When Winning Isn’t All It’s Cracked Up To Be

[The Brick]

Don't get me wrong it not that I want to lose, it's just that sometimes it might just be easier.

The elation, joy and "o-lay o-lay o-lay" is nothing but an act, a mask over the anger, inadequacy and even embarrassment that bubbles under the surface. It's not that you're bitter, of course you're delighted for your mates and their success bit you feel like an outsider, that you don't belong here, there's no feeling of accomplishment.

You may have worked as hard, if not harder, than most of them and made a valuable contribution throughout the year but it makes no odds. You still can't enjoy it.

The celebrations, the hugging backslapping and jumping are unbearable. The smile on your face is so forced that you can feel the muscles in your face cramping up. Some lads are delighted just to be part of the win, for whatever reason they know that the team is better off with them on the sideline. They can accept that for team glory they must sacrifice their own personal ambition.

But not you, you expect more from yourself. You know you're good enough and the competitive fire that burns inside you makes watching unbearable. Maybe you're selfish for thinking this way but then maybe you're not. You have a drive that isn't satisfied with being second best which all great people need.

You wish you were able to enjoy it like they do but it's not happening. The frustration of the last two hours or longer doesn't just dissipate with the final whistle. It stays with you for days afterwards.
And then the crowd arrives, joyous family and friends, making you want to be swallowed up by the ground. Their congratulations and handshakes, no matter how genuine, come across as patronising and condescending. You can see you self-confidence lying in little pieces at your feet.

The "well dones" are pointless, what exactly did you do well?

You managed to sit down for an hour, throw in a water bottle a couple of times, clap and shout encouragement and if you're lucky crash a few balls off the crossbar during the half time show.
Then comes the inevitable platitudes from the captain and manager. How it was a team effort and you were every bit as important as the others and that if you weren't there at training to push the lads we wouldn't be here.

Load of bollocks.

When you eventually manage to escape from the dressing room you're faced with the toughest decision of the day; To go out or not? It's a horrible decision to be burdened with, dammed if you do and dammed if you don't.

Go and you subject yourself to even more of the post-match inadequacy that only gets worse when the people singing your praises have a few scoops on board. And your pints will taste bitter all night too.

Don't go and you appear sour, that you're not a team player, somebody who has a bad attitude. You can only guess what is being said about you, that's if people even bother to talk about you or notice you're not there. Then come the calls and texts asking you to come up, but you're committed now, you've decided not to put yourself through it so you make your excuses to blow them off.

Over time you start to get over it. You realise that it's not the end of the world, that when you look back it seems petty and juvenile. You resolve to using it as a positive, something that will spur you on to bigger and better things. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger and all that other positive thoughts lark.

Then comes the presentation night. You smile for the camera and accept your medal. You feel you haven't earned it and contemplate just getting rid of it.
But you don't.

When you sit down sit down to tell your grandkids about that medal you don't have to be the unused sub. You can be the hero, they don't have to know.

By Niall Connolly

...weve all been there at some point in our lives...Fantastic piece

[From the Bunker]

Yeah, it's a tough one when the winner on a particular day was the really a sort of loser (in the sense that they did not take part). A great piece and grabs a lot of the emotions that one can have.

[doodaa]

But not you, you expect more from yourself. You know you're good enough and the competitive fire that burns inside you makes watching unbearable. Maybe you're selfish for thinking this way but then maybe you're not.

Having rarely been a sub in my career (until recently) I find watching matches from the bench so unbearable that I have more or less stopped going. I mentally cannot handle not playing as I don't believe I should be sitting where I am sitting.
Those 3 lines quoted sum me up to a T.

Am I selfish? Yes
Should I be playing? I think so, others obviously don't and that's the hard part to deal with, and until I accept that I shouldn't be starting then it will always be a struggle.

[Gold]

Nothing worse. Sickening.

[muppet]

As my 6 year old constantly says: "Yea but...."

Do we not slaughter anyone who demonstrates a hint of dissent for being dropped? I know the article notes this issue briefly, but how can we read it and nod in agreement, while equally joining in the bashing of anyone who ever displays any of the feelings mentioned above?

Personally it wasn't sitting on the bench that was the problem, it was the immediate aftermath of the team being named and not having had a hint of a warning I was going to be dropped.

[trueblue1234]

As my 6 year old constantly says: "Yea but...."

Do we not slaughter anyone who demonstrates a hint of dissent for being dropped? I know the article notes this issue briefly, but how can we read it and nod in agreement, while equally joining in the bashing of anyone who ever displays any of the feelings mentioned above?

Personally it wasn't sitting on the bench that was the problem, it was the immediate aftermath of the team being named and not having had a hint of a warning I was going to be dropped.

Did your previous preformance not give you a clue? 

[deiseach]

Do we not slaughter anyone who demonstrates a hint of dissent for being dropped? I know the article notes this issue briefly, but how can we read it and nod in agreement, while equally joining in the bashing of anyone who ever displays any of the feelings mentioned above?

We also expect people to take defeat on the chin even while building victory up into the most amazing thing there is. It's a dichotomy, not hypocrisy.

[muppet]

As my 6 year old constantly says: "Yea but...."

Do we not slaughter anyone who demonstrates a hint of dissent for being dropped? I know the article notes this issue briefly, but how can we read it and nod in agreement, while equally joining in the bashing of anyone who ever displays any of the feelings mentioned above?

Personally it wasn't sitting on the bench that was the problem, it was the immediate aftermath of the team being named and not having had a hint of a warning I was going to be dropped.

Did your previous preformance not give you a clue? 

Not really. We hammered someone or other, which happened in every match. Training was the same as ever. They didn't miss me though.

[Jinxy]

Nobody should be happy to sit on the bench.
You can only have 15 on the field though.

[AZOffaly]

Nobody should be happy to sit on the bench.
You can only have 15 on the field though.

You shouldn't be happy to sit on the bench.  You should drive on in training, and burst your bollix. If you still don't make the team, then you *are* still contributing to the team success because you are causing the other lads to do the same to stay ahead of you.

I can tell you the fringe players are a huge factor in how the training sessions and preparation goes. Obviously you didn't contribute on the day, per se, but championships are not won on the Sunday, they are won in the preparation.

[the half-time show]

The "well dones" are pointless, what exactly did you do well?

You managed to sit down for an hour, throw in a water bottle a couple of times, clap and shout encouragement and if you're lucky crash a few balls off the crossbar during the half time show. 
Then comes the inevitable platitudes from the captain and manager. How it was a team effort and you were every bit as important as the others and that if you weren't there at training to push the lads we wouldn't be here.

Load of bollocks.

Good article and largely agree with the points made

[Croí na hÉireann]

As my 6 year old constantly says: "Yea but...."

Do we not slaughter anyone who demonstrates a hint of dissent for being dropped? I know the article notes this issue briefly, but how can we read it and nod in agreement, while equally joining in the bashing of anyone who ever displays any of the feelings mentioned above?

Personally it wasn't sitting on the bench that was the problem, it was the immediate aftermath of the team being named and not having had a hint of a warning I was going to be dropped.

Something similar. Never had a problem getting benched when it wasn't going well and there is consolation in driving on the thing as AZ alludes to. But the year I didn't get a fair shot at it still rankles.

[The Brick]

As my 6 year old constantly says: "Yea but...."

Do we not slaughter anyone who demonstrates a hint of dissent for being dropped? I know the article notes this issue briefly, but how can we read it and nod in agreement, while equally joining in the bashing of anyone who ever displays any of the feelings mentioned above?

Personally it wasn't sitting on the bench that was the problem, it was the immediate aftermath of the team being named and not having had a hint of a warning I was going to be dropped.

Something similar. Never had a problem getting benched when it wasn't going well and there is consolation in driving on the thing as AZ alludes to. But the year I didn't get a fair shot at it still rankles.

Undoubtedly a major factor which i think this piece is trying to portray.

Not so much the fact that the player is green with envy at the players on the starting 15 but rather feeling aggrieved that they may have contributed something more influential than someone else. Taking it on the chin when things aren't going your way is part and parcel of many sports but to not get that chance to prove your worth eats you from the inside out like a can of worms. im almost positive that such a circumstance arises in many successful (and unsuccessful) teams..