
Quote from: Smokin Joe on July 28, 2018, 07:15:14 PM
It seems like now it's all done on Tinder and the like. No need to actually talk to a girl anymore, it seems.
The fun was always in the chase.
It's not that long ago that I had to phone the landline in the wife's house and her dad answered the phone and you had to ask to talk to her.
Tell young ones that today and they are aghast!
I met my wife on Tinder. Still had to meet her at the pub and see if we could get along though. It's not all automated.
No offence Eamon, but I thought Tinder was just a joint for a ridin' session? ???
Quote from: Dire Ear on August 01, 2018, 10:17:28 AM
No offence Eamon, but I thought Tinder was just a joint for a ridin' session? ???
I'm sure Eamon is getting some given his marital status?
Quote from: Over the Bar on August 01, 2018, 10:25:32 AM
Quote from: Dire Ear on August 01, 2018, 10:17:28 AM
No offence Eamon, but I thought Tinder was just a joint for a ridin' session? ???
I'm sure Eamon is getting some given his marital status?
Far from it....you can have that type if you want but there's far more 'real' people on it.