Nightshift

[Aerlik]

I have just completed my first stint of nightshift in over 20 years, and jeepers it's killing me to stay awake.  I suppose the nature of my job means the adrenalin is pumping for the time I'm in the cockpit, but damnit I'm ready for my bed.  Anyone else here work nightshift  and if so what strategies for preparation and more importantly recovery do you have?  Luckily I now have three days off and then back on days for a while.

The plus side...the plane is state of the art and basically flies itself down to the last 500ft when company policy deems we take the autopilot off....hmmm I wonder if it has autoland?

[ONeill]

Was this you?

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/5/20081218/tuk-i-m-not-allowed-to-land-in-fog-45dbed5.html

'I'm Not Allowed To Land In Fog'

A pilot with more than 30 years experience has been forced to turn his plane around - because he was not qualified to land in fog.

Passengers on the 8.45am Flybe flight to Paris were just minutes away from landing at their destination when they were told they would have to go all the way back to Cardiff.

One passenger from Bristol missed a job interview in France because of the incident.

Cassandra Grant explained: "Twenty minutes outside Paris, the captain said, 'Unfortunately I'm not qualified to land the plane in Paris.

"'They are asking for a level two qualification and I only have a level five. We'll have to fly back.'"

A spokeswoman for the airline said Flybe backed the pilot's decision "100 per cent".

He had recently switched from flying a Bombardier Q300 to a Bombardier Q400 and has not completed the "requisite low-visibility training," she said.

The dense fog covering Charles de Gaulle airport had not been there when the flight took off, she added.

The plane was already three hours late due to bad weather in Wales.

The pilot's situation is "quite unusual but probably not unheard of," according to the Civil Aviation Authority.

[Aerlik]

No, not me Ui Niall, but something similar to that happened to me tonight.  I was flying to pick up a patient in a wee country town and the weather was perfect...that  is until I got over the airstrip and although I could see the lights clearly from overhead, when I turned final to land and the visibility was pretty crap due to mist obscuring the landing threshold and approach lights so I aborted the approach.  There was no indication of fog or mist on the forecast which I got less than 10 mins prior to takeoff.  Scheisse happens.

The Q400 is a great machine.  Ohhhh would love to flying one of them.

[5 Sams]

Cant answer your question Aerlik but I spied these on Reservoir dubs dot com and I thought they might amuse you ....as Joe Pesci  famously said.....

Airline Cabin Crew Announcements

United Flight Attendant announced, 'People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!
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On landing, the stewardess said, 'Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have. '
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'There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane'
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An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a 'Thanks for flying our airline.'  He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment.  Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane.   
She said, 'Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?'
'Why, no, Ma'am,' said the pilot. 'What is it?'
The little old lady said, 'Did we land, or were we shot down?'
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As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: 'Whoa, big fella,  WHOA!'
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After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, 'Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because sure as hell everything has shifted after a landing like that.'
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Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing:  'We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.'
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Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo , Texas on a particularly windy and bumpy day:  During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it.  After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo .  Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!'
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'Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.'
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'As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.  Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants.  Please do not leave children or spouses......except for that gentleman over there.'
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Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City .  The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, 'That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking.  I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt.'
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After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix , the attendant came on with, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate.  And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.'
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Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: 'We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today.  And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways.'
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Heard on a Southwest Airline flight - 'Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em.'
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A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport .  After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, 'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.  Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles .  The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight.  Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!'  Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap.  You should see the front of my pants!'
A passenger in Coach yelled, 'That's nothing.  You should see the back of mine!'

London Tube Drivers
1)   'Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the delay to your service I know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cross over to the Westbound and go in the opposite direction.'

2) 'Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from E & B syndrome: not knowing his elbow from his backside. I'll let you know any further information as soon as I'm given any.'

3) 'Do you want the good news first or the bad news? The good news is that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great time. The bad news is that there is a points failure somewhere between Stratford and East Ham, which means we probably won't reach our destination.'

4) 'Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay, but there is a security alert at Victoria station and we are therefore stuck here for the foreseeable future, so let's take our minds off it and pass some time together. All together now.... 'Ten green bottles, hanging on a wall.....'.'

5) 'We are now travelling through Baker Street ... As you can see, Baker Street is closed. It would have been nice if they had actually told me, so I could tell you earlier, but no, they don't think about things like that'.

6) 'Beggars are operating on this train. Please do NOT encourage these professional beggars. If you have any spare change, please give it to a registered charity. Failing that, give it to me.'

7) During an extremely hot rush hour on the Central Line, the driver announced in a West Indian drawl: 'Step right this way for the sauna, ladies and gentleman... unfortunately, towels are not provided.'

8 ) 'Let the passengers off the train FIRST!' (Pause .) 'Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care - I'm going home.....'

9) 'Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with 'Please hold the doors open.' The two are distinct and separate instructions.'

10) 'Please note that the beeping noise coming from the doors means that the doors are about to close. It does not mean throw yourself or your bags into the doors.'

11) 'We can't move off because some idiot has their hand stuck in the door.'

12) 'To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second carriage - what part of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you understand?'

13) 'Please move all baggage away from the doors.' (Pause..) 'Please move ALL belongings away from the doors.' (Pause...) 'This is a personal message to the man in the brown suit wearing glasses at the rear of the train: Put the pie down, Four-eyes, and move your bl**dy golf clubs away from the door before I come down there and (the rest is censored!)'

14) 'May I remind all passengers that there is strictly no smoking allowed on any part of the Underground. However, if you are smoking a joint, it 's only fair that you pass it round the rest of the carriage.'

[ONeill]

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which
conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during
the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct
the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form
what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets
before the next flight.

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as
submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance
engineers.

(P = the problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

[milltown row]

did night shift many years ago, the secret to night shift is to, on the first night,  stay up as long as you can work that night. come morning time then hit the sack. black out windows is a necessity and i put in ear plugs. you will sleep up to 8 hours then your in the zone. problem with your jobs is simple. let me know when you do the first night