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Use this thread to propose new synonyms. I'll start with:

Smugness - Jeffrey Donaldson's face

From Wikipedia:
The FIFA Confederations Cup is an international association football tournament for national teams, currently held every four years by FIFA.
Number of teams: 8 (from 6 confederations)

How are the 8 teams chosen?

Any Fermanagh men here want to tell us how they're going to bate Armagh?

Who is the most anti-Irish journalist?

Some businesses require a reception or front desk to welcome visitors (such as a car sales garage). Such businesses tend to recruit hot totty for receptionists.

Should such businesses be allowed to insist on a strict uniform, such as high heels for female receptionists?

I think we need a new thread to record Donald Trump's disasters.

Last week, he accused the press of reporting fake news. Then yesterday he mentions an incident in Sweden.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-39020962

On this morning's radio we had a man from the SAS admitting that it was a war and they used dirty tactics.

Yet a Scottish politician gets abuse for saying that some people would call the IRA freedom fighters.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-northern-ireland-38886821

Was it a deplorable tweet?

Are there any people of your same gender that you would like to kick on the football field?

My candidates are Craig from Strickly, and Rylan from Celebrity Big Brother chat show.

Not sure if there is a thread on this already, but I just watched a film called The Private Lives of Elizabeth and Essex, made in 1939 and starring Bet Davis and Errol Flynn.

At one point (circa 1599 and in the middle of the 9 years war) the Earl of Essex is sent to lead an army in Ireland. He met the Earl of Tyrone who spoke with an accent which was a cross between Cockney and Kerry.

I'm thinking of buying a new vehicle and am pondering over petrol versus diesel.

Does anyone know anything about emissions/noxious gases and british government plans to penalise diesel cars?

You've got to be kidding.

A goat has head-butted a pensioner and jumped on cars after being refused entry to a County Antrim shop.
Staff and customers ran for cover when the unusual visitor appeared at the doors of the Eurospar store in Carrickfergus on Saturday morning.
The shop manager told BBC News NI the stray goat charged at one of his regular customers, named Billy.
He said the goat "butted" Billy in the back before he managed to drag the pensioner into the shop for safety.
"We had to trail him inside," the manager said, but added that the pensioner was not injured.
In the forecourt of the shop, the goat got up on its hind legs and jumped on two cars, one belonging to a customer and another to a staff member.
Speaking to the Carrickfergus Times newspaper, the manager said: "I was on my own in the store at around 6.20am and thought it was the bread man knocking."
He looked up and saw the goat outside the door, adding: "It seemed to want to break into the shop and it was staring straight at me."
The manager described how the goat began eating flower baskets outside the shop on Victoria Road and then frightened staff and customers as they tried to get into the building.
"It was into the baskets eating all the plants and running round the car park, I thought: 'you've got to be kidding me!'"
He said one customer tried to use the ATM when she spotted the goat and ran back to her car.
Another customer shouted a warning to a member of staff who was walking in to the shop to start work.
The manager said his employee replied: "Yeah, right" But when she spotted the goat she dove in to the customer's car for cover.
The incident ended when a man, believed to be the goat's owner, arrived at the shop and dragged the goat off by the horns.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-northern-ireland-38205945

Post pics of two babes and we'll decide who is top.

How on earth do TG4 always manage to find the best looking continuity girls of any television station?

Rank	County	Overall Generosity
1	Armagh	70%
2	Longford	61%
3	Clare	60%
4	Wicklow	59%
5	Waterford	57%
6	Carlow	56%
7	Galway	56%
8	Louth	54%
9	Offaly	54%
10	Sligo	53%

Donegal - and stuff like dat der
Antrim - so it is

Questions:

1) There are 4 of you in the Landrover and the sergeant sends you into Costa for some donuts. How many do you buy?
2) A crime is reported at 18.03. You are 10 minutes away by car, but you're on a bike. When do you arrive to investigate?
3) You're called to give evidence at a policing board meeting. What key points do you need to cover?
4) You are in a dance competition against PSNI Craigavon. Why?
5) You are travelling at a speed of 20mph and Gerry Kelly leaps out of nowhere onto your bonnet. What do you do?
6) If the average police officer earns 30k a year, and the PSNI say it costs 24k per year to police the Twaddell Camp, how many officers are at Twaddell every day?
7) Robert, Trevor and Sean are in the back of the Landrover. Robert gets out and Declan gets in. Factoring in that he is left handed and that water cannons require two people to operate, how many cups of coffee should the driver ask the girl at McDonalds drive-thru window for?
8 ) There is a bit of trouble at the play park. One of the kids has cut his knee, how should you comfort him?

Answers

1) Eight, one each for now, one for afters.
2) Wednesday.
3) Your back and your arse.
4) Because dance is the best way to get down with the kids, just ask Brucie.
5) Ask him for a promotion.
6) Who cares? Think of the overtime!
7) Five. You forgot about Big Dave in the passenger seat.
Show him your pepper spray.


How did you score?

1-3 Civvy street

4-6 Well done, riot squad for you

7-8 Did you cheat? Don't worry we'll give you another crack and you can try to do worse next time.

Credits: http://theulsterfry.com/local-news/psni-exam-cheats-those-hard-questions-revealed/

[Monday:]

What do you have each day to look forward to? Here's mine for the spring and summer.

Monday: Monday night soccer match on TV. Saturday golf club scores published on Howdidido.

Tuesday: Feck all. Ladies I'm available.

Wednesday: 9 holes of golf on way home from work. Mid-week match on tv.

Thursday: PGA golf on tv.  Possible Euro league match on telly.

Friday: Weekly grocery shopping. Driving range on way home. PGA golf on tv.

Saturday: Golf. Ironing, Hoovering, mow the lawn.

Sunday: Cycling.  Championship football. 9 holes of golf in evening.

Anybody watch this on Channel 4?

Anybody admit to watching this on Channel 4?

Anyone else notice how good (or poor) internet advertising is these days.

By way of example, I google bicycles on a Tuesday, and then from Wednesday onwards sites like Facebook are full of bicycle adverts.

How would you stop this? Use different browsers, or machines?

Also, does it have the same effect for those who google porn? lol

During the week, Ruth Dudley Edwards was having a go at Sinn Fein. Nothing unusual there.

Then Nelson McCausland having a dig at Crossmaglen Rangers for having a 1916 commemoration in their grounds.

Yet on the 12th July, we all have to take a days leave to celebrate protestant king william defeat catholic king james.

Are we to hang our head in shame because of what happened in 1916?