On the way in to work this morning got a lift with a mate and he came out with a clinking phrase (pissing rain and freezing this morning). When i hoped into the car he says:
"Brutal morning you wouldn't put a milk bottle out in it"
Got me thinking of other great phrases Ive heard
Tipp fella i worked with in oz came out with the classic:
"thats the craic she said with one leg up above on the table" which i still use and pass off as my own ;)
Others i can think off - may have heard owl boys in pubs or something going over them:
"Get up them stairs and show me why i married ye"
"Drive it up she said my back is long"
Thats all i can think off at the minute - feel free to add any you can think off.
When your hingry id say "i'd eat the back door buttered"
I'm sure this one will turn sexual like the rest of them...Nail you're a cert to start it off
For someone who has got a scare:
"He filled his togs"
I also enjoy:
"I'd ate shite sandwiches only I don't like butter."
I'd crawl over a half a mile of broken glass just to throw stones at a bucket of her sh1te..........
"Full as a shuck"
describing a crowded room.
"you coudnt have turned a sweet in your mouth in that place"
In response to "Not long now"
"Thats what the monkey said when it got its tail cut off"
To describe someone in a drunk or confused state
"yer man didn't know whether he wanted a shite or a haircut"
To describe work shy people 'if there was work in the bed, he'd lie on the floor'
when your feeling grand:
"I'm ticking over like a land rover"
Not an expert on the subject:
"you'd know more about a sliced pan loaf"
To Describe a promiscuous Young lady:
"she'd be fond of the wee boy that runs about with the hens" :D
Bad weather-"You wouldn't put your wife's lover out in it"
To describe a not very attractive person-"The c**t looks like a bulldog chewing a wasp"
"Thon things had more cockends than weekends"
"Thats as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike"
To someone who has got on the wrong side of you –
"May your next shite be a hedgehog"
Of someone unattractive
'a face like a bulldog lickin pish off nettles'
'i couldn't draw worse with my left hand'.
As useful as a fart in a space suit
When stuck in slow traffic, queues, etc
"slow as a f**king wet week"
if your feeling very tired
"jeez i could sleep on a clothes line"
Hard to beat with a big stick
As usefull as tits on a bull
No point putting a nail where a crowbar was
Stand on
a few football related ones
the weather turns quicker
he couldnt get a ball in wellworths
he wouldnt know if it was blew up or stuffed ;)
he couldnt kick snow of a ditch
he's not even the cousin of a footballer
if they were shooting footballers he'd get off
and one they used to say about our goalkeeper at training:
the only difference between him jogging and sprinting is the expression on his face >:(
"Not in a month of Sundays"
get up a that or i'll sell ye
reply to when someones blowing about the amount they drank the night before
'I spilt more on my tie'
also,
'sure you couldnt drink pea soup'
When your feeling Hot and Sweaty:
"Im sweating like a priest in a Barney suit" or
"Sweating like a nun in a field of cucumbers"
Quote from: Franko on February 12, 2009, 10:09:03 AM
To someone who has got on the wrong side of you –
"May your next shite be a hedgehog"
May a thousand camels dung in your garden
Quote from: The Corporal on February 12, 2009, 10:49:09 AM
When your feeling Hot and Sweaty:
"Im sweating like a priest in a Barney suit" or
"Sweating like a nun in a field of cucumbers"
Sweatin like a paedophile on a bouncy castle
I'm sooooo hungry that could eat 'the snotters of a corpse'
Quote from: the green man on February 12, 2009, 11:04:29 AM
I'm sooooo hungry that could eat 'the snotters of a corpse'
Disgusting but funny :D
When sweating
'Jesus I was sweatin like a fat prostitute'
"Ask the back of me bollix"
"Sweating like a black man at a Ku Klux Klan meeting."
"As dry as a nun's knickers".
when some one asks you do you know where something is reply:
Is my face red?
no
Then is not stuck up my ass
:o :o :o :o
To someone who's tight:
"your as tight as a camels hole in the dessert"
this classic was used when we first got ice baths at training - co-manager - in and around 40 pure farmer type explaining to the committee about getting money for ice baths - committee member asks what temperature does the water have to be in these ice baths - farmer type co-manager replies with the classic:
"they just have to be mad freezing cowl"
When someone farts
"speak to me o toothless one...your breath is rotten!"
QuoteAs useful as a fart in a space suit
I thought that one was "As
welcome as a fart in a space suit".
As useful as a dead cat's tail.
When you've ploughed as much as I've furrowed.
She's had more in here than the Luas/No 19 Bus etc (take your pick)
I heard one one day. There was some banter going on between 2 lads over a girl one was going with. The fella who was going with her at the time was going flat out taking the mick of the other lad. The other lad had a one night stand with the girl a few weeks before yer man started going out with her. Anyway he was getting seriously pissed off, so he turns round to the other fella
"Here Mick whenever you're kissing your woman, can you taste my c**k off her mouth?"
Talk about a show stopper.
(Disclaimer, while the story is true, the name has been changed to avoid embaresment for the poor lad!)
Quote from: Harold Disgracey on February 12, 2009, 11:51:01 AM
When someone farts
"speak to me o toothless one...your breath is rotten!"
or...."another bit of choke and she'll start"
i'd eat the corn of her shite
he'd peel an orange in his pocket(someone who is tight with money)
A bit highbrow maybe but my favourite saying is from Walter Scott:-
"Oh what a tangled web we weave,when we first practise to deceive!"
An old boss of mine always said it.
Quote from: illdecide on February 12, 2009, 09:31:39 AM
When your hingry id say "i'd eat the back door buttered"
I'm sure this one will turn sexual like the rest of them...Nail you're a cert to start it off
Your working hard to get me painted as the dort ball of the board when everyone knows its you illdecide!!
Anyway couple of my favourites:
I was sweating like a paedophile in a playground
And after a week on the beer and curry:
I've an arse on me like the japanese flag!
Quote from: Our Nail Loney on February 12, 2009, 01:22:05 PM
Quote from: illdecide on February 12, 2009, 09:31:39 AM
When your hingry id say "i'd eat the back door buttered"
I'm sure this one will turn sexual like the rest of them...Nail you're a cert to start it off
Your working hard to get me painted as the dort ball of the board when everyone knows its you illdecide!!
Anyway couple of my favourites:
I was sweating like a paedophile in a playground
And after a week on the beer and curry:
I've an arse on me like the japanese flag!
And getting pounded with a strap-on.
Quote from: SidelineKick on February 12, 2009, 01:24:30 PM
Quote from: Our Nail Loney on February 12, 2009, 01:22:05 PM
Quote from: illdecide on February 12, 2009, 09:31:39 AM
When your hingry id say "i'd eat the back door buttered"
I'm sure this one will turn sexual like the rest of them...Nail you're a cert to start it off
Your working hard to get me painted as the dort ball of the board when everyone knows its you illdecide!!
Anyway couple of my favourites:
I was sweating like a paedophile in a playground
And after a week on the beer and curry:
I've an arse on me like the japanese flag!
And getting pounded with a strap-on.
Why you sexualising it? This is a good thread!
He wouldn't hurl spuds to hens.
On two legs or four, he is the thickest I ever met.
This one is credited to former Fine Gael TD, John Donnellan, referring to the then Taoiseach, Garret Fitzgerald, "If it was raining soup, he'd be out with a fork"
One used by the inimitable, Markeen Killellea, who contested a Dail seat with John Donnellan on several occasions.
"Ye can't trust Johneen's crowd one little bit. They're all like mackerel in the moonlight; shiny and stinkl!"
About the larger lady:
"She's the type of girl who puts butter on her beans"
After a large meal:
"I'm as full as a fat girl's shoe"
I'm so hungry I could eat the leg of the lamb of God.
after a night on the drink and you wake up with the old dry mouth...
"i've a tongue on me like Ghandi's flipflop"
for hunger
"i'd eat christ off the cross"
Quote from: lurganblue on February 12, 2009, 01:59:34 PM
after a night on the drink and you wake up with the old dry mouth...
"i've a tongue on me like Ghandi's flipflop"
for hunger
"i'd eat christ off the cross"
:D
"You've a mouth only good for cooling soup"
"Seen more dinners than dinner times"
"He/she could eat an apple through a letterbox"
referring to women "fond of the wee man that plays with the hens":
"a c*** on her like a hippo's yawn"
"she's 1 on her like a wizard's sleeve/clowns pocket/ripped wellie"
Heard this wan from the Master Billy Connolly.
She had a face on her that would turn a funeral up a side street.
When refeering to a girl who's been around..."She's seen more cocks than Dan McConville and he's a hen man"
In relation to a great pub/day away/travelling - actually theres a variety of time when you can use this:
"home was never like this"
not really sure what you can relate this too - i just think its a quality speak:
"straight in no kissing balls and all" :D
Also like i think i even seen it earlier as someones username:
"Stall the Bailer" - classic
I've a couple of clinkers...
"Jesus lads, I've a horn on me that'd bate a donkey out of a quarry"
"She's seen more japs eyes than a Mazda Rearview mirror"
"If I fell into a barrell of boobs I'd still come out sucking my thumb!"
"It's colder than a witches titty in here"
In reference to a promiscuous lady (esp one of the mucksavages that have become so popular on this site)
"If you kicked her up the hole a barrow full of cocks would fall out of her" :D
Couple of ones about peoples luck I have heard from the bookies...
"If I bought a duck it would drown"
"If dolly parton had triplets, my luck is so bad I would be on the bottle!"
Quote from: The Corporal on February 12, 2009, 02:11:19 PM
referring to women "fond of the wee man that plays with the hens":
"a c*** on her like a hippo's yawn"
"she's 1 on her like a wizard's sleeve/clowns pocket/ripped wellie"
Or a horses collar.
Quote from: screenexile on February 12, 2009, 03:01:52 PM
I've a couple of clinkers...
"Jesus lads, I've a horn on me that'd bate a donkey out of a quarry"
"She's seen more japs eyes than a Mazda Rearview mirror"
"If I fell into a barrell of boobs I'd still come out sucking my thumb!"
"It's colder than a witches titty in here"
classic :D :D :D
How about for very camp
'hes as queer as a bottle of chips'
& drunk
'as full as the bingo bus'
Hes as camp as a row of boyscouts.
Id walk over broken glass just to **** in her shadow
Id sniff the tailpipe of the laundry van that was carrying her knickers.
Quote from: lurganblue on February 12, 2009, 01:59:34 PM
after a night on the drink and you wake up with the old dry mouth...
"i've a tongue on me like Ghandi's flipflop"
for hunger
"i'd eat christ off the cross"
Afetr a night on the rip in the Welly Park years ago one of my hosuemates said the next morning:
"I feel like somebody hit me over the head with a baseball bat, stole all my fags and money and shit in my mouth."
More of a local one and means absolutely nothing but gets a good laugh:
"You want a spoon?"
"What for?"
"To eat my ass."
And
"Did you get that back yet?"
"What's that?"
"Your foreskin."
Someone who has had a skinful:
'As full as a gypsies tit!'
For a cumbersome gentleman:
"He's as awkward as a sow in reverse"
"He looks like he was dragged through a hedge backwards."
Shes a face on her like a well scalpped arse.
Quote from: thebandit on February 12, 2009, 05:09:27 PM
For a cumbersome gentleman:
"He's as awkward as a sow in reverse"
Outstanding :D :D :D
A lad that is a complete sleezball in a nightclub"Like a dog with two dicks"
A lad that is shite at the old shooting
"Couldn't score on a dartboard if he threw a hedgehog at it"
an ugly bollox
"i never forget a face but in your case i'll make an exception" Croucho Marx
somone with big teeth
Smiling like a basket of chips
Kiwi Fruits
"Ballbag Fruits" you surely must know why. :D :D :D :D
QuoteTo some not particulary attractive women:
- You would'nt ride her into battle
- The tide would'nt take her out
- She could'nt get a f**king whistle off a boiling kettle
"Wouldn't get up on her to get over a wall"
"She'd make a train back up and take a dirt road"
" She could eat an apple through a tennis racket
"She'd make the lipstick back up into the tube"
A tad sexist I know so come on ladies what have ye on us ;D
Someone dying of the hunger
'I'd ate the balls of a low flying duck.'
Someone who has dandruff
'He's got a shoulder like a painter's radio.'
Ugly doll
'She's a face on her, like a bag of bolts.'
Quote from: gawa316 on February 12, 2009, 06:22:01 PM
Someone dying of the hunger
'I'd ate the balls of a low flying duck.'
Someone who has dandruff
'He's got a shoulder like a painter's radio.'
Ugly doll
'She's a face on her, like a bag of bolts.'
Or the "she's got a face on her....." version.
if your cold:
"freeze the balls of a brass monkey"
"its on like donkey kong"
if its getting late in the evening and youve got nothing done:
"jeez its 10'oclock and not a child in the house washed"
if ya have a few aches and pains
" ahh i'm as stiff as a wankers hanky"
"sick as a bus to Lourdes" - credit Tommy Tight Lips for that one
"she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch" - Full Metal Jacket
"you couldn't bring cocks to her on a link-box"
"he couldn't hit water if he fell out of a boat"
My club team was playing a minor league game in ardboe a few years ago i was standing beside a oldish farmer looking guy who's granson and a lad from my club (who was very skinny for a 17/18 year old) went toe to toe for a few seconds they continued to square up to each other with no real blows been struck.Next thing he let a gulder out of him at his grandson " holy ghost son leave thon cub alone sure he is like something that fell aff a man"
for weeman who like a bit of oral "sure she could suck a basketball through a garden hose"
"She's no show pony, but she'd do for riding about the house!"
Few clinkers there.
'She could hold her own in a scrum' was another I heard used in relation to the larger lady and 'she's no stranger to a fish supper'.
have the women got none on us men?
'hung like a horse" thats what they say about me anyway ;)
For someone who looks a bit under the weather.
"His face is the colour of a boiled shite"*
* No, I have no idea what colour a boiled shite is.
Quote from: DirtyDozen12 on February 12, 2009, 09:36:43 PM
Someone who is tight with money, ie C'Berg ;)
- He would'nt spend Christmas
- He still has his communion money
- he has more money than God
He'd peel an orange in his pocket
She could breastfeed a creche.
Quote from: hardstation on February 12, 2009, 09:49:07 PM
Another strange one.
"He/she would eat shite". for someone being fat but cute. "He would eat shite and you wouldn't know it".
I'd ride you sideways
He should be shot with a ball of his own dung.
"Drive her like you stole her"
She has a face like a bulldog eating a bag of wasps
Workman no. 1, 'Jaysus this ain't easy.'
workman no. 2, 'Sure if it was easy, wouldn't we be all doing it.'
If there's grass on the field you can play it...
'lob it in to me boy'
cork mucksavage et al
2005
A drunk person:
'Full as a bingo bus'!
When there is thatch on the roof it is time for a tenant!!!!!!!!!!
To descrbe a particularly aesthetically-challenged (i.e. ugly) woman:
"She's as rough as a calf's first shite"
A fella I know when dosed with the horn would always say he had "wan a cat couldn't scratch!"
Another fella when describing a crap car always said he wouldn't keep a jack russell in it!
My tongue is like Gandhi's sandal.
T'is as dark as the confessional in here!
'Your breaking the 12th commandment'
'What's that?'
'Working in the rain!'
Ruari Quinn TD, referring to a political opponent.
"I won't say he's crooked but if he swallowed a nail, he'd shite a screw!"
Disgraced former FF minister Ray Burke, referring to Nora Owen, his FG rival in Dublin North County at one time.
"She's not putting her talents to use in this country; if she was in India, they would worship her."
Said about a lad who might look a bit seedy after a session the night before, "His eyes were as far back as two pissholes in the snow."
To the underdog
He/They have as much of a chance as an one legged man in an ass kicking contest
To the dimwitted
I would have a battle of wits with you but it seems you came unarmed
Quote from: The Corporal on February 12, 2009, 02:11:19 PM
referring to women "fond of the wee man that plays with the hens":
"a c*** on her like a hippo's yawn"
"she's 1 on her like a wizard's sleeve/clowns pocket/ripped wellie"
she's a blurt on her like a badly stuffed kebab
A face the color of a portery shite.
My elderly neighbour used to say
"May the Divil Bull Ya" to anyone that annoyed him. I think it roughly means that he wishes Satan to rise up and artificially inseminate you via the rear passage.
Quote from: ExiledGael on February 12, 2009, 07:29:29 PM
Few clinkers there.
'She could hold her own in a scrum' was another I heard used in relation to the larger lady and 'she's no stranger to a fish supper'.
Shes as strong as a ditch
Quote from: maggie on February 12, 2009, 10:17:26 PM
"Drive her like you stole her"
another variation:
Drive her like yer late for mass
When you are thirsty:
My mouth is as dry as a camels shuck
Quote from: Harold Disgracey on February 12, 2009, 11:51:01 AM
When someone farts
"speak to me o toothless one...your breath is rotten!"
overheard an old lad once saying to his drinking mate who'd just farted: 'sure take your breeks down and we'll all shite in them'.
Had me in stitches. :D
Just seen another persons username and it reminded me on another good one:
"Give her Dixie"
-not sure exactly what give her dixie means but i like the sound of it.
the day after a bad curry
"i've a dose of Montesuma's revenge"
When a room is crowded:
'Ya couldnt turn a sweet in your mouth in here'
On a number of our star reserve forwards
' Milk would turn quicker'
when playing poker:
I've a hand like a foot
about an unattractive lady:
'She wouldnt get a whistle from a boiling kettle'
'you dont win championships with kids'- this was l8r put to rest when our under 12 kids brought home the championship
wouldnt say boo to a goose! i dont no what this is all about has anyone ever tried this?
For someone you don't like
'May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your arse and use your dingle berrys to bate the balls of ye!'
i can remember on the rice crispy (gypsy) women thread a while ago someone posted
"she's seen more helmets than hitler"
thought that was brilliant
When ye ask someone for money that they dont have!
"You cant take knickers aff a bare arse"
"Like getting blood out of a stone"
"You cant whistle without an upper lip"
When yer quiet thirsty
"Jez im dry as a nuns c**t"
When something is very hard
"Its as hard as a whores heart"
When yer hungry
"Jez id eat the snotters of a corpse"
Watching a match in the pub - lad shouts to a fella at the front "would ye sit at peace; your up and down like a whore's draws!"
i once heard a monaghan man come out with the spake...
"i was as full as a gypsies tit!"
Needing the toilet: "My back teeth are floating".
A Curse: "May all the hairs on your arse turn to drumsticks and bate the hole aff ye".
About someone with large gap in their teeth: "He could eat a nun's arse through the chapel railings".
To lady waiting for taxi: " Here love, bend over and I'll drive ye home".
'he is about as useful as an arsehole on your elbow'
"I wouldnt piss on you if you were on fire."
when going for a shit
"I have to go and drop the cosbys off at the pool"
When hungover
"Im as sick as a small hospital"
About somebody you dont like
"Sure you couldnt like him if you breast fed him"
"How's your ma for blocks"
someone with a big nose
"He could smoke a fag in the shower"
Someone with a small langer
"It not the size of the boat but the motion in the ocean"
"I have 12 stone to push it in with"
"It's a hard wee worker"
"Like two peas and a Hanky"
Waste of a dick
or someone with a big one
"If he ever lost a leg he could always hang a boot on it"
"Like a babies arm"
"you couldn't love him if ye rared him"
"she's been cocked more times than john wayne's gun" or
"she's seen more cockends than weekends"
"a face on her like a well-chewed chip"
whenever you see a looker on the street, shout "dirttyyyyy!"
after commenting about bowls in the bad sports thread:
"like watching paint dry"
Fella rings into our work one day and says he cant come in cos he's sick.
Boss asks him "Well how sick are you?"
His unforgettable reply...
"I'm brave and sick... I'm in bed with my sister..."
Close to wind but I thought it was a cracker! Needless to say the boss asked no more questions.
"Enter it with your hand and bate it in with your hole""
Still laughing at Ghandi's flip flop though :D
What's with the duplicates? :-\
"I've a horn on me that would bate donkeys out of a ditch!"
"Enter it with your hand and bate it in with your hole"
:D
"2 pound a shite in a pound bag"... for a lady of the larger kind dressed rather scantily.
Quote from: Franko on February 13, 2009, 04:37:25 PM
Fella rings into our work one day and says he cant come in cos he's sick.
Boss asks him "Well how sick are you?"
His unforgettable reply...
"I'm brave and sick... I'm in bed with my sister..."
Close to wind but I thought it was a cracker! Needless to say the boss asked no more questions.
For my money thats the funniest thing i've read on gaaboard. :D :D :D :D
for a big woman/ man
'more chins than a chinese phone book'
"If it Flies, Fcuks Or Floats... it's better rented"
Quote from: Lecale2 on February 13, 2009, 12:38:14 PM
Watching a match in the pub - lad shouts to a fella at the front "would ye sit at peace; your up and down like a whore's draws!"
I heard the boul Gordon Ramsey adapt that line for Rebecca Loos in an episode of Kitchen nightmares one night. Such an abrasive chap.....
2 phrases i heard at games recently....about shite team and player,
"There are about as useful as shredders footsoldiers"
"hes about as useful as a monkey f**king a football"
It's my first post so go easy please
"Daz wouldn't shift her"
"I wouldn't ride her with your C**k"
"Sweatin like a paedophile in a Barney suit"
"she's a face like a bag of busted hammers"
Quote from: Lothos on February 14, 2009, 08:13:33 AM
It's my first post so go easy please
"Daz wouldn't shift her"
"I wouldn't ride her with your C**k"
"Sweatin like a paedophile in a Barney suit"
"she's a face like a bag of busted hammers"
:D :D :D :D
when a footballer is constanlty transferring away ie Defoe or Diarra
' hes had more clubs than tiger woods'
on someone who can drink none (c-Berg316):
' couldnt drink Ballygowan on a hot summers day'
On someone who is rather relaxed about work (DD12, Blewuporstuffed, C-Berg316)
' He wouldnt work on batteries'
"if I'd a bag of bruised d*%ks I wouldn't give her one"
She'd do for a poke if the telly's broke
As popular as nuns in the Playboy Mansion
Angrier than a bear with a sore head
I'm that hungry i'd eat a gypsies toenail
I once heard of a girl who'd an arse on her like a bag of hammers!! :D
shes a f@**y on her like a brusted sofa
he touched leather twice today- puttin on his two boots
"like a wheelbarrow its all in front of you"
Quote from: longball on February 16, 2009, 10:07:18 AM
he touched leather twice today- puttin on his two boots
think that could be applied to colm cavanagh or mulligan yesterday!!
As some scamp said in the crowd well into the second half, i think they should throw mugsy on !! ;)
Quote from: blewuporstuffed on February 16, 2009, 10:36:05 AM
Quote from: longball on February 16, 2009, 10:07:18 AM
he touched leather twice today- puttin on his two boots
think that could be applied to colm cavanagh or mulligan yesterday!!
As some scamp said in the crowd well into the second half, i think they should throw mugsy on !! ;)
:-[ ;)
A face like a punched lasagne
or indeed
A face like a burst sofa
someone shite at shooting "he couldnt score in a brothel with ten grand"..."couldnt hit a barn door with a shovel"
ugly person "if my dog had a face like yours id shave its arse and walk it backwards"
For the Dale Wint0ns of this world
"He'd have an arse like a wizards cuff"
Quote from: dodgy umpire on February 16, 2009, 12:27:44 PM
someone shite at shooting "he couldnt score in a brothel with ten grand"..."couldnt hit a barn door with a shovel"
ugly person "if my dog had a face like yours id shave its arse and walk it backwards"
:D :D :D :D
said to tyrone people...Just out of curiosity, are your parents siblings
An old lady I knew in my younger days told me once when describing a very heavy hail storm that, " The hail was coming down like the curses of Jesus Christ on the roof of a whore house!"
I wouldn't buck her with a box of balls and a bag of dicks.
He is built like a bus ticket.
Her nose is that big, she could smoke a fag in the shower.
There was one about Miriam O'Callaghan at a stage:
"How many kids has she had now? The bacon's bound to be hangin out of her at this stage!"
Thon boys built like a jockeys whip.
when you think somebody may not be telling the whole truth:(stolen from a movie),
'dont piss on my shoes and tell me its raining'
He had a face like a sandblasted tomato
She had a fanny like a busted slipper
And last but not least...
Confucius Say:
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Virginity like
bubble, one p***k, all gone.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run in
front of car get tired.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run behind
car get exhausted.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man with hand in
pocket feel cocky all day.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Foolish man give
wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright
organ.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man with one
chopstick go hungry.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who scratch ass
should not bite fingernails.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who eat many
prunes get good run for money.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Baseball is wrong:
man with four balls cannot walk.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
War does not
determine who is right, war determine who is
left.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Wife who put
husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fight with
wife all day get no piece at night.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
It take many nails
to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who drive like
hell, bound to get there.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who stand on
toilet is high on pot.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who live in
glass house should change clothes in basement.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fish in
other man's well often catch crabs.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Crowded elevator
smell different to midget.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Another version of a man who was sweating heavily:
"Jaysus I was sweatin like a dyslexic on Countdown"
'I was sweating like a rapist"
To someone of a very light stature: (ie Yossi Beyanoun ofa Liverpool FC)
'The one eye would do him'
Opinions are like a$$holes everyone has one
If it wasn't for bad luck he/she wouldn't have any luck at all
To a fat man:
the only way you can see your willy is to stand in front of a mirror
A butter faced lady:
everything about that lady is fine but her face
affirmative- 'does a bear shit in the woods' or 'is a fat baby funky'
hes nervous- 'hes shaking like a shitting dog'
shes giving me a funny look:-
'she looked at me like i came into her house on christmas morning and pissed on her kids'- (Peter Kay)
working like a black :o
If ya cant lift her dont shift her
Quote'The one eye would do him'
That was a common one for prods around are way growing up :-[
Ass, Gas or Grass...no one rides for free ;)
About a well used woman > "It'd be like throwing a sausage up Royal Avenue".
About an ugly woman > "It's like her face has been set on fire and put out with hatchets".
Quote from: longball on February 17, 2009, 07:48:35 PM
affirmative- 'does a bear shit in the woods' or 'is a fat baby funky'
hes nervous- 'hes shaking like a shitting dog'
shes giving me a funny look:-
'she looked at me like i came into her house on christmas morning and pissed on her kids'- (Peter Kay)
[/b]
:D :D :D just laughed out loud in wrk :-X :(
Quote from: Derry Dolly on February 19, 2009, 01:35:21 PM
Quote from: longball on February 17, 2009, 07:48:35 PM
affirmative- 'does a bear shit in the woods' or 'is a fat baby funky'
hes nervous- 'hes shaking like a shitting dog'
shes giving me a funny look:-
'she looked at me like i came into her house on christmas morning and pissed on her kids'- (Peter Kay)
[/b]
:D :D :D just laughed out loud in wrk :-X :(
Glad i gave u a chuckle Dolly
said to a driver when you are trying to get somewhere in a hurry.
"drive her like you are late for mass"
said to someone who is driving you mental.
"you're for the lead"
Said in male company when discussing a lady of rather large proportions:
"She'd walk away from a quare shite".
About someone who is tightfisted: "He wouldn't give ye the skin of his shite"
About someone who passed away in the night: "He woke up dead".
He'd take the eye out of your head and come back and pish in the hole
She's that ugly she'd scare the rats out of the ditches...
Hes a face for the radio.
he's as mad as a pocket of frogs
Mad as a box of spiders
(with thanks to the hardybucks)
When discussing the new (sexy) pakistani girl at work who we discovered was married, a lad from kerry said 'a ring never blocked any hole'
Quote from: Mario on February 19, 2009, 07:51:34 PM
When discussing the new (sexy) pakistani girl at work who we discovered was married, a lad from kerry said 'a ring never blocked any hole'
Quote from: Mario on February 19, 2009, 07:51:34 PM
One of the best ive read :D
get down on ur knees and thank god your still on your feet- Hugo Duncan