What's your relationship with alcohol?

Started by Boycey, October 12, 2018, 11:27:30 PM

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tonto1888

Quote from: pbat on October 13, 2018, 09:19:27 AM
Personally it has a grip on me, has now for 10 years. I was like most in my early 20's lived for the weekends died on a Monday and that was me until Friday then away again. As the boom years developed and I had more income the Monday club came into play, then midweek till practically it was every night. I used to fool myself with sure I never drink in the house. Had a few personal and financial sets backs in  the late 20's early 30's and things went down hill for me.

That's when the benders started maybe for 2-3 weeks at a time till the body could take no more. Then a week of hell in bed with sickness, paranoia, guilty. Theses benders used to be about twice a year then gradually every couple of months. I would know every early house between Belfast and Dublin This last 10 years has been a train wreck. At least 4 great jobs lost,either let go or quit in a drunken blur, kicked out of places to live, losing friends, broken relationships and treating my family like shit and a month in jail all through drink. I would estimate I have lost the price of at least 2 houses through drink or drink related crap such as missed flights, fines etc.

There is a fog descends on me and nothing will stop me drinking when it does there is nothing more important than drink in my eyes, no money, family on my back, important work events - nothing will stop me when I feel like that.

If I get to Wednesday I will be 100 days off this time, longest in 3 years. Working hard at the moment and have just bought my first new car in 10 years. The thing I have done different this time is I have joined a gym to try and lose weight and get fit which I do feel is helping. But I live in fear, fear of when that cloud will come over me again and I will blow this. I have attended AA meetings and I recognize the brilliant work they do but I feel that is not for me.

Yesterday like every Friday the lads at work where going for a pint and again I had an excuse not to attend but I did not feel I could come out and say look lads I would love to but I cant because i am an alcoholic. I would love to be able to go for one but I know that will end up with me knocking an early house door at 8am Monday morning and not caring about the job. There is a bit in the show the West Wing where they discuss alcoholism and Leo is asked can he not have a drink and he says the problem is he doesn't want 1 drink he wants 10 and he can never understand someone who goes for one drink. I totally get that sentiment. 

But I get what Boycey is saying about been overlooked for invites to things when I am off, and the snide comments such as grow a set of balls and get this sorted or your a pussy.( 2 former teammates use that one to me a lot). My parents nor my siblings never drank but through my wider family on both sides there is an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. I am 40 now and my health does not reflect that of a 40 year old.

I hear the young lads (17-18) around the club on a Sunday morning telling about how drunk they were and done this or done that, and I smile and laugh along thinking I was there. But I would like that maybe through school or the club they could be shown where it can take you. We do need to address the attitude in the country as a whole on alcohol, win a cup drink for 4 days, weddings now 3 days sessions, funerals drink, school dances drink, going to watch the county play a day on the drink. I dont know if I had been told the dangers and horrors at 17 would it have been any different for me but I feel as a society when need to try.

It seems like a month a go my biggest worry was preparing for a minor county semi - final but as I survey the wreckage of the last 22 years I dont wish that on anyone.

I totally get this mate. This was me to a tee. I went to AA for maybe 18 months and it helped me stay stopped as I had made plenty of attempts previously.
If I were you I'd pick a couple of close mates and tell them. People who you totally trust. Believe me it's easier when you have people who know. Drop me a pm if you want

tonto1888

Quote from: Fiodoir Ard Mhacha on October 13, 2018, 10:42:16 AM
The bravest and most honest post I've seen here in years, pbat.

Four weeks off it today. Did my serious sessions over the years. This year, my dad died and my life has been in some personal turmoil since. Alcohol didn't help. I'm playing this abstinence thing purely weekend by weekend.

You know where I am mate. Always have time for you

brokencrossbar1

I was an early teenage drinker. Regularly drunk from 14 onwards. Lived in a house where drink was very easily available. Still worked at school and trained hard at football. We all did to be honest but as I was bigger and older looking than my friends and had more 'liberal' parenting i always able to do more. I actually made my senior debut for Cross after having been on an all night bender at an 18th. Illdecide might remember the game it was the league decider between us and them in Cross in 1993 and Barry  O Hagan gave me a lesson that day 🤣. 

By the time I got to university I had played schools football till I was sick to death of the sight of an O Neill's and took a year off football altogether. I drank like a maniac in my first year,  fights, barred from the student union, police, hospital, you name it. I went mental. Did at least 2 exams drunk and somehow managed to get them. I returned to proper football about 3 weeks before we played Mullaghbawn in 1995, the infamous one where they beat us and there was a documentary done about it. They went on to win Ulster and this set us on a whole new pathway. As a group we sat down and Joe Kernan focused us on what we were to do. He spoke to me directly and gave me clear instructions. Buck up or f**k off. I did and the rest as they say is history. The next 10-12 years of my life were focused on football and that honestly kept me out of the pub. The girlfriend at the time was delighted as it meant I drove out every night and she could have her vodka and coke and knew I was there!  I still enjoyed the pints when they were there particularly after big wins, but was never a weekender as such.

After i quit playing football my ex wife and I rarely went out. Glasses of wine in the house and the odd night out. Friday and Saturday night the. Started stretching to Thursday to Sunday. Next thingbye know between the 2 of us we were drinking 4-5 bottles of wine a weekend. I put on weight, struggled with work,  had a lot of other stuff going on, so it was becoming a crutch. The one thing that helped me was that I had started coaching teams and this was getting me out and about butbthere was still a drinking culture around the teams so would have had a few pints with them after games etc. Drink became a problem within my marriage. I reduced my consumption significantly but it remained a problem. The demon of the middle class functioning alcoholic is a very hard one to deal with. When my marriage ended and I moved out I had a few months where I went off the rails. Losing weekends, inappropriate stuff, but I never went to the point of losing control.

2 years ago I made a few calls about my life and they've all come to fruition so far. I still enjoy a drink. I'm in a new relationship and we do go out and have a few drinks. Have dinner and a bottle of wine and then maybe a few pints after it but I rarely go out for a feed of drink just for the sake of it. I love going to the pub and watching a Champions league game and having 2-3 pints with my son and heading home, or watching a Sunday Game match and doing the same. But I know I can leave the pub whenever suits.

Phat that is a very brave post and I wish you all the best. The fears of alcoholism is terrible. Stick to it. Break the 100 days. And then 150 and then 200. Next thing you know it will be years you will be talking about.

tintin25


Like alot of people I would have been a big binge drinker.  Absolutely no desire to drink in the house during the week and I wouldn't even drink if watching a match or that in the pub, unless I was going out.  My problem was that I over indulged on nights out resulting in blackouts and getting labelled as a 'piss head'.  It's all funny at the time and it's a good story for people but I got fed up with it and thankfully have started to cut back on my intake.  Always felt I needed a 'few drinks in me' to be able to socialize and talk to women etc....it worked to an extent in my twenties, put I think in your thirties it can be a big turn off for people if you're coming across loaded on a night out.  Nights out are few and far between these days, with alot of friends married etc and with a mortgage to pay I just don't have the funds to be doing it but I'm glad in a way and focusing on keeping active and in a shape.

Milltown Row2

A lot of people are functioning alcoholics. As BC1 said I'd be similar in some respect, but I enjoyed it, living in Belfast we would have been in town every night, providing the cash machine handed out money!

Even getting married never stopped the weekend binges, having kids probably brought about some degree of sense and for about 10 years during the weeks no drink would have been taken, wine at weekends yes and the odd weekend a month out with mates or wife.

Once the kids were reared (to a point) we'd have enjoyed a glass a wine at 9 o'clock which turned to two or more, followed that path for a while until recently when we did a sober September.. don't drink during the week at all, I've always trained hard and our diet is great but I'd be worried about the damage I've done, my relationship with drink is good, though as I write this I'm recovering from a poker night at a friends  :o ! But I've a few refereeing engagements later and I've done my early 3 miler to get me back (mentally) on track

I wouldn't say I'd stop drinking, but I've cut it way back to where I was but I'd say it's probably over the weekly allowance, though not by much.

Some honest posts there, I've seen how bad drink can affect relationships and families.. so to anyone on the wagon keep it up, it's harder in this culture to abstain.
None of us are getting out of here alive, so please stop treating yourself like an after thought. Ea

Smurfy123

Have battled with alcohol for many years up until recently after starting up in a relationship which has got me back on track as such or giving me a reason not to go on 3/4 day benders at a time.
Normally my weekend would begin on a Thursday night and end up legless on a Sunday evening around the 7 o clock Mark haven been in the early house from 8am that morning. Fridays at work are normally grand to get through as finish at 1 every Friday and knew I would be in he pub for 2 and that was it. Saturday morning would consist of getting up and having some food and hitting the local at 12 and that was it until I could not walk and Sunday's was always an 8am start and that was for about 10 years.
Met a girl 6 months ago and I no longer do the Thursdays and Sundays (it's a start). I still go on the Friday and now hold off till around 6 and go out with her. Sunday's can sometimes be a struggle but by god I feel so good getting up on a Monday with no hangover.  From binge drinking 4 days a week for 10 years down to 2 now has made me feel so much better about myself and I feel much happier in life.

Hardy

Quote from: tonto1888 on October 13, 2018, 07:54:48 AMI never had a problem with the booze unless I had a drink.

I don't mean to be flippant, but I enjoyed that line.

Good thread and good testimonies. I drink too much. 50+ units a week. Mostly wine at home plus a few pints a couple of times a week. But my biggest worry is not directly about my own drinking but about a family member I fear is becoming a problem drinker and I'm not a great example to him.

Does anyone have any advice on how to intervene, advise, etc. Anyone familiar with Al Anon and are they to be recommended? The self-described younger problem drinkers here might have some good advice as to whether an intervention from a parent would help or hinder.

balladmaker

Good thread, and a subject I've been thinking about alot lately.  The reason being, I consider myself to drink too much, and find that after a few days off it, I'm trying to engineer ways of getting myself into a situation where I can get a pint e.g. lets go out for a family dinner where the food would be secondary to me.  I don't drink 7 days a week, I may drink 2 or 3 days a week though, and never to the point I'd be falling around the place, or off my head drunk.  At the same time, I can go a month without it, but would admit it is a struggle.  Work brings me in close contact with drink, and into situations where I'd find it hard to avoid it.  So, I'd admit to having an urge to drink, and probably will have 6 or 7 cans in the house tonight if not going out.  My thoughts lately have been to give it up, but until I make alternative work plans, that could be a challenge.  Thanks for starting thread.

Baile an tuaigh

When I was 11 just around Confirmation age the local priest and teachers sat our class down and told us about the dangers of alchohol. That we should really commit to the pledge.

I had personally seen enough alcohol around me and it really put me off ever taking it. It wasn't easy. Different times especially going to night clubs from big matches ect where people would sometimes push it on you.

My come back excuse was only if Antrim win an all Ireland or we get a United Ireland would I take my first drink. Neither will ever happen and neither will I ever drink.

Insane Bolt

Quote from: Hardy on October 13, 2018, 12:21:58 PM
Quote from: tonto1888 on October 13, 2018, 07:54:48 AMI never had a problem with the booze unless I had a drink.

I don't mean to be flippant, but I enjoyed that line.

Good thread and good testimonies. I drink too much. 50+ units a week. Mostly wine at home plus a few pints a couple of times a week. But my biggest worry is not directly about my own drinking but about a family member I fear is becoming a problem drinker and I'm not a great example to him.

Does anyone have any advice on how to intervene, advise, etc. Anyone familiar with Al Anon and are they to be recommended? The self-described younger problem drinkers here might have some good advice as to whether an intervention from a parent would help or hinder.

Honesty is the best policy Hardy......I have a very close friend who had it all, lovely wife and kids, big house, car etc......but drank too much and ignored the warnings and advice.......lost it all.
He rang me one day and it was obvious he had had a few......but I decided to go meet him and talk to him as my thought process was .....at least I will have tried. He started off by getting a bit testy with me over not returning a missed call......wrong thing to do with me....anyway I took him to a quiet corner and told him the truth......he was a fcking bollocks and that he wasn't going to find the answer to his problems at the bottom of a pint glass, and that he needed to admit he was an alcoholic and seek help...i.e. Sister Concilios......he was in complete denial.....but I told him he was my friend and that I was there for him.....drove him home that night to his fathers house and it was embarrassing.....so next day rang him first thing to check on him....cut a long story short he went on a bender, woke up on a beach, split head, no clue what happened.......realised then he needed help....rang a mutual friend who lifted him, got him into Concilios.....did the 12 week program.....fell off the wagon, got back on....but visited him recently and he is back drinking......'just a few cans and an odd glass of wine'. I told him that he's on a slippery slope but only he can do something about it. I really fear for him, as he is in complete denial again.
Alcohol plays such a large part of society in Ireland, weather has a lot to do with it also IMHO.
Anyway, for those battling keep taking one day at a time, for those worried about someone please talk to them.....it beats not talking. Good luck all.

tonto1888

Quote from: Hardy on October 13, 2018, 12:21:58 PM
Quote from: tonto1888 on October 13, 2018, 07:54:48 AMI never had a problem with the booze unless I had a drink.

I don't mean to be flippant, but I enjoyed that line.

Good thread and good testimonies. I drink too much. 50+ units a week. Mostly wine at home plus a few pints a couple of times a week. But my biggest worry is not directly about my own drinking but about a family member I fear is becoming a problem drinker and I'm not a great example to him.

Does anyone have any advice on how to intervene, advise, etc. Anyone familiar with Al Anon and are they to be recommended? The self-described younger problem drinkers here might have some good advice as to whether an intervention from a parent would help or hinder.

Haha. No problem. What I meant was I wasnt one who would sit in work all day counting down the minutes until I could get a drink. But when I drank, well to quite Bartley Gorman. "When I was drinking I was drinking. Wild horses couldn't get me away."

Solo_run

Drink on the odd occassion but never feel the need to drink it to have a good time

Farrandeelin

I drank a fair bit in college, like most people do/did I suppose.

Then I was diagnosed with epilepsy. My family thought it was drink related, as in I would go out on a Saturday night and have the seizure on the Sunday night. So I had to stop it. I didn't miss it, but I sometimes missed going on a session with the lads. I always was taxi man for people and I never said no. However the epilepsy never went away. So the night before my wedding, I had a pint, which turned into 4. I was waiting for a week for a seizure to arrive but it didn't. I have drank irregularly since then. I might get a bit tipsy, but nothing more. I'd limit myself to 5 or 6 pints whenever I would go out, I might drink a few bottles at home if I'm not out, maximum 3.

The seizures still come. I haven't had one since July, during which I hadn't taken a drink at all. I have found out since that stress is the main trigger. That's for a different thread however.
Inaugural Football Championship Prediction Winner.

weareros

One of my big problems is that I have too good a tolerance for it. Called to the bar at a young age. The second would be that Irish tendency to mythologize the drink like a Clancy Brothers song, that it really is the water of life, how it brought Tim Finnegan back to life, how we should all the buried with a jug of punch at our head and feet  and how the milk of the cow is alright for the calf but the juice of the barley for me. And speaking of barley and wheat and hops and all that good stuff that goes into beer and whiskey, it is all full of lectins the latest thing the fashion diets are saying that are causing all our health woes, killing all the good bacteria in our gut and so on. Now starting to question my relationship with drink and whether it really brought Tim Finnegan back from the dead after killing him in the first place. Still no plans to give it up yet but might make a bigger effort to switch to red wine which is a lot healthier tho rarely the subject of Irish folk songs apart from Rose Connolly, and the poor girl was murdered by the wine drinker.

An Watcher

Must say, excellent thread that seems to have struck a chord with quite a few people on here.&nbsp; I admire their honesty and good luck to them.<br>
Personally I drank the bit out at secondary school, university and for years later.&nbsp; Drinking to get drunk to enjoy the craic.&nbsp; Have to say I really enjoyed it but at the same time I wonder what could have been and where would I have been without it.&nbsp; <br>
Now I hardly drink at all but I do enjoy an odd blow out which only amounts to about 7/8 pints these days!&nbsp; Many of my friends still drink away and they look at me funnily when I say I don&apos;t drink in the house or I&apos;m not bothered with just a few pints.&nbsp; It&apos;s all or nothing with me but each to their own.<br>
Now I&apos;m married with kids I think I&apos;ve alot more confidence.&nbsp; The nerves are gone.&nbsp; I wouldn&apos;t want them to see me with drink and I want to enjoy my time with them e.g. swimming, cycling etc.&nbsp; I worry what damage I did to myself previously but I&apos;ve always been relatively fit and the drink never had the hold of me.&nbsp; Different for some of my mates.