'Nobody loves Kerry football more than me', lies journalist

[Banter Panther]

Pearse Dempsey, senior sports writer for a little known Cavan publication, has once again expressed his undying love for Kerry football, in spite of consistently attempting to pour scorn on their achievements over the past 40 years of his writing career.

The article itself is the 213th rehash of an article first written by Dempsey in 1991, where he tells his loyal circulation of 85 people that the well has run dry for ever more in the Kingdom. He began the article by saying 'Nobody loves Kerry football more than me', a line that in the past has been the precursor for vile tirades against Colm Cooper's red hair, Paul Galvin's ugg boots, and a complete disregard for Jack O'Shea's blindingly obvious and breath-taking skill.

On one particularly infamous occasion, in light of Kerry's 3-in-a-row win in 1986, Dempsey appeared to lose control of himself, writing in block capitals: 'NOBODY LOVES KERRY FOOTBALL MORE THAN ME, BUT I'M SO F****** SICK OF THESE GREEN AND GOLD P*****, WHY ARE ALL THE OTHER COUNTIES NOT ABLE TO PUT IT UP TO THEM, THEY'RE CLEARLY F******* S****. IF THEY WERE IN ULSTER THEY'D WIN F******. F****** C****. F*** S*** B****** B******* D****'.

He also shot to brief prominence in Offaly for attempting to cut a lock of Seamus Darby's hair for safe-keeping, such was his idolisation of the Offalyman, before being escorted out of the county by a jeep drawn horse box by a member of Offaly's Royal Family.

His article is sure to draw huge backing from other readers, convinced that Kerry have lost their touch for ever more. Conversely, Kerrymen are sure to burn pictures of what they imagine Dempsey looks like (such is their lack of adequate dial-up connection) on the streets of Tralee and Killarney.

More as it comes to hand.

[Eamonnca1]

Quality!

[Banter Panther]

Quality!

Yes, he is a capable and articulate writer.