The Offical Glasgow Celtic thread

[Jell 0 Biafra]

Or comma.

[Targetman]

Lustig puts us 1 up, Aberdeen giving us a right go

[JimStynes]

A long post stolen from another forum that will give you all a laugh:

The Banter Years

2012/13

12th June 2012: HMRC announce that they will reject the CVA and, two days later, Rangers enter liquidation.

29th July 2012: Rangers need extra time to beat Brechin in the first round of the Ramsdens Cup. The ball also gets stuck on top of a hedge.

7th August 2012: Kevin Kyle signs for Rangers, he laters recalls: "I sat down with the manager and he asked what I was looking for and I just said a crazy figure and I almost got what I wanted."

9th September 2012: Rangers' game this weekend is postponed because of international call ups. Seriously.

18th September 2012: Queen of the South knock Rangers out of the Ramsdens Cup on penalties at Ibrox.

6th October 2012: Rangers lose 1-0 at bottom of the table Stirling Albion, who are without a manager for the day as Greig McDonald is attending a wedding. After 7 games, Rangers' Third Division record reads played 7, won 3, drawn 3 and lost 1.

23rd November 2012: Elgin City vs Rangers is postponed, after Elgin sell too many tickets and have to call off the game on safety grounds.

2nd December 2012: That Elgin fan dancing in the away end at Ibrox.

29th December 2012: Some 30,000 Rangers fans travel to Hampden to play Queens Park. They require a 91st minute winner against the ten men. There are jubilant celebrations. Meanwhile, future multi-million pound player Andy Robertson plays a full 90 minutes at left back for Queens Park and escapes the notice of the Rangers scouts.

2nd February 2013: Rangers draw Dundee United away in the Scottish Cup fifth round, and declare a boycott of Tannadice. 365 Rangers fans turn up anyway and United win 3-0.



2013/14

24th July 2013: Rangers lose 1-0 in a friendly at Hillsborough. They unveil the most minterific banner ever seen.

3rd August 2013: Nicky Law's claims that Rangers can win the quadruple are extinguished by Forfar in the first round of the League Cup

22nd September 2013: Rangers exact revenge on Forfar in the league with a 1-0 win. Ally McCoist blames the wind for Rangers not scoring more.

14th December 2013: Stenhousemuir vs Rangers is postponed due to high winds, after a burger van blows into a temporary stand at Ochilview.

4th January 2014: Ally McCoist goes to the media and complains about a fixture pile up of 4 games in 11 days, despite his side being 14 points clear at the top and having a wage bill at least 10 times the size of anyone else's in League One.

6th April 2014: The first of the big game Banter Year losses IMHO. Raith Rovers beat Rangers 1-0 after extra time in the Ramsdens Cup final.

7th April 2014: Furious backlash as Rangers' staff party goes ahead as scheduled. Ally McCoist is caught doing karaoke just hours after loss to Raith.

12th April 2014: Despite being handed home advantage in a Scottish Cup semi final, Rangers are dismantled 3-1 by Dundee United at Ibrox.



2014/15

27th June 2014: Kris Boyd returns to Rangers, he winds up scoring just 3 goals in 29 Championship games.

10th August 2014: Rangers find themselves in the Championship with both Hearts and Hibs. On the opening day, trailing 1-0 to Hearts in injury time, they pull a last minute equaliser out of the bag to rescue a point. Except Osman Sow runs up the other end from kick off and gives Hearts the win and the springboard to win the league.

3rd September 2014: It is revealed that, in 2012, Mike Ashley bought the naming rights to Ibrox for a quid.

1st November 2014: Rangers progress to the League Cup semi final, and are drawn against Celtic for the first game between the two clubs since 2012. There is genuine excitement amongst the Rangers support.

3rd December 2014: Rangers are 2-0 up at Alloa and cruising into the Petrofac Training Cup final. 3 goals in 18 minutes send Alloa through instead.

12 December 2014: Ally McCoist offers his resignation, it's all up in the air for a few days and Rangers eventually confirm this. But he carries on as manager until...

21st December 2014: Ally McCoist is placed on gardening leave. Kenny McDowall, with all the willingness of an Iranian hostage, becomes caretaker.

22nd December 2014: The Rangers AGM to end all Rangers AGMs. Held in a gazebo, fans stuck in the away corner of Ibrox, everybody booed. Just glorious.

27th December 2014: Rangers lose 4-0 at Easter Road to Hibs. Hearts go 15 points clear at the top.

16th January 2015: Snow stops play between Rangers and Hearts at Ibrox, the fans then try to storm the main stand to protest against the board.

20th January 2015: The Charles Green-Jim Whyte hospital bed interview occurs. It's bigger than Frost-Nixon.

8th February 2015: Raith win at Ibrox for the first time since 1959, the ground's almost empty and Rangers are out of the Scottish Cup.

7th March 2015: Just a week after Hearts demolish Cowdenbeath 10-0, Rangers can only manage a 0-0 draw against the Blue Brazil.

12th March 2015: Stuart McCall is appointed Rangers manager. He starts off with home draws to relegation fodder Livingston and Alloa.

17th March 2015: Same old Alloa, always cheating.

2nd May 2015: Despite comfortably having the biggest budget in the league, Rangers contrive to finish 3rd in the Championship.

28th May 2015: After seeing off Queen of the South and Hibs, a full house at Ibrox watches on as Motherwell destroy Rangers 3-1 in the first leg of the play-off final.

31st May 2015: This is the second big game in the Banter Years. Rangers go to Fir Park knowing anything less than a 2 goal win is insufficient. They lose 3-0, making it 6-1 on aggregate. Here are just some of the incidents that occur: Lee McCulloch nearly has his eye taken out by a flag, Cammy Bell punches a looping ball into his own net, Bilel Mohsni punches Lee Erwin and Motherwell fans invade the pitch to goad the tiny allocation that Rangers were given. Rangers stay in the Championship for a second season, and their grand sweep back to the top flight of Scottish football is derailed.



2015/16

15th June 2015: Mark Warburton becomes Rangers manager.

25th July 2015: Rangers win 6-2 at Easter Road in the Challenge Cup. A good result, however their fans are preoccupied welcoming Hibs player Scott Allan (who has been linked with them all summer) to their club. This definitely doesn't come back to haunt them.

13th August 2015: Boyhood Rangers fan Scott Allan ends up joining Celtic instead. Hibs also get Liam Henderson out of the deal, he'll reappear later.

22nd September 2015: Rangers' storming start to the season is finally put on hold by St Johnstone's 3-1 win in the League Cup at Ibrox.

19th December 2015: Rangers manage to chuck away an 8 point lead and find themselves level on points with Hibs at the top of the table.

10th April 2016: Rangers win the Challenge Cup at the fourth time of asking, having wrapped up the league a few days earlier. Things are looking up.

17th April 2016: Rangers beat Celtic on penalties to reach the Scottish Cup final. This is it. The Rangers are back. We've got a title race on next season, and Rangers only have to beat Hibs in the final to secure European football and crown a fantastic season.

21st May 2016: Rangers lose 3-2 to Hibs in the Scottish Cup final. I'm biased, but this arguably might be the absolute peak of the Banter Years, solely because of what happens next. David Gray heads in a last minute winner, the full time whistle blows and thousands of Hibs fans stream onto the pitch as their side wins its first Scottish Cup since 1902. A couple of fans goad/mildly irritate Rangers players, who subsequently refuse to collect their runner up medals. A handful of Rangers fans attempt to restore order by going onto the pitch themselves, and scuffles break out. Rangers then release an utter heads gone of a statement, and claims are made that all 11 Rangers players have been attacked.

22nd May 2016: The true dawn of the statement era starts here. Rangers, sore from the defeat the day before, double down on their original statement. The website crashes as the whole of Scottish football attempts to get on and read it.



2016-17

24th May 2016: Rangers sign Joey Barton. Joey Barton immediately goes on the offensive promising all sorts of "I'll take on Celtic single-handedly" stuff.

6th August 2016: Rangers fans unveil big stadium display promising that they're "GOING FOR 55". They proceed to draw 1-1 at home to Hamilton Accies.

19th August 2016: Joey Barton gets welcomed to Scottish football by Greg Taylor, who takes a red card for the team (AKA humanity).

20th August 2016: Rangers sign Joe Garner for £1.8m, their first £1m+ signing of the Banter Years. He doesn't even last a year.

10th September 2016: Rangers go to Parkhead, they lose 5-1.

13th September 2016: In attempts at 'clear the air' talks after the defeat, Joey Barton and Andy Halliday get into a massive spat. Barton is sent home from training.

19th September 2016: Marquee summer signing Joey Barton is banned from training for 3 weeks.

25th September 2016: Rangers go to Pittodrie, they lose 2-1 from a last minute free kick. Warburton rages about the free kick being given.

10th November 2016: Joey Barton leaves Rangers, with his autobiography firmly promoted.

16th November 2016: Martyn Waghorn, carrying a fish supper, is called "shite" by a schoolchild. Waghorn confronts the kid, who doesn't back down. It goes viral on Twitter.

23rd December 2016: Rangers fans hijack the generic Glad All Over chant to serenade Joey Garner, they try to take it to #1 in the Christmas charts. In their infinite delusion, they believe that they're close to doing so, when in fact they've only managed to get the song to 31st.

1st February 2017: Ian Cathro's Hearts beat Rangers 4-1. That is not a typo. Ian Cathro's Hearts beat Rangers 4-1.

10th February 2017: Mark Warburton resigns. Except he hasn't. Except he has. Except he hasn't. Except he has. This goes on all night, and eventually it's revealed that Warburton tried to jump ship to Forest and the Rangers board called his bluff. All in all, a PR farce. More statements released.

19th February 2017: Murtymania is running wild. Graeme Murty is the new caretaker manager. Rangers lose to Dundee. He does a headstand. Hilarity ensues.

24th February 2017: Rangers lose at bottom of the table, can't buy a win Inverness CT. Perhaps this Murty isn't all he's cracked up to be.

11th March 2017: Pedro Caixinha becomes Rangers manager. His first task is to watch Rangers take another pumping at Celtic Park, but wait...

12th March 2017: Rangers snatch a late point at Parkhead. Murty is now the messiah in the eyes of Rangers fans for drawing with Celtic, which shows just how hurt they must be.

7th May 2017: Rangers qualify for Europe with a win at Firhill. Some invade the pitch to celebrate. "The Banter Years are over!", they proclaim.



2017/18

19th June 2017: Rangers, starting their European journey, are drawn against Progrès Niederkorn, minnows of the Luxembourg league.

29th June 2017: In mildly embarrassing circumstances, Rangers are only able to take a 1-0 lead with them to Luxembourg for the second leg. The fans also throw paper at the Progrès keeper and will eventually be fined by UEFA for this.

4th July 2017: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Rangers lose 2-0 to Progrès Niederkorn on the night and go out of the Europa League 2-1 on aggregate at the very first hurdle. This is the JFK moment of the Banter Years, everyone will remember where they were.

12th August 2017: Rangers welcome Hibs to Ibrox for the first match between the two sides since the 2016 Scottish Cup final. The fans smell blood and with Neil Lennon in charge of Hibs this has the feel of an Old Firm game. Remarkably it's kept off TV, but Hibs win 3-2 (again) and Neil Lennon gestures to the fans.

13th August 2017: Club 1872 suffer a severe cranial detachment about said gestures and release a statement applauding their fans for not being provoked.

22nd October 2017: Rangers lose in the League Cup semi final against Motherwell, which is not really what any of their fans had expected, despite of Louis Moult being a far better footballer than anything they have to offer. Cardoso suffers a broken nose from a Bowman elbow and, you guessed it...

23rd October 2017: Club 1872 suffer a severe cranial detachment about said elbow and general refereeing performance.

26th October 2017: After snatching a draw from the jaws of victory at home to Kilmarnock, Pedro Caixinha is sacked. A loyal servant to the Banter Years.

18th November 2017: Graeme Murty, somehow still in charge as caretaker of Rangers at this point, oversees Rangers' first league defeat to Hamilton since 1926.

24th November 2017: Not to be outdone from his last stint as Rangers caretaker, Murty again goes to bottom of the league on a Friday night and loses. This time to Dundee.

3rd December 2017: Graeme Murty masterfully guides Rangers to two consecutive victories in the space of a week over Derek McInnes' Aberdeen to haul Rangers into second.

4th December 2017: But what's this? After 5 weeks of deliberation, Rangers have decided that they want Derek McInnes. The media tapping up goes into overdrive, it appears that Rangers have got their man until...

7th December 2017: Derek McInnes decides to stay at Aberdeen, Rangers release a pathetic 'didn't want him anyway' statement and use the word concomitant.

[screenexile]

Lambert has not went down well with the Celts over the last few days when he came out and said something along the lines of feeling sorry for the old Rangers and that Scotland and the clubs suffered because of their liquidation...tut tut Paul

He's not wrong... Scottish football is a shit show without a team to compete against Celtic!

[Applesisapples]

Craig Bellamy is touting Rogers for Chelsea.

[ned]

Lambert has not went down well with the Celts over the last few days when he came out and said something along the lines of feeling sorry for the old Rangers and that Scotland and the clubs suffered because of their liquidation...tut tut Paul

He's not wrong... Scottish football is a shit show without a team to compete against Celtic!

The quality might not be great but the "big 4" leagues all have teams further ahead of their nearest rivals than Celtic are of Aberdeen. So any perceived shitness is nothing to do with Celtic having a team to compete with them but all to do with the financial reality compared to the doped (probably in more ways than monetarily) big leagues. Anyone watch Everton v Chelsea? Now that was shit. Give me the Edinburgh derby or Hamilton v Motherwell anyday over any team managed by any number of managers including Mourinho's Utd and Allardyce's Everton or Pulis' msnagement of anyone.

[T Fearon]

Dembele to Brighton for £18m?

[tippabu]

Dembele to Brighton for £18m?

ment to be a load of shite

[illdecide]

Dembele to Brighton for £18m?

ment to be a load of shite

Sure what ya don't know you ye might as well just make it up (not you Tipp)

[bennydorano]

Chris Sutton was tweeting about it earlier.

[Targetman]

More fake news in the week leading up to the Huns match, anyway i think Celtic would be looking for more, this time last year he was going to Chelsea for £30 million

[ashman]

More fake news in the week leading up to the Huns match, anyway i think Celtic would be looking for more, this time last year he was going to Chelsea for £30 million

"The Huns game" !!

Nobody takes that 5hite serious anymore .

[Targetman]

VVD going to Liverpool for £75 million, Celtic in line for a windfall, hope its invested in a couple of decent players!

[illdecide]

£7.5 mill...great job

[Itchy]

World's gone mad if he's worth 75m