Messages

I learned Irish until 'A' level and considered myself on the verge of being 'liofa'.

I went to a Conradh na Gaeilge class in my mid 20s to refresh. However, and this was always the most frustrating thing about Irish, they spoke a completely different dialect to what I had learned and insisted on correcting my pronunciations everytime I spoke.

I have also been to the Cultúrlann on the Falls Road and am always a bit disappointed about the apparent snobbery of the Gaeligoirí there who smirk/raise eyes to heaven when you attempt to speak to them in broken lingo. At least I tried.

You wouldn't know about changing counties' allegiance, Gaoth!!

Happy Christmas all the same to you and yours!

the change a letter. what is the point of that thread?

Luder, it's just a way to get your brain into gear of a morning!

Ironing

'Northern Ireland' Railways' staff - fascists the lot of them, checking your blody ticket about 5 times, whilst reaking of stale beer and telling their mate/colleague about the great ride they just had

People who talk about 'branding', 'straplines', 'vision'

Oil running out two weeks before Xmas


(Can you tell what kind of week I've been having).....

[4 stages of Santa]

4 stages of Santa

1. You believe in Santa

2. You don't believe in Santa

3. You ARE Santa

4. You look like Santa

I'll grab my elvish hat......

People who come into work on Mondays full of energy, enthusiasm etc. Jaysus, I can't even be bothered typing this

Seems like a terribly devious ploy by Ballinderry.

http://www.glumbert.com/media/badrobber

Christmas

Mince pies

Brussel sprouts

Santa grottos

Christmas

Carol singing

Good will to all men..yeah right

Office parties

Christmas

Stupid seasonal pop songs

Saying Happy Holiday so as not to offend non-Christians

Packed shops

Christmas

Family get togethers

Wrapping paper

Socks

Christmas

http://christmas.calmasylum.com/dickinson_dees/calendar.php

It's a very sad world we live in when Sir Paul McCartney and his wife
are facing divorce and all anyone seems to want to do is make jokes
about her false leg. Personally, I think it's prosthetic.

News reports have confirmed that Paul McCartney has separated from his
wife Heather Mills-McCartney. Mrs Mills-McCartney is said to be
distraught over the split. "He has been my crutch for so long"! She said
in an earlier briefing, "I have no idea why this has happened, I'm
really stumped".

"She's running around in circles", according to a close friend, "she
will need all the support she can get. It's not like its easy to walk
out on a relationship like this" After his break up with Heather, Paul
was asked if he would ever consider going down on one knee again. Paul
said he would prefer it if we called her Heather.

It is not known whether a pre-nuptial agreement was signed prior to the
marriage. Paul McCartney is one of the richest men in the world, and if
an agreement has been signed it is believed that she won't have a leg to
stand on. Rumours abound over the split which have suggested that
infidelity may have been the cause. "She's terrible"
a source stated, "always trying to get her leg over".

Another source has suggested that her battle with alcoholism was the
cause.

"Macca couldn't handle it anymore" a friend said, "he would get home at
night and find her legless".

Many have attributed this to a problem which started with the present
that Paul bought her prior to the wedding. He gave her a new prosthetic
leg for Christmas but that was just a stocking-filler.

A miner in Africa has an accident and loses a leg. He says to his mate
"I've had it, who will want a one legged gold digger?" His mate says
"try Paul McCartney"

Finally a poem by Sir Paul McCartney:

I lay upon a grassy bank
My hands were all a quiver
I slowly removed her suspender belt - her leg fell in the river.

These jokes are funny but lets spare a thought for Paul please.
Now she has left him, he's going to struggle to find another woman who
can fill her shoe.

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

1. I do physical labour.
2. I work at great depths.
3. I plunge head first into everything I do.
4. I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
5. I work in a damp environment.
6. I work in a dark area that has poor ventilation.
7. I work in high temperatures.
8. My work exposes me to diseases.

Response:

Dear Penis,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have
raised, the management denies your request for the following reasons:

1. You do not work 8 hours straight.
2. You WORK IN SHORT SPURTS AND fall asleep after EACH brief work period.
3. You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
4. You do not stay in your designated area, and are often seen
visiting other locations.
5. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and
stimulated in order to start working.
6. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
7. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as
wearing the correct protective clothing.
8. You will slow down before you are 65.
9. You find it difficult to work double shifts.
10. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have
completed the assigned task.
11. And, if that were not all, you have constantly been seen entering
and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,

The Management