A woman is shopping at a grocery store. She picks up a half gallon of skim milk, 2 loaves of wheat bread, one dozen organic eggs, and some carrots. She goes to the checkout line.
"You must be single." the clerk says.
Amazed at the flattering insight of the clerk, the woman says, "Yes I am. How could you tell?".
"Because you're ugly".
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Little Johnny was not liked in class at all.He was the class bookie,and every bet placed was a bet he won. So his teacher Miss Crabtree called his dad up to complain, to her surprise he hated his son's gambling ways. They both decided that they would come up with a bet that little Johnny would lose. At the end of school she held him back so she could talk with him."Johnny there will come a time when you will lose a bet and I hope I'll be there to see it"
Little Johnny scoffed and said "I never lose in fact I'll bet you 100 bucks that your bush is a black as the ace of spade"
Miss Crabtree hiked up her skirt pulled her panties down to see that indeed she had a blonde bush, with a laugh she said " You owe me 100 bucks the carpet matched the drapes now pay up!"
Little Johnny paid up and quietly left the school. Miss Crabtree called Little Johnny's dad to tell him the good news.She told him she took 100 bucks off of him and he left with his tail between his legs.The dad asked what the bet was and Miss Crabtree told him it was about the color of her bush and she showed him that he guessed wrong. The dad screamed nooooooo she asked what was wrong and he said"He bet me 10 grand that you would show him your bush!"
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Went to see my dylexic friend on Sunday to find him rubbing shoe polish on his penis. "You f**king idiot, l told you to turn your clock back"
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I was tucking into some sausages yesterday when I saw my wife sucking her portion seductively.
"Would you like me to do this to your's?" she asked, playing with her hair.
"Sure," I replied, handing over my plate. "You've put me off it anyway."
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This woman came up to me in a club last night.
"Hello," she said.
"Aaaaargh!" I shrieked. "Why have you got a tattoo on your face?!"
She looked down. "It's a birthmark," she said sadly.
"Oh," I said. "Why would you want a tattoo of a birthmark?"
Then she walked off. f**king weirdo.
"You must be single." the clerk says.
Amazed at the flattering insight of the clerk, the woman says, "Yes I am. How could you tell?".
"Because you're ugly".
-----------------------------------------------------------
Little Johnny was not liked in class at all.He was the class bookie,and every bet placed was a bet he won. So his teacher Miss Crabtree called his dad up to complain, to her surprise he hated his son's gambling ways. They both decided that they would come up with a bet that little Johnny would lose. At the end of school she held him back so she could talk with him."Johnny there will come a time when you will lose a bet and I hope I'll be there to see it"
Little Johnny scoffed and said "I never lose in fact I'll bet you 100 bucks that your bush is a black as the ace of spade"
Miss Crabtree hiked up her skirt pulled her panties down to see that indeed she had a blonde bush, with a laugh she said " You owe me 100 bucks the carpet matched the drapes now pay up!"
Little Johnny paid up and quietly left the school. Miss Crabtree called Little Johnny's dad to tell him the good news.She told him she took 100 bucks off of him and he left with his tail between his legs.The dad asked what the bet was and Miss Crabtree told him it was about the color of her bush and she showed him that he guessed wrong. The dad screamed nooooooo she asked what was wrong and he said"He bet me 10 grand that you would show him your bush!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Went to see my dylexic friend on Sunday to find him rubbing shoe polish on his penis. "You f**king idiot, l told you to turn your clock back"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I was tucking into some sausages yesterday when I saw my wife sucking her portion seductively.
"Would you like me to do this to your's?" she asked, playing with her hair.
"Sure," I replied, handing over my plate. "You've put me off it anyway."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
This woman came up to me in a club last night.
"Hello," she said.
"Aaaaargh!" I shrieked. "Why have you got a tattoo on your face?!"
She looked down. "It's a birthmark," she said sadly.
"Oh," I said. "Why would you want a tattoo of a birthmark?"
Then she walked off. f**king weirdo.