Corny One for Friday

[Santino]

http://pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&f=210&t=764056&mid=0&i=0&nmt=Comic%20pictures%20thread&mid=0

maybe the funniest thread in a long time

Great post!

[Denn Forever]

Baby seal walks into a club...........

[Caid]

AN IRISH GHOST STORY
>
> This story happened a while ago in Dublin , and even though it sounds
> like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true!!!!!
>
> John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the
> road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm.
> The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong
> he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car
> slowly coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for shelter and
> without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door only
> to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on.
>
> The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a
> curve approaching.. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life.
> Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared out of
> nowhere through the window, and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with
> terror, watched as the hand came through the window, but never touched
> or harmed him.
>
> Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road.
> Gathering all his strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it.
> Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody
> about the horrible experience he had just had. A silence enveloped the
> pub when everybody realized he was crying and....wasn't drunk.
>
> Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the
> dark and stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath.
> Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said
> to the other.
>
> :
> :
>
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> :
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> "Look Paddy there's that idiot that got in the car while we were
> pushing it!"

[ziggysego]

It's late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in South Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets.  When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea.  He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'

'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'

'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.'

The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again.

'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'

'Absolutely,' the man replied.  'It's looking more and more like it is

going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'

'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked

The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy.'

[Cúig huaire]

What does your dirty mind see?

Now look again.

[ziggysego]

  Very good there

[ziggysego]

I'm not really too concerned about Swine Flu. Here's my concern. Three years ago, Chinese calendar year of the cow... Mad Cow Disease. Two years ago, Chinese calendar year of the bird... Avian Flu. This year, Chinese calendar year of the pig... Swine Flu. Next year is the year of the c**k... Anybody else worried???

[Billys Boots]

The nun's story

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her...

She asks him why he is staring. He replies: 'I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you.'

She answers, ' My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'

'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.'

She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.'

The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'

'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley...'

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

'My dear child,' said the nun, 'Why are you crying?'

'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess; I'm married and I'm Jewish.'

The nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Steve and I'm going to a Halloween party.'

[the real slim shady]

Four nuns were standing in line at the gates of heaven.

Saint Peter asks the first if she has ever sinned. "Well, once I looked at a man's penis," she said.

"Put some of this holy water on your eyes, and you may enter heaven," Peter told her.

Peter then asked the second nun if she had ever sinned. "Well, once I held a man's penis," she replied.

"Put your hand in this holy water, and you may enter heaven," he said.

Just then the fourth nun pushed ahead of the third nun.

Peter asked her, "Why did you push ahead in line?" She said, "Because I want to gargle before she sits in it!"

[Orior]

Not bad

http://irishsoccerinsider.wordpress.com/

[Onion Bag]

Little April usually slept through class. One day the teacher called on her
while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" When
April didn't stir, little Johnny,a boy seated in the chair behind her, took
a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the
teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep. A while later the
teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour,"  But, April didn't even
stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her
again. "JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good," and
April fell back asleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What
did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny
jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted,
"IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF

AND STICK IT UP YOUR A*SE! The Teacher fainted.

[Declan]

Subject: When Love Fades
When Love Fades.......
A man was sitting on the sofa watching TV when he heard his wife's  voice  from the kitchen.
What would you like for dinner Love? Chicken, beef or lamb?
He said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken."
F*&% you, you're having soup. I was talking to the cat."

[JUst retired]

were you listening at my back door?

[RMDrive]

were you listening at my back door?

Did you fart?

[Hoof Hearted]

two indians are in hospital after snorting curry powder, mistaking it for cocaine.
one is in a korma, the other has a dodgy tikka.

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Renault and Ford are working on a new car coming out for females. its a combination of the clio and the taurus - the CLITAURUS. it comes in pink, with or without fur on the dashboard and the average bloke wont be able to find it, even if the owner tells him where it is

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anne summers has an easy guide to complete sexual joy coming out, it explores the clitoris, the G-Spot and even tells the males where they are. "Twat Nav" will be in the shops by xmas


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