Corny One for Friday

[armaghniac]

http://theulsterfry.com/local-news/country-and-irish-language-school-to-open-in-co-tyrone/

[ziggysego]

Can be a bit close to the bone but very, very funny..

http://www.joe.co.uk/entertainment/frankie-boyle-more-like-frankie-boylol/86992

No.6 is a clinker

No 19 was my favourite 

[muppet]

Can be a bit close to the bone but very, very funny..

http://www.joe.co.uk/entertainment/frankie-boyle-more-like-frankie-boylol/86992

No.6 is a clinker

No 19 was my favourite 

Brilliant.

This is also excellent:

[seafoid]

Peter Cook on Clive Anderson

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjE7XlYIAIY

[seafoid]

Three fellas enter a disabled swimming contest . The first has no arms. The second has no legs and the third has no body, just a head.
They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all in the
    pool.      The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no
legs is closing fast.  The head of course sank straight to the bottom.
  Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first.  He can
  still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool, so he decides
he     had better dive down to rescue him.  He picks up the head, swims
back  up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool,    where-upon the head starts coughing and spluttering. Eventually the  head catches his breath and shouts: " Three f**king years I've spent
   learning to swim with my f**king ears,  then two minutes before the   whistle, some f**ker puts a swimming cap on me"

[muppet]

[seafoid]

This is fabliss

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZuH_rZFGFXo

[BarryBreensBandage]

Prince Charles was on a visit to the Mourne Mountains.
After finishing his walk a reporter asked him "What do you think of County Down?"
He replied "It hasn't been the same since Carol Vorderman left".

[armaghniac]

Cadbury have had to withdraw their Brexit Xmas selection.
The double deckers contained fraudulent information about the contents.

[Orior]

On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife.

The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.

After being persuaded to go, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man and wondered what he was in for.

The old man handed a potion to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned, "This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful and then say '1-2-3'." When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life and you can perform as long as you want."

The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?"

"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,'" the medicine man responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."

The man was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he quickly took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!" Immediately, he was the manliest of men.

His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes as she asked "What was the 1-2-3 for?"

And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.

[Orior]

Some useful tips from Viz:

Church goers - save money by choosing a place of worship with a new roof.​

Cinema builders - don't bother installing a front row as nobody ever sits there. Simply start in the second row.

Home owners - potatoes wrapped in tinfoil and kept in a cupboard become a welcome consolation if your house burns down.

[muppet]

[armaghniac]

Q: How many figures are there in the UKIP nativity scene.
A: None.

[seafoid]

Les Dawson - An Audience With That Never Was

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47q6l3ddxnc

[StGallsGAA]

Les Dawson - An Audience With That Never Was

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47q6l3ddxnc

Nice for the family but they might have waited another couple of years until the CGI was a bit more realistic.