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I demand some outrage by unionists! Or have we banned them all?

Des Bishop from Neighbours?

LEARN TO DRIVE A GERMAN CAR

In the single European Market, we must learn to adapt to our fellow Europeans and their products, including Germany and their cars. In this short, but informative guide, I will attempt to translate the rather complicated German Descriptions, into more sensible English Ones.

Indicators.................. Die Blinkenleiten Tickentocken
Bonnet.................. Pullknob und Knucklechopper
Exhaust.................. Spitzenpoppenbangentuben
Speedometer.................. Der Egobooster und Linenshooter
Clutch.................. Die Kuplink mit Schlippen und Schaken
Puncture.................. Die Phlatt mit Bludy****en
Learner.................. Die ****ten mit Elplatz
Estate Car.................. Der Bagmeroomfurschagginkinauto
Parking Meter.................. Der Tennerpinscher und Klockenwer
Windscreen Wiper.................. Der Flippenflappenmuckenschpredden
Foot Brake.................. Der Edbangeronvindschreen Stoppen
Gear Lever.................. Biggensticken fur Kangaroochoppen
Breathalyser................. .................. Die Pufflintem fur Pisten****n
Rear View Mirror.................. Der Yokunter Tecklosen
Seat Belt... .................. Der klunkenklikker Frauleintrapper
Headlights .................. Das Dippendontdazzelubastad
Exhaust Fumes....... .................. Der Koffenundschpittpoluter
Highway Code......... .................. Der Wipan fur ****n
Fog Warning.... .................. Die puttenlegdownen und Fukkitt
Traffic Jam.................. .................. Die Bluddifukkink Dammundblasten
Rear Seat.................. Der Schpringentester
Tyres......... .................. Flattfahrts
Backfire.... .................. Der Lowdenbangenmekkenjumpen
Juggernaut .................. Der Fukkengrett Trukken
Accident... .................. Der Bledinmess
Near Accident... .................. Der Fukken Near Schittenselfen

Thats cruel. Finish the story please.

Did the one-arm bloke scratch the arse of the otherbloke? I needs to know. Its making me feel itchy.

When the hell did a gay cop count as a 'celeb'?
Scraping the barrel this year methinks.

Maybe he can do tricks?

There's a guy from the Gaelic Players Association on it this year 

hang on....


GPA....


no wait...


He's from the Gay Police Assocoation 

A right handfull indeed.

A Zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates. As he enters, he asks St.Peter, "I have a question that's haunted me all of my days on earth. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?"

St.Peter replies, "That's a question only God your creator can answer. " So the zebra went off in search of God. When he found Him, the zebra asks, "God, please - I must know. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?"

God simply replied "You are what you are."

The zebra returned to see St. Peter once more, who asked him, "Well, did God straighten out your query for you?"

The zebra looking even more puzzled. "No sir, God simply said 'You are what you are.'" St. Peter smiles and says to the zebra, "Well then, there you are.You are white with black stripes."

The zebra (looking even more bemused) then says to St. Peter, "what - How do you know that for certain?"

"Because," St. Peter replies, "If you were black with white stripes, God would have said, "You is what you is."

Prince Charles takes up jogging

Every day, he'd jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner.
He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.

"One hundred and fifty pounds!" she'd shout from the curb.

"No! Five pounds!" He would fire back, just to shut her up.

This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence.

He'd run by and she'd yell, "One hundred and Fifty pounds!

He'd yell back, "Five pounds!"

One day, Camilla decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his jog.

As the jogging couple neared the working woman's street corner, Prince Charles realised she'd bark her £150 offer and Camilla would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings.

He figured he'd better have a good explanation for his wife.

As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner, he became even more apprehensive than usual.

Sure enough, there was the hooker. He tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair jog past.

Then, from her corner, the hooker yelled:

"See what you get for five pounds, you tight bastard?!"

Unrelated but....

Q. What do you call the New Zealand basket ball team?

A. The Tall Blacks.

Shouldnt OWC's drooling over Healy and Laverty be on this map as the biggest crime ever?

Healy cant even get on the subs bench for Sunderland and Laverty is actually a donkey.

All expenses paid trip to the world's most luxurious hotel.... priceless

I hope for your sake they have a reservation when you arrive, it would be terrible to get the wrong date at a hotel ................again 

Ah dont spoilt it. I've already phoned through and put it back a week for him.

Visit to barber...10 euros and mundane. All expenses paid trip to the world's most luxurious hotel.... priceless

You have to admit Hardy, thats a cute riposte!

For years, the people of Portadown contemplated suing the makers of "The Black Hole"

Luckee!