Depression

Started by Eamonnca1, October 25, 2013, 09:11:55 PM

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omaghjoe

Keep the head up lads...I've never had much bother with this stuff luckily but at times I do get stressed and frustrated at times.
Some of the things i think are useful for me at least:
A Hobby, my latest one is plants.
Exercise, i dont do much but when I do even a wee bit it gives you a great mental boost
Cold showers, stimulates all your nerves
Winging, just about whatever is on your chest
Quiet time / prayer / mindfulness/ meditation.... something that settles the old head and helps you focus on what's important and what your place is in the greater good.
Have plans, small ones big ones whatever just have things your working towards.
Sleep.. I'm bad on this one but if I get my 8 hours it makes a world of difference.
Diet has a big affect on your mental state stay clear of sugar and processed shite. I tried the keto a few months back and its gives you a ton of mental energy.
Obiviously too much booze is bad but a beer or two I find to be a great relaxer.
Discipline/ Routine, puts all of these things together and stick to them.

Professional help is very important if you can get it, it made a big difference to someone I know.

Ambrose

Quote from: redcard on November 10, 2019, 03:37:47 AM
Quote from: Eamonnca1 on November 09, 2019, 10:34:23 PM
I collapsed crying into my wife's arms this morning. It's been a rough few days at work, I've been struggling to meet the deadlines and wondering if I'm going to blow it in my new job. I've been so overwhelmed I've had no time to exercise or do anything fun. The daylight savings change has not helped. Dark and disturbing thoughts have been haunting me for the last few weeks, and last night they got so out of hand I couldn't get to sleep until 3 in the morning. My new health insurance plan kicks in next week, so I should be able to get an appointment with a counselor soon. I don't want to burden my wife with the gory details of the thoughts I can't get out of my head. She's been very supportive and understanding though. I'd be in a much worse place without her and without our sweet little 8 month-old daughter.
Wait till I tell you Eamonca1 if you have a wife who is there to support you, has married you and went through all that for better and worse etc then to me you are honestly a great person. Why would a spouse go through that other than they see value in their husband. As for your daughter I'm sure all she sees at such a young age is such a wonderful man and father. Please view the world through their eyes and see the value you bring to her, you and your wife. You have been on this board from for a while now and I have always been interested in your comments. Your views have always been genuine.

If you can't talk to your wife then who can you talk to?

Life is going to be tough with a new baby in the house, lack of sleep etc, but you'll get so much joy from that wee girl once things settle down and before you know it there'll be another one on the way.

Don't stress over work, switch off as soon as you are out the door, it should be about work, life balance. There are other jobs out there.
You can't live off history and tradition forever

paddyjohn

Quote from: Eamonnca1 on November 09, 2019, 10:34:23 PM
I collapsed crying into my wife's arms this morning. It's been a rough few days at work, I've been struggling to meet the deadlines and wondering if I'm going to blow it in my new job. I've been so overwhelmed I've had no time to exercise or do anything fun. The daylight savings change has not helped. Dark and disturbing thoughts have been haunting me for the last few weeks, and last night they got so out of hand I couldn't get to sleep until 3 in the morning. My new health insurance plan kicks in next week, so I should be able to get an appointment with a counselor soon. I don't want to burden my wife with the gory details of the thoughts I can't get out of my head. She's been very supportive and understanding though. I'd be in a much worse place without her and without our sweet little 8 month-old daughter.

I've been in that situation, but work is work and family are family. Take a step back and ask what's important, your wife and kid or work? I had myself absolutely tortured at the turn of the year but there are always brighter days ahead. Trust me, no matter how bad things seem, nothing will lift you like the smile of your children. I've 2 and to be honest along with my wife they've saved my life.




Eamonnca1

Quote from: tintin25 on November 10, 2019, 08:01:57 AM

Currently experiencing some difficulties with a work colleague who is my senior. I'm relatively new in the role compared to the others in the department (got a promotion of sorts 2 years ago) and I'm sitting next to this particular individual so she can assist in a mentoring type capacity and so I can liaise with her as/when required. I carry out my own work and assist with her workload on occasion too. 90% of the time she is sound, but other times she is completely condescending, almost forgetting there isn't a big age gap between us (I'm mid 30s and she's early 40s). She is making me doubt myself over tasks I know how to perform (or should know how) and it's almost as if she has this expectation that I'm going to fail which is putting me completely off balance. She'll question me at times as if I haven't been doing anything, and rather than 'remind' me other times if I've forgot to do something, it's 'Why haven't you....' or 'Am I going to have to continually tell you this...' etc.  It's starting to effect my confidence and whilst I've never been an emotional/sensitive type at work before, at times I've been close to shedding a tear (pathetic as it sounds). Work in the main is good and I'm popular with staff and management alike, but this is getting to me. Thing is, I don't know whether I'm just being abit sensitive to the situation and need to brush it off, or is something underlying like anxiety?

I was in a very similar situation in my last company, and I ended up leaving because of it. Again it was a female employee, but this was a young cub fresh out of college who had become something of a hotshot. Her productivity was higher than everyone else's, and she did a ton of research to get a really deep understanding of how things worked. She was technically good at her job and was getting promoted left and right. Problem was, she wasn't a team player. Everything she did was about accumulating more power for herself. She point blank refused to share her knowledge, spoke at 100MPH so you had no chance of taking in anything she was saying, spoke in technical jargon that she knew full well her audience could not understand, and then gave off a condescending attitude about it when you asked her a question later. She'd roll her eyes up to heaven as if it was beneath her dignity to answer a question. Communication in writing wasn't much better, her replies would be just as barbed and she'd make a point of copying my manager on them just to maximise the damage.

She'll get her comeuppance though. HR investigated her for bullying after someone (not me) reported her. And almost everybody else on the team has had problems with her at one time or another, including other people who left.

If your colleague is pissing you off, chances are she's pissing everyone else off too. I used to think I was the only one with a problem until I spoke to people about it.  I don't know what size of company you're in, but if there's someone you can confide in or some way of talking about the issue then it might help. The sooner you deal with it the better, or sure as fate her attacks might get just a little nastier every time to the point where she'll be flat out abusive.

Eamonnca1

Thank you everyone for the kind words. I'm feeling a bit better today, but I still want to get some professional help this week.

It's a great company that I work for, they just get a little busy at certain times of the year. Funny how working in eCommerce can be a bit like working in retail during the holidays in that there's a big mad rush to get things done.

J70

Good luck to you Eamonn.

J70

Article in The Athletic today about Robert Enke, the German goalkeeper who committed suicide ten years ago amid major struggles with depression. Interview with his wife. Sounds like the poor guy was going through absolute hell.

https://theathletic.com/1347753/2019/11/10/teresa-enke-we-wont-think-of-it-as-the-day-of-his-death-we-will-celebrate-his-life/?amp

joemamas

Quote from: Eamonnca1 on November 11, 2019, 05:21:49 PM
Quote from: tintin25 on November 10, 2019, 08:01:57 AM

Currently experiencing some difficulties with a work colleague who is my senior. I'm relatively new in the role compared to the others in the department (got a promotion of sorts 2 years ago) and I'm sitting next to this particular individual so she can assist in a mentoring type capacity and so I can liaise with her as/when required. I carry out my own work and assist with her workload on occasion too. 90% of the time she is sound, but other times she is completely condescending, almost forgetting there isn't a big age gap between us (I'm mid 30s and she's early 40s). She is making me doubt myself over tasks I know how to perform (or should know how) and it's almost as if she has this expectation that I'm going to fail which is putting me completely off balance. She'll question me at times as if I haven't been doing anything, and rather than 'remind' me other times if I've forgot to do something, it's 'Why haven't you....' or 'Am I going to have to continually tell you this...' etc.  It's starting to effect my confidence and whilst I've never been an emotional/sensitive type at work before, at times I've been close to shedding a tear (pathetic as it sounds). Work in the main is good and I'm popular with staff and management alike, but this is getting to me. Thing is, I don't know whether I'm just being abit sensitive to the situation and need to brush it off, or is something underlying like anxiety?

I was in a very similar situation in my last company, and I ended up leaving because of it. Again it was a female employee, but this was a young cub fresh out of college who had become something of a hotshot. Her productivity was higher than everyone else's, and she did a ton of research to get a really deep understanding of how things worked. She was technically good at her job and was getting promoted left and right. Problem was, she wasn't a team player. Everything she did was about accumulating more power for herself. She point blank refused to share her knowledge, spoke at 100MPH so you had no chance of taking in anything she was saying, spoke in technical jargon that she knew full well her audience could not understand, and then gave off a condescending attitude about it when you asked her a question later. She'd roll her eyes up to heaven as if it was beneath her dignity to answer a question. Communication in writing wasn't much better, her replies would be just as barbed and she'd make a point of copying my manager on them just to maximise the damage.

She'll get her comeuppance though. HR investigated her for bullying after someone (not me) reported her. And almost everybody else on the team has had problems with her at one time or another, including other people who left.

If your colleague is pissing you off, chances are she's pissing everyone else off too. I used to think I was the only one with a problem until I spoke to people about it.  I don't know what size of company you're in, but if there's someone you can confide in or some way of talking about the issue then it might help. The sooner you deal with it the better, or sure as fate her attacks might get just a little nastier every time to the point where she'll be flat out abusive.
Make a point to speak to anybody you know, even about bullshit stuff, the conversation will eventually come to "how is everything else", people will listen and provide encouragement and will help to try to rationalize the situation.

It is a tough time of year, so many people feel down with the shorter evenings, dark when you get to work dark when you are getting home. Watch old movies that make you laugh, same with shows.
Do not turn on the news.

As for work, I world for a large multinational , Bullshitters come and go and eventually are figured out.
Do your job, it may take a bit more time and persistence to get there. I am sure you will, everybody work wise was in the same position as you. Be pleasant to people and work hard. It may even make sense to be proactive and sit down with this person and let her know that you wan to build a career and would appreciate her input.
She still might be a you know what, but may still take this as a positive.
Exerxise, yoga, especially the hot type , bikram, knocks the shite out of you and feels like you have taken Valium an hour after you have finished and cleansed up.
Good luck.

SpeculativeEffort

Someone posted earlier that a huge proportion of male suicides are by those working in construction.
Anyone else feel the culture of 'making a gobshite' out of lads (especially young lads) is part of the problem?
More experienced lads trying to make young lads look foolish or highlighting mistakes, making videos etc.?
Is this still prevalent and passed off as having the craic?

I worked in construction (although lads were sound) and in agri work (where lads made me feel like a fool) when younger. Id never work with the 2nd crowd again as a result.

thebuzz

Quote from: SpeculativeEffort on November 11, 2019, 09:06:43 PM
Someone posted earlier that a huge proportion of male suicides are by those working in construction.
Anyone else feel the culture of 'making a gobshite' out of lads (especially young lads) is part of the problem?
More experienced lads trying to make young lads look foolish or highlighting mistakes, making videos etc.?
Is this still prevalent and passed off as having the craic?

I worked in construction (although lads were sound) and in agri work (where lads made me feel like a fool) when younger. Id never work with the 2nd crowd again as a result.

I worked in factories welding when I was younger. There is definitely a culture of taking the piss (in all manual industry) and it does go overboard. I definitely wouldn't call it fun (or good craic)  though I came through unscathed in the end.

Eamonnca1

#490
I once worked for the summer in an engineering workshop in Portadown, working on cylinder heads. There was a culture of "slagging" which I didn't mind up to a point, but one fine day it took a dark turn and it was directed very specifically at me. They'd do this thing of calling my name out in a certain way, and calling it out repeatedly. Before long I was bracing myself for it every time I walked into a room. Other flavours of slagging were added in and eventually I went home one day at lunchtime because I couldn't take it anymore. Told the boss about it the next day, told them I'd been getting harassed. He was shocked, and he put a stop to it immediately.

Make no mistake, this was not friendly slagging.

imtommygunn

I worked in a factory for the summer the first year of drumcree. It was not a pleasant environment and definitely not a good introduction to the working world. Granted that was more sectarianism than just slagging.

AustinPowers

Workplace bullying goes on a lot without it being categorised as such. I could always handle physical abuse, as I always was prone to smacking somebody in the mouth when growing up. As an adult, you need to be clued in, and use your mouth instead of your fist to stand up for yourself.

I worked for a friend of mine a few years ago. We'd been fairly good mates for a few years, but he made my life hell. I'm an easy going guy, straight talker, it's just not in me to play mind games or twist things. He was a master at it. I was under financial stress at the time and need the money so I was sort of stuck. He would do feck all work, and any clients ringing or calling, he'd say, ah yes X is working on that. I'll get him to call you. I was under pressure then to get it done.

Jokes with a jag, put downs, tuts, rolling the eyes etc... but at the same time, as charming as you like. Smirky, smiley, jack the lad. Basically he was a manipulative bastard. Call me naive, I probably was, but my brain just doesn't work the way his did, so didn't really see some of the things he was doing, or know how to handle it. He'd borrow money, never pay it back, constantly ring at all hours. I couldn't sleep, dreaded going to work. I found myself making every excuse to get away from him. But I still had to face him at work. It was a nightmare. Constantly talking about himself, and how great he was etc. He was never wrong, and my opinion was never right. Sure what would you know type of thing. After a while I just nodded and agreed as I just couldn't be arsed with being ridiculed or put down. He nearly drove me to a nervous breakdown.

I branched out then, working for myself but still couldn't get rid of him. I started to make it more clearer I wasn't interested in meeting up, calling, and rarely contacted him. It took a while but eventually he went away. We were fairly good mates, but until I had to deal with him everyday, I seen the true him. Jesus, he was unbelievable.

I'm a stronger person now, and can read situations a lot  better. I won't be as naive again. They say you shouldn't work for friends or family. How true that was for me.

But there are different types of bullying. Anyone witnessing us working together wouldn't probably describe it as bullying. Ah sure it was just a bit of , banter . When it was just pure mental torture.

BennyHarp

Very interesting interview with Ronan McNamee in today's Irish news. Well worth a read.
That was never a square ball!!

Round The House

Fair play to Ronan Mc Namee for telling his story.

A tough read but the lad deserves alot of credit.