Not sure if there is a similar thread on the board. However, coming home from the Down game was reminded about a night out last easter.
Bunch of the lads were out on for night on the tiles one easter, when we bumped into another fella we used to knock about with and his cuddly girlfriend( to put it nicely). One lad in particular who was very drunk and myself got chatting to the other lads' woman. With conversation drying and having heard some time ago the happy couple were expecting a baby, my friend thought it would be a great topic of conversation. So brings up the topic with the query " so you must be near ready to pop" to the response " No I had it two months ago." Literally didn't know where to look.
As said not sure if there is a similar thread but would good to hear such similar "foot in mouth" incidents.
A fella I know runs a business and someone he works closely with had a baby and he had flowers sent.
He met her about two months later and had completely forgot about the baby and the flowers and says to her "the baby must be near due now" and she says "I had it about two months ago, you sent flowers". :D Eejit.
Chatting to a pissed out of his mind Asian-American lad in Berlin who looked as if he was about to pass out I asked him if he was alright. Said he was fine and asked me what had made me ask and I told him his eyes had "looked funny."
Mortifying.
http://listverse.com/2007/09/11/top-15-quotes-of-prince-philip/
As Roy Walker often said "say what you see", never far from controversy with some of his gags the Philly fella always "said what he was thinking".
Tell me about it :-\ I was at having dinner with Mrs Fox and the cubs one day, and said to her, 'I hate you- you've ruined my life you stupid bitch,' when I meant say, 'Pass the salt please' eek!
My missus brought our young lassie to the doctor a month ago. Young Lassie is 2 1/2. She is playing away at toys in the waiting lounge and in comes this large black woman. Now, we never copped it till then, but our young lassie never seen a black person before. She runs away from the toys as the black woman sat beside them. So the missus says to the wee one, would you not say hello to the nice woman and what does she reply "I don't like them people" What do you say to that!
Quote from: mylestheslasher on February 14, 2010, 09:37:12 PM
My missus brought our young lassie to the doctor a month ago. Young Lassie is 2 1/2. She is playing away at toys in the waiting lounge and in comes this large black woman. Now, we never copped it till then, but our young lassie never seen a black person before. She runs away from the toys as the black woman sat beside them. So the missus says to the wee one, would you not say hello to the nice woman and what does she reply "I don't like them people" What do you say to that!
:D :D Thats class, I'd say your missus took some beamer.
My missus once asked a woman in a shop when she was due, to which she received the reply 'I'm not pregnant dear, I've stomach cancer!'. :(
Kind of the other way about this one...
Cousin teaches young ones drama and one of the wee girls came in yesterday and they were talking about valentine's day, asking did either get anything etc, and the wee girl (about 7) says to my cousin, my dad got my mum a big card and chocolates it was so nice, but mum didnt get dad anything, but its ok because she said she would give him his desert later!
Class
Quote from: longrunsthefox on February 14, 2010, 05:02:23 PM
Tell me about it :-\ I was at having dinner with Mrs Fox and the cubs one day, and said to her, 'I hate you- you've ruined my life you stupid bitch,' when I meant say, 'Pass the salt please' eek!
Its not quite as funny without the first part of the joke.
Was at a wake one time for a friends elderly mother and I am always nervous at wakes anyway, however I was walking in and said to my mate 'sorry about your father' and he said to me 'fcuk don't tell me my da is dead too what a week for us', Irish humour I suppose!
I had to get my photo taken a girl from South West College a few years ago. A rather woman, that I assumed was pregnant. However I didn't say anything, as I've been wrong so many times in the past.
At the end of the photo section, I was just asking does she like her work. She did and was sorry to be leaving due to maternity leave. Ha-ah, she was pregnant and I could comment. "Congratulations, I was think you were pregnant. Not long now?"
She threw a look at me and replied "I was doing maternity cover!" >:(
Damn it! :-[
Lmao Ziggy!
Lads this one is not one bit funny but it is a "Shit did i say that"
I was only 16 (many years ago) and it was the craze around Lurgan when someone was annoying you to say to them "away and play on the lines" (railway lines) or "away and play on the M1" (motorway) so this guy was really doing my head in and of course i shouted at him "away and play on the lines ya bastid" only to realise seconds after that the poor guy's sister committed suicide on the railway lines months before that...that was the last time i ever came out with that
To an old friend I haven't seen in a while. "So hows You ould lady, still looking as fine as ever" [used to be a bit of a joke, coz her ould-lady was a milf and she had made a joke about her that backfired a few years ago]
To which she replied "She died [My Name], thanks for the Mass card by the was"
Quote from: illdecide on February 15, 2010, 04:03:35 PM
Lads this one is not one bit funny but it is a "Shit did i say that"
I was only 16 (many years ago) and it was the craze around Lurgan when someone was annoying you to say to them "away and play on the lines" (railway lines) or "away and play on the M1" (motorway) so this guy was really doing my head in and of course i shouted at him "away and play on the lines ya bastid" only to realise seconds after that the poor guy's sister committed suicide on the railway lines months before that...that was the last time i ever came out with that
Christ, that's just bad luck. I'd say you'd have loved a big whole to open up in front of you.
Ended up sitting on a train right across from one of my best mates new girlfriend. We did not get on to say it lightly. Both of us said hi and progressed to burying our heads in our mobile phones pretending to by engrossed in our texting. I texted my mate "across the table on the train from your super bitch of a girlfriend", a few minutes later she looks down at her phone and starts laughing, I get a text about 30 seconds later from my mate/her boyfriend "that knob eejit friend of yours up dancing on the tables in Flannerys after the Tyrone match is on the train, stuck beside him >:( , fck sake" To which I laughed too realising what he had just done, he had forwarded on our texts from us to him to one-another. After that I offered to buy a few beers for the trip in the train-canteen. Have got on great ever since.
Quote from: mayogodhelpus@gmail.com on February 15, 2010, 04:19:37 PM
Ended up sitting on a train right across from one of my best mates new girlfriend. We did not get on to say it lightly. Both of us said hi and progressed to burying our heads in our mobile phones pretending to by engrossed in our texting. I texted my mate "across the table on the train from your super bitch of a girlfriend", a few minutes later she looks down at her phone and starts laughing, I get a text about 30 seconds later from my mate/her boyfriend "that knob eejit friend of yours up dancing on the tables in Flannerys after the Tyrone match is on the train, stuck beside him >:( , fck sake" To which I laughed too realising what he had just done, he had forwarded on our texts from us to him to one-another. After that I offered to buy a few beers for the trip in the train-canteen. Have got on great ever since.
did you bull her?
Quote from: mayogodhelpus@gmail.com on February 15, 2010, 04:19:37 PM
Ended up sitting on a train right across from one of my best mates new girlfriend. We did not get on to say it lightly. Both of us said hi and progressed to burying our heads in our mobile phones pretending to by engrossed in our texting. I texted my mate "across the table on the train from your super bitch of a girlfriend", a few minutes later she looks down at her phone and starts laughing, I get a text about 30 seconds later from my mate/her boyfriend "that knob eejit friend of yours up dancing on the tables in Flannerys after the Tyrone match is on the train, stuck beside him >:( , fck sake" To which I laughed too realising what he had just done, he had forwarded on our texts from us to him to one-another. After that I offered to buy a few beers for the trip in the train-canteen. Have got on great ever since.
That could have gone a whole lot worse in fairness!!
Prince Philip!!
To an Aborigine in Australia
"Do you still throw spears at each other?"
To a driving instructor in Scotland
"How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?"
To the President of Nigeria, dressed in traditional robes
"You look like you're ready for bed!"
Fecking hilarious!! ;D ;D ;D
Quote from: JohnDenver on February 15, 2010, 04:25:08 PM
Quote from: mayogodhelpus@gmail.com on February 15, 2010, 04:19:37 PM
Ended up sitting on a train right across from one of my best mates new girlfriend. We did not get on to say it lightly. Both of us said hi and progressed to burying our heads in our mobile phones pretending to by engrossed in our texting. I texted my mate "across the table on the train from your super bitch of a girlfriend", a few minutes later she looks down at her phone and starts laughing, I get a text about 30 seconds later from my mate/her boyfriend "that knob eejit friend of yours up dancing on the tables in Flannerys after the Tyrone match is on the train, stuck beside him >:( , fck sake" To which I laughed too realising what he had just done, he had forwarded on our texts from us to him to one-another. After that I offered to buy a few beers for the trip in the train-canteen. Have got on great ever since.
did you bull her?
Jesus no, (she a complete ride by the way), I don't try it on with mates girlfriends/wifes, thats the lowest of the low.
Quote from: mayogodhelpus@gmail.com on February 15, 2010, 04:28:06 PM
Quote from: JohnDenver on February 15, 2010, 04:25:08 PM
Quote from: mayogodhelpus@gmail.com on February 15, 2010, 04:19:37 PM
Ended up sitting on a train right across from one of my best mates new girlfriend. We did not get on to say it lightly. Both of us said hi and progressed to burying our heads in our mobile phones pretending to by engrossed in our texting. I texted my mate "across the table on the train from your super bitch of a girlfriend", a few minutes later she looks down at her phone and starts laughing, I get a text about 30 seconds later from my mate/her boyfriend "that knob eejit friend of yours up dancing on the tables in Flannerys after the Tyrone match is on the train, stuck beside him >:( , fck sake" To which I laughed too realising what he had just done, he had forwarded on our texts from us to him to one-another. After that I offered to buy a few beers for the trip in the train-canteen. Have got on great ever since.
did you bull her?
Jesus no, (she a complete ride by the way), I don't try it on with mates girlfriends/wifes, thats the lowest of the low.
Not a Chelsea Fan then!!
Quote from: norabeag on February 15, 2010, 04:32:23 PM
Quote from: mayogodhelpus@gmail.com on February 15, 2010, 04:28:06 PM
Quote from: JohnDenver on February 15, 2010, 04:25:08 PM
Quote from: mayogodhelpus@gmail.com on February 15, 2010, 04:19:37 PM
Ended up sitting on a train right across from one of my best mates new girlfriend. We did not get on to say it lightly. Both of us said hi and progressed to burying our heads in our mobile phones pretending to by engrossed in our texting. I texted my mate "across the table on the train from your super bitch of a girlfriend", a few minutes later she looks down at her phone and starts laughing, I get a text about 30 seconds later from my mate/her boyfriend "that knob eejit friend of yours up dancing on the tables in Flannerys after the Tyrone match is on the train, stuck beside him >:( , fck sake" To which I laughed too realising what he had just done, he had forwarded on our texts from us to him to one-another. After that I offered to buy a few beers for the trip in the train-canteen. Have got on great ever since.
did you bull her?
Jesus no, (she a complete ride by the way), I don't try it on with mates girlfriends/wifes, thats the lowest of the low.
Not a Chelsea Fan then!!
No by the way, could never understand the mentality of it, or people doing the dirt another concept foreign to me.
Quote from: gallsman on February 15, 2010, 04:10:36 PM
Quote from: illdecide on February 15, 2010, 04:03:35 PM
Lads this one is not one bit funny but it is a "Shit did i say that"
I was only 16 (many years ago) and it was the craze around Lurgan when someone was annoying you to say to them "away and play on the lines" (railway lines) or "away and play on the M1" (motorway) so this guy was really doing my head in and of course i shouted at him "away and play on the lines ya bastid" only to realise seconds after that the poor guy's sister committed suicide on the railway lines months before that...that was the last time i ever came out with that
Christ, that's just bad luck. I'd say you'd have loved a big whole to open up in front of you.
Big time...one of the worst moments ever
Quote from: gallsman on February 15, 2010, 04:10:36 PM
Quote from: illdecide on February 15, 2010, 04:03:35 PM
Lads this one is not one bit funny but it is a "Shit did i say that"
I was only 16 (many years ago) and it was the craze around Lurgan when someone was annoying you to say to them "away and play on the lines" (railway lines) or "away and play on the M1" (motorway) so this guy was really doing my head in and of course i shouted at him "away and play on the lines ya bastid" only to realise seconds after that the poor guy's sister committed suicide on the railway lines months before that...that was the last time i ever came out with that
Christ, that's just bad luck. I'd say you'd have loved a big whole to open up in front of you.
You perv gallsman :o
Too many to remember! This is the biggest one though, mightnt tell that well, but just because of the people involved...:
A relative married a prod; it was never any big deal in the family, all the children were brought up catholic etc, and it was never really mentioned.
I used to be friendly with the daughter, but hadnt seen her in years, when I met said relative at a funeral. I asked how [daughters name] was. He proceeded to tell me she was over in Scotland, and going with a lad over there who is, wait for it, hahahaha, a mad rangers supporter.
I didnt find it that funny, and not knowing what to say, in my awkwardness blurted out 'Jaysus, [his wifes name] will love that'. Conversation over. Shit, did I just say that?
Going to the 1996 All-Ireland Semi V Kerry. Was bringing my cousin from London (his mum a Mayo women) to the match, as we where going up O'Connell St. he asked why the Kerry supporters where all wearing Tarten caps (the tarten ones with the red hair hanging out). Without thinking I responded that "sure Kerry folk are just like the Scottish, they like nothing more than riding sheep". My cousins dad is Scottish :-[
Quote from: mayogodhelpus@gmail.com on February 15, 2010, 04:19:37 PM
Ended up sitting on a train right across from one of my best mates new girlfriend. We did not get on to say it lightly. Both of us said hi and progressed to burying our heads in our mobile phones pretending to by engrossed in our texting. I texted my mate "across the table on the train from your super bitch of a girlfriend", a few minutes later she looks down at her phone and starts laughing, I get a text about 30 seconds later from my mate/her boyfriend "that knob eejit friend of yours up dancing on the tables in Flannerys after the Tyrone match is on the train, stuck beside him >:( , fck sake" To which I laughed too realising what he had just done, he had forwarded on our texts from us to him to one-another. After that I offered to buy a few beers for the trip in the train-canteen. Have got on great ever since.
I hope your mate held onto her, she seems to be a judge of character.
In the smoking area of Coppers about 2 years ago with my friend and his unbelievable looking cousin chatting away. A another friend of ours comes up obviously going to try to get stuck into my friends cousin. My friend introduces them and the lad goes, "good looks obviously run in the family but what about him (in ref towards my mate) trying to turn on the charm.
To which she goes, actually I was adopted(which she was) and just stared at him....queue the blood leaving my friends face and falling over himself trying to get away. Hilarious.
Quote from: ludermor on February 15, 2010, 07:43:37 PM
Quote from: mayogodhelpus@gmail.com on February 15, 2010, 04:19:37 PM
Ended up sitting on a train right across from one of my best mates new girlfriend. We did not get on to say it lightly. Both of us said hi and progressed to burying our heads in our mobile phones pretending to by engrossed in our texting. I texted my mate "across the table on the train from your super bitch of a girlfriend", a few minutes later she looks down at her phone and starts laughing, I get a text about 30 seconds later from my mate/her boyfriend "that knob eejit friend of yours up dancing on the tables in Flannerys after the Tyrone match is on the train, stuck beside him >:( , fck sake" To which I laughed too realising what he had just done, he had forwarded on our texts from us to him to one-another. After that I offered to buy a few beers for the trip in the train-canteen. Have got on great ever since.
I hope your mate held onto her, she seems to be a judge of character.
Yip they married, get on great with her now.
This could be an urban legend, but apparently it's pure true :D (It's more of a shit did I do that).
A lad was getting the train from Limerick to Dublin, and was hungry, it being early in the morning, so he ran into the Spar and got the paper and a packet of Hob Nobs.
Anyhow he sits into the train, across the way from this other lad, puts the rucksack down and takes out the paper. He gets a cup of tea from the trolly, as does his new friend, and starts reading the paper.
After a minute he takes a hob nob, as you do to dunk in the tea, and out of the corner of his eye, he sees the other lad taking a hob nob as well, with not a word of asking permission. Your man thinks, the cheeky bastard. He takes another, and sure enough, within 30 seconds, so does the other buck.
It's gone too far for making a big deal out of it now, so the lad goes on reading the paper, eating a biscuit and drinking his tea, with the lad across from him matching him biscuit for biscuit. The lad is absolutely bucking, but begins to think the other fella is a bit soft in the head, so he brushes it off.
Anyway, they reach Ballybrophy or someplace, and the other fella gets up, nods at our man and leaves the train.
The train pulls into Heuston, and our man is laughing at the good of it, but can't believe the cheek of the other fella. As the train stops, our fella stands up, folds up his paper, and lifts up his bag........to see *his* unopened packet of Hob Nobs looking up at him!
Remember meeting a good friend of my cousins at a wedding and saying:
"God XXXX I didn't recognize you with all the weight on"
It was a busy wedding and I was talking to a load of different ones and said what came into my head - unfortunately it was the worst thing to say to her.
She has gained close to 3 stone since i lost saw her.....
Quote from: AZOffaly on February 15, 2010, 09:12:56 PM
This could be an urban legend, but apparently it's pure true :D (It's more of a shit did I do that).
A lad was getting the train from Limerick to Dublin, and was hungry, it being early in the morning, so he ran into the Spar and got the paper and a packet of Hob Nobs.
Anyhow he sits into the train, across the way from this other lad, puts the rucksack down and takes out the paper. He gets a cup of tea from the trolly, as does his new friend, and starts reading the paper.
After a minute he takes a hob nob, as you do to dunk in the tea, and out of the corner of his eye, he sees the other lad taking a hob nob as well, with not a word of asking permission. Your man thinks, the cheeky b**tard. He takes another, and sure enough, within 30 seconds, so does the other buck.
It's gone too far for making a big deal out of it now, so the lad goes on reading the paper, eating a biscuit and drinking his tea, with the lad across from him matching him biscuit for biscuit. The lad is absolutely bucking, but begins to think the other fella is a bit soft in the head, so he brushes it off.
Anyway, they reach Ballybrophy or someplace, and the other fella gets up, nods at our man and leaves the train.
The train pulls into Heuston, and our man is laughing at the good of it, but can't believe the cheek of the other fella. As the train stops, our fella stands up, folds up his paper, and lifts up his bag........to see *his* unopened packet of Hob Nobs looking up at him!
Very good AZ :D
Quote from: AZOffaly on February 15, 2010, 09:12:56 PM
This could be an urban legend, but apparently it's pure true :D (It's more of a shit did I do that).
A lad was getting the train from Limerick to Dublin, and was hungry, it being early in the morning, so he ran into the Spar and got the paper and a packet of Hob Nobs.
Anyhow he sits into the train, across the way from this other lad, puts the rucksack down and takes out the paper. He gets a cup of tea from the trolly, as does his new friend, and starts reading the paper.
After a minute he takes a hob nob, as you do to dunk in the tea, and out of the corner of his eye, he sees the other lad taking a hob nob as well, with not a word of asking permission. Your man thinks, the cheeky b**tard. He takes another, and sure enough, within 30 seconds, so does the other buck.
It's gone too far for making a big deal out of it now, so the lad goes on reading the paper, eating a biscuit and drinking his tea, with the lad across from him matching him biscuit for biscuit. The lad is absolutely bucking, but begins to think the other fella is a bit soft in the head, so he brushes it off.
Anyway, they reach Ballybrophy or someplace, and the other fella gets up, nods at our man and leaves the train.
The train pulls into Heuston, and our man is laughing at the good of it, but can't believe the cheek of the other fella. As the train stops, our fella stands up, folds up his paper, and lifts up his bag........to see *his* unopened packet of Hob Nobs looking up at him!
urban legend i'd imagine,ive heard the same story with a kitkat in a coffee shop.
My first teaching job was in a bit of a backward town in England where everyone seemed to be related. At a parents evening one night I was sat beside a lovely wee old woman who taught English. I was waiting for my next appointment and was sort of listening to what she was saying to a parent who had just sat down. She greeted the parent and pointed to the person he was with and said "Is that your other son? Will he be joining our school next year then?" The dad replied - "No, thats my wife!" I nearly wet myself trying not to laugh!
True story.
was on a jobsite in manhattan, irish plumber was doing the water side of it, he had a peurto rican lad working for him. Now the puerto rican was new on the job and arrived earlier than the irish buck. On arriving the irish buck sends the lad to the van for something, ha arrives back and says to him "here John, and the guy sitting in the van says to hurry up,he has an appointment in 15 minutes" the irish buck looked at him and ran out of the place, we looked out the window and seen him speed off with his korean wife sitting snugly in the passenger seat. I was sore from laughing and the cork lad on the job was the same, priceless.Puerto rican lad was dropped that evening.
Quote from: mannix on February 16, 2010, 01:32:27 PM
True story.
was on a jobsite in manhattan, irish plumber was doing the water side of it, he had a peurto rican lad working for him. Now the puerto rican was new on the job and arrived earlier than the irish buck. On arriving the irish buck sends the lad to the van for something, ha arrives back and says to him "here John, and the guy sitting in the van says to hurry up,he has an appointment in 15 minutes" the irish buck looked at him and ran out of the place, we looked out the window and seen him speed off with his korean wife sitting snugly in the passenger seat. I was sore from laughing and the cork lad on the job was the same, priceless.Puerto rican lad was dropped that evening.
Am I missing something here?
Just dont get it ???
QuoteAm I missing something here?
Just dont get it
Phew, thought it was just me :)
Quote from: Geoff Tipps on February 16, 2010, 01:47:18 PM
QuoteAm I missing something here?
Just dont get it
Phew, thought it was just me :)
ditto
I thought my marbles were gone
Quote from: Geoff Tipps on February 16, 2010, 01:47:18 PM
QuoteAm I missing something here?
Just dont get it
Phew, thought it was just me :)
Took me a couple of reads.
The key section is:
...and the guy sitting in the van says to hurry up,he has an appointment in 15 minutes
Quote from: mannix on February 16, 2010, 01:32:27 PM
True story.
was on a jobsite in manhattan, irish plumber was doing the water side of it, he had a peurto rican lad working for him. Now the puerto rican was new on the job and arrived earlier than the irish buck. On arriving the irish buck sends the lad to the van for something, ha arrives back and says to him "here John, and the guy sitting in the van says to hurry up,he has an appointment in 15 minutes" the irish buck looked at him and ran out of the place, we looked out the window and seen him speed off with his korean wife sitting snugly in the passenger seat. I was sore from laughing and the cork lad on the job was the same, priceless.Puerto rican lad was dropped that evening.
I think this is it.
Quote from: AZOffaly on February 15, 2010, 09:12:56 PM
This could be an urban legend, but apparently it's pure true :D (It's more of a shit did I do that).
A lad was getting the train from Limerick to Dublin, and was hungry, it being early in the morning, so he ran into the Spar and got the paper and a packet of Hob Nobs.
Anyhow he sits into the train, across the way from this other lad, puts the rucksack down and takes out the paper. He gets a cup of tea from the trolly, as does his new friend, and starts reading the paper.
After a minute he takes a hob nob, as you do to dunk in the tea, and out of the corner of his eye, he sees the other lad taking a hob nob as well, with not a word of asking permission. Your man thinks, the cheeky b**tard. He takes another, and sure enough, within 30 seconds, so does the other buck.
It's gone too far for making a big deal out of it now, so the lad goes on reading the paper, eating a biscuit and drinking his tea, with the lad across from him matching him biscuit for biscuit. The lad is absolutely bucking, but begins to think the other fella is a bit soft in the head, so he brushes it off.
Anyway, they reach Ballybrophy or someplace, and the other fella gets up, nods at our man and leaves the train.
The train pulls into Heuston, and our man is laughing at the good of it, but can't believe the cheek of the other fella. As the train stops, our fella stands up, folds up his paper, and lifts up his bag........to see *his* unopened packet of Hob Nobs looking up at him!
Heard that one except it was an American priest and donuts... ::)
Quote from: mannix on February 16, 2010, 01:32:27 PM
True story.
was on a jobsite in manhattan, irish plumber was doing the water side of it, he had a peurto rican lad working for him. Now the puerto rican was new on the job and arrived earlier than the irish buck. On arriving the irish buck sends the lad to the van for something, ha arrives back and says to him "here John, and the guy sitting in the van says to hurry up,he has an appointment in 15 minutes" the irish buck looked at him and ran out of the place, we looked out the window and seen him speed off with his korean wife sitting snugly in the passenger seat. I was sore from laughing and the cork lad on the job was the same, priceless.Puerto rican lad was dropped that evening.
I thought I understood the gist of it until this bit.
Is the Irish man married to a Korean woman? Why is he speeding of in his own van?
Or is there a thief married to a Korean woman? How do we know it is a Korean woman?
So many questions............
no, you are not losing your marbles, the puerto rican fella thought that the bosses wife was a man when he seen her and then even more so when she spoke. She was a woman alright but looked a little boyish, I never laughed as much.
Kind of like when you see a new bay and don,t know if its a boy or girl and do the unthinkable and say hes lovely.
he was speeding off because his face was purple with embarrassment, imagine if someone called your girlfriend/wife a man.
Quotehe was speeding off because his face was purple with embarrassment, imagine if someone called your girlfriend/wife a man.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh now I see!! I thought a couple of koreans had stolen his van or something!
Clear as mud... ;D
The peurto rican lad working for him had good english !
Why did he take his wife to work in the work Van, Mannix ?
I dont get it
I thought a man & woman stole his van as well.
Was wondering how he figured out the woman was Korean.
Seems to be one of them stories where you just had to be there
Quote from: full back on February 16, 2010, 03:30:15 PM
I thought a man & woman stole his van as well.
Was wondering how he figured out the woman was Korean.
Seems to be one of them stories where you just had to be there
FFS Full back get with it saan...smell the coffee saan :D
My Dad was telling me about an eejit I made of myself in London one time on the Underground. I was only 3 or 4 at the time and these two blackmen came onto the train and sat opposite my Dad and I. I never seen anything like this before and turned to my said and out loud "Look at them Daddy, them two got burned black in a fire" :-[
Quote from: Bensars on February 16, 2010, 03:29:04 PM
The peurto rican lad working for him had good english !
Why did he take his wife to work in the work Van, Mannix ?
I dont get it
I thought Mannix translated it and the original story happened in spanish (or maybe korean)?
Quote from: ziggysego on February 16, 2010, 03:35:40 PM
My Dad was telling me about an eejit I made of myself in London one time on the Underground. I was only 3 or 4 at the time and these two blackmen came onto the train and sat opposite my Dad and I. I never seen anything like this before and turned to my said and out loud "Look at them Daddy, them two got burned black in a fire" :-[
I have to say I think you just made that story up ziggy
Quote from: illdecide on February 16, 2010, 03:33:06 PM
Quote from: full back on February 16, 2010, 03:30:15 PM
I thought a man & woman stole his van as well.
Was wondering how he figured out the woman was Korean.
Seems to be one of them stories where you just had to be there
FFS Full back get with it saan...smell the coffee saan :D
I get it now :D
Bit slow on the uptake :-[
Quote from: ziggysego on February 16, 2010, 03:35:40 PM
My Dad was telling me about an eejit I made of myself in London one time on the Underground. I was only 3 or 4 at the time and these two blackmen came onto the train and sat opposite my Dad and I. I never seen anything like this before and turned to my said and out loud "Look at them Daddy, them two got burned black in a fire" :-[
:o
We're they OK?
Believe it full back, it's true.
Zap, yeah they didn't take offense. They knew I was a bit thick in the head and from Tyrone.
Quote from: ziggysego on February 16, 2010, 03:45:54 PM
Believe it full back, it's true.
Zap, yeah they didn't take offense. They knew I was a bit thick in the head and from Tyrone.
That's not what I meant, were the burns severe?
My son looked at my wife then at the baby when we brought the new baby home from the hospital, thought for a moment then said 'but Mummy, how come you've still got a big belly?'
Quote from: Zapatista on February 16, 2010, 03:48:26 PM
Quote from: ziggysego on February 16, 2010, 03:45:54 PM
Believe it full back, it's true.
Zap, yeah they didn't take offense. They knew I was a bit thick in the head and from Tyrone.
That's not what I meant, were the burns severe?
I know what you meant sir :P
Quote from: ziggysego on February 16, 2010, 03:35:40 PM
My Dad was telling me about an eejit I made of myself in London one time on the Underground. I was only 3 or 4 at the time and these two blackmen came onto the train and sat opposite my Dad and I. I never seen anything like this before and turned to my said and out loud "Look at them Daddy, them two got burned black in a fire" :-[
So, in your time in London, you hadnt seen any blackmen on the street or on your way into the tubestation until you sat in the tube ? ?
Quote from: Bensars on February 16, 2010, 03:54:46 PM
Quote from: ziggysego on February 16, 2010, 03:35:40 PM
My Dad was telling me about an eejit I made of myself in London one time on the Underground. I was only 3 or 4 at the time and these two blackmen came onto the train and sat opposite my Dad and I. I never seen anything like this before and turned to my said and out loud "Look at them Daddy, them two got burned black in a fire" :-[
So, in your time in London, you hadnt seen any blackmen on the street or on your way into the tubestation until you sat in the tube ? ?
Can't say. I've no memory of the event. Just going by what my father was telling. He could have been feeding me a load of bull though.
Quote from: ziggysego on February 16, 2010, 03:56:27 PM
Quote from: Bensars on February 16, 2010, 03:54:46 PM
Quote from: ziggysego on February 16, 2010, 03:35:40 PM
My Dad was telling me about an eejit I made of myself in London one time on the Underground. I was only 3 or 4 at the time and these two blackmen came onto the train and sat opposite my Dad and I. I never seen anything like this before and turned to my said and out loud "Look at them Daddy, them two got burned black in a fire" :-[
So, in your time in London, you hadnt seen any blackmen on the street or on your way into the tubestation until you sat in the tube ? ?
Can't say. I've no memory of the event. Just going by what my father was telling. He could have been feeding me a load of bull though.
I would say he is.
Just a story to tell in front of the relatives to embarass you zig.
Pull him up on it next time.
Ask him how did you know people went black when they were burned?
Ask him were there no black people in the airport or on the streets?
But how do u know that at 3 or 4 he wouldnt have known that people went black when they got burned.
And perhaps he sat on the train and was first time he came face to face with them with enough time to stare at them? What makes his story sound like bull?
ok,ok,ok
the irish fella was dropping off a sink and meeting the puerto rican lad for the first time, he asked the new man to get something else from the van while he chatted with us,the irish plumber had his wife with him and was to drop her off for a vaginal exam, she was worried about being late for the appointment and told new puerto rican lad to tell her irish plumber husband to hurry up, when the puerto rican lad came back in from the van and said to the irish plumber that the GUY in the van(IRISH PLUMBERS WIFE) wanted him to hurry up the irish plumber died a death of embarrassment and ran out, he was red from the neck up.
Quote from: mannix on February 16, 2010, 04:19:41 PM
ok,ok,ok
the irish fella was dropping off a sink and meeting the puerto rican lad for the first time, he asked the new man to get something else from the van while he chatted with us,the irish plumber had his wife with him and was to drop her off for a vaginal exam, she was worried about being late for the appointment and told new puerto rican lad to tell her irish plumber husband to hurry up, when the puerto rican lad came back in from the van and said to the irish plumber that the GUY in the van(IRISH PLUMBERS WIFE) wanted him to hurry up the irish plumber died a death of embarrassment and ran out, he was red from the neck up.
why the f**k didn't you say that the first time :D :D :D
Quote from: mannix on February 16, 2010, 04:19:41 PM
ok,ok,ok
the irish fella was dropping off a sink and meeting the puerto rican lad for the first time, he asked the new man to get something else from the van while he chatted with us,the irish plumber had his wife with him and was to drop her off for a vaginal exam, she was worried about being late for the appointment and told new puerto rican lad to tell her irish plumber husband to hurry up, when the puerto rican lad came back in from the van and said to the irish plumber that the GUY in the van(IRISH PLUMBERS WIFE) wanted him to hurry up the irish plumber died a death of embarrassment and ran out, he was red from the neck up.
Makes more sense now :D :D :D :D
Quote from: tyrone girl on February 16, 2010, 04:17:59 PM
But how do u know that at 3 or 4 he wouldnt have known that people went black when they got burned.
And perhaps he sat on the train and was first time he came face to face with them with enough time to stare at them? What makes his story sound like bull?
I dont know for sure, but in my opinion I reckon it is bull
BTW mannix, super story when told right :D
Quote from: mannix on February 16, 2010, 04:19:41 PM
ok,ok,ok
the irish fella was dropping off a sink and meeting the puerto rican lad for the first time, he asked the new man to get something else from the van while he chatted with us,the irish plumber had his wife with him and was to drop her off for a vaginal exam, she was worried about being late for the appointment and told new puerto rican lad to tell her irish plumber husband to hurry up, when the puerto rican lad came back in from the van and said to the irish plumber that the GUY in the van(IRISH PLUMBERS WIFE) wanted him to hurry up the irish plumber died a death of embarrassment and ran out, he was red from the neck up.
So the Irish plumber was telling everyone on the building site that he was just off to get his wife a vaginal exam.
thanks,
i'm here all week, don't forget to tip your waitress and the vaginal exam is just something i made up for an appointment alibi
goodnight folks
Quote from: Maiden1 on February 16, 2010, 05:09:33 PM
Quote from: mannix on February 16, 2010, 04:19:41 PM
ok,ok,ok
the irish fella was dropping off a sink and meeting the puerto rican lad for the first time, he asked the new man to get something else from the van while he chatted with us,the irish plumber had his wife with him and was to drop her off for a vaginal exam, she was worried about being late for the appointment and told new puerto rican lad to tell her irish plumber husband to hurry up, when the puerto rican lad came back in from the van and said to the irish plumber that the GUY in the van(IRISH PLUMBERS WIFE) wanted him to hurry up the irish plumber died a death of embarrassment and ran out, he was red from the neck up.
So the Irish plumber was telling everyone on the building site that he was just off to get his wife a vaginal exam.
No...stupid, he asked the Puerto Rican to give his wife a vaginal examination and the Puerto Rican thought it was a man so he ran like f**k
Quote from: mannix on February 16, 2010, 05:12:03 PM
thanks,
i'm here all week, don't forget to tip your waitress and the vaginal exam is just something i made up for an appointment alibi
goodnight folks
Your here all week but your saying goodbye..............i want my money back!!
Dinky McBride used to tell a story about the first McRory cup team trip over to london at the end of the season. Said that the boys were all farting around at the tube station tossing a ball around and everyone was yelling "Packie! Packie!" at big Pascal McConnell when he had the ball - til they realised the place was swarming with pakistanis and indians of various creeds.
Been caught a couple of times myself - once particularly on the bus to belfast when Id been on the phone recounting the night before when Id been out with a good friend called "nigger"
Got to belfast anyway and got up out of the seat and there was a black couple in the seat in front of me who'd obviously heard every word.
Quote from: mannix on February 16, 2010, 05:12:03 PM
thanks,
i'm here all week, don't forget to tip your waitress and the vaginal exam is just something i made up for an appointment alibi
goodnight folks
What waitress?
Where the fcuk does she come onto the story?
Was the Korean wife a waitress ???
Quote from: illdecide on February 16, 2010, 05:14:28 PM
Quote from: Maiden1 on February 16, 2010, 05:09:33 PM
Quote from: mannix on February 16, 2010, 04:19:41 PM
ok,ok,ok
the irish fella was dropping off a sink and meeting the puerto rican lad for the first time, he asked the new man to get something else from the van while he chatted with us,the irish plumber had his wife with him and was to drop her off for a vaginal exam, she was worried about being late for the appointment and told new puerto rican lad to tell her irish plumber husband to hurry up, when the puerto rican lad came back in from the van and said to the irish plumber that the GUY in the van(IRISH PLUMBERS WIFE) wanted him to hurry up the irish plumber died a death of embarrassment and ran out, he was red from the neck up.
So the Irish plumber was telling everyone on the building site that he was just off to get his wife a vaginal exam.
No...stupid, he asked the Puerto Rican to give his wife a vaginal examination and the Puerto Rican thought it was a man so he ran like f**k
Ah right, it makes more sense now.
Quote from: full back on February 16, 2010, 05:17:36 PM
Quote from: mannix on February 16, 2010, 05:12:03 PM
thanks,
i'm here all week, don't forget to tip your waitress and the vaginal exam is just something i made up for an appointment alibi
goodnight folks
What waitress?
Where the fcuk does she come onto the story?
Was the Korean wife a waitress ???
No she was a transvestite.
Sitting in a mates house in the holylands one morning, a certain individual was recounting the previous night's events spent with a young mucksavage (who just so happened to be the sister of one of the tenants of the house). No detail spared, a good in-depth description was given. Thinking the fella was away to class nothing was thought of the nature of the conversation,that is until the footsteps of himself were heard leaving his groundfloor bedroom and out the front door! Heard everything, bedroom door lying wide open the whole time!