Corny One for Friday

[armaghniac]

Why was Boris Johnson given the Foreign Office?

Apparently Theresa May produced a list and F. Off was beside his name!

[muppet]

[armaghniac]

The top 15 funniest jokes from the Fringe
1. "My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card. He's a man after my own heart" - Masai Graham
2. "Why is it old people say "there's no place like home", yet when you put them in one..." - Stuart Mitchell
3. "I've been happily married for four years - out of a total of 10" - Mark Watson
4. "Apparently 1 in 3 Britons are conceived in an IKEA bed which is mad because those places are really well lit" - Mark Smith
5. "I went to a pub quiz in Liverpool, had a few drinks so wasn't much use. Just for a laugh I wrote The Beatles or Steven Gerrard for every answer... came second" - Will Duggan
6. "Brexit is a terrible name, sounds like cereal you eat when you are constipated" - Tiff Stevenson
7. "I often confuse Americans and Canadians. By using long words" - Gary Delaney
8. "Why is Henry's wife covered in tooth marks? Because he's Tudor" - Adele Cliff
9. "Don't you hate it when people assume you're rich because you sound posh and went to private school and have loads of money?" - Annie McGrath
10. "Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy, I hear you ask" - Jordan Brookes
11. "Hillary Clinton has shown that any woman can be President, as long as your husband did it first" - Michelle Wolf
12. "I spotted a Marmite van on the motorway. It was heading yeastbound" - Roger Swift
13. "Back in the day, Instagram just meant a really efficient drug dealer" - Arthur Smith
14. "I'll tell you what's unnatural in the eyes of God. Contact lenses" - Zoe Lyons
15. "Elton John hates ordering Chinese food. Soya seems to be the hardest word" -Phil Nicol

[5 Sams]

For those Viz and Sid the Sexist aficionados between us...this is pure genius.

[gallsman]

http://thesetpieces.com/features/sweeper-steve-bruce-review/

A fantastic review of a murder mystery novel written by... Steve Bruce.

[Billys Boots]

http://thesetpieces.com/features/sweeper-steve-bruce-review/

A fantastic review of a murder mystery novel written by... Steve Bruce.

This should be in the 'wtf' thread.  Highly recommended link. 

[Billys Boots]

QUESTION
Are  you as moral as you think you are? This  test only has one question, but it's  a very important one. By  giving an honest answer, you will discover whether you  are a truly moral  person. The  test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will  have to make a decision. Only  you will know the results, so remember that your answer needs to be  honest.

THE SITUATION:
You are in  Florida . . . Miami, to be specific. Chaos is all around you, caused by a hurricane andsevere flooding.  It's a flood of biblical  proportions.  You are a  photojournalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic  disaster. The situation is  nearly hopeless. You're  trying to shoot career-making photos.  There are houses and people swirling  around you, some disappearing under the water. Nature is unleashing all of its destructive  fury.

THE TEST:
Suddenly, you see a man in the  water. He's fighting for his life, trying not to be taken  down with the debris.  You move closer. The man looks strangely familiar. You suddenly realize who it is: It's Donald Trump!  At the same  time, you notice that the  raging waters are about to take him under forever.

YOU  HAVE TWO OPTIONS:
You can save the life of Donald Trump or you can shoot a dramatic, Pulitzer  Prize winning photo, documenting the death of one of this country's richest men, a man hell bent on becoming the leader of the free  world.

THE QUESTION:
Here's the question, and please  give an honest answer: "Would you select high contrast color film, or  would you go with the
classic simplicity of black and  white?"

[seafoid]

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the man on the top bunk, the woman on the lower. In the middle of the night the man leans over, wakes the woman and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket?" The woman leans out and, with a glint in her eye, says, " I have a better idea, just for tonight, let's make pretend that we're married!" The man says happily, "OK!" AWESOME!"

The woman says, "GOOD .... Get your own f**king blanket

[laoislad]

My mate told me that I just don't understand irony.

Which was ironic because we were at a bus stop at the time.

[muppet]

My mate told me that I just don't understand irony.

Which was ironic because we were at a bus stop at the time.

You and Fearon are mates!

[Hardy]

My mate was telling me that too. Which was ironic, because we we were standing on the Luas tracks, which are quite irony.

[armaghniac]

My mate was telling me that too. Which was ironic, because we we were standing on the Luas tracks, which are quite irony.

Was his name Ferrous?

[armaghniac]

Just found out that I passed my employer's drugs test.
My dealer now has some explaining to do

[muppet]

My mate was telling me that too. Which was ironic, because we we were standing on the Luas tracks, which are quite irony.

Was his name Ferrous?

We called him Rusty.

[seafoid]

Bull McCabe parody
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otUjusPFWTM