Two months ago my wife gave birth to our first son and indeed our first child in the Coombe Hospital in Dublin.It was a bit of a mad dash to the hospital and after getting there at around 2am our son was born at 6.32am at a small enough weight of 6lb6ounces.We called him Eóghan as it is a family name of ours and it goes back a good few generations.
I don't need to tell anyone who has experienced the joy of seeing their first child born how I felt that morning,I was over the moon and I don't think I have ever felt such a rush of joy,the fact that he was a boy,a son, made it all the greater. I had said right through out the pregnancy that I didn't mind if it was a boy or girl but secretly I really wanted a son,not that I wouldn't have still loved a daughter but like any man I really wanted to have a son.
Soon after his birth Eóghan was taken by the pediatrician for the usual check ups and all seemed to be going well and it didn't seem like we had any reason to be concerned about anything.
That was until she came back over to the bed with the baby and said to us that she believed the baby had a genetic disorder.Not having a clue what she meant we asked her what was she talking about.
Your son has some of the physical characteristics of Down Syndrome are the words she told us and the words that meant my whole world had now changed twice in the space of five minutes.
I had just gone from the highest of highs to the lowest I have ever felt in my life,how was it possible this joyous occasion had just turned into a living nightmare.
As I have already said anyone who has been there at the birth of their first child will understand the high I was feeling at first,I'm also sure many of you have felt pretty low at times in your life but to go from one extreme to the other in the space of a few minutes was horrific and something that I won't ever forget,it is burned into my memory and isn't ever leaving.
The next few hours seem like a distant blur,yet when I am on my own and start thinking about it I can remember every little detail about it.
I am ashamed to say I had some thoughts that I would never have thought I could ever have about my own child. I didn't want him,I wanted someone just to take him away so I wouldn't have to deal with any of this. His first night on this earth was spent in the ICU,I prayed to God that night to take him back as I was convinced it would be better for him and for us.These are thoughts I am going to feel guilty about forever. I have been told by experts all these thoughts were natural and not to be too hard on myself. We have been told that what we went through and indeed what we are still going through is a grieving process,and that we are grieving for the child we thought we would have. I suppose there is some truth in this but I still don't think I will forgive myself for some of the things I thought.
I didn't know the first thing about Down Syndrome,I didn't know anyone with it or anyone who had a child with it.I had an image in my head of a Down Syndrome person and I didn't like what I was seeing.I felt everything I had hoped for for my new child was gone,all the dreams I had, had been taken away from me and there was nothing I could do about it. My son was never going to get married,drive a car,play for Liverpool,Laois or Dublin even(yeah I know a silly dream to have and he probably wouldn't have had anyway but I'm sure we all have deluded dreams for our kids).
This wasn't the child we wanted,this wasn't the child we had talked about,it wasn't the child we had decorated the front room for as a nursery this wasn't the way it was suppose to be having your first child this just wasn't what we wanted.
I was angry,really angry,all we could say was 'why us' how did this happen to us.My wife had done everything she should have all throughout the pregnancy. Many a time when we were at the Coombe for scans or checkups we would see pregnant women outside smoking,It killed us to think they would probably have a perfect little baby and we ended up with a child that would have special needs.
Over the next week there was lots of tears and our emotions were all over the place.
We were suddenly in a world that was alien to us.We heard new terms like 'Trisomy 21' which is the medical name for Down Syndrome. It turns out my son has 47 chromosomes whereas we all only have 46, the extra chromosome comes from him having 3 copies of chromosome 21,we have only 2 copies of it, hence the name Trisomy 21 ,and that's it that's the only difference we were told though unfortunately that slight difference in his genetic makeup brings a whole host of problems. We were told about possible heart defects,poor hearing,digestion problems,sight and learning difficulties,delayed milestones such as crawling,walking and talking.We learned it happens in 1 in every 800 live births.Why couldn't we have been one of the other 799 is all I could think.
While we were told that he had Trisomy 21 we had to wait until the blood test came back to say for certain. I had myself convinced the Doctors were wrong and that he didn't have it. Anyone that came to see him said they couldn't see it in him.I Googled for hours and read all this stuff about Mosaic Down Syndrome which is a lesser form of it,I was convinced this is what he had.The Pediatrician in the labour ward on the morning he was born had told us he was only showing about 3 of the signs they look for,all this added fuel to the fire and I was sure the tests would come back negative for Trisomy 21.Of course when we got the results they came back positive,he did indeed have T21. It was another kick to the gut,I now had it in black and white that I was going to have to raise a child with Down Syndrome.
We were then introduced to a Pediatrician who was a specialist on Down Syndrome.He told us to forget everything we thought we knew about Down Syndrome,forget the stereotype,forget that image we had in our head. He told us times had changed,that people with Down Syndrome were leading far better lives than they were even as short as 10 years ago. He told us nowadays there are far better services to help us,early intervention programs,better screening for health issues. He told us Eóghan had a certain limit he could reach but he will only reach that limit if we help him get there,if we put in the effort to give him the best of everything there was no reason he couldn't go on to live a long and hopefully independant life.I know this can be said for any parent and their child but in his case it was going to be vital that we done everything we could for him.Years ago he said the majority of babies like our son were sent to institutions and were never given a chance at life,and those that weren't didn't have the same early intervention services like what is available nowadays.It was the first time since his birth that I started to feel a little better.
I started to realise that it was time to man up,this is the way it was and nothing was going to change it. Yes it wasn't the life we wanted but it was the life we now had and I don't think I could live with the regret if I didn't do everything possible to help my son.
The last two months have been a bit of a rollercoaster. We have become frequent visitors to Crumlin Children's Hospital. Thankfully all his tests so far have come back with positive results. We had tests done for hearing and cardiac amongst others. His heart is the same as any newborn,50% of babies born with Down Syndrome have heart problems but thankfully he doesn't. Eóghan can also hear in both ears,hearing and fluid in the ears is a common problem with Down Syndrome but he seems fine for the moment. At his 6 week check up we were told his muscle tone is pretty much the same as any child his age which is also great news as once again this is a major concern for kids born with Down Syndrome.
In general people have been pretty good to us,we have gotten the odd well meaning but annoying comment like 'God only gives special children to special parents' I have to say I hate this line of thought and don't believe it for one second,not that I don't believe in God because I do,(yes even after this happening I still do)but I don't believe for one second that we were somehow chosen for this.There have been other incidents when people have upset us unintentionally but I don't hold a grudge as people mean well and I don't know if I would have said the right thing to someone else if the roles were reversed. Really though the majority have been excellent to us and if it wasn't for my family and close friends and even for a few posters on here who I have gotten to know outside the gaaboard I don't think I could have got through the last few months.My wife has been my rock though and I think this had brought us closer together than ever.
I still get pretty low and angry and there are still tears shed but I have moved on from the black abyss I was in the first week.
I have moments where I get really jealous and envious of other parents when I see them push their newborns in their prams. I think too much about the future and what my son will become or what he will look like because of his condition. I haven't helped myself sometimes by looking up youtube and other sites and seeing some of the comments a minority leave. The word 'retard' never really sat well with me even before all of this happened but now it infuriates me.
We have spoken to Down Syndrome Ireland and they have told us when we join we will be in the Kildare branch because of our location in Lucan,this is something I think will help us in the years to come and they really seem like a great organisation.The Special Olympics also seem like an excellent organisation and without doubt will be something I will join once he is old enough. A few other things we have learned is calling kids like my son Down's children or Down's kids isn't acceptable in the Down Syndrome community. They are children born with Down Syndrome,they are not Down Syndrome children,they are not the condition,they just happen to have it.
I never in a million years thought this would happen to me,this was never a road I expected to have to take but it has happend and I am already some way down that road and I have to deal with it now.
I can't ever see a day where I will accept this,I will always wish he didn't have it,but I have almost got to the stage where I see him as my son first and him having Down Syndrome second.
Right now Eóghan is the same as any other baby,physically he is in good shape and he has no health problems and he needs all the same care any baby needs.What the future holds for him and us I don't know,I hope he will be able go to mainstream school and live an independant life but for now I have to just concentrate on him as a baby,it's difficult to do that but when I do I feel a whole ton better.
Anyway that's my story,I know what has happened to me isn't the end of the world and there are people in far worse situations.I actually also discovered through the course of my research that Kevin Kilbane,Lee Carsley and former F1 driver Damon Hill have kids with Down Syndrome,in a strange way this has helped me deal with my own situation.I know many people don't like him and I have seen a thread on here where many people lambasted him but Brendan O'Connor wrote a excellent article about his little daughter having Down Syndrome, this also helped me cope a little.
It's amazing when something like this happens in your life you realise how unimportant some of the things in life you thought were of utmost importance.I don't think I will ever get upset with Liverpool losing anymore,though I admit it did do me the world of good seeing them beat United last weekend.!Seriously though my outlook on life has changed dramatically in the last 2 months and all for the better.
Finally,I am not writing this looking for sympathy from anyone,nor do I want it either.I'm writing this because someone I have been seeing to help me cope with this told me it would be a good idea to write everything I am feeling down and to be totally honest with it,which I have tried to be as there wasn't much point in writing this if I wasn't going to be brutally honest ,as hard as it is to admit to some of the things I have felt.I was never the best with putting words together but I thought I'd give it a try anyway.
I also have found it a great help to read blogs from people who have kids born with Down Syndrome,also there are many genuine forums (minus some of the knobs that post comments on youtube and the like)with support groups and I have found them great as everyone who posts have all experienced what I am feeling,so I thought maybe someday someone be it from this forum or not will see this post and it will help them also.
Thanks for reading.
Laoislad.
Fair play on writing that laoislad. None of us are perfect and neither are our children. You child may be perceived to more different than some others but I'm 100% sure the wee man will bring you the same joys and happiness all children bring us.
"It's amazing when something like this happens in your life you realise how unimportant some of the things in life you thought were of utmost importance."
Very true...
Well done laoislad, one of the most honest posts i have ever seen on here.
Wish you and your family all the best for the future and hope it brings you all the joy imaginable.
A very moving piece Laoislad. May you and your family have many happy years ahead of you.
I apologise in advance for posting a song by an oul Dub, but I find this a very moving and somehow apt song for this moment.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTBC7ckTWpo
That's the most memorable post I've ever read on this board, laoislad. I salute your courage, honesty, good sense and ability to communicate your thoughts and feelings. Best wishes to yourself and your wife. Eóghan has already made a great start in life in getting the parents he got.
Baby, Mam and Daddy are in good health which is the main thing.
Quote from: Hardy on February 06, 2012, 12:46:23 PM
That's the most memorable post I've ever read on this board, laoislad. I salute your courage, honesty, good sense and ability to communicate your thoughts and feelings. Best wishes to yourself and your wife. Eóghan has already made a great start in life in getting the parents he got.
I'll seconds that sentiment.
I think you should get a big "Thank You" from everyone on the board for posting that, laoislad. A mighty read. I hope you get the benefit from writing it. Best of luck for the future to you Mrs laoislad and Eoghan. Keep us updated with how he's getting on.
Laoislad I can only imagine what you went through on the birth of ur son. Being a recent first time father myself it would be hard to accept something like this as well. I know you will love this baby as much as other father and he will bring plenty of joy to your lives and everyone who will come into contact with him. Best of luck to you both for the future.
LL,
There's nothing more that I can add i think to what's already been said above by everyone.
My younger brother and his wife did get a scare themselves some time ago and their tests came back negative. But for that period and to this day we'll probably never forget some of the emotions you describe above. For a 10 day period our whole world had just came to a complete stop, something we never thought we would ever have to face ourselves, this only happened to other people. As you also mention, it was like a grieving process in some way. We were thinking that was it, my brothers life was now changed for ever. I don't think (even in any family death that we could compare it to) our hearts, souls and minds had ever been pounded like this.
Reading what you have written above has probably described perfectly everthing someone will go thru' when they are faced with this situation. The honesty and strength you have shown to write that is very humbling. I have no doubt Eóghan is in very capable hands and I wish you and your family much happiness.
Heartwarming stuff LL, thanks for sharing.
Jaysus. After reading that, all I can think about is getting home to my wife and just holding her close. Best wishes for the future.
Laoislad, I tried to stop reading your post but couldnt, you havent been around for a while and I figured something was up, as soon as I started reading I knew it was from the heart. One of my best friends landed in the same boat and struggled to cope for a while, initially he felll out with another best friend of 20 years over it.They made up and are fine again. The first few months are very tough. I hope that writing it down will help because thats from the heart and thats where it tests you most. The very best of luck to all three of you.
Inspirational stuff laoislad, and I hope from here your road has nothing but pleasantly surprising turns.
Quote from: orangeman on February 06, 2012, 01:17:29 PM
Quote from: Hardy on February 06, 2012, 12:46:23 PM
That's the most memorable post I've ever read on this board, laoislad. I salute your courage, honesty, good sense and ability to communicate your thoughts and feelings. Best wishes to yourself and your wife. Eóghan has already made a great start in life in getting the parents he got.
I'll seconds that sentiment.
Likewise,
Wishing all 3 of you the best.
Awesome dude.
Good man laoislad, fair play and good luck.
Best of luck LL.
Great post Laoislad, amazing courage. Wish you, your wife and baby boy all the best.
If the mods are reading this, might be an idea to pin the thread to the top of the board. Not everyone is going to read it based on the title. And everyone should read it
Good man LL. You are the rock the little man will cling to so be strong even if its hard. He could not imagine his dad not being the toughest guy in the world.
The time, effort and courage to put that post together is unreal.
I have two young boys myself LL. Reading this is a very humble feeling. The extremely complicated process of a baby being made inside a woman's body where there can be millions of things go wrong is one that can bring unheralded joy on the day of arrival or terrible sadness and tragedy.
That wee man will bring you many's a joyful day chap.
Fair play LL, very big move for you to post that and it a powerful read. I hope posting that helped in any small way.
Best of luck to all for the future.
Fair play Laoislad. One of the best posts I've read here. Shows how trivial some of the nonsense that is discussed on the board really is. As the father of an infant son and somone with an uncle and cousin with Down Syndrome, I can only imagine how devastating it must have been. Thankfully though, as you say, things have really progressed in terms of maximising the potential of children with Down's Syndrome. The gulf between my uncle (a child of the fifties) and my cousin (born in the nineties) is incredible, mostly because of what the system way back when did once they got their hands on my uncle. It sounds like your little lad is in good hands. I wish you and your wife and son all the best.
Nice one LL. Best wishes indeed.
Laoislad
You are a tribute to your small family. Fair play to you for putting that piece together.
Firstly, Congratulations on becoming a father, it is a big responsibility no matter what the circumstances. My sister and brother-in-law had a new born with DS. Her initial reaction was to hide. The thing i found is that when it is family....its family and grandparents, uncles, Aunts, cousins rally round. Your arkwardness will make them nervous, your confidence will make them more confident.
Good man LL, great post, very honest and open and I hope it does what you wanted it to do.
LL best of luck in the future.
Your son could still play football someday dont let those dreams go away
Laoislad - little to say that hasn't already been echoed in here. Such a tough but inspiring read and knowing how much excitement you had to be a father my heart goes out to you all for the pain and turmoil you've described in the days after Eoghan was born. A watershed moment for you and for your family and your inspirational story puts all the nonsense into perspective.
Like J70 I have a cousin with Down's Syndrome, also a child of the 90s and an absolute gem in the family. I remember the day he was born and his parents going through the same things you described.
Best of luck and fortitude for the future LL.
Thanks for sharing the news with us LL and I hope it some small way, it has helped you in coming to terms with young Eóghan's difficulties. I know you from the board and off the board and I'll know you'll be a tower of strength in the wee lad's life and there'll be nothing that will stop him reaching his full potential.
These coming months will be hard on both yourself and Mrs. LL, you're on a learning curve and most of what you'll be reading and learning, will be the worst case scenario.
Hang in there lad and you know where I am, if you need a sounding board. :)
emotional read laoislad thanks for sharing with us,best of luck to you and the family for the future,Eoghan will be your pride and joy.
First of all - congratulations - may your eye-rings get darker and your hair completely disappear. Secondly - a wonderfully courageous and honest post. It says a lot about you, the man. Finally - Eoghan doesn't have to support Liverpool y'know. At least show him the delights of London and leave it up to him!
Fair play lad, an excellent piece of writing and very moving.
My younger brother had downs syndrome, and I know you said you hate the whole "god only gives special children to special parents" line and all that stuff, but I am basically an atheist (probably just not committing, as I want the right to change my mind when it may suit!) and it is one of the only things that makes me think that there is a greater power. The experiences that I had with my younger brother and the various other children with downs that I met through him are responsible for this belief. From my experience children/people with downs syndrome represent everything that is good about human nature. They are the most loving, generous and happy people you can meet. God only knows what parents like yourself and my own went through when doctors broke the news, but I can safely say without a doubt that it was the best thing that ever happened our family. I suppose we were lucky, as there never was any other health problems, and my brother led a very full and active life. He was a great swimmer in particular. I could tell you countless funny and good will stories. He would have no concept of a simple thing like "look, that bunch of bananas is to do the week". You would need to hide one or two for yourself. I also remember coming down stairs one morning and he had toasted the whole loaf of bread, and had stacked it on a plate! To be fair between the two of us we weren't far off eating the lot. I also remember going on family holiday to Florida, and big US customs guy, who are no craic at all, came over to us with a big sour face asking to check our bags and that. My brother asked him "did he want a hug" the guy just smiled, and brightened up instantly, and sent us on our way. Could have had anything in them cases!
I hope everything goes well for yous, and that your sons biggest obsatcle is that you have forced him to be a Laois supporter!
Great post LL, reading it with a tear in my eye ( just had a wee man ourselves), dont know how i would have reacted myself. You taking the time to write this will undoubtably help someone else in your position and you should be commended for that.
Compelling story Laoislad, many couples across the world are unable to have there own children so remember regardless of his condition you & yours have been given the gift of life. Best luck to yourself,mom & son hopefully that road can be a smooth as it can possibly be for here on in.
Inspirational post LL. If I am doing any charity events this year I will ensure all funds go towards a down syndrome charity after reading that.
Good luck.
He's a lucky lad to have a father so honest, and brave.
Congratulations LL.
LL great post and totally honest. Congratulations. Children are a blessing and each one is different and I am sure your son will give you much to be proud of. Benny Coulter paid a lovely tribute to his brother in his column in the Irish News a while back. Worth a read.
God Bless
My god, brought a tear to my eye that. Fair play LL, and best of luck to you and your family in the future.
A very moving piece to read-thank you for sharing LL.
I wish you and Mrs LL and Baby Eoghan all the best for the future.
Laoislad,
Thanks for having the guts to share your feelings online, and so eloquently too. I know that having Eoghan born with DS must be hard on you and your wife, but it seems to me that team Laois is off to the right start with this post.
As J70 pointed out, much has changed over the past 20 years not only in the treatment of Down Syndrome but also in society's attitude to it.
I have a friend whose daughter has DS and have taught many kids whose siblings have DS, and in every case the parents/brothers/sisters have loved the child deeply and what's more the child him/herself has been a source of immense love and goodness.
It's tough on the two of you right now, I know, but in time Eoghan, despite his challenges, will be an ever-increasing cradle of joy in your lives.
So, congratulations to you and your wife on the birth of your boy.
A very moving piece, written from the heart. Young Eoghan will do well in life with a loving father like you. Best of luck to you and your wife and congratulations on the birth of your son.
I haven't read anyone else's comments just the opening post.
It's a very brave and honest post. Honest as you have bared your soul but brave as you have done it in front of everyone on this forum. Written down for all to see and access at anytime.
I think this exercise would of been very therapeutical for yourself and although you say you don't want sympathy or comfort but the knowledge that others have shared similar experiences would no doubt comfort you.
I'm say it is fair that all of us have saw parent with a child with DS and quietly thought to ourselves 'that would be a life sentence' but we would never utter it out loud. The child obviously needs strong parents more than most and to be fair to you LL you seem like a strong man. Anyone who is in your situation would go through the same range of emotions. All I can say to you, is show the world the man that you are and give little Eoghan the father he deserves. Come back to these messages and few years down the line and you know it will all of been worth it.
Read it in work at lunch and just thought 'Wow.'
Jaw-droppingly honest. Was thinking as was reading it i hadnt seen u posting in a while.
I reckon all of us would have those feelings should the same happen
But as mentioned by many everyones healthy and you'll only have good from him. A fella down the street from me has it and when you meet him he's never not happy or smiling, instantly putting a smile on your face
A very courageous post Laoislad.
Thanks for sharing and may you reap the all the rewards and more that parenthood can bring.
Brilliant post Laoislad. I PMd you a while back to ask if everything was okay and when I hadn't heard back I had a gut feeling that all wasn't well in the background.
You have eloquently put down in writing how every parent in the situation feels. My youngest is 3 and has cerebral palsy, possibly due to complications during pregnancy (of which there were many) or due to a traumatic birth where he had to be resuscitated immediately after birth - we simply don't know and this point I don't care. Regardless of how and why and when we have a little boy that will need our care and attention for the rest of his/our days. That's the long and the short of it and it appears you're already on the road of acceptance, so fair play!
It's tough now and you will shed tears and want to hammer something or someone to relieve the anger - or do as I do and bait people on the gaaboard ;D. You'll wonder and rage at the mothers who drink and smoke throughout their pregnancy and end up with healthy babies at the end. Ultimately none of that changes the situation, the wee man can't help himself yet so you have to dust yourself off and do what is required.
Our first two years were hellish as the wee fella was having (status) seizures lasting for up to an hour on a regular basis and as these are considered a medical emergency we had to always ring an ambulance and inevitably spend a couple of days in hospital. We were in hospital 9 times in a few weeks at the tail end of 2010! It has got the stage where we now have a VIP Pass to the Children's Ward in Craigavon Hospital, bypassing A&E!
Thankfully the doctors found the right mix of drugs and although the seizures still happen they are considered "normal" epileptic seizures and are easier to manage. Even now though we still plans trips based on the proximity of our destination to a hospital and I've missed a couple of All-Irelands due to poorly timed seizures! The wee fella was over 2 before we could visit my homeplace out in the sticks as it is too far from a hosptial to take the risk even though we travel everywhere with an emergency dose of diazepam!
He's 3 now and a great wee fella. When people mention cerebral palsy you immediately think the worst and the docs told us they couldn't guarantee if he would ever walk or talk. But he's now flying about the place and loves the craic and takes no buck from his bigger brothers. He can't speak and may never speak which is a huge issue and he will always be way behind due to learning difficulties that are "complex and severe" to quote a report. Having said that you always have to look at the positives and realise that there are people dealing with worse. He will be going to a wee special school soon and there are some kids there that require 24 hour support, assisted breathing etc. We have a lot to be thankful for even if it doesn't feel that way sometimes.
Although the situation alters the future for everyone you have take it from me it gets better! If you ever want a chat give me a shout.
A heart warming thread with powerfull posts.
don't know what to say that hasn't already been said, a lot of honest and heartfelt posts here and like a few here had a wee tear in my eye.
wishing the three of you all the best
Laoislad,
One of the most honest pieces of writing I have ever read. I felt compelled to respond.
Your son is very lucky he has parents like you.
My thoughts, hopes and prayers are with you on the road ahead.
Raw,searingly honest emotional testimony, that will touch anyone reading it. I applaud the courage Laioslad, My Daughter who works with Children afflicted with Downs Syndrome, has asked me to assure you that the future will not be as bleak as you naturally fear, rather this Child will bring you a lot of joy,love and laughter, and you will surprised how much he will achieve. Sincere best wishes to you, your wife and child. You have found a new cause for living, and from the strenght and power of your testimony here you will be a great asset to any organisation you join to advance your Sons future
Brave and very moving post. I can only imagine what you are going through but it is reassuring to see the acceptance you already have of the situation and the responsibility you have already taken by addressing your feelings and trying to deal with them.
I have been blessed to know many young people with Down Syndrome. My Mother was a special needs nurse and has a real gift with children with Downs. As many posters have shared, all my experiences have been amazing with these kids. They really are a testimony to all that is good about our human nature and the love they share is nothing short of magnetic.
We're expecting our third child this May. We found out it will be our 2nd boy and your story has sat with me all day. I waited until later to post. I see our roles as Fathers as the very definition of who we are as men and you have shown in a few sentences on a page the kind of man you are. Eoghan is blessed to have you as a Dad.
Heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time.
I don't have children (yet) so can't pretend to understand the strength of your feelings Laoislad, but can only hope that I would be able to face any similar challenges with the same honesty and attitude that you are displaying.
LaoisLad, you are a credit to your own parents and upbringing. I hope the inner strength you have discovered serves you well, and your wife and wee Eoghan.
Laoislad
Fair dues to you. I admire your courage in posting this. I knew of your heartache and I was hoping you would come on and let people know where the lover of all things Laois and Liverpool had gone.
I admire your honesty. I don't often feel tears when I read stuff but your post took me there. Dougal probably nailed it. All children bring all sorts of joys.
As long as he grows up hating Westmeath he'll be grand.
Quote from: Applesisapples on February 06, 2012, 04:51:01 PM
LL great post and totally honest. Congratulations. Children are a blessing and each one is different and I am sure your son will give you much to be proud of. Benny Coulterr paid a lovely tribute to his brother in his column in the Irish News a while back. Worth a read.
God Bless
I believe it was Tierney, a great piece.
As was your piece LL, best of luck, brilliant post. Don't be a stranger to the board even when busy changing nappies!
As someone said earlier heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time, , Thasks for the post LL, The most moving and honest post I have ever read
Thanks for sharing, as a parent this brought a little tear to my eye. The very best of luck to the three of you.
Quote from: onefaircounty on February 06, 2012, 11:27:21 PM
Quote from: Applesisapples on February 06, 2012, 04:51:01 PM
LL great post and totally honest. Congratulations. Children are a blessing and each one is different and I am sure your son will give you much to be proud of. Benny Coulterr paid a lovely tribute to his brother in his column in the Irish News a while back. Worth a read.
God Bless
I believe it was Tierney, a great piece.
As was your piece LL, best of luck, brilliant post. Don't be a stranger to the board even when busy changing nappies!
Mick O'Connell has spoken many times about the gift of his son Diarmuid.
http://catholichotdish.com/embracing-life/the-greatest-gift-i-was-ever-given/
The best we can hope for any of our children is that they will be happy in whatever path there lives take.
Had realised you hadn't been posting Laoislad and thats probably an indication of the esteem in which you are held on here as there'd be few enough who I'd realise were missing. I can't pretend to be able to empathise with your situation but I wish you, your wife and Eoghan all the best for the future. Its very clear from that post that you have the strength for the challenge.
Fair play to you Laoislad, it took real courage to write this.
Our eldest daughter was diagnosed with autism when she was 4. We had suspected it but it was still a shock to receive the news.
Once the initial shock wears off, as you say you have to man up. Things will get easier, especially with each others and your families support.
Despite the difficult road that lies ahead, Eoghan is your child and you will do anything for him at the end of the day.
Wishing the 3 of you all the best.
Your heartfelt account really does put the trival things that people worry about into perspective. I believe that emotional intelligence is the best gift that a parent can provide to a child and you have that quality in abundance. Your son will have the opportunity to live his life without having to conform to all of the societal pressures which causes so much stress to so many, to become the person who he really is - now that is truly liberating.
Once in a blue moon along comes a post that needs to be re read in order to fully take in the joy, honesty, heartbreak, and hope that you so beautifully put into words. You are some man LL, and what a father you will make.
On this board we all argue now and again, fall out once in a while, however, when we read a post like that, we can all gel together and be as one.
There will be a few tough days for you in the time ahead, but hey, there will be more bright days than dark ones, and these are the ones that you will remember and treasure forever.
First, let me congratulate you on becoming a father!!!
Second, your son has some great parents who will love him and receive that love right back.
Third, I think its time to change the name from LaoisLad to LaoisMan. It takes a man to open up and offer up their thoughts like you have done. From as much as you can know someone from an internet board and fb from the past couple of years, I can see your progression from one of lads to the man you are now who looks back at you in the mirror. Your son is in great hands and with the love and support from your post any child regardless of their difficulties is lucky to have you as his father.
LL after reading and rereading your post I know it took some courage to open your heart like this. We sit at the keyboard and argue and fight ,and occasionaly rag each other. But we see what is really important in life. There is a song written and sung by a girl from Galway i think, it is all about autisim. It is written from inside the mind of the child. I dont have it to hand but I will get the details tonight and post the info here. I know it is a different problem,but the thoughts are the same.
Your post is so heartfelt and should receive a wider audience. Perhaps some of the reporters who troll these forums could take this to a wider audience,instead of all the negative stuff they lift. Good luck to you and your wife and wee son. I hope the future is so bright for you all.
With a farther like you to help and support him Eóghan will do rightly . The very best to you and your family .
Inspiring stuff LL! Congrats on the birth of your boy and Thank You for putting into words beautifully how you feel! As much as you know those words have helped yourself, they also will help others who are/will be in this situation. Might I recommend that you make yourself available for advice for anyone seeking it as you have shown maturity in spades. As a father of 3 healthy young lads myself I from time to time thank the man above for those blessings and your post there is confirmation of that fact. Fair plé dhuit a mhac agus go néirí an t-ádh libh!!!!
Wow. What an honest post. Dont post too often nowadays, but couldnt let this one pass; fair play to you chap for your honesty and having the courage to post this. Special mention to others (HiMucker, Tony Baloney and more) for sharing stuff also.
A powerful post, and a powerful thread. Some good people post on here, though some dont always show it lol.
As good a post/thread as ive saw on here, all the best for the future LL,
Congratulations on the birth of your son, that's a powerful piece you've written.
The fact that you mention that your wife has been your rock and you are now even closer speaks volumes to me about you both as parents the love LLL (Little Laois Lad) will have from you both. I'm not sure there's a better start any child can have once they have that.
First of all congratulations on the birth of your son LL, well done.
Secondly, fair play to you for the courage, honesty and eloquence you displayed by putting together that post. I only seen it this morning when I came into work and to be honest it took me a good hour to gather myself together to actually do some work it hit me that hard. You have shown more balls than all the men on this board put together. Inspirational stuff.
I have worked in learning disability services for over 5 years now and have met a lot of children and adults with Down Syndrome over the years. I am not going to beat around the bush; there will be a huge amount of challenges for you and your wife to confront over the years. However, (and I say this with complete honesty) the world your son will grow up in is a vastly different place than the one he would have grown up in 20 years ago. A lot of the people with DS that I support live amazing lives. I could give you examples of guys with twice the social life I live, people who can stand up on a stage and lecture hundreds of health care professionals on how best to support them and have them eating out of their hands, guys playing 5 a side football with the same vigor (I'm talking proper slide tackles, aggression and celebrations) that you would see down in the local park on a Saturday.
I once supported a guy in West Belfast who was a huge Glentoran fan. He gave me the scare of my life when he insisted that he wear his jersey down to the PD club in Andytown to play a game of pool, you want to see the looks we got! I happened to bump into the same fella on the Crumlin road the other week, he works part time along with a delivery driver for a local chippy. Of course he is not going to make it as an orthopedic surgeon but he was making a real contribution to his local community and is really appreciated by those who were chatting to him. The most important thing was he was happy and he was making others happy. TBH I'm not sure if many people out there without a learning disability are making such an impact on other people's lives than this man was.
Once again, fair fcuks to you for penning that post. I can assure you I will be directing people to it in the future. The part about the guilt/anger you felt at the start is profound, it is so common yet parents find it incredibility difficult to articulate.
Good luck and all the best to the three of you in the future.
Fair play to you Laois lad and my very best wishes to ye all for the future.
As someone who has become a parent in the last year a lot of what you posted really resonated with me. I sincerely wish you good luck with everything and with the guts you've displayed thus far, I'm sure you will get through the tough times, which I hope are few and savour the good times, which I know will be many.
Fantastic post LL .Good luck.
Don't get the opportunity much these days to look in here but when I saw that post from yourself and the fact you were MIA for a while I knew something was up. Fair play on such an honest post and best of luck in the future. When he starts smiling and giggling back at you, your heart will melt and all will be right with the world.
Quote from: onefaircounty on February 06, 2012, 11:27:21 PM
Quote from: Applesisapples on February 06, 2012, 04:51:01 PM
LL great post and totally honest. Congratulations. Children are a blessing and each one is different and I am sure your son will give you much to be proud of. Benny Coulterr paid a lovely tribute to his brother in his column in the Irish News a while back. Worth a read.
God Bless
I believe it was Tierney, a great piece.
As was your piece LL, best of luck, brilliant post. Don't be a stranger to the board even when busy changing nappies!
You are right, bit of a freudian slip there it was Benny Tierney and a great peice to.
Wow. What a brilliant post LL. Didn't know you had it in you. Congratulations, first of all, your new arrival will bring you more joy than you've thought possible. And also, fair play to you for writing such an honest and emotional post. It's the secret fear of many prospective parents, and I think you've captured it perfectly in your post. I'm sure that you and your wife will be fantastic parents, and with the advances in this area, Eoghan will have a brilliant childhood, and adulthood. I expect to see him with a pocket full of gold medals from the Special Olympics in 20 years or so. Just Jaysus don't let him be a Laois man :D
Powerful post Laoislad.
Quotewe have gotten the odd well meaning but annoying comment like 'God only gives special children to special parents' I have to say I hate this line of thought and don't believe it for one second
I always think that no one starts off as special parents. The reality is that something happens that requires them to rise to that level. Anyone that has read your posts over the years (or even just read your post opening this thread) will have no doubt you are sufficiently passionate and single-minded to fight for everything young Eóghan and your family will need.
You mightn't feel a special parent now, but I have no doubt you will become one.
That one of the most powerfully honest and courageous things I've ever read. Fair play LL. Truly inspirational.
Congratulations and best wishes.
LL further to my last post, Linda Welby is the singers name and the song is Through you I`ll find my way. On you tube if you post her name and go on to a site called REVERBNATION you will find the song. The title says it all, Good luck to all in the future
That was a truly stunning and honest post LaoisLad. I opened it the first day it was posted not knowing what to expect but when I read it I was so moved by your openness and the brutal honesty of the post. I wanted to respond right away but I knew I needed to take my time to try and do justice to your post.
It also made me confront my own thoughts prior to the birth of my children and my fears that they may have some sort of special needs. I was lucky and I give thanks for that.
I hope that by writing your post you have found some sort of benefit for you and I have no doubt that your post will have given others encouragement and support just by reading it.
I am inclined to agree with Muppet in that, you will be a special parent and by opening up on such an emotive issue you have shown us all that you are indeed well on the way to being a special parent.
Good Luck to the three of you and thanks for sharing such private thoughts in such an honest way.
A very moving post LaoisLad - all the best to you, your wife and your son.
Best post I have ever read on this, or any other, forum. Some brilliant contributions from other posters too.
It may be an unexpected road you are on laois lad, there will be many twists and tuns along the way but I sincerely hope its a journey of great joy for you and your family.
Easily the most powerful read I have had in a long long time. Fair play.
It's testament to the man you are and the father you will become.
I wish you and you're family all the best for the future
Laoislad, I read your post yesterday and because some time ago we managed to do what we do well in Laois, figting between ourselves when we had a spat on the board, I was hesitant to make a response. Luck it wasn't a real fight cause you are a far better man than I am and from what I read Eoghain will be as strong as you. I found what you wrote here to be the most powerful, honest and encouraging post I have read on the board in the last ten years and it never lleft my mind during the night and first thing this morning. As someone said, it should be picked up by the hacks who take other information from this board and published. I think you should prefix the name of your thread with " How to Travel .... because you are a beacon of light to others.
I sincerely wish you the best of luck in the years ahead and God Bless you all.
For some reason I only opened this thread this morning.
That was a very moving post loislad. Congratulations on the birth of your son Eoghain, and best wishes for the future to you and your family.
Ps. Hope he has the Liverpool kit on Saturday morning, and get your ass back on the United thread, they really miss you.
A very honest and open post LL. All I can say from reading that is that the cub is a lucky lad to have parents like yourself and Mrs LL.
All the very best for the future.
Congratulations, good luck to the three of you.
Such a brilliant and moving post LL. Congratulations and all the best to yourself, the wife and Eoghain
It's great to see so much support for LL and his family and I know people are well meaning, but holy God are they not going through enough torment without having to listen to some of the crappy songs that are being suggested as inspirational.
Lad, let me start by saying how it's funny how you get to know people's goings on from an Internet forum, it's not so long since I remember you going out on your own as a spark (am I right?) and now we're here for the birth of your first child...congratulations!
THE SEQUEL
I wasn't around for the birth of my sister and I thank you for giving an insight in to the thoughts of my parents, it must have been a difficult time for them (as it is for yourselves) I don't have many memories of the early years ( my sister is 3 years older) but Michelle dominates most of my early...in fact all memories. Michelle was born with both mentally and physical disabilities, she is totally dependant, from what I hear/remember she spent her first decade in and out of intensive care, 'supposedly' she had months to live, I'm told that ice pops saved her after a dislike of fluids...thank god she did because the years that followed made me the man I am. I grew up questioning people that sneaked a peak ("that's my sister don't fuking dare stare") I grew up going to carers groups which in one instance put me in charge of sailing a boat to Scotland and a cameo appearance on UTV. Michelle made us all the people we are and made us as close a family as I know. Through those groups I have met kids/adults with downsyndrome and they are the most loveable and easy to love people I have ever met. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that you have a hard road ahead, a very hard road, but a very very rewarding road. I hope and bet that in years to come that you will thank god for the most perfect child because I know that no money in the world or 'normal' children could ever replace my perfect sister, I love Michelle more than any (Irish) man could ever say. Lad best of luck to the 3 of you and (I'm sure you've plenty) you always have any ear here! Comhghairdeas
A truly heart warming and moving post.
All the best for the future.
Wow that's powerful stuff Laois lad. Very moving. All the best to you and your family.
Nothing more remains to be said from me that hasn't been said before. Just that you're in my thoughts and prayers. Don't know why I didn't have a look earlier.
Just wanted to thank everyone for the kind messages of support you all left on this thread and the dozens of Pm's and text messages I got.I really am overwhelmed by the amount of posters who left messages of support and goodwill and offered advice and help and I really appreciate them all.I can't get over how some of you even went to the trouble of sourcing and providing me with email address and numbers of people who may be of help to us and Eóghan in the immediate future and the months and years to come.
It was great to hear other posters open up and tell about their own experience with family members or friends who also have Down Syndrome or other conditions.I got many more of these type of stories through Pm's and they were all tales that were positive and it really helped to hear that it is possible to have a normal and fulfilling life despite what condition a person may have.
I didn't know what to expect when I sat down to write my post,I had my doubts that it would help me at all.I was never much for putting words together and I thought it would be a thing where I was looking at a blank screen thinking of something to write and it would make me even more annoyed than I was already.
Strangely enough though once I had the first sentence down I couldn't stop writing and it almost just seemed to write itself.
I have no doubts it's full of spelling, punctuation and grammar mistakes that O'Neill would spot blindfolded but the actual exercise of writing down what I was feeling and then reading it back to myself really did help more than I ever thought it would.
I know I have a long road ahead and there will be tough times that I didn't ever think I would have to face but I am more hopeful than I was even last week when I first wrote the post that Eóghan can and will lead a long,happy and independent life.
Yeah some of the dreams I had for him have gone but I have new hopes and dreams for him now and I know he will make me a very proud Dad some day,in fact he already has.
Thanks again to everyone for all the messages of goodwill and support.
Quote from: laoislad on February 14, 2012, 09:09:20 PM
Just wanted to thank everyone for the kind messages of support you all left on this thread and the dozens of Pm's and text messages I got.I really am overwhelmed by the amount of posters who left messages of support and goodwill and offered advice and help and I really appreciate them all.I can't get over how some of you even went to the trouble of sourcing and providing me with email address and numbers of people who may be of help to us and Eóghan in the immediate future and the months and years to come.
It was great to hear other posters open up and tell about their own experience with family members or friends who also have Down Syndrome or other conditions.I got many more of these type of stories through Pm's and they were all tales that were positive and it really helped to hear that it is possible to have a normal and fulfilling life despite what condition a person may have.
I didn't know what to expect when I sat down to write my post,I had my doubts that it would help me at all.I was never much for putting words together and I thought it would be a thing where I was looking at a blank screen thinking of something to write and it would make me even more annoyed than I was already.
Strangely enough though once I had the first sentence down I couldn't stop writing and it almost just seemed to write itself.
I have no doubts it's full of spelling, punctuation and grammar mistakes that O'Neill would spot blindfolded but the actual exercise of writing down what I was feeling and then reading it back to myself really did help more than I ever thought it would.
I know I have a long road ahead and there will be tough times that I didn't ever think I would have to face but I am more hopeful than I was even last week when I first wrote the post that Eóghan can and will lead a long,happy and independent life.
Yeah some of the dreams I had for him have gone but I have new hopes and dreams for him now and I know he will make me a very proud Dad some day,in fact he already has.
Thanks again to everyone for all the messages of goodwill and support.
Can you get back to the important business of tormenting Ross4life etc!
I know it's been a busy few weeks for ye LL , but did you hear that Paul Daniels near chopped his hand off?
Best of luck to the 3 of you
Hi All
Hope ye don't mind me dragging this thread up again but I thought it appropriate to post it here.
Eoghan became a big brother today with the birth of our second child and another son.
Thankfully all is well and there was none of the drama of the first time,apart from it being another bit of a dash to get there.
Both baby and Mammy are doing great.
Eoghan is also doing great and has exceeded our expectations and to be honest I wouldn't change a single thing about him now and that was something I never thought I'd be able to say.He is now a bold little 2 year old and he amazes me every day.
Anyone that is friends with me on Facebook will have seen him grow into the little boy he is today.
I read back on this thread this morning while wife and new baby were sleeping and it still amazes me the level of support and good will messages I got and believe me it really did help at the time.
There was one message that stood out as I read it back today and that was this one
Quote from: magpie seanie on February 07, 2012, 01:18:54 PM
As someone who has become a parent in the last year a lot of what you posted really resonated with me. I sincerely wish you good luck with everything and with the guts you've displayed thus far, I'm sure you will get through the tough times, which I hope are few and savour the good times, which I know will be many.
I remember reading this at the time and while I certainly appreciated magpie taking the time to write it I thought the bit in bold could never be true. But do you know what,magpie seanie couldn't have been more right. The tough times have been tough but the good times in the last 2 and a half years have well out weighed the tough times.
Anyway that's it all is good ,but I've only just realised it's feckin Good Friday and I won't be able go for a pint tonight!
Glad all is well. Come up North tonight and we can all sup to your 2 great kids
Howdy, Congratulations on becoming a father again LL. As I said parenthood is a big responsibility. We get no training in how really to deal with it bar looking back to how our parents dealt with things and more than likely mimicking them. Human nature and cop on kick in along the way if you are lucky.
You do realise you now have to purchase two Liverpool kits a year?
Time to change the licensing laws.
Congrats.
Congratulations RLL and Mr RLL on the arrival of the second boy.
I've been watching your first wee man grow up on Facebook and he wants for nothing. He is much loved and is a very lucky boy to have great parents and family around him. I bet he's going to love his new role as big brother. :)
On a side note, it's cruel making him wear Liverpool tops.
Congratulations LL. Nip up to the Black North and you'll be able to wet the ba's head (from 5pm). No late shouts on Good Friday so you'll be back in plenty of time for visiting tomorrow. All the best.
That's brilliant Laois lad - congrats. I was just reading back through the thread and it really is powerful. Best wishes to Tony Baloney and his family too. Hope your young lad is still doing well - I missed your post first time around.
Great news LL, your life has officially ended but congrats all the same! I'm sure Eoghan will be a great big brother. We've a wee cutty due in May to add to our 2 cubs. Whole different ball game and may have to utilize the relaxed gun laws out here!
Congrats again to you, the mrs and Eoghan. Hope all are doing well.
Many congratulations LL
Yip great 30 seconds work. :o
Congrats to all. Mighty news and great to read your post and reflection on the opening post. Don't think I've ever read as honest a post on any forum, never mind this one.
Eoghan will have someone to pass his Liverpool kits to as he outgrows them. You may start saving for those trips to Anfield now.
I'm in a hotel in Dublin, I'll have a pint for you. ;D
Congrats LL. Good news.
Make No2 a Utd fan to create a bit of balance in the house ;)
Great news!
Maith Thu Laoislad, an expression of true values
Well done LaoisLad!
Well done to you both. Wait until number 3. Thats when all hell breaks loose.
Fair play ll. Congrats on number 2. Glad to hear Eoghan doing well. Hard to believe it's over 2 years since you posted this thread.
This is the first time I've seen this thread, not sure how I missed it but it's powerful stuff. Thanks for sharing your news, congratulations and best wishes to your family for the future.
Great stuff LL.. Delighted for you, the proud mother and eoghan. Congrats, best days of our lives.
Ah, it's great to get some positive news for a change. Best of luck to all the family.
Congrats Laoislad, brilliant news about the new lad, your missus being good and Eoghan doing so well.
Congratulations! About the baby. Nothing else to happy about, no sirree.
Sincerest of congratulations to you and your family. Your original post on this thread was one of the most powerful things I have ever read.
Luis Laoislad has a certain ring to it.
Congrats Ll to you and your family.
Thanks lads. I've hardly got a wink of sleep since Friday morning and I missed most of the Liverpool game yesterday but all is good.
Just to clarify we didn't call the baby Luis.!
Quote from: laoislad on April 21, 2014, 04:17:07 PM
Thanks lads. I've hardly got a wink of sleep since Friday morning and I missed most of the Liverpool game yesterday but all is good.
Just to clarify we didn't call the baby Luis.!
It is called being a parent - f**king get over it man.
Quote from: laoislad on April 21, 2014, 04:17:07 PM
Thanks lads. I've hardly got a wink of sleep since Friday morning and I missed most of the Liverpool game yesterday but all is good.
Just to clarify we didn't call the baby Luis.!
Raheem?
Brendan or Steven probably. David out of the running now!
Congrats laoislad. Only a short while till you'll be buying the two lads their first Dublin jerseys.
Brilliant news Laoislad. Congratulations. Your original post struck a cord with me, I just didn't know what or how to respond but it stuck long in the memory.
Quote from: God14 on April 21, 2014, 09:43:54 PM
Brilliant news Laoislad. Congratulations. Your original post struck a cord with me, I just didn't know what or how to respond but it stuck long in the memory.
I think that is true for a lot of us. Well said.
Quote from: Hardy on April 21, 2014, 08:29:49 PM
Congrats laoislad. Only a short while till you'll be buying the two lads their first Dublin jerseys.
Ah here no need for the personal insults !
Quote from: southdown on April 21, 2014, 01:02:36 PM
Sincerest of congratulations to you and your family. Your original post on this thread was one of the most powerful things I have ever read.
Was an incredible post. Congrats on the new baby sir
Good man, Laoislad. Very happy for the 4 of ye. Family life will be mad especially when sibling justice crops up- there is never enough of it and being the ref is worse than in Croke Park . But you wouldn't miss it.
Kevin Kilbane on Saturday night show talking of dealing with DS and the strain on the Mother. Brendan O'Connor has similar experience so interview was a bit more real than usual. Have DS on my side of the family and on the inlaw side. There was a great honesty in Kilbanes interview. He said he was ashamed that he was originally ashamed of Elsie. And you know from my exposure to this situatio that's the first feeling. But thankfully the mental goalpost shift and the realism is that this persons achievements mean more than anyone could imagine. Anyway forgive me, I'm a bit drunk and beginning to waffle.