Corny One for Friday

[Hardy]

One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out herself.

She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read a book, enjoying the peace and solitude.

Along comes a Fish & Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'

'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that quite obvious?')

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I am reading!'

'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up a ticket.'

'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.

'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.

'Yes, but I see ... '

[seafoid]

I went to the pub last night, there was a fat girl dancing on a table. I walked passed and said "amazing legs". The girl giggled and said with a smile "do you really think so?". I said "Definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now"!!

WAS driving to work yesterday when I didn't notice the car in front and ended up going into the back of it. I went to speak to the driver and a dwarf got out. I said to him: "You all right, mate?" "I'm not happy," he said. "Which one are you then?" I asked.

This is hilarious. Medical shorthand
http://www.theguardian.com/society/2008/feb/04/health.healthandwellbeing
One missing. "TFBundy" which means "Totally fucked but unfortunately not dead yet"

[armaghniac]

One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out herself.

Nice to see jokes recycled for our younger viewers.

[Orior]

A man goes into a shop to buy a brain. The shopkeeper says "On the bottom shelf here, we have the brain of the man who had four A's in his A-Levels. That brain is £100"

"Then on the middle shelf, is the brain of a man who got an Oxford degree in Nuclear Physics and had a Masters from Cambridge University in Medieval Russian. It costs £200"

"And finally on the top shelf there is a brain priced at £10,000"

"Wow" says the customer "Whose brain was that?"

"It was Ruth Patterson's brain" said the shopkeeper.

"But why is it so expensive?" asked the customer.

The shopkeeper replied "It was never used"

[Orior]

An old man was lying in his hospital bed, when he turned to the pretty nurse attending him and said "Can I have a kiss?"

"No!" She replied.

"Oh go on, please" he said sweetly.

"No" she replied again.

"Please, just a little peck" he pleaded.

"For the last time no, I shouldn't even be w**king you off".

[mikehunt]

An old man was lying in his hospital bed, when he turned to the pretty nurse attending him and said "Can I have a kiss?"

"No!" She replied.

"Oh go on, please" he said sweetly.

"No" she replied again.

"Please, just a little peck" he pleaded.

"For the last time no, I shouldn't even be w**king you off".

Words couldn't possibly describe how p!ss poor that effort was.

[screenexile]

An old man was lying in his hospital bed, when he turned to the pretty nurse attending him and said "Can I have a kiss?"

"No!" She replied.

"Oh go on, please" he said sweetly.

"No" she replied again.

"Please, just a little peck" he pleaded.

"For the last time no, I shouldn't even be w**king you off".

That's as good a joke as I've seen on here in a long time!!!

[Keyser soze]

I'm getting really pissed off at people posting corny ones on here on a thursday. FFS can you not read the thread title!!

[Orior]

Post on Thursday - read on Friday!

[armaghniac]

Post on Thursday - read on Friday!

Sure it is Friday in New Zealand.

[illdecide]

A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, "You are back early, what's wrong?" "I was stung by a bee!" she said. "Where?" he asked. "Between the first and second hole." she replied. He nodded and said, "Your stance is far too wide."

[illdecide]

A man and a wife were in bed one morning when the wife said, "I had a strange dream last night. I dreamed I was at a penis auction. Long penises were going for $100 and thick penises were going for $300." The husband asked, "What would mine go for?" The wife replied, "They were giving ones like yours away for free." The husband said, "I also had a dream last night about an auction where they were selling juicy vaginas for $500 and tight vaginas for $1,000." "How about mine?" the wife asked and the husband replied, "That was where they were holding the auction."

[illdecide]

One day three women went for a job interview. The man interviewing them posed all three the same question. What would you do if you found an extra €50 in on your paycheck that you shouldn't have received? The first one said, "I'd give it back as it wasn't mine and I wasn't entitled to it." When he asked the second one she replied, "I'd give it to Charity." When he asked the third one, she was more honest and she said, "I'd keep it for myself and go out for a drink." Which one of the three women got the job?


The one with the biggest tits!

[illdecide]

A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for £1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts and motorboats her for 10 minutes." Eventually the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."

[The Gs Man]

I was talking to the man who invented the window sill last week.

What a ledge.