Corny One for Friday

[Onion Bag]

Late Night Phone Call To The Vet

A dog lover, whose dog was a female and "in heat', agreed to look after her neighbor`s male dog while the neighbors were on vacation.

She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart. However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds, rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage, as so frequently happens when dogs mate.

Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.

Having explained the problem to him, the vet said,

"Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw.."

"Do you think that will work?" she asked.

"Just worked on me," he replied.

[Orior]

LOL

[EC Unique]

It's been two years since Jimmy Saville died.

R.I.P big man, you touched a lot of people.

[muppet]

It's been two years since Jimmy Saville died.

R.I.P big man, you touched a lot of people.

Did he fix it for you?

[armaghniac]

Jimmy Saville blamed his chaffeur, he said he drove him to it.

[Orior]

Two old ladies looking in a shop window.
One of them comments "That's the one I'd get"

Then a cyclops came up and killed her.

[ziggysego]

Two old ladies looking in a shop window.
One of them comments "That's the one I'd get"

Then a cyclops came up and killed her.

[Under Lights]

The cyclops thought the old lady was calling him a "one-eyed get".

Bit harsh murdering someone over getting called that. I've been called far worse in my days have haven't murdered a single person yet. Cyclops' these days are getting annoyed over the silliest things.

[armaghniac]

Got kicked in the balls today. I was in the lift with a lady who had the most fantastic tits and I just couldn't stop checking them out.
She said "Would you please press One?" so I did.
Don't remember much after that.....

[supersarsfields]

I'm sure O'neill could add to this one.

http://distractify.com/fun/fails/test-answers-that-are-totally-wrong-but-still-genius/

[southdown]

My friend Gav died from heartburn this morning. I can't believe Gaviscon.

[muppet]

My friend Gav died from heartburn this morning. I can't believe Gaviscon.

Sorry to hear that.

Acid event.

[armaghniac]

Terrible news, hard to digest.

[Nally Stand]

Yes sorry to hear that, he was some fella. He always had a fire in his belly.

[ziggysego]

These jokes turn my stomach.