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GAA Discussion / Gaaboard alternative Allstars
« on: September 21, 2017, 11:01:29 AM »
For pre AIF gaiscíocht.

For unlovely counties.
For forgotten deeds.  The anti TSG anti commercial Director

I would suggest :

Enda Smith - Ros
Daniel Flynn -Flourbags
Donie Kingston -Laois
Someone from Mullinalaghta.
Brendan Murphy- Carlow

Born Sloppy

There was a tsunami warning on all coastal waters and on the Irish Sea rising slowly with great vengeance and furious anger and the Department of Finance was down at Paddy Power putting a bet on the farm. You literally couldn’t make it up. Nobody knew what they were doing.  If it was golf he would have been using a colander. That would be ridiculous. But it was finance so anything goes. Nobody cares in Dublin elite circles. As long as you wear a tie.  And don't pronounce s as sh . That would be backward.

Mise Eire collapsed while pitching a sand wedge onto the 9th green of Elm Park Golf club on the 25th of September 2008 as the water rose to her knees. She was rushed in a boat to St Vincents, to the Jesus Mary and St Joseph ward.

It was a huge deal because Mise Eire  had been looking great that afternoon and was in great form, according to Standard and Poors, an old business acquaintance. She was attended by the most eminent surgeons in the country including Mr Biff Taoiseach, an English surgeon called Merrill Lynch, doctors from PWC, Arthur Cox and the AG (short for all grand), and her personal doctor, Pat Neary. Everyone in the room apart from Merrill Lynch and Mise Eire had been to the Gonzaga in their head.

None of them had a notion about financial tail risk. You must be joking. Nobody called Raidio na Gaeltachta either. Sure what would they know beyond in Connemara speaking that dead language. f**king didlyi shite. Sure some of them wouldn’t even know what a CDO squared was.  And none of them had gone to Gonzaga.

We think it was 25 September because there was no date on the memo. They must have been too busy. Yeah. Too busy.

And remembering nothing

The doctors and surgeons were at a loss to explain what was happening. Pat Neary wasn’t even sure Mise Eire was sick. He thought she might just need a few bottles of Lucozade. Nothing to worry about.

D Doyle had been to Gonzaga. He thought it would be good to know how much dopamine mixed with debt Mise Eire’s kids  had been taking over the previous decade. He hadn’t done anything about it before because he was from Dublin and he wouldn’t have a notion what to do about it. Sure how would he? And nobody cared about accountability. It was only f**king culchie money anyway.   

Mise Eire  was responsible for all their drug bills. This was news to her, according to Paul Reynolds who was looking forward to some gory corpses. Three of the boys-  Abe, Boy and Anglo were suspected of mainlining dopamine and crushing it with debt for an even deeper high. 

Drive boy, dog boy
Dirty numb angel boy
In the doorway boy
She was a lipstick boy
She was a beautiful boy
And AAA rated  boy
And all in your innerspace boy
You had
Hands girl boy
And steel boy
You had dopamine boy
I've grown my balance sheet
so close to you
Boy and you just groan boy
She said comeover comeover
She smiled at you boy

The sons were always claonta to listen to a bit of plámás. Especially if she was blonde and worked in Golem Sachs. Roysh
Everybody in the small room was shocked. Nobody knew they had been taking so much debt and dopamine, apart from Neary . There was no record. Neary didn’t do records. They had to guess.   This is what they always did. Always. Because it was the only way to do it. Fáilte go Baile Atha Cliath. Jaysus.

Samuel Beckett
“This tired, abstract anger –inarticulate passive opposition –always the same thing in Dublin.”

Patrick Kavanagh
“What is distressing is walking eagerly to go nowhere in particular”

Various interventions were discussed. Lucozade, guarantees, nationalist songs and a bad mother approach. RTE’s mother was very interested in old poetry and she always called a guarantee a baránta. About 350 years earlier she had a bit of heart trouble so she went to St Vincents. The head surgeon in St Vincents at the time was a Mr Cromwell, from England, and he wouldn’t let her out of his office unless she agreed to a symphiosotomy. She told him to f**k off even though she could barely walk. Mórtas cine. Mr Cromwell sent her to the Regional in Galway in a handcart. Her personal surgeon , called a file in the style of the time , wrote the following on her medical record :

Féach na Gaeil go leair gan bharánta
‚s ná bígí ag caol faoi dhul siar
Mise Eire  will never die but she wanted to be able to enjoy concerts by the Gloaming again. Plus the Sunday Game. Because she was so old, timeless, she couldn’t be covered by the VHI. She had so many children she didn’t know what to do so she set up a pension fund for them, called the NPRF.  The Department of Finance advised her not to keep it in her shoe in case some tinkers might come and steal it.  Roysh
The Department of Finance is from Dublin, is really dull and very bossy. He thinks he knows everything and there is only one way to do anything, which is his way. DoF went to Gonzaga . He is a hoor for process but he is quite sloppy when it comes to attention to detail. He hangs around with the accountants who think the way he does. 

And remembering nothing boy
You like my tin horn boy and get
Wet like an angel

They decided on a guarantee even though there were no numbers on the back of the fag packet.

Shouting bailout bailout bailout
Mega mega solvency  thing
Mega mega solvency thing
So many things to see and do
In the DoF do not hole true
Blonde going back to Fianna Fail
Bailout  Bailout Bailout going back to Gonzaga
Hi mammy are you having fun
And now are you on your way
To a new tension

Féach na Gaeil go leair gan bharánta
‚s na bígí ag caol faoi dhul siar

This was to fulful Scripture
Later Merrill Lynch was in town and they went for a few pints. Merrill Lynch wanted to update the department of finance on the state of his mother and especially how to pay for her treatment. Merrill Lynch was very earnest. The treatment could be paid for out for convertible capital or upside or downside but the maximum cost would be around EUR 10.5 Bn plus VAT.  Tops. DoF wasn’t listening. He was following the arse of the waitress as it returned to base in the kitchen. ,“Grand” . the Department of Finance was always saying.  “Grand” . Everyone in Dublin says Grand. Or Grond.

And remembering nothing

Nothing to worry about. 
That would be manageable, said Merrill Lynch.
A Finnish chainsaw and amputation expert called Olli Rehn was working in St Vincent’s mother hospital in Brussels on the Husqvarna contract. He was over in Dublin about 2 years later. The Department of finance offered to bring him out to Doheny and Nesbits because there was a cash machine on the way and he could get the EUR 10.5 bn after putting a bet on the farm. 
Olli was a Calvinist. He said he wanted to stay in the office. He wasn’t interested in a pint. He wasn’t interested in tea are you sure or even chocolate Kimberley. Olli was weird. After about 10 minutes he produced the final bill. It was over EUR 100 bn.

The department of finace had a weakness.100 bn would not be manageable.

Labour said our way or Frankfurt’s way. Olli waved the chainsaw at them. That shut Labour up. 
Grand is worth EUR 1000. You would need to say Grand 100 million times to get to EUR 100 bn. If you had an egg. And Sally O’Brien and the way she might look at you.

The department of Finance did the Cath Eachdhroma facepalm.
In Corca Dhúibhne it is called the Cath Chionn Tsáile facepalm
In Machaire Rabhartaigh they call it the Teitheadh na n-Iarla facepalm. 

Mise Eire  didn’t have that kind of money. She doesn’t have that sort of money said the Department of Finance
Olli said that Mise Eire was a distressed agent. He could accept payment either as an arm and a leg of Mise eire  or else she could put it on the credit card as long as she gave him either her first born child, or alternatively, the pension fund of all the children. The NPRF. He waved his chainsaw around for theatrical effect. The tinkers were innocent.

This is what happens when Dublin  is in charge. That is how the NPRF was lost. 

And the Lord looked at it and said “and remembering nothing”. But Finland couldn’t escape deflation either. Nokia collapsed.  Ní uasal agus íseal ach thuas seal agus thíos seal.

If there had been 10 itinerants from Tuam at the meeting instead of the Gonzaga boys there would have been no guarantee . They wouldn't have trusted the banks.

GAA Discussion / Signs the season is nearly over
« on: August 30, 2017, 10:47:34 AM »
The soccer threads are back
Man Utd hope springs eternal.
Tyrone football and hurling is polling strongly
Posting velocity is way down on July with one match left

GAA Discussion / Happy those who have not seen and yet believe
« on: August 15, 2017, 02:57:43 PM »

Hero Member
Posts: 7976

Re: The 101 unofficial rules of the GAA

« Reply #50 on: April 26, 2011, 09:27:44 PM »

Dublin footballers will always produce one heroic epic of failure per season.

Just fancy that !

General discussion / Getting the hotels booked post Brexit
« on: August 14, 2017, 08:06:36 AM »
The British government is this week expected to confirm that a customs Border between the North and the South is part of its proposals to leave the European Union.

This is expected to include proposals to have an “electronic border” where possible, to have spot checks of vehicles, to avail of number plate recognition technology and to also use CCTV cameras to try to monitor the movement of goods across the Border.

Some customs in Northern Ireland that are different will be taxed at 500%. Most bowler hats are imported from the EU.  Soda farls are believed to be at risk. The European Union does not recognise Northern Taytos. Any packet found in the European Union will be exterminated.
The Dutch Government has banned use of the word Orange outside the EU.
Pictures of King William of Orange will be subject to EU image rights taxes. 

An exemption from  tax has been gained for sports related group Rosary praying.

Trade minister Liam Fox has confirmed that he is negotiating in Asia to secure a number of marquee forwards for the Ballygawley area. He said it doesn't matter if they are small. They are unlikely to be able to handpass at industrial speed however. Hundreds of decades of the rosary have been said for the success of his mission.

Northerners who pop down to Dublin for matches or concerts and do not pay the M50 toll because it is too complicated /I forgot/ where are my glasses will be hunted down to the ends of the earth using number plate recognition allied with Facebook shaming.  Fin tech will then access their  bank accounts  to feed the insatiable appetite of the Dubs football project.

Petrol and diesel which move over the border several times a week will be subject to a South Armagh transaction tax which will be used to boost competitiveness in the Armagh football championship. Dromintee and Mullaghbawn have welcomed the proposal.

Particular Northerners who book hotels in Dublin may be required to deposit the collateral of a spare house which will be forfeited if the booking is on the wrong date. The money will be used to help sponsor years off for talented young Gaelic footballers.

It's a different game to 20 years ago.

Quite well described by this imo :
Quote from: bigloudmouth on August 09, 2017, 11:45:55 PM
"Guaranteed borefest - both teams will defend deep when not in possession, walk the ball to halfway after it has been kicked wide, hand pass or kick short ad nausea as they probe for space - dubs 2 minute soccer style build up to McCarthys point - and repeat over and over with occasional turnovers leading to brief instances of high intensity play - very brief!!"

Would it not make sense to run the ball from the goal line instead of pretending that it is still gaelic football ?
It's called football, Des. But it isn't really football

Eg Cork footballers Ô Driscoll
Galway hurlers Burke
Tipperary hurlers Maher

GAA Discussion / Upsets
« on: July 05, 2017, 12:11:20 PM »
So far this year :

Carlow beat Wexford
Galway beat Mayo
Down beat Monaghan
Cork beat Tipp
Wexford beat Kilkenny

Not bad going.

What other teams are the bookies overrating ?

GAA Discussion / All Star forwards
« on: June 08, 2017, 08:27:43 PM »
The game has become ultra defensive over the last while. Forwards get less space. Free scoring is harder. Often the job is to win frees.

The All stars have always focused on the teams in the all Ireland final. But a lot of forwards these days get shut down in the final. In the drawn final last year the Dubs selected forwards scored 5 points from  play iirc.  They were a bit more fluirseach in the replay but it's a back's game.

There will always be one or 2 standout forwards on successful teams like James O'Donoghue or Bernard Brogan. But how are the rest of the all stars selected ? Usually AIF participants plus the odd one for someone like Conor McManus or Quinlivan.
But if you look at the top 10 scorers by season  you get consistency from players who will never win an All Ireland. John Heslin, Donie Kingston and Sean Quigley were in the top 10 for 2 years out of the last 4. They won't get all Stars under an AIF focused system.

There should be a better way that recognises real talent further down the food chain. 
 Alternatively perhaps the number of forward allstars could be reduced to say 4 

General discussion / Notions
« on: May 31, 2017, 12:27:37 PM »
This is something that is often discussed in private conversation but that you don't hear much about in public.
However the Indo recently drew attention to it with an article entitled " Irish people have suddenly developed notions with coffee"

Cork footballers would have notions going into an All Ireland final against Kerry.
Are notions a big thing in Northern Ireland as well  ?

Hurling Discussion / Hurling Championship 2017
« on: May 19, 2017, 10:02:07 AM »
Cork V Tipp on Sunday

This is a fabulous article :
Jackie Tyrrell: Cork hurling needs leaders of old

Senior players need to offer better example against Tipperary than last year’s disaster
A lot of the time, people focus on the wrong thing when they’re assessing a team’s chances. Take Cork this Sunday against Tipperary. All the talk around Cork after the league and going into the championship has been about the young guys who are coming on to the scene. Shane Kingston, Mark Coleman, Luke Meade, Dean Brosnan, Colm Spillane, Michael Spillane, Darragh Fitzgibbon. Cork’s future. Now.
Some of these lads will start on Sunday, a few more of them will be very likely to come on. So in all the chat that surrounds the game, that’s what people think will determine the winning and losing of it. Cork are going with youth and everybody is mad keen to see how it goes for them.
The reality is, though, that no matter how good or bad these lads are on Sunday, they’re not the key to the outcome. Their youth will bring energy, freshness, boldness, confidence and exuberance to the Cork set-up and it will help shape the panel’s mentality going into the game. But when the ball is in and the heat is on, Cork will rise or fall on the leadership provided by the core of experienced players already there.
I’m talking about Anthony Nash, Conor Lehane, Mark Ellis, Alan Cadogan, Bill Cooper, Séamus Harnedy, Patrick Horgan. Time and again when you watch Cork, you wonder where the leaders are. Too many of them have a tendency to go missing in games and not touch the ball for ages. That can’t happen now, not when they have a crop of young, quality players to show the ropes to.
If you had to pinpoint one big problem with Cork over the past few years, it’s a lack of leaders. The Cork teams I played against in the 2000s were coming down with them. Donal Óg Cusack would always be there with his “We are Cork, boi” arrogance. Diarmuid O’Sullivan, Ronan Curran and John Gardiner would knock your head off your shoulders without a second thought.

Seán Óg Ó hAilpín had that in him too, when it was needed. Ben and Jerry O’Connor would run the legs off you, Timmy and Niall McCarthy never gave you an easy ball. That’s every patch of the field covered with lads who wouldn’t know how to let a game pass them by.

Now think of the Cork team of the last few years. Think of all the games you’ve seen where Horgan ended up with seven points, all from frees, and you couldn’t think of another thing he did in the game. Or where Cadogan sprinted out to collect the first ball and scored the first point and then wasn’t seen for the next 15 minutes. Or where Lehane looked like he might spark into life at any minute and next thing you knew the game was over.
Or think of the Cork defenders. Over the last five years, they have to be the nicest set of backs I’ve ever seen. Excellent on the ball, all of them. But so nice they would nearly pick your hurl off the ground for you if you dropped it.
The leeway you get for being young should only last a very short time
Very rarely do you see them taking a yellow card when it has to be taken. When’s the last time you heard of one of them being up in front of the Central Competitions Control Committee? I’m not saying they should be going around killing fellas for the sake of it. But part of the game is doing what has to be done, when it has to be done.

So here is Cork’s problem. They have a heap of young guys coming on stream and that creates expectation among the supporters. But you don’t learn intercounty hurling just by pulling on the jersey. You learn by watching what the experienced players are doing, what they are saying, how they carry themselves, where they set the bar.
You are never more impressionable than in your first year or two on an intercounty panel. You don’t know anything, really. So you’re soaking up everything that’s going on around you. You’re bouncing down the street in the team tracksuit, delighted with yourself, knowing that people are talking about you. And when it comes to the hurling side of it, you basically know that whatever you do well is a bonus and if you come up short, it’s not disastrous. You’re young so nobody is going to blame you.

This is where the culture of a dressingroom is so important. The leeway you get for being young should only last a very short time. In a good dressingroom, the leaders give you a bit of wriggle room to make mistakes but they make it clear that there’s a standard that has to be maintained. They don’t mind it if you’re not there yet as long as you’re working your way there.
That was what was said over and over again in my time in Kilkenny dressingrooms. When I got in there in 2003, you had lads such as Peter Barry, DJ Carey, Andy Comerford. And all they would say to you is make sure you work. Work hard, get the jersey, savour it when you have it and pass it on to the next guy in a better state than you got it. That was the over-arching mentality. That was the leadership you learned from.

What are young guys learning when they walk into the Cork dressingroom? What example are they being set? This is a team that utterly failed its acid test last year, by which I mean the qualifier against Wexford. Not scoring for 21 minutes in a championship game is just not acceptable. When Daniel Kearney got the 61st-minute goal to spring them from two down to one up, that should have been a big momentum changer. But it wasn’t. Instead, they went missing. They accepted defeat.
What’s Cork’s identity? It’s hard to pin it down, isn’t it?
So if that’s the culture, then that’s what young guys learn. They settle into a camp where not affecting a game in the last 10 minutes is accepted. They are shown that the biggest names in the team, the lads they looked up to before they ever even met them, can live with not being able to turn a game their way when it’s in the melting pot. Without even knowing it, they’re forming bad habits that they might never get rid of.
Leaders don’t have to make inspiring speeches or be always talking or constantly in the spotlight to show the way. It’s in how they prepare meticulously for big games. How they go quieter as the week develops, how they exude a razor-sharp focus, a killer instinct, an aggressive body language. It’s how they have that look in their eye before you go out that dressingroom door at 3.10pm that makes you think: “Yeah, we’re ready for whatever this team throws at us.”
Most of all, it’s doing what has to be done, going beyond the norm. In 2007, All-Ireland final against Limerick, Mike Fitzgerald got the ball about 10 minutes before half-time and took Noel Hickey on at the Hill 16 end near the Cusack side. I was less than 10 yards away. The ball hopped up between the two of them and as Noel went for it, he tore his hamstring. You could see straight away his day was over.
Mike Fitz had the ball though and as he turned, it looked as if he was in around Noel and had a straight run in along the endline to goal. Not on Noel’s watch. He decided in a split second that he wasn’t getting in on goal, and stretched out and let fly with the hurl and pulled across him. I could hear the crack of the hurl across Mike’s hand and as Noel hobbled off the pitch, Barry Kelly raised a fully-deserved yellow card. But Noel didn’t care – the goal wasn’t breached and he did what had to be done. That’s a killer instinct.
That moment stayed with me for my whole career. I thought about it several times afterwards. You’d have to watch it back a few times to even see it, he did it that quickly and instinctively. But it just stuck with me because it brought home what he was willing to do. He was in agony, his All-Ireland final was over. But without even thinking, he was doing anything he could to stop a goal. Mind the house. Nothing else matters. Ruthless. That was our identity.
What’s Cork’s identity? It’s hard to pin it down, isn’t it? Worst of all, most of what you’d come up with is negative. Inconsistency. Lack of physicality. Major lack of leadership. Gameplans for the sake of it, like William Egan playing sweeper last year against Tipperary without them having drilled it and perfected it during the league.
Some of these Cork players have to step up and show real leadership and make a statement
These are all bad habits and they’ve been there for a while. So what can you expect young guys to learn only those same habits? The result is that the bar starts at a low point the following year and any small bit of improvement is only from that low base. That’s how teams get stuck in a rut. They accept their lot in life. They forget that it doesn’t have to be this way.

That’s what makes this Tipperary game such a massive one for this Cork team. Last year was a disaster. They tried something new that they clearly didn’t even really believe in, they did it badly, they got a hiding. They can’t afford for Sunday to go the same way. If that happens, then that’s another bad habit formed. It’s two years’ worth of Cork players who get it into their heads that Tipperary are a team to have a mental block about.
That can’t happen. I don’t expect Cork to win on Sunday but I want to see a level of anger out of them. What’s important is that if they lose, they lose fighting. That they lose having a real shot at Tipperary. That they put in a performance that is completely different to last year when they didn’t land a glove.
Some of these Cork players have to step up and show real leadership and make a statement that this is a new Cork team, one that has steel, one that does not roll over like against Wexford last year. That they collectively say we’re maybe not at the skill level of Tipp or have the experience they do just yet, but we are going places. We have youth, we have physicality, we have an identity.
That starts with the experienced guys. If they do their bit, they will give the younger lads something to build on. And bit by bit, Cork can start putting something together and get back to where they should be.

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