Corny One for Friday

[illdecide]

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, "Excuse me, do you have any widdle wabbits?"

The shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level, and says, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft, fuffy bwack wabbit, or one like that bwown wabbit over there?"

The little girl blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and whispers..."I don't weally fink my Pyfon gives a phuk."

[longrunsthefox]

I guess we all need a few laughs in this time of financial turmoil...

I was at my bank today; there was a short line.
Just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to
exchange yen for sterling.
It was obvious She was a little irritated. ... ...
She asked the teller, 'Why it change? Yesterday, I get
two hunat poun fo yen.
Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?'
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Fluctuations'
The Asian lady says, 'Fluc you white people too!'

[ziggysego]

What would you get if you crossed 'bed' and 'time'. Ooh! I've got an idea! Night.

[Nally Stand]

An Englishman living with two Irishmen who both worked on the same site, asked them if their foreman would give him a start. The Irish lads gave him the phone no. but warned him that the foreman only takes on Irish lads. So the English fella rings up to ask about work, telling the foreman about his wealth of experience etc & the foreman indeed replies that he only takes on Irish workers. So the Englishman in desperation announces 'but my grandad's Irish!' The foreman says "why didn't you say so have...

[Nally Stand]

...you got a hard hat, boots and a high vis vest?" The Englishman proudly proclaims "I have indeed". "Good stuff" replies the foreman, "give them to your granda and tell him to be at my house at 7 tomorrow morning!"

[Nally Stand]

What do you call a Derryman with two All Ireland Medals? A great dancer

[Nally Stand]

Did you hear about the man who arrived at his first Premature Ejaculators Support group meeting? He came early

[Nally Stand]

Two ducks are walking through Ballymena. One says "quack quack", the other says......"I'm goin as quack as ah can". Apologies for all the above jokes. Except for the Derry one. :-P

[illdecide]

I don't know who's joke's are worst...Nally's or Ziggy's...

Ziggy that was brutal saan, stick to the complaining thread

Nally...must do better

[Nally Stand]

I'm writing from a phone here so restricted in what i can write in a short post. Will try harder. Promise sir.

[ha ha derry]

Based on statistics -  the most used sexual position among married couples is doggy style!





The husband sits up and begs, while the wife rolls over and plays dead.

[Nally Stand]

Two Pakistanis arrive in Ireland, and before going their seperate ways, agree to meet up one year from now to see who's become most Irish. One goes to Cork, the other to Dublin. A year passes and they meet up and see who's become the most Irish. The fella who stayed in Cork proudly says to the friend who settled in Dublin, "Well i'm playing football for Nemo, i've a trial with the county hurlers next week, I drink Guinness and Powers, am fluent in Irish and can play the tin whistle. What about...

[Nally Stand]

you?" To which the Dublin based friend replies, "Fcuk off ya paki b**tard!"

[Hardy]

Based on statistics -  the most used sexual position among married couples is doggy style!





The husband sits up and begs, while the wife rolls over and plays dead.

Not a joke - I saw the van of a pet grooming company in Dublin the other day. The name on the van? Doggy Style.

[5 Sams]

Speaking of vans I always thought this was a good one....