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Driving between Lurgan and Newry last night, I couldn't help but notice the contrast between all that the north of Ireland has now, thanks to the overall 'peace process', or whatever you'd call it, and the wee loyalist, flag-carrying idiots who just couldn't help themselves but ghettoise town centres once again with their red, white and blue bunting, bastardised Union Jacks/Ulster flags, arches and 'bonnies' for another annual celebration of so-called cultural heritage.

Let them march up and down their own estates if they want to, all year long if they feel it necessary, wreck their neighbourhoods with illegally constructed bonfires and (planning approved?) arches, but I'm sorry, this is western Europe in the 21st century and it's time this crowd grew up.

[Nothing to do with OWC's recent managerial shenanighans - but hardly a total vote of confidence in Gordon Brown's choices (though this job is meaningless now):]

Nothing to do with OWC's recent managerial shenanighans - but hardly a total vote of confidence in Gordon Brown's choices (though this job is meaningless now):


"British Prime Minister-in-waiting Gordon Brown offered former Liberal Democrat leader Paddy Ashdown the British Cabinet post of Northern Ireland secretary.

Ashdown said the offer was made yesterday - after Lib Dem Leader Sir Menzies Campbell said no member of his party would join Mr Brown's government.

The peer and former British army officer said he could not have considered taking a Cabinet post without Sir Menzies' approval.

And he said that he would not have been in favour of the proposal anyway.

Apparently, Ashdown was asked to take on the formerly most unwanted post in the British cabinet* because he had done a good job in Bosnia, where he was the UN High Representative until 2005."

Ashdown is the eldest of seven children and was born in New Delhi in India to a lapsed Catholic father, and a Protestant mother; subsequently, he and his siblings were not raised Catholic. His father was a Captain in the Indian Army, 14th Punjab Regiment & RIASC and his mother was a QA. He was largely brought up in Northern Ireland (hence the nickname "Paddy") and educated at Bedford School, England. From 1959 to 1972 he served as an officer in the Royal Marines, including a stint in the elite Special Boat Service.

* In the early 1980s, one former NI secretary pleaded, unsuccessfully, with then British Premier Thatcher not to appoint him to this post.

From the BBC website:

Sex offenders' membership of the Orange Order will be automatically terminated under a new policy.

"The last time we updated our internal discipline procedures there was no such thing as the Sex Offenders' Register," said Grand Secretary Drew Nelson.

"Our new policy with regards to sex offenders should be in place within a year."

It will mean that anyone on the Sex Offenders' Register will effectively bar themselves from membership.

Mr Nelson said: "I don't think this will be a bigger issue for the Orange Order than anyone else, but it's definitely something that has to be addressed and it's one of a number of issues we're currently working on."

In the past the organisation which has come in for criticism over members who were convicted of terrorism-related offences remaining within its ranks.

Addressing this issue, Mr Nelson said: "Our discipline review will look at members with any kind of serious conviction."

Looking forward to the summer, which sees the highlight of the Orange calendar, 12 July, Mr Nelson said: "It should hopefully be peaceful and successful.

"I think those opposed to our parades on principle, if you like, are becoming increasingly isolated."

The origins of the Orange Order date from the 17th century battle for supremacy between Protestantism and Catholicism.

Prince William of Orange, originally of the Netherlands, led the fight against Catholic King James.

He eventually took the throne in England and his final victory over James at the Battle of the Boyne in Ireland in 1690, sealed the religion's supremacy in the British Isles.

Presumably, paedophiles will now (well in a year or so) join the ranks of Roman Catholics (sic) as being barred from the Loyal Orders.

Well no, not quite, of course, but:

"Marks & Spencer is to start charging customers for plastic bags as part of a £200million scheme to encourage shoppers to go green.

Shoppers at 14 of the company's stores in Northern Ireland/the North/here will be forced to pay 5p/7cent for every carrier bag they use in a trial starting this summer.

If successful, the scheme could be rolled out across Britain/Scotland later in the year.

Plastic bags have become a "key tool in stores" battle to showcase their green credentials and commitment to the environment.

British shops hand out more than 13billion carrier bags each year - most of which end up in landfill sites where they can take up to 500 years to break down.

To tackle the problem, Ireland introduced a plastic bag tax in March 2002, which saw their use fall by 90 per cent and raised 60million euros (£41million) for eco-charities.

Environment ministers have repeatedly rejected moves to introduce similar measures in the UK for fear of upsetting voters, making the decision by M&S especially brave.

The company's Northern Irish bag trial will come in two stages.

From 4 June, it will offer customers the sturdy, reusable "bags for life" free of charge with a promise to replace them once they wear out.

A month later, on 1 July, it will introduce the 5p/7c charge on the flimsier, standard plastic bags currently given out free.

The firm's divisional executive for Ireland, Neil Hyslop, added: "We have all got into the habit of using too many carrier bags and we want to explore how we can encourage people to change their behaviour."

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I can see it now - Bangorian shoppers in outraged protests at latest all-Ireland policy....

A disgruntled wife has admitted feeding her estranged husband a curry containing dog excrement after their relationship broke down.

Jill Martin, 47, pleaded guilty at Paisley Sheriff Court to culpable and reckless conduct against husband Donald Martin.

During the hearing, defence solicitor Terry Gallanagh likened the case to "an episode of Desperate Housewives".

Sheriff G.W.Sinclair deferred sentence on Martin until 1 November.

Depute Fiscal Margaret Dunnipace told the court that on 13 March, after placing the dinner in front of her husband Donald and watching him start to eat it, Martin had burst out laughing.

At first she claimed she had laced the dish with arsenic but then confessed she had added dog excrement instead.

The court heard that the couple had been married for 21 years but in recent years their relationship "had hit an all time low". At that time, she believed he had started an affair although those fears turned out to be unfounded.

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She sounds like a right shit.