Author Topic: Corny One for Friday  (Read 507871 times)

Orior

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3120 on: September 18, 2020, 07:16:31 AM »
Bloke walks into a pub and asks for a pint of anything except Stella.

Barman asks, "What's wrong with Stella?"

Bloke says, "I had 12 pints of Stella last night and when I came round I was f**king skint."

Barman says, "12 pints of anything costs about the same."

Bloke replies, "Skint's my dog...."
Cover me in chocolate and feed me to the lesbians

armaghniac

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3121 on: December 03, 2020, 04:48:43 PM »
Maradonna. Now he was a handy player.
If at first you don't succeed, then goto Plan B

Jeepers Creepers

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3122 on: December 03, 2020, 04:52:11 PM »
Just found out the the oul Granda is addicted to Viagra.......Grannys taking it harder than anyone!

laoislad

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3123 on: December 03, 2020, 06:10:28 PM »
I was in Tesco earlier.

There was a fella in a blind rush filling his trolley with tequila, Old El Paso buritto kits and a sombrero.

I thought to myself, "Hispanic buying"

johnnycool

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3124 on: December 03, 2020, 06:21:19 PM »
got sent this today;


This Covid vaccine has to be stored and transported at -70 degrees. Only one man for this job.

Mo Robinson, AKA polar express.



 :o

grounded

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3125 on: December 03, 2020, 09:24:17 PM »
Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's, when they struck up a conversation. The Black Labrador turned to the yellow Labrador and said "So, why are you here?"

The yellow Lab replied, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything.... the sofa, the curtains, the cat and the kids. But the final straw was last night, when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."
The black Lab said, "So what’s the vet going to do?"

"Gonna cut my nuts off" came the reply from the yellow Lab. "They reckon it'll calm me down."
The Yellow Lab then turned to the Black Lab and asked "So, why are you here?"
The Black Lab said, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees. I dig just for the hell of it.

When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets, but I went over the line last night, when I dug a great big hole in my owners' couch."
"So what are they going to do to you ?" the Yellow Lab enquired.
"Looks like I'm losing my nuts too," the dejected Black Lab said.

The Black Lab then turned to the Great Dane and asked, "Why are you here?"
"I'm a humper," said the Great Dane. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fence posts; I want to hump everything I see.
Yesterday my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started hammering away."
The Black and the Yellow Labs exchanged a sad glance and said, "So, it's nuts off for you too, huh?"

The Great Dane said, "No. Apparently I'm here to get my nails clipped!"

armaghniac

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3126 on: March 23, 2021, 11:24:29 PM »

If at first you don't succeed, then goto Plan B

armaghniac

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3127 on: April 12, 2022, 05:17:02 PM »
Putin calls in his advisor and says that I hope the Special Military Operation is going well. His advisor can't think what to say, then he announces "our tanks are successfully stopping their anti-tank missiles".
If at first you don't succeed, then goto Plan B

Windmill abu

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3128 on: April 13, 2022, 09:54:43 AM »
Snow White and Seven Dwarfs are in a serious car crash.
Gardaí and Ambulance men at the scene think all are dead until they hear a faint voice calling from the wreckage.
"Mayo will win the All Ireland" said the faint voice.
"Oh thank God" said the Garda "at least Dopey is still alive"
I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence

johnnycool

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3129 on: April 13, 2022, 04:12:49 PM »
Absolutely devastated.
7 years of medical training and hard work resulting in a friend being struck off for a minor indiscretion.
He slept with one of his patients. He is no longer able to continue in the prof he loves.
A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.

johnnycool

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3130 on: April 13, 2022, 04:25:54 PM »

Fionntamhnach

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3131 on: May 11, 2022, 03:44:20 PM »

FAKE NEWS KILLS