Corny One for Friday

[Orior]

Knock knock....

Who's there?

Doorbell repairman

Thankfully its was a Ring!

[gerry]

Ron's ' Card Trick. Performed by: YOU !!


Pick one of the following cards. Don 't click on it; just keep it in your head.



Scroll down when you have your card and you have it in your head ....





Think about your card for at least 20 seconds in front of Ron.


do not scrool down untill looking at ron for 20 secons








Ron will attempt to read your mind!
Scroll down after 20 Seconds but not before 20 seconds and no cheating











The Great Ron Has Removed Your Card you had in your mind




SCARY ISN'T IT.
Now scroll up and do it again, this will freak you out.

[Banana Man]

f**k that is quality, how does that work?

[gerry]

pm sent

[Family guy]

f**k that is quality, how does that work?

Are you for real??so easy 2 work out,knew wat was happening even before i scrolled down,good trick all the same

[Banana Man]

Quote from: Banana Man on Today at 10:53:30 AM
f**k that is quality, how does that work?


Are you for real??so easy 2 work out,knew wat was happening even before i scrolled down,good trick all the same

I'll put it down to a bad hangover and it being a monday morning   

[ziggysego]

Quote from: Banana Man on Today at 10:53:30 AM
f**k that is quality, how does that work?


Are you for real??so easy 2 work out,knew wat was happening even before i scrolled down,good trick all the same

I'll put it down to a bad hangover and it being a monday morning   

Not a good enough excuse lol

[Orior]

f**k that is quality, how does that work?

I thought you were being sarcastic, lol.

If you thought that was good, then whaddyathink of this mindreader? It has been posted on here a few times before.

http://www.opendb.net/element/235.php

[Banana Man]

is it too late to claim the sarcastic one 

[illdecide]

A computer programmer happens across a frog in the road. The frog pipes up, "I'm really a beautiful princess and if you kiss me, I'll stay with you for a week". The programmer shrugs his shoulders and puts the frog in his pocket.

A few minutes later, the frog says "OK, OK, if you kiss me, I'll give you great sex for a week". The programmer nods and puts the frog back in his pocket.

A few minutes later, "Turn me back into a princess and I'll give you great sex for a whole year!". The programmer smiles and walks on.

Finally, the frog says, "What's wrong with you? I've promised you great sex for a year from a beautiful princess and you won't even kiss a frog?"

"I'm a programmer," he replies. "I don't have time for sex.... But a talking frog is pretty neat."

[illdecide]

A bloke goes to the local council to apply for a job in the office.

The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes, caffeine."

"Have you ever worked for the public service before?"

"Yes, I was in the army." he says, "I was in Iraq for two tours."

The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment."

Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?" 

The guy says, "Yes. A mine exploded near me when I was there and I lost both of my testicles".

The interviewer grimaces and then says, "O.K. You've got enough points for me to take you on right away. Our normal hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm.... ...but you can start tomorrow at 10.00am - and carry on starting at 10.00am every day."

The bloke is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm, why don't you want me here until 10.00am? I'm not looking for any special treatment y'know"

"What you have to understand is that this is a council job," the interviewer says,

"For the first two hours we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our bollocks.
There's no point in you coming in for that."

[illdecide]

My Dog

Went down this morning to sign on my Dog.
The woman said, "Dogs are not eligible to draw benefit". I explained to her that my Dog is unemployed, idle, can't speak English and has no clue who his dad is. She looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify.
He gets his first cheque on Friday.
This is a great country.

[illdecide]

The Pope comes to Glasgow and asks "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."With that, wee Brendon got in line, and when it was his turn, the Pope asked, "My son, what do you want me to pray about for you?"

Wee Brendon replied, "Your Holiness, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."

The Pope put one finger of one hand in Brendon's ear, placed his other hand on top of his head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a great prayer for Brendon, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the Pope removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Brendon, how is your hearing now?"

Wee Brendon answered, "Ah don't know. It's no' 'til next week....."

[illdecide]

THE SENSITIVITY OF SENIORS.
This letter was sent to the Blacktown School Principal's office in New South Wales after the school had sponsored a luncheon for seniors. An elderly lady had received  a new radio at the lunch as a door raffle prize and was writing to say thank  you.

This  story is a credit to all humankind. Forward this to anyone you know who might need a lift today


Dear Blacktown School ,


God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent Senior Citizens luncheon.
I am 87 years old and live at the Blacktown Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away so I am all alone. I want to thank you for the kindness you have shown to a forgotten old lady.

My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio; but, she would never let me listen to it. She said it belonged to her long dead husband, and understandably, wanted to keep it safe.

The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a dozen pieces. It was awful and she was in tears.
She asked if she could listen to mine, and I was overjoyed that I could tell her to f**k off.


Thank you for that wonderful opportunity.

God bless you all.

Sincerely,


Edna

[Orior]

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.

The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new Employee.

He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.


The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena ..

'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, 'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...'

'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.