Corny One for Friday

[Rois]

SS and Rois are excluded from my gross generalisation - I work next door to an accountancy firm and their parking is always all over the place, regularly taking up two speace each with their cars.  Head wreck.

That is deliberate bad parking - pretend to be bad so that people won't notice that they want lots of space in case anyone parks too close and scratches their car. 

Two guys I work with do it in our car park.  Grinds my gears.

[Billys Boots]

SS and Rois are excluded from my gross generalisation - I work next door to an accountancy firm and their parking is always all over the place, regularly taking up two speace each with their cars.  Head wreck.

That is deliberate bad parking - pretend to be bad so that people won't notice that they want lots of space in case anyone parks too close and scratches their car. 

Two guys I work with do it in our car park.  Grinds my gears.

If you saw these Neanderthals - they wouldn't be capable of that level of deviousness (is that a word?). 

[NAG1]

SS and Rois are excluded from my gross generalisation - I work next door to an accountancy firm and their parking is always all over the place, regularly taking up two speace each with their cars.  Head wreck.

That is deliberate bad parking - pretend to be bad so that people won't notice that they want lots of space in case anyone parks too close and scratches their car. 

Two guys I work with do it in our car park.  Grinds my gears.

Just ignore the lines then and park right next to them, see the rage that forms then 

[LeoMc]

SS and Rois are excluded from my gross generalisation - I work next door to an accountancy firm and their parking is always all over the place, regularly taking up two speace each with their cars.  Head wreck.

That is deliberate bad parking - pretend to be bad so that people won't notice that they want lots of space in case anyone parks too close and scratches their car. 

Two guys I work with do it in our car park.  Grinds my gears.

Just ignore the lines then and park right next to them, see the rage that forms then 

As tight as you can, your passenger door to their drivers door.

[Billys Boots]

SS and Rois are excluded from my gross generalisation - I work next door to an accountancy firm and their parking is always all over the place, regularly taking up two speace each with their cars.  Head wreck.

That is deliberate bad parking - pretend to be bad so that people won't notice that they want lots of space in case anyone parks too close and scratches their car. 

Two guys I work with do it in our car park.  Grinds my gears.

Just ignore the lines then and park right next to them, see the rage that forms then 

As tight as you can, your passenger door to their drivers door.

That is exactly what I do - then at five o'clock I watch out the window like a hawk to see them clambering in through their passenger door.  It's the little things that make life worthwhile. 

[Bud Wiser]

Ming Flanagan got four points last year and is being awarded Roscommon player of the year.

[Olly]

A dog walks into a bar, with his right arm raised. He says "I'm looking for the man who shot my PAW!" One man stands up and says "I did, and I'm sorry." The dog then lunges at him and rips the flesh off his face.

[Maguire01]

Ming Flanagan got four points last year and is being awarded Roscommon player of the year.

Only he didn't actually get any points.

[lawnseed]

Ming Flanagan got four points last year and is being awarded Roscommon player of the year.

Only he didn't actually get any points.

+1
yeah mings points were disallowed

[seafoid]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlxkcewBEe0

[armaghniac]

Back home and in bed after spending half the morning in A & E. I'm still in a bit of pain but I'll be ok!

I'll tell you what though.........that new Dyson Ball Cleaner is not what you think it is!

[All of a Sludden]

news just in....

In a money saving move the IFA abd FAI will collaborate on their World cup song for Rio, expect to see "Here we Stay" hit the shops and download portals soon.

[Orior]

news just in....

In a money saving move the IFA abd FAI will collaborate on their World cup song for Rio, expect to see "Here we Stay" hit the shops and download portals soon.

2 out of 10

[Fear ón Srath Bán]

May have been posted before, but updated in any case in light of recent revelations... 



SOCIALISM 

You have 2 cows. 
You give one to your neighbour. 


COMMUNISM 

You have 2 cows 
The State takes both and gives you some milk. 


FASCISM 

You have 2 cows. 
The State takes both and sells you some milk. 


BUREAUCRATISM 

You have 2 cows. 
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other and then throws the milk away. 


TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM 

You have two cows. 
You sell one and buy a bull. 
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. 
You sell them and retire on the income. 


VENTURE CAPITALISM 

You have two cows. 

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. 

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. 

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. 


AN AMERICAN CORPORATION 

You have two cows. 
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. 
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has died. 


A FRENCH CORPORATION 

You have two cows. 
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. 


AN ITALIAN CORPORATION 

You have two cows, but you do not know where they are. 
You decide to have lunch. 


A SWISS CORPORATION 

You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you. 
You charge the owners for storing them. 


A CHINESE CORPORATION 

You have two cows. 
You have 300 people milking them. 
You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity. 
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation. 


AN INDIAN CORPORATION 

You have two cows. 
You worship them. 


A BRITISH CORPORATION 

You have two cows. 
Both are mad. 


AN IRAQI CORPORATION 

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. 
You tell them that you have none. 
Nobody believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country. 
You still have no cows but at least you are now a Democracy. 


AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION 

You have two cows. 
Business seems pretty good. 
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate. 


A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION

You have two cows. 
The one on the left looks very attractive. 


A GREEK CORPORATION 

You have two cows borrowed from French and German banks. 
You eat both of them. 
The banks call to collect their milk, but you cannot deliver so you call the IMF. 
The IMF loans you two cows. 
You eat both of them. 
The banks and the IMF call to collect their cows/milk. 
You are out getting a haircut.

 
AN IRISH CORPORATION

You have two cows
One of them's a horse!

[Bingo]

My take on the two cows:

South Armagh Corporation

You have two cows.
You milk them, dye it black and sell it as Guinness
With proceeds you buy a big jeep.