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Messages - changed my name

#1
General discussion / Re: Depression
November 18, 2013, 10:42:35 AM
Thanks very much for the responses i really appreciate it.

I do feel a bit stupid at times and try to consistently live by the mantra "there are so many worse of than me etc etc". Sometimes that helps slightly and other times it just doesnt even come close to helping.
I would generally always have been a happy enough person and whatever life put in front of me i dealt with and moved on and at all times tried to keep a smile on my face. I dont know what exactly has triggered this but it is tough going and i wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy. Its getting to the stage now that everyone i meet im envious of as they seem normal and id give anything to have some normality and peace in my head.

In a way i hate writing this as i honestly dont know if im depressed or just going through a bad patch (if it is a bad patch then its as bad as it gets in my head). Its like an intense sadness and crying constantly. Sitting at work now trying to keep going cos what else can i do? Am not particularly keen on going to GP as i would prefer not to be put onto any medication/ antidepressants etc.
I suppose its something i keep hoping will pass itself and that i will bring myself through it.

Its nice to be able to talk to people on here as i have noone else i will talk to about it.

Thanks for the replies
#2
General discussion / Re: Depression
November 17, 2013, 09:49:49 PM
Firstly, im sort of ashamed to say i changed my name!! and opened a new account to write on this thread. That probably makes me a total coward but have people who know me on here and would prefer to stay anonyomous if thats ok.

I guess im hoping that writing things down and stuff might help me. I dont even know if im suffering from depression or if im just down in the dumps and need a good kick up the backside. I always would have ups and downs in life, nothing major but times would get a bit fed up for a few days but snap myself out of it quick enough. I generally always would keep the smile on my face and get on with things.

Lately though im getting it tough and i mean very tough. I cant pinpoint anything in particular thats set it off just a number of things. I feel like my life is passing me by and that everyone and everything is moving on and im stuck in a rut. In a relationship that is far far from easy, yet i wont walk away. I find myself intensely jealous of everyone elses lives which i know sounds ridiculous.  I could have lived with them feelings and try to tell myself wise up to frig and catch urself on , be grateful for all you have. That worked for a while.

Its got to the stage now where i feel low as low can be. I dont know what is wrong with me and i ly in bed every single night crying myself to sleep begging god to snap me out of it and make me feel normal again. Im struggling to get out of bed in the mornings to face the day, its getting harder and harder. I just want to ly under a cover all day in the dark and not have to speak to anyone. I want to blank everything out. I see no future and all week just would love to drive my car into a wall and be done with it. I never would though cos i keep imagining the pain id cause my family. This makes me think maybe i dont have depression but am just low.

This post probably sounds ridiculous to u all and most of you are probably thinking wise up and snap out of it and pull yourself together. Believe me im trying. Im trying so hard to keep going but i cannot stop crying. I dread everything coming up.

Reading this back i probably seem like a fool. I have a great family but couldnt even begin to talk to them about this. I wouldnt even say to my friends as they would probably think im being foolish. I just dont have anyone to talk to so thought maybe this might help me.

Im praying to god that i go back to normal and just printed out st judes desperate cases novena that im gonna start praying every day to lift me out of this. Dont know where else to turn.