Corny One for Friday

[trueblue1234]

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so
Many others her age, she considered herself to be a very Liberal
Democrat, and among other liberal ideals, was very much in Favor of
Higher taxes to support more government programs, in other Words
Redistribution of wealth.


She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch
Republican, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the Lectures that
She had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she
Felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to
Keep what he thought should be his.


One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to Higher
Taxes on the rich and the need for more government programs. The
Self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to Be the
Truth and she indicated so to her father. He responded by Asking how
She was doing in school.


Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and
Let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that She was
Taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which
Left her no time to go out and party like other people She knew. She
Didn't even have time for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many
College friends,  because she spent all her time studying.


Her father listened and then asked , 'How is your friend Audrey
Doing?' She replied, ' Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are
Easy classes, she never studies, and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She Is
So popular on campus; college for her is a blast. She's always invited
To all the parties and lots of times she doesn't even show up for
Classes because she's too hung over.'


Her wise father asked his daughter, 'Why don't you go to the Dean's
Office and ask him to deduct 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your
Friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA, and
Certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA.' The
Daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired
Back, 'That's a crazy idea, how would that be fair! I've worked really
Hard for my grades! I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard
Work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played
While I worked my tail off!'



The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, 'Welcome to The
Republican party.'


If you ever wondered what side of the fence you sit on, this is a
great test!

If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat.. If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for Everyone.

If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his
situation.
A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down.

if a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.
(Unless it's a foreign religion, of course!) 

If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have
A good laugh.
A liberal will delete it because he's "offended". 

To be honest, there's a lot of crap in that. For example:
If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

Could be turned as follows:
If a liberal doesn't want to have an abortion, she doesn't have one
If a conservative doesn't want an abortion, she wants nobody to be able to have one


or
If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down.

That one is just wrong.
If conservatives don't agree with rock music, they'll protest for censorship;

If a conservative doesn't want to attend a gay pride event; they don't want anyone else attanding it either.


The arguments hold no water.

that's not very funny.

[Maguire01]

Its posted in the joke thread maguire - lighten up 

Yes, but it wasn't even remotely funny.

[haranguerer]

Nor was it in a thread where it should be questioned so seriously

[illdecide]

The Irish.....
Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.

Michael O'Connor looks around and asks, 'Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell Paddy's wife. Who will it be?'

They draw straws. John Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.

'Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me.'

Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants.

Gallagher declares, 'Your husband just lost $500, and is afraid to come home.'

'Tell him to drop dead!', says Murphy's wife..

'I'll go tell him.' says Gallagher.

[illdecide]

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut, and bruised, and he's walking with a limp.

'What happened to you?' asks Sean, the bartender.

'Micheal O'Connor and me had a fight,' says Paddy.

'That little O'Connor,' says Sean, 'He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand.'

'That he did,' says Paddy, 'a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it.'

'Well,' says Sean, 'you should have defended yourself. Didn't you have something in your hand?'

That I did,' said Paddy, 'Mrs. O'Connor's breast, and a thing of beauty it was; but useless in a fight.'

[Banana Man]

Its posted in the joke thread maguire - lighten up 

Yes, but it wasn't even remotely funny.

Jesus Christ maguire lighten up or go get laid or something 

[illdecide]

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.

A cop pulls him over. 'So,' says the cop to the driver, 'where have ya been?'

'Why, I've been to the pub of course,' slurs the drunk.

'Well,' says the cop, 'it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening.'

'I did all right,' the drunk says with a smile.

'Did you know,' says the cop, standing straight, and folding his arms across his chest, 'that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?'

'Oh, thank heavens,' sighs the drunk. 'for a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf.'

[heganboy]

if a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.
(Unless it's a foreign religion, of course!) 

Which Domestic religions in America are we alking about here?

[Puckoon]

Paiute

[Tyrones own]

Its posted in the joke thread maguire - lighten up 

While that is true, they do say that the best comedy has a certain degree
of truth to it 

[RedandGreenSniper]

Deleted. Screenmachine it reflects very badly on you that you continue to believe you have haven't done anything wrong. The most distasteful thing I've ever seen on this board, and that is some statement.

[Maguire01]

Deleted

[Hardy]

So, it finally seems that David Cameron is raising tuition fees.  Not to worry, the last thing he tried to raise died at the age of six. 

If I was in your vicinity I would punch you in the mouth for that. I don't know which of us that makes the worse person.

[haveaharp]

So, it finally seems that David Cameron is raising tuition fees.  Not to worry, the last thing he tried to raise died at the age of six. 

If I was in your vicinity I would punch you in the mouth for that. I don't know which of us that makes the worse person.

Him.

[illdecide]

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.

The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to sit there.

Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.

The drunk mumbles, 'Ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either.