Have you ever been caught short?

[saffron sam2]

To-day's lunch time discussions revolved round bodily functions. It started with someone regaling us with the tale of a Tyrone man having a slash on the Croke Park pitch before a championship match.

It was followed by a man from south Derry who told us of a minor championship match involving a neighbouring club. Ten minutes into the second half an unnamed corner back turned round to his full back and shouted "Hye, Kane, watch my man. I'm away for a shite!". I work with a Slaughtneil man.

That in turned was surpassed by a portly former Queen's and Antrim hurler. He was playing for Queen's one day alongside a man from the Ards. In the early stages of the game, the Ardsman reached into his shorts, pulled out a chocolate log and flung it over the sideline. He shook hands all round him after the game.

Anyone surpass that before lunchtime tomorrow?

[Frank Casey]

Fifteen Cork/Mayo players collectively cr**ping themselves on a September Sunday in Croke Park against Kerry. Surely the largest mass evacuation since Dunkirk

[orangeman]

  good one AGAIN Frank ! 

[Mayo4Sam]

We used to have a rating system for the pitches in mayo as to how easy it was to have a puke without being seen

[Zapatista]

To-day's lunch time discussions revolved round bodily functions. It started with someone regaling us with the tale of a Tyrone man having a slash on the Croke Park pitch before a championship match.

It was followed by a man from south Derry who told us of a minor championship match involving a neighbouring club. Ten minutes into the second half an unnamed corner back turned round to his full back and shouted "Hye, Kane, watch my man. I'm away for a shite!". I work with a Slaughtneil man.

That in turned was surpassed by a portly former Queen's and Antrim hurler. He was playing for Queen's one day alongside a man from the Ards. In the early stages of the game, the Ardsman reached into his shorts, pulled out a chocolate log and flung it over the sideline. He shook hands all round him after the game.

Anyone surpass that before lunchtime tomorrow?

This can't be ture

[Two Hands FFS]

I've played in championship matches where in the team huddle before throw in...a player has shouted over to a teammate' cover me' , bent down on his knee, & took a slash with out anyone seeing him.

Never heard anyone taking a dump like SS2 has!!!

[playwiththewind1st]

That in turned was surpassed by a portly former Queen's and Antrim hurler. He was playing for Queen's one day alongside a man from the Ards. In the early stages of the game, the Ardsman reached into his shorts, pulled out a chocolate log and flung it over the sideline. He shook hands all round him after the game.

Believe me, in the good old days at Queen's Hurling Club, that would have been considered tame and nothing much to boast about, compared to some of the other excesses that went on lol !!

[turkey+ham]

Was playing pool with a mate in a bar in America. Warm weather, so we had the oul shorts on and he was going commando. I slipped on the floor and realised I'd slipped on a t*rd. He'd 'farted' about 5mins earlier and hadn't let on, 'it just slipped out' he said.

[Zapatista]

I heard a stoery about two guys I know. In a night club very early on when it was quite one guy took a piss while standing at the bar. Not to be out done a second guy announced he would do the same. During the second guys relief the first pisser brought it to the attention of the bouncers and watched in fits of laughter as the second guy was 'escorted' from the building.

[slow corner back]

To-day's lunch time discussions revolved round bodily functions. It started with someone regaling us with the tale of a Tyrone man having a slash on the Croke Park pitch before a championship match.

It was followed by a man from south Derry who told us of a minor championship match involving a neighbouring club. Ten minutes into the second half an unnamed corner back turned round to his full back and shouted "Hye, Kane, watch my man. I'm away for a shite!". I work with a Slaughtneil man.

That in turned was surpassed by a portly former Queen's and Antrim hurler. He was playing for Queen's one day alongside a man from the Ards. In the early stages of the game, the Ardsman reached into his shorts, pulled out a chocolate log and flung it over the sideline. He shook hands all round him after the game.

Anyone surpass that before lunchtime tomorrow?

This can't be ture

Did this incident occur in the early nineties Sam? I am pretty sure I have heard this before

[lynchbhoy]

SS2 why are you such a depraved motherfocker !

[Fishbat]

Id been seeing this girl and we ended up in the bot one evening after a long days drinking. Had a wee accident, so I slipped over to the bathrooms and had to dispose of the monks behind the cistern.

Was out dancing with her later and told her I had a wee surprise for her, that Id gone commando.

She went straight and got her coat and took me home.

I assume the trousers were dark then? there would have been a slice or 2 of bacon had they been chinos

[Puckoon]

No horse, thats the purpose of the monks.

[stew]

No horse, thats the purpose of the monks.

There is a mate of mine that I took to Ireland with me a few years ago, In college he met this beautiful young Italian girl who was immediately smitten by her and they started to go out together. he decided that it was time to take her home to meet his people as things were getting pretty serious between them so he took her to Green Bay and she met the family and friends. This girl was a non drinker and came from a very polished, well to do Noo York family so yer man had warned his mates to be nice.
He takes her to our local and right away they are all egging her on to have a drink, she does and for the next couple of hours they are drinking, she decides she likes the drink and before too long the poor girl gets absolutely hammered and she is sick all over herself, she then sharts all over the place and passes out. What does this muppet she is with do? he throws her in the front seat of his car with the intention of taking her home but he is starving, so he then pulls into taco bell for a feed while she lies there in her own vomit and brown. It is july and about 90 degrees out and she is ripe for plucking, the car is stinking so our hero eats his grub and decides he has to clean her up. Yer man drives home and leaves her on the lawn, he then grabs a hose and starts hosing the poor girl down to get her cleaned up.
His mother hears the commotion and gets up and comes downstairs only to find her son hosing down his new girlfriend, disgusted his mother shouts at him 'John, why are you hosing Angelina down  like she was some sort of farmyard animal'.

The next morning, the young lady called for a taxi and took an early flight out of town, she left the school and transfered to another one and her one and only experience in green bay was a complete and utter disaster. My mate has never seen her from that day to this, all ties were cut off immediately.

I never witnessed this but know it to be true. Thank God gab hurl's first visit was a slight improvement on that poor girls but I do wonder about that beige stain on the passenger seat in my car!

[Frank Casey]

Used to be a tradition in a certain FCA unit to initiate new firstime recruits at summer camp - held in the wilds of Beare Island in West Cork. A bar of chocolate would be stuck between the rear cheeks of the very comatose drunken young fellow whilst unconscious. There's many a South Kerryman got complexes about faulty back gates because of waking up with a melted bar of dairy milk between their buttocks and a monster hangover to boot.