Great Phrases

[The Corporal]

referring to women "fond of the wee man that plays with the hens":

"a c*** on her like a hippo's yawn"

"she's 1 on her like a wizard's sleeve/clowns pocket/ripped wellie"

[Fuzzman]

Heard this wan from the Master Billy Connolly.

She had a face on her that would turn a funeral up a side street.

[illdecide]

When refeering to a girl who's been around..."She's seen more cocks than Dan McConville and he's a hen man"

[C_Berg_316]

In relation to a great pub/day away/travelling - actually theres a variety of time when you can use this:

"home was never like this"

not really sure what you can relate this too - i just think its a quality speak:

"straight in no kissing balls and all" 

Also like i think i even seen it earlier as someones username:

"Stall the Bailer" - classic

[screenexile]

I've a couple of clinkers...

"Jesus lads, I've a horn on me that'd bate a donkey out of a quarry"

"She's seen more japs eyes than a Mazda Rearview mirror"

"If I fell into a barrell of boobs I'd still come out sucking my thumb!"

"It's colder than a witches titty in here"

[Franko]

In reference to a promiscuous lady (esp one of the mucksavages that have become so popular on this site)

"If you kicked her up the hole a barrow full of cocks would fall out of her" 

[Our Nail Loney]

Couple of ones about peoples luck I have heard from the bookies...

"If I bought a duck it would drown"

"If dolly parton had triplets, my luck is so bad I would be on the bottle!"

[Puckoon]

referring to women "fond of the wee man that plays with the hens":

"a c*** on her like a hippo's yawn"

"she's 1 on her like a wizard's sleeve/clowns pocket/ripped wellie"

Or a horses collar.

[blewuporstuffed]

I've a couple of clinkers...

"Jesus lads, I've a horn on me that'd bate a donkey out of a quarry"

"She's seen more japs eyes than a Mazda Rearview mirror"

"If I fell into a barrell of boobs I'd still come out sucking my thumb!"

"It's colder than a witches titty in here"

classic 

How about for very camp

'hes as queer as a bottle of chips'

& drunk

'as full as the bingo bus'

[Puckoon]

Hes as camp as a row of boyscouts.

Id walk over broken glass just to **** in her shadow

Id sniff the tailpipe of the laundry van that was carrying her knickers.

[5 Sams]

after a night on the drink and you wake up with the old dry mouth...

"i've a tongue on me like Ghandi's flipflop"

for hunger

"i'd eat christ off the cross"

Afetr a night on the rip in the Welly Park years ago one of my hosuemates said the next morning:

"I feel  like somebody hit me over the head with a baseball bat, stole all my fags and money and shit in my mouth."

[SidelineKick]

More of a local one and means absolutely nothing but gets a good laugh:

"You want a spoon?"   

"What for?"   

"To eat my ass."

And

"Did you get that back yet?" 

"What's that?" 

"Your foreskin."

[maco]

Someone who has had a skinful:

'As full as a gypsies tit!'

[thebandit]

For a cumbersome gentleman:

"He's as awkward as a sow in reverse"

[SidelineKick]

"He looks like he was dragged through a hedge backwards."