Things commentators say...

[ONeill]

BIG RON:

"They've done the old-fashioned things well; they've kicked the ball, they've headed it..."

"I've had this sneaking feeling throughout the game that it's there to be won."

"Woodcock would have scored, but his shot was too perfect."

"They must go for it now as they have nothing to lose but the match."

"Now Manchester United are 2-1 down on aggregate, they are in a better position than when they started the game at 1-1."

"Beckenbauer has really gambled all his eggs."

"Tony Adams - he's the rock that the team has grown from."

"He sliced the ball when he had it on a plate."

"Someone in the England team will have to grab the ball by the horns."

"They've picked their heads up off the ground and they now have a lot to carry on their shoulders."

"He's treading on dangerous water there..."

"Chelsea look like they've got a couple more gears left in the locker."

"There's a little triangle - five left-footed players."

"For me the book's still open on Totti."

"You think he'd chance his hat there."

"Liverpool are outnumbered numerically in midfield."

"I would also think that the replay showed it to be worse than it actually was."

"He's not only a good player, but he's spiteful in the nicest sense of the word."

"The keeper was unsighted - he still didn't see it."

"You half fancied that to go in as it was rising and dipping at the same time."

"That was Pele's strength - holding people off with his arm."

"I wouldn't say Ginola is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better."

"Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw."

"City will want to win this one."

"Moreno thought that the full back was gonna come up behind and give him one really hard."

"There's lots of balls dropping off people."

"Ever time Zidane comes inside, Roberto Carlos just goes bonking down the wing."

"He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it - you can see it all over their faces."

"Zidane is not very happy, because he's suffering from the wind."

"Stoichkov's playing on the wing, in this situation he likes to come in and scalp the centre-half."

"I think Sir Alex might have been thinking about pulling Giggsy off... but that might be an incentive to stay on."

"I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat."

"A ten-foot keeper really should have stopped that."

"They've come out at half time and gone bang."

"The lad throws it further than I go on holiday."

"..and Schmeichel extends and grows even bigger than he is."

"I think that was a moment of cool panic there."



PLEAT

"If there are any managers out there with a bottomless pit, I'm sure that they would be interested in these two Russians."

"There's Thierry Henry, exploding like the French train that he is."

"Our central defenders, Doherty and Anthony Gardner, were fantastic and I told them that when they go to bed tonight they should think of each other."

"For such a small man Maradona gets great elevation on his balls."


"Stoichkov is pointing at the bench with his eyes."

"A game is not won until it is lost."

"Eighty per cent of teams who score first in matches go on to win them. But they may draw some. Or occasionally lose....."

"Had we not got that second goal, I think the score might have been different. I'm not sure."

"He hits it into the corner of the net as straight as a nut."

"The man we want has to fit a certain profile. Is he a top coach? Would the players respect him? Is he a nutcase?"



GEORGE HAMILTON

"Real Madrid are like a rabbit in the glare of the headlights in the face of Manchester United's attacks. But this rabbit comes with a suit of armour in the shape of two precious away goals."

"And Hyypia rises like a giraffe to head the ball clear."

"Russia have beaten Ireland 4-2, Albania 4-1 and now Switzerland 4-1 at home. It would be a wise man who bet against them beating Georgia."

"What a goal. What a goal! Straight through the legs of Adams, it flew towards the roof of the net like a Wurlitzer!"

"The midfield are like a chef...........trying to prise open a stubborn oyster to get at the fleshy meat inside."

"The orange tide is lapping against the green door which refuses to open."

"Glum Oranges. In fact I think the fruit their feelings are more akin to is a lemon."

"We could let them score one now and they wouldn't have time to score another."

"Kevin Moran.....oldest man on the pitch today...35 years of age.....of course the referee could possibly be older than that ......and technically he's on the pitch too.....then again his linesmen could be even older than him... but are they technically 'on' the pitch."

"That should be NO problem for the defence - OH NOOOO!!"

"Poland have to score twice now to draw and they will not do so."

"I might be tempting fate but I can't see the Poles Scoring...OH NOOOO they just have!!"

George: "Roy Carsley has it"
Jim: "Lee Carsley, George"
George: "Ah yes, perhaps it's because his head reminds me of Ray Wilkins"

"Italy are preparing to make a substitution - and it is, the unmistakable figure............of Roberto Baggio"
George announces the arrival on the pitch of..... Gianluca Vialli. Unfortunately, the two subs had got their shirts mixed up.

"And Ireland have got to contain the brothers Baggio."

"The Baggio brothers, of course, are not related."

"The seeds of doubt that were sown at the weekend against Egypt have been doused by a dose of Jack Charlton's almighty weedkiller."

"If that's not offside, I'm a Chinaman!"

"You sir, are an idiot!"

"He's pulling him off. The Spanish manager is pulling his Captain off!"

"Red Sky at night, good day tomorrow."

"Bless my soul, he's missed it!"

"Two nil and the ability to score goals in seventeen consecutive matches, getting the ball in the net, it, the shape of what we're to expect, even if Iran are good, has to be positive."

"And we're now watching a traditional Korean Drum Dance, performed by the appropriately named Kim Yung BONG"

"The ESB-sponsored Georgian special Olympics team will be in Dublin this year and maybe they will reflect on the night Ireland came to Tbilisi and provided more than power."

"We're into the second moment of stoppage time of which there isn't one."

"The flags are waving, and no doubt at the foot of the Alps, the cow bells are chiming too. And it's going to take a lot for Ireland to turn it round and sour the chocolate."

"...the industrious Czech, to the German Hamann, to Murphy, the quintessential Englishman."

"They've really eked this one out. Like coal miners mining their seam until they finally reach the surface with their precious black gold."

Shamelessly stolen from dangerhere.com

[Norf Tyrone]

The Fella on Highland one day

"And Tohill climbs to pluck it fvrom the sky. I tell ye what with Tohill in midfield it's like throwing buns to biafrans!"

[Doogie Browser]

Kind of related from Jasper Carrot in the 1980's.

'I hear Glenn Hoddle has found god, that was one hell of a pass'