Corny One for Friday

[muppet]

True story, allegedly.

Overheard in a Cork pub:

Yer an awful langer. If there was a competition for the biggest langer in Ireland, you'd come second.
- And why would'n' I win it?

Cos yer a langer!

That's a corkular argument.

[muppet]

[Billys Boots]

FFS, that's Camembert!

[seafoid]

Natural hallucinogen


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzSRVgF501M

[john mcgill]

Bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks. First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does this a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is boss, he beats it to death with a spade.

Realizing his employer won't be best pleased he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.

Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimp house, he is attacked by the chimps who pelt him with coconuts.

He swipes at two chimps with a spade killing them both.. What can he do? Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything...

He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.

He moves on to the last job which is to collect honey from the South American Bees.

As soon as he starts he is attacked by the bees. He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp.

By now he knows what to do and shovels them into the lions cage because lions eat anything.

Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. He wanders up to another lion and says "What's the food like here?"

The lions say: "Absolutely brilliant, today we had Fish and Chimps with Mushy Bees

[All of a Sludden]

[armaghniac]

That's a bit cheesy.

[muppet]

Brilliant.

I will be singing that all day tomorrow, until someone hits me.

[tbrick18]

This had me in stitches..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkmeoYKYctw

[Harold Disgracey]

Can't think of anywhere else to put this.

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/a1875847-Do-you-dunk-your-penis

[Orior]

True story apparently...

An Irish guy (let's call him Paddy) was stopped and asked to give a breathalyzer test.

Paddy lives near Le Bugue in the Dordogne and at the time he was stopped he was as pis*ed as a fart...

The gendarme signals to him to wind down the window then asks him if he has been drinking, and with a slurring speech Paddy replies "Yes, this morning I was at my (hic)..daughter's wedding, and as I don't like church much I went to the cafe opposite and had several beers. Then during the wedding banquet I seem to remember downing three great bottles of wine; (hic)... a corbieres, a Minervois and (hic)...a Faugeres. Then to finish off during the celebrations.... and (hic) during the evening ...me and my mate downed five pints of Guinness and two bottles of Johnny Walker's black label."

Getting impatient the gendarme warns him "Do you understand I'm a policeman and have stopped you for an alcohol test?"

Paddy smiles and replies "Do you understand that I'm Irish, and my car is right-hand-drive, and that my wife is actually sitting in the other seat, which is the one behind the steering wheel?"

[ONeill]

I start a new job in Seoul next week.

I thought it was a good Korea move.

[Orior]

I was driving home yesterday, and I got a phone call saying that was being promoted. I was so excited that I clipped the kerb and drove into a ditch. You could say that I careered off the road.

[Hardy]

I thought this new girlfriend might be the one but after finding a nurse's outfit, a French maids outfit, and a police woman's uniform in her bedroom, I figured if she can't hold down a job, she's not for me.

[muppet]

I start a new job in Seoul next week.

I thought it was a good Korea move.

You Il bring your Jong and move back up North.