Corny One for Friday

Started by 5 Sams, November 10, 2006, 11:22:24 AM

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Orior

Electrical Engineer joke.

A Polish airline was on its daily flight from Warsaw to Switzerland. While flying over the Alps, the aircraft hit turbulence and started to shake violently and become unstable. The air hostess seeing the panicked reaction on the faces of the passengers took the microphone and said, "We need to make the aircraft stable. All Poles please move to the left half of the plane".
Cover me in chocolate and feed me to the lesbians

armaghniac

Float in Karneval parade in Germany
If at first you don't succeed, then goto Plan B

illdecide

During labour, the pain is so great that women can almost imagine what punters go through when they lose a bet in the last minute.

I Dunno when have you ever heard a lad say oh I'd love to lose another bet in the last minute again? Yet women still want more kids! The pain isn't comparable.
I can swim a little but i can't fly an inch

brokencrossbar1

"Hey dad why is my sister called Teresa ?"

"Because your mum loves easter and it's an anagram of easter !"

"Thanks dad !"

"No problem Alan"

BarryBreensBandage

Quote from: brokencrossbar1 on April 14, 2017, 05:17:11 PM
"Hey dad why is my sister called Teresa ?"

"Because your mum loves easter and it's an anagram of easter !"

"Thanks dad !"

"No problem Alan"

;D - is that your star joke?
"Some people say I am indecisive..... maybe I am, maybe I'm not".

longballin

Quote from: BarryBreensBandage on April 15, 2017, 02:07:33 PM
Quote from: brokencrossbar1 on April 14, 2017, 05:17:11 PM
"Hey dad why is my sister called Teresa ?"

"Because your mum loves easter and it's an anagram of easter !"

"Thanks dad !"

"No problem Alan"

i dont get that  :-\
;D - is that your star joke?

BarryBreensBandage

A female athlete went to the doctor, anxious about the steroids she was taking.
"The steroids I am using, because of them, I think I am growing a penis"
"Anabolic?" The doctor asked.
"No, just a penis" she replied.
"Some people say I am indecisive..... maybe I am, maybe I'm not".


armaghniac

This year's top rated jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe.

1. "I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change" - Ken Cheng
2. "Trump's nothing like Hitler. There's no way he could write a book" - Frankie Boyle
3. "I've given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point?" - Alexei Sayle
4. "I'm looking for the girl next door type. I'm just gonna keep moving house till I find her" - Lew Fitz
5. "I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the 'brella'. But he hesitated" - Andy Field
6. "Combine Harvesters. And you'll have a really big restaurant" - Mark Simmons
7. "I'm rubbish with names. It's not my fault, it's a condition. There's a name for it..." - Jimeoin
8. "I have two boys, 5 and 6. We're no good at naming things in our house" - Ed Byrne
9. "I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died... which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine" - Olaf Falafel
10. "Whenever someone says, 'I don't believe in coincidences.' I say, 'Oh my God, me neither!"' - Alasdair Beckett-King
11. "A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men's singles event" - Angela Barnes
12. "As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer" - Adele Cliff
13. "For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don't want to do it" - Phil Wang
14. "I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark" - Adam Hess
15. "I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act" - Tim Vine
If at first you don't succeed, then goto Plan B

BennyHarp

Quote from: armaghniac on August 22, 2017, 06:04:29 PM
This year's top rated jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe.

1. "I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change" - Ken Cheng
2. "Trump's nothing like Hitler. There's no way he could write a book" - Frankie Boyle
3. "I've given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point?" - Alexei Sayle
4. "I'm looking for the girl next door type. I'm just gonna keep moving house till I find her" - Lew Fitz
5. "I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the 'brella'. But he hesitated" - Andy Field
6. "Combine Harvesters. And you'll have a really big restaurant" - Mark Simmons
7. "I'm rubbish with names. It's not my fault, it's a condition. There's a name for it..." - Jimeoin
8. "I have two boys, 5 and 6. We're no good at naming things in our house" - Ed Byrne
9. "I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died... which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine" - Olaf Falafel
10. "Whenever someone says, 'I don't believe in coincidences.' I say, 'Oh my God, me neither!"' - Alasdair Beckett-King
11. "A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men's singles event" - Angela Barnes
12. "As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer" - Adele Cliff
13. "For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don't want to do it" - Phil Wang
14. "I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark" - Adam Hess
15. "I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act" - Tim Vine

I'm sure I've heard a variation of that first joke every time a new coin comes out!
That was never a square ball!!

seafoid

http://www.kissthisguy.com/

Funniest of the Month
The misheard: I bless the grains down in Africa
Artist: Toto
Africa
"f**k it, just score"- Donaghy   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbxG2WwVRjU

Orior

A baby penguin waddles into a pub.

The barman sees that the penguin is upset and says "What's wrong?"

Baby penguin "My dad and I were out shopping, and I got lost and cannot find him"

Barman "What does he look like?"
Cover me in chocolate and feed me to the lesbians

Windmill abu

A woman wakes up in hospital after having a vaginal tuck. There are three bunches of flowers beside her bed.

One from her surgeon saying "all went well"

The second from her husband saying " I love you, get well soon".

The third was from Tommy in the burns ward saying "Thanks  for the new ears"
Never underestimate the power of complaining

StGallsGAA

Was the British  Defence Secretary sacked because his PA refused to fall-on his sword??

illdecide

What's the difference between purple and pink?...


















The grip.
I can swim a little but i can't fly an inch