Author Topic: Corny One for Friday  (Read 428582 times)

Orior

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3105 on: September 29, 2017, 06:59:05 PM »
A baby penguin waddles into a pub.

The barman sees that the penguin is upset and says "What's wrong?"

Baby penguin "My dad and I were out shopping, and I got lost and cannot find him"

Barman "What does he look like?"
Cover me in chocolate and feed me to the lesbians

Windmill abu

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3106 on: October 04, 2017, 03:52:31 AM »
A woman wakes up in hospital after having a vaginal tuck. There are three bunches of flowers beside her bed.

One from her surgeon saying "all went well"

The second from her husband saying " I love you, get well soon".

 The third was from Tommy in the burns ward saying "Thanks  for the new ears"
I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence

StGallsGAA

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3107 on: November 01, 2017, 11:24:36 PM »
Was the British  Defence Secretary sacked because his PA refused to fall-on his sword??

illdecide

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3108 on: November 02, 2017, 05:23:26 PM »
What's the difference between purple and pink?...


















The grip.
I can swim a little but i can't fly an inch

Puckoon

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3109 on: January 05, 2018, 07:45:14 PM »
So The Beach Boys Walk into a bar...

Round?
A round?
Get a round?

I'll get a round.

Yea? Get a round?
A round?
Round?
Ill get a round..

Hardy

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3110 on: January 30, 2018, 06:39:26 PM »
Jay Fullmer, 38, last month became the first American to get to grips with the concept of irony.

"It was weird" Fullmer said. "I was in London and like, talking to this guy and it was raining
and he pulled a face and said, "Great weather eh?" and I thought - "Wait a minute, no way
is it great weather".

Fullmer then realised that the other man's 'mistake' was in fact deliberate.

Fullmer, who is 39 next month and married with two children, aged 8 and 3, plans to use
irony himself in the future.

"I've tried it already" he said. "Last weekend I was grilling steaks and I burned them and
I said "Hey, great weather."
I studied deeply in the philosophies and religions, but cheerfulness kept breaking through - L.Cohen

laoislad

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3111 on: January 30, 2018, 07:15:39 PM »
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex with her on her Honda Civic.
I said no,because if I'm gonna have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.

armaghniac

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3112 on: January 31, 2018, 10:02:21 PM »
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex with her on her Honda Civic.
I said no,because if I'm gonna have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.

Likely a Prelude to some racy activity.
if at first you don't succeed, then goto Plan B

PW Nally

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3113 on: February 01, 2018, 01:38:56 AM »
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex with her on her Honda Civic.
I said no,because if I'm gonna have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.

Likely a Prelude to some racy activity.
Did she rev him up to 50?

gawa316

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3114 on: February 01, 2018, 11:10:58 PM »
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex with her on her Honda Civic.
I said no,because if I'm gonna have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.

Any Insight to whether this doll was Fit or not!

Orior

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3115 on: April 11, 2018, 10:57:18 AM »
Cover me in chocolate and feed me to the lesbians

Orior

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3116 on: April 13, 2018, 10:04:37 PM »
A woman is sitting at her deceased husband’s funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, “Do you mind if I say a word?”.

“No, go right ahead”, the woman replies.

The man stands, clears his throat, says “Plethora”, and sits back down.

“Thanks”, the woman says, “that means a lot”
Cover me in chocolate and feed me to the lesbians

Insane Bolt

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3117 on: April 27, 2018, 04:06:03 PM »
Apologies if this has been told before....

Young Catholic lad 16 years old living on Falls Road in Belfast at height of the troubles decides to run away....gets to England, joins the Merchant Navy and is at sea for 35 years...retires and decides he will visit Belfast as the GFA has been in force for years. Goes for a pint down Titanic Quarter and as he raises his glass he starts to take in his surroundings.....pictures of the Queen, Rangers etc....gulps, then drinks up and goes to leave....2 bouncers at the door stop him.....and he explains his situation....one of bouncers pulls out a dice and gives it to the man....he says "what do I do with this?"
Bouncer says roll it....and if you roll between 1-5 me and my mate take you outside and give you a kicking....guy is flustered and says " what happens if I get a six?"

Bouncer winks and says "you get another go"

Insane Bolt

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3118 on: April 27, 2018, 04:53:12 PM »
A bloke is rushed to the new A&E at UHL, with a Morphy Richards steam iron up his backside,
"Good grief, " said the doctor, "I thought I'd seen it all, how on Earth did you manage that?"
"Well, " said the bloke, "it happened just after my wife opened her birthday present. "

Orior

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3119 on: May 23, 2018, 12:04:41 PM »
Two dogs in a bar.

Dog 1: "I heard a great joke today"

Dog 2: "Let's hear it then"

Dog 1: "Knock knock”

Dog 2: “Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof!”
Cover me in chocolate and feed me to the lesbians