Corny One for Friday

[Shamrock Shore]

I just had to check my burgers in the fridge..... and they're off!

[5 Sams]

People in the Gaeltacht areas of Ireland have nothing to fear about the horse burger scandal. Tesco said they have only sold a capall in those areas


Gheobhaidh mé mo chóta...

[All of a Sludden]

Tesco meatballs for tea tonight, I love them, they're the dogs bollox.

Tesco burger walks into a bar. "Pint please"
"I can't hear you" says the barman.
"Sorry" replies the burger. "I'm a little bit horse".

I heard that Iceland are doing a mini-burger now. The Shetland.

I clicked on burgers on the Tesco website, then selected 'add to cart'.

[highorlow]

Went to buy a burger just now and the girl asked 'would you like anything on it' i said feck it i'll have a fiver each way.

[JUst retired]

Tesco have special offers starting Monday.It is on all burgers and fuel,they are giving 500 points.
But they say it`s only for fuels and horses.

[cadence]

man goes into shop and asks for a packet of rothmans. shop keeper says he's no rothmans and would he like anything else. man says a box of matches.

[under the bar]

man goes into shop and asks for a packet of rothmans. shop keeper says he's no rothmans and would he like anything else. man says a box of matches.

??

[All of a Sludden]

Posh & Becks climb into a cab at Heathrow & head into town.

Naturally the driver is a bit chatty what with thick & thin in the back. Been on 'oliday ave yers?

Yeah, says Becks, we was in New York, loved it mate, sky scrapers, Americans & everything. Only for the weekend though. We went to a brilliant restaurant, what was it called?...I can't think of the name...arggh! What was it? 'Ere mate name me some stations in London will you?

The cabby says Waterloo?

Becks says no, that's not it.

- Euston?

No.

- Paddington?

No, no.

Victoria?

That's it! exclaims Beckham - Victoria, what was the name of that restaurant?

[Apparently so]

My 13-year-old son came home from school today and said, "Dad, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure," I replied, "What is it?"

He said, "There's a pretty girl in my class who keeps flirting with me. She has great tits and is dirty as hell, but she has a boyfriend. What would you do if you were in my situation?"

"About 4 years in prison." I replied.

[armaghniac]

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
Officer2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps opens the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Woman: Bet you the lying ******* told you I was speeding, too!

[Aristo 60]

What's blue and full of haribo?


Kevin Webster's overalls.

Is this a new story line on Coronation Street were the writers actually script Michael Le Vell's character Kevin as a Kiddy Fiddler (art reflecting life etc.)??

That seems like an extraordinary thing for them to do especially after the current problems the BBC are having in the aftermath of the Jimmy Saville scandal.

Or are you speaking tripe?

[stew]

Tooth Hurtee

Reported to moderator for being racist!

Wrong on so many levels but ffs, have you read some of the posts on here?

[LeoMc]

What's blue and full of haribo?


Kevin Webster's overalls.

Is this a new story line on Coronation Street were the writers actually script Michael Le Vell's character Kevin as a Kiddy Fiddler (art reflecting life etc.)??

That seems like an extraordinary thing for them to do especially after the current problems the BBC are having in the aftermath of the Jimmy Saville scandal.

Or are you speaking tripe?

Maybe he is telling a joke on the jokes page!
Just a thought.

[Apparently so]

What's blue and full of haribo?


Kevin Webster's overalls.

Is this a new story line on Coronation Street were the writers actually script Michael Le Vell's character Kevin as a Kiddy Fiddler (art reflecting life etc.)??

That seems like an extraordinary thing for them to do especially after the current problems the BBC are having in the aftermath of the Jimmy Saville scandal.

Or are you speaking tripe?

   

Brilliant

[5 Sams]

After a night of passion, Oscar Pistorios's new girlfriend snuggles in and asks " Oscar,did you really mean to kill her ?"...."Why do you ask love?" He says....." It's just", she says....."I'm really busting for a piss ....."