Corny One for Friday

[stephenite]

That is one story I will not be telling the girls from HR, lol.

Would they not understand?

[Bud Wiser]

I was just looking up funniest tweets of the year and while not a joke in the real sense this fella from Cork made one right one.
Seemingly he was out working a lot and the wife, now his ex wife, was a fan of the Waterboys - The Whole of the Moon and all that.

His tweet "Hi, still a fan of the Waterboy's?  "While I was out working, you rode the whole of Macroom"

[Bud Wiser]

Tweet from Damien Tierney from RTE who last week attended above all things a Club Football match in South Kilkenny.
His tweet "At Clb football here in Kilkenny, First ball goes over sideline - player shouts at manager "Do I throw it or kick it?"

[Orior]

There once was an Indian who had only one testicle, and whose given name was "Onestone".

He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!"

The word got around and nobody called him that any more. Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said "Good morning, Onestone."

He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away.

Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'

Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but YellowBird wouldn't die!

Which just goes to prove that you can't kill two birds with OneStone.

[StGallsGAA]

It was the Aul Lammas Fair in Ballycastle in 2013.  Brendan Rodgers, pulling up the collars of his coat to avoid being recognised,  slipped inconspicuously into the fortune-teller's tent.   He crossed the palm of the mystic with silver and asked what her crystal ball could foretell about sports results. 

The Mystic said that in 2014 a golfer called Rory would win the British Open and in 2015 a boxer called Fury would win the Heavyweight World Title.

"Can you see anything else?" asked Brendan eagerly.   "Yes!" replied the mystic. " In  2016 the Premier League will be won by a team starting with the letter L whose manager's surname starts with an R!" 

[laoislad]

It wasn't funny the first time you posted it a few hours ago.

[trueblue1234]

It was the Aul Lammas Fair in Ballycastle in 2013.  Brendan Rodgers, pulling up the collars of his coat to avoid being recognised,  slipped inconspicuously into the fortune-teller's tent.   He crossed the palm of the mystic with silver and asked what her crystal ball could foretell about sports results.

The Mystic said that in 2014 a golfer called Rory would win the British Open and in 2015 a boxer called Fury would win the Heavyweight World Title.

"Can you see anything else?" asked Brendan eagerly.   "Yes!" replied the mystic. " In  2016 the Premier League will be won by a team starting with the letter L whose manager's surname starts with an R!"

I'm speechless. I mean WTF?

[gawa316]

It was the Aul Lammas Fair in Ballycastle in 2013.  Brendan Rodgers, pulling up the collars of his coat to avoid being recognised,  slipped inconspicuously into the fortune-teller's tent.   He crossed the palm of the mystic with silver and asked what her crystal ball could foretell about sports results.

The Mystic said that in 2014 a golfer called Rory would win the British Open and in 2015 a boxer called Fury would win the Heavyweight World Title.

"Can you see anything else?" asked Brendan eagerly.   "Yes!" replied the mystic. " In  2016 the Premier League will be won by a team starting with the letter L whose manager's surname starts with an R!"

I'm speechless. I mean WTF?

Agreed. Who in the name of fcuk would find that even remotely funny???

[oakleaflad]

A couple from Dungiven are planning a date. The girlfriend is wrecking her brain trying to think of ideas, then she remembers there's a festival happening in Derry.

"Hi sur, do ye like Jazz?" she asks.

"Aye, fuckin right I do bai..." he replies "...the bit when thon big shark eats the boy is class!"

[Orior]

It was the Aul Lammas Fair in Ballycastle in 2013.  Brendan Rodgers, pulling up the collars of his coat to avoid being recognised,  slipped inconspicuously into the fortune-teller's tent.   He crossed the palm of the mystic with silver and asked what her crystal ball could foretell about sports results.

The Mystic said that in 2014 a golfer called Rory would win the British Open and in 2015 a boxer called Fury would win the Heavyweight World Title.

"Can you see anything else?" asked Brendan eagerly.   "Yes!" replied the mystic. " In  2016 the Premier League will be won by a team starting with the letter L whose manager's surname starts with an R!"

I'm speechless. I mean WTF?

Agreed. Who in the name of fcuk would find that even remotely funny???

Well, you see its like this, L is the first letter of both L.... ah feck it, you work it out.

[gawa316]

It was the Aul Lammas Fair in Ballycastle in 2013.  Brendan Rodgers, pulling up the collars of his coat to avoid being recognised,  slipped inconspicuously into the fortune-teller's tent.   He crossed the palm of the mystic with silver and asked what her crystal ball could foretell about sports results.

The Mystic said that in 2014 a golfer called Rory would win the British Open and in 2015 a boxer called Fury would win the Heavyweight World Title.

"Can you see anything else?" asked Brendan eagerly.   "Yes!" replied the mystic. " In  2016 the Premier League will be won by a team starting with the letter L whose manager's surname starts with an R!"

I'm speechless. I mean WTF?

Agreed. Who in the name of fcuk would find that even remotely funny???

Well, you see its like this, L is the first letter of both L.... ah feck it, you work it out.

Ach no come on, of course I can work it out. You think it's funny?

[Orior]

It was the Aul Lammas Fair in Ballycastle in 2013.  Brendan Rodgers, pulling up the collars of his coat to avoid being recognised,  slipped inconspicuously into the fortune-teller's tent.   He crossed the palm of the mystic with silver and asked what her crystal ball could foretell about sports results.

The Mystic said that in 2014 a golfer called Rory would win the British Open and in 2015 a boxer called Fury would win the Heavyweight World Title.

"Can you see anything else?" asked Brendan eagerly.   "Yes!" replied the mystic. " In  2016 the Premier League will be won by a team starting with the letter L whose manager's surname starts with an R!"

I'm speechless. I mean WTF?

Agreed. Who in the name of fcuk would find that even remotely funny???

Well, you see its like this, L is the first letter of both L.... ah feck it, you work it out.

Ach no come on, of course I can work it out. You think it's funny?

On a scale of 1 to 10, probably 2.

[muppet]

[AZOffaly]

Robbing this

[under the bar]

What's so funny about Obi Wan Camogie holding a Hurley stick?  One that's obviously R2D too big for him!!