Mental health - not sure where to look.

Puckoon · July 03, 2012, 06:40:15 PM

Folks,
I have a family member who is at rock bottom and needs some kind of help (we don't know what, or from whom) - and so as a last resort I'm putting this out there to see if I can get any shred of a lead to help for them.

The synopsis.

The girl was always small but was very very badly bullied by bigger girls at a number of different schools - just a case of an easy target. As a direct result of the bullying this person is in their 20s now and unable to engage with anyone. Strangers, family, employers, work colleagues (the last two relationships don't last much beyond 6 months). Simply freezes when anyone at all talks to them. Has a total inability to deal with any social situation at all. Won't walk into the town for all manner of irrational fears "People would be looking at me wondering why I'm walking around by myself" etc etc.. It seems to be that there is an inherent distrust of people that this person cannot get over at all.

Would barely order their dinner if you're out for a meal and if they did suffer up the courage to order their own food couldn't make eye contact at all with the person taking the order.

This person cannot function at all when one specific member of the family is not around all the time. Needless to say this leads to huge amounts of stress for the entire family. It's been going on for years, and was allowed to go on for years which was the incorrect path - but there seems to be absolutely no avenue for help with this kind of social dysfunction/deep rooted health problem. Counsellors and therapists all just seem to come out with the same nonsense of "you got to engage with people" - but that to me is like telling a cancer patient they have to stop having cancer. This person is incapable of dealing with anyone (and I think maybe even dealing with themself), and somehere inside of me I feel like they are not getting the proper help they need.

They cannot be the only person in the world with this kind of a problem and somewhere there has to be someone who has dealth with this before. We just cannot find anyone, or even a link to anyone who could maybe help.

Any pointers in the right direction for professional help would be most appreciated.

Thanks,
Puck.

Denn Forever · July 03, 2012, 06:52:12 PM

Sound clinical. Has she been assessed for Aspergers or possible position of that spectrum.

Eamonnca1 · July 03, 2012, 07:11:40 PM

I was going to suggest counselling but it sounds like you've already tried it. If it's been going on for years then the chances are it's more than a stage she's going through. As the man said it could be clinical. Have you tried a regular doctor?

Tony Baloney · July 03, 2012, 07:42:18 PM

Quote from: Denn Forever on July 03, 2012, 06:52:12 PM
Sound clinical. Has she been assessed for Aspergers or possible position of that spectrum.

Starting point for any health issue should be a GP referral and take it from there. Keep going back until they make the correct referral.

AshwoodGael · July 03, 2012, 07:55:04 PM

Hi. There are good counsellors etc.. but ye may be looking for wrong type of help or more importantly in the wrong place. Not all GP's are as helpful or as knowledgeable as they should be on areas like this. they dont see themselves as counsellors and may shy away from these problems. Some GP's on other had are excellent. Their main role is referral to correct specialists. What i would recommend is a referral firstly to a psychologist and in particular one that specialises in areas of CBT. That is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. Basically, that is learning to become aware of our conscious thoughts and how they impinge on our emotions. Basic counsellors may only be talk therapists. From what you say however I think the problem is very deep rooted and may need in patient care. If ye have private health insurance I would suggest a referral to St Patricks University Hospital in Dublin where there are fantastic courses designed for all sorts of anxieties, social phobias, depressions etc.. I would recommend that if its as deep seated as you say. It is a very relaxed and advanced setting. If i can be of\more help I can speak with you on my experiences. I am not a medic but someone who benefitted from this area.

Puckoon · July 03, 2012, 09:07:35 PM

AG - Thank you very much - that is exactly the kind of resource I am looking for. I've browsed through it there and it's almost like reading a biography of my family member.

Tony - I am not sure how this keeps falling through the cracks over the years - but it has seriously dented my faith in our family GP and his ability to think outside a bottle of penicillin.

trileacman · July 03, 2012, 09:29:12 PM

Quote from: Puckoon on July 03, 2012, 06:40:15 PM
Counsellors and therapists all just seem to come out with the same nonsense of "you got to engage with people" - but that to me is like telling a cancer patient they have to stop having cancer.

Dead right there Puck. Words only go so far, you have to be encouraged or made to act. All I can say is that it will have to be in small steps and a complete change just won't work. If the reliance on one particular family member could be changed to a two and then move on to the rest of the family. The social interaction you learn from spending time with one person can be applied to other situations, that's the problem here, you only learn how to interact with people by interacting with them, you can't teach it or read it in a book.

rrhf · July 03, 2012, 10:42:35 PM

Puck You want to google middletown. Excellent support services for family and the individual. Good luck

Gaaboardmod3 · July 04, 2012, 09:51:47 AM

I rarely ban people without a warning, but that post was beyond the line. If it was a poster with a 'history' it would be a permanent ban. As it is I've given 10 days to have a chat with himself. Disappointing.

Lecale2 · July 04, 2012, 12:50:33 PM

Who got banned?

maigheo · July 04, 2012, 03:38:26 PM

cpt pat for an extremely dumb comment,

Gazzler · July 04, 2012, 04:16:41 PM

Quote from: maigheo on July 04, 2012, 03:38:26 PM
cpt pat for an extremely dumb comment,

What he say? Pm me

screenexile · July 04, 2012, 04:22:50 PM

Quote from: Gaaboardmod3 on July 04, 2012, 09:51:47 AM
I rarely ban people without a warning, but that post was beyond the line. If it was a poster with a 'history' it would be a permanent ban. As it is I've given 10 days to have a chat with himself. Disappointing.

Good man Zig . . . needed to be done!

The Iceman · July 04, 2012, 10:48:22 PM

Puck how is this family member with Animals? In some cases animals are used for therapy, helping the patient to learn to trust, depend on and take care of something.....
Very sad to hear about this mate - will keep yous all in the prayers.

StGallsGAA · July 04, 2012, 11:08:44 PM

Lifeline 0808 8088000 for those in distress or despair.

Free from landline and mobiles, confidential and staffed by professional counsellors.

www.lifelinehelpline.info