Corny One for Friday

[gerry]

I recently went to a family barbecue at a mansion in Shropshire.

It was great! There was loads of beer...but sadly no Fosters

[gallsman]

I recently went to a family barbecue at a mansion in Shropshire.

It was great! There was loads of beer...but sadly no Fosters

Christ! I fully approve of these kinds of jokes (Maddie, Gary Glitter etc. as long as there' humour, no matter how dark, in it.) F**k me though, that's one of the dodgiest ones yet!

[Orior]

Ah the old topical joke. Who can remember these?

Going way way back....

Q. How do you get a ticket for a disco in a boat on the Thames in London?

A. You dont. You just barge on in.



And...

Q. What was the last thing that Michael Ryan's mother said to him in their home in Hungerford?

A. Shoot down the road there boy and get me a loaf.

[Agnes Dipesto]

Young lad goes to his father and asks him what is the difference between theory and reality?

The father thinks a minute and tells the lad to go and ask his mother would she sleep with a man for £500. So the young lad asks his mother and she replies of course she would.

The lad goes back to the father and tells him the mother said she would sleep with a man for £500 and the father tells him to ask his sister the same question. So the young lad asks his sister would she sleep with a man for £500 and she replies of course she would.

Lad goes back to his father and tells him that they both said they would sleep with a man for £500 but how does this explain theory and reality.

Father replies, In theory son we should have a £1000, in reality we have two whores in the house.  

[The Corporal]

Check out the following website:

http://www.sickipedia.org/

Sick jokes at their best. Be warned though!

[full back]

I keep having my profile on that dating website 'Match.com' rejected.
One of the questions is, 'What do you want in a woman?'.
Apparently 'my d1ck' is not an acceptable answer.


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A suicide bomber runs into a pet shop and yells, 'you've all got 30 seconds to get out!'
The tortoise at the back of the shop shouts, 'you cu*t !'
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Why are women like clouds? Eventually they fu*k off and its a really nice day
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Whats the difference between light and hard?
You can sleep with a light on.
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A man walks into a petrol station and says, 'can I please have a KitKat Chunky?'
The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.
'No,' says the man, 'I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat f*ck.'
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My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood.
We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when I am in a bad mood, it leaves a fu*king

Big red mark on her forehead.
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I was at an ATM money machine when an old lady came up and asked me to check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
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Zebo, a half blind five year old south African orphan, has to ride 7 miles a day to school with only one leg on a bicycle

With buckled wheels and no brakes. Give just small donation of 2 dollars and we'll send you the video, it's fu*king hilarious....


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I had a dog named minton who had an unfortunate habit of eating shuttlecocks.
Bad minton.
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Two men are in a pub. One says to his mate 'My mother-in-law is an angel'. The reply from his friend...... 'You're so fu*king lucky... Mine's still alive...'
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A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says; 'Fu*k off, you won't bring it back.'
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2 Men in a pub and one is riding a Bucking Bronco Machine. He lasts over 10 minutes.
'Geeeeez mate, that was impressive!'
'I get lots of practice' Replied the other guy. 'My Wifes an epileptic'

[gerry]

A Tyrone fan was asked on how Tyrone would cope with the twin towers, Donaghy and Walsh! He replies with confidence "bearded men have toppled the twin towers in the past"

[mournerambler]

Life is like a pubic hair on a toilet seat, sooner or later somebody will piss you off.

[illdecide]

THE JOURNEY OF MAN!!!!!







When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a
girlfriend.

When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no
passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with
a zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too
emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a
drama queen, cried all the  time and threatened
suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring.

She was totally predictable and never got
excited about anything. Life became so dull that I
decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't
keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to
another, never settling on anything. She did mad
impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy.

She was great fun initially and very energetic,
but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with
some real ambition.

When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with
her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married
her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and
took everything I owned.





I am older and wiser now, and am looking for a girl with big tits.

[The Gs Man]

Whats brown and rhymes with Snoop??

Dr Dre.

[illdecide]

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to
be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. A date
rape drug on the market called "Beer" is used by many females to
target
unsuspecting men. The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now
available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, from taps and in
large "Kegs."

"Beer" is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to
persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them.
Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units
of "Beer" and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex.

Men are rendered helpless against this approach.

After several "Beers", men will often succumb to desires to perform
sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never normally
be attracted.

After drinking "Beer", men often awaken with only hazy memories of
exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague
feeling that: "something bad" occurred.

At other times, these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's
savings, in a familiar scam known as "a relationship."

It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be
shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of
servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage."

Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after "Beer" is

administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.

Please forward this warning to every male you know. If you fall victim
to this insidious "Beer" and the predatory women administering it,
there
are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss
the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with
similarly affected, like--minded guys.

For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the

yellow pages.

Thank you for your co-operation

[illdecide]

TWO NUNS

There were two nuns...

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),

and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical ! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both,so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.


SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?
A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down

And for those of you who thought it would be naughty,
I'll pray for you!

[Hardy]

Somewhere in Poyntzpass, I believe?

[Hoof Hearted]

amir khan has proved that muslims dont drink - on saturday night he didnt even get a round in !!

[Onion Bag]

Why are pirates called pirates? 

Coz they arrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh


What is a pirates favourite type of music?


Arrrrrrrrrrggggghhhhhhhhh & B