Corny One for Friday

[5 Sams]

Excellent...stealing that Bingo.

[armaghniac]

You milk them, dye it black and sell it as Guinness

South Armagh corporations have important competitive advantages in removing dye, not sure about adding it.

[Hardy]

A group of chess enthusiasts club checked into a hotel and they were standing around in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After a while, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"Because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

[brokencrossbar1]

My take on the two cows:

South Armagh Corporation

You have two cows.
You milk them, dye it black and sell it as Guinness
With proceeds you buy a big jeep.

You have 2 cows.
1 dies. You contact the NIO and claim it was killed by the Brits. 
After you get your compo you take said cow out of the freezer and pass it onto neighbour.
Repeat process

[Tony Baloney]

My take on the two cows:

South Armagh Corporation

You have two cows.
You milk them, dye it black and sell it as Guinness
With proceeds you buy a big jeep.

You have 2 cows.
1 dies. You contact the NIO and claim it was killed by the Brits. 
After you get your compo you take said cow out of the freezer and pass it onto neighbour.
Repeat process

That one cow must have made some money over the years. I'd say the vets in S. Armagh are the best oaid in the country.

[armaghniac]

I'd say the vets in S. Armagh are the best oaid in the country.

I'd say that the compo man wasn't stuck either.

[southdown]

Gary Neville's father Neville Neville has been arrested on sexual assault charges.

If he carries on like that he will get himself a bad name.

[All of a Sludden]

How to reassure a pedant...

There, their, they're.

[Orior]

Yesterday a German Shepherd did a crap in my front garden 

And today he arrived back, this time with his dog   

[All of a Sludden]

Yesterday a German Shepherd did a crap in my front garden 

And today he arrived back, this time with his dog   

0/10

[Orior]

Yesterday a German Shepherd did a crap in my front garden 

And today he arrived back, this time with his dog   

0/10

Was it my timing? Should he have returned maybe a few days later?

[Hardy]

That bloke who owns the German Shepherd that was in the news a while ago when the dog rode the woman from Limerick takes the dog to the vet. "What's the problem here?" says the vet.

"Haven't you been watching the news?" says the owner. "I thought you'd recognise us."
"No," said the vet. "I can't say I do."

"Well, this is the dog all the fuss in the news was about. You know ... he, ahhhh ... he humped my girlfriend."
"Oh right," says the vet.

"Well, she insisted I take him here," says the owner.
"So, she wants me to put him down?", asks the vet.

"No, no", says the owner. "She just wants you to trim his nails."

[muppet]

A German Corporation

You have two cows.
You take all the wool of every sheep farmer within 1,000 miles.
You tell them to be more like the Germans.

[Orior]

German Joke

A man walks into a newsagents.

The shopkeeper asks "Can I help you?"

The man says "No thanks, I've got my bicycle outside"

[All of a Sludden]

What's the difference between Sunderland and North Korea?

Ones a regime run by a mentalist fascist dictator followed by thousands of brain washed in-breds, the other is in Asia.