Corny One for Friday

[cokers]

Whats the smartest thing to come out of a womans mouth?








Einsteins c**k!

[illdecide]

Start of Joke.
The girlfriend and I have split up, she says I love football more than her... I'm devastated we've been together for 8 seasons.
End of joke.

[Hardy]

Here's a good knock-knock joke. It needs somebody to start it for me ....

[Billys Boots]

Knock, knock! 

[Declan]

Whose there?

[Shamrock Shore]

Boo

[gerrykeegan]

Whose there?

Hardy will be around to correct this later

[Hardy]

Sorry - that knock-knock one doesn't work so well on line.

[Orior]

Seven secrets

http://www.cracked.com/article/147_7-secrets-only-two-living-people-know-for-some-reason/

[Orior]

How to annoy Blockbuster Movies - though I think its fake

http://longrangeshooter.com/forums/index.php/topic,148.0.html

[illdecide]

Martha recently lost her husband.
She had him cremated and brought his ashes home.
Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the patio table.
Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him....
You know that dishwasher you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money!"
She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then said,
"Remember that car you promised me? Well, I also bought it with the insurance money!"
Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers in the ashes she said,
"Remember that diamond ring you promised me? Bought it too, with the insurance money!"
Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, She said,
"Remember that blow job I promised you?"
"Here it comes."

[illdecide]

This is not one of my finest...

A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived happily ever after in Toronto . The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.


One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, so, in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got the message and gave her the chicken legs.


Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn't know how to say it, so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts. The butcher understood again and gave her some chicken breasts.


On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...



(Please scroll down)









































What were you
thinking?

Her husband speaks English!

[ardal]

How to annoy Blockbuster Movies - though I think its fake

http://longrangeshooter.com/forums/index.php/topic,148.0.html

Tear drops were splashing on my keyboard, my stomach muscles ached and I accidently head butted the table whilst taking several fits reading this.

[illdecide]

One for the women...

1. Men are like
Laxatives
They irritate the crap out of you.

2
Men are like.
Bananas
The older they get, the less firm they are.




3.Men are like
Weather
Nothing can be done to change
them.


4.
Men are like
Blenders
You need One, but you're not quite sure why..


5.
Men are like
Chocolate Bars
Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right
for your hips.

6.Men are like
Commercials
You can't believe a word they say.


7.
Men are like
Department Stores
Their clothes are always 1/2 off!


8.
Men are like
Government Bonds
.... They take soooooooo long to mature.

9.
Men are like
Mascara
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.


10
Men are like
Popcorn
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.


11
Men are like
Snowstorms
You never know when they're coming, how many
inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12
Men are like
Lava Lamps
Fun to look at, but not very bright.


13.
Men are like
Parking Spots
All the good ones are taken, the rest are
handicapped.

[illdecide]

Two Irishmen were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.

A blonde walks by and asked them what they were doing.
Paddy replied, 'We're supposed to be finding the bloody height of this flagpole, but we don't have a bloody ladder.'
The blonde took out an adjustable spanner from her bag, loosened a few bolts and laid the flagpole down.

She got a tape measure out of her pocket, took a few measurements, and announced that it was 18 feet 6 inches.

Then, she walked off.

Mick said to Paddy, 'Isn't that just like a blonde! We need the bloody height and she gives us the bloody length.'