Corny One for Friday

[southdown]

Was in the barbers today, told him what I wanted.  He asked if I wanted it done round the back. I said here is just fine.

[Hardy]

Was in the chemist's today. Asked for a bar of soap. He said, "Do you want it scented?" I said, "No, thanks. I'll take it with me."

[Orior]

Q. How much do Cockneys pay for shampoo?

A. Pan ten!

[Orior]

Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control at Dublin airport.

"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.

"German," she replies.

"Occupation?"

"No, just here for a few days."

I'm polishing this joke up in preparation for G8. Also please note that I'm placing a copyright on it. Any jokers caught re-using it will be severely dealt with.



Angela Merkel arrives at reception in the Lough Erne hotel and is checking into her suite.

"Nationality?" asks the receptionist.

"German," she replies.

"Occupation?"

"No, just here for a few days."

[Hardy]

Name?
- David Beckham.

Address?
- Actually, it's called a sarong.

[Orior]

A madman runs into a laundrette, rapes a women and then leaves.

Next day, the newspaper headline was "Nut screws washer and bolts"


Arf arf.

[Hardy]

Mick, can I have one of yer sandwiches?  I forgot me lunch.
- Here, have them all. I don't fancy them anyway.

What's on them?
- Crab paste.

Crab paste? Great. Where did you get that?
- The chemist.

[ziggy90]

Sniggering away at that one Hardy .

[Oraisteach]

Pavlov is in a bar having a pint.  The phone rings.  He jumps off the stool and shouts, "Ah Sh*t!  I forgot to feed the dogs."

[Orior]

My wife just caught me in bed with Fatima Whitbread.

"It's not what it looks like," I pleaded.

"Well, what is it then?" she asked with a puzzled look on her face.

"A woman," I replied.

[Orior]

A new family have moved in next to me.

They have three little kids and they've challenged me to a water fight in the back yard, so I'm just writing to you while I'm waiting for the kettle to boil.

[Orior]

I had a weird dream that I weighed infinitesimally less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg!

[Jeepers Creepers]

What do you call a dog with no back legs and brass balls?

Sparky!!!!

[Orior]

Sounds like a scene from American Pie, except it is true.

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10893497

[armaghniac]

Sounds like a scene from American Pie, except it is true.

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10893497

How's that for economical prose.
"She was taken to Dunedin Hospital, and is understood to have been released."