American Sports Thread

[fearbrags]

Great day/night  Ros in the connaught final And  Dallas mavs are the  NBA champs

[RMDrive]

Brilliant stuff. Delighted for Rick Carlisle and the Mavs. Jason Kidd and Dirk are well deserving of their championship.

As I saw on twitter this morning ...
The Heat season was summed up perfectly by their coach Eric Spoelstra "It's a lot easier said than done."

[Offalylad]

Now for the important business of sorting out the NFL lockout...

[RMDrive]

And the NBA one.

[GalwayBayBoy]

[deiseach]

Cleveland Pathetically Celebrates Greatest Sports Moment In City's History

CLEVELAND—As the Dallas Mavericks sealed their NBA Finals victory over LeBron James and the Miami Heat Sunday night, the citizens of Cleveland participated in a joyous, exuberant, and extremely pathetic celebration of their city's greatest-ever sports moment.

"When I saw there were just two minutes left on the clock and there was no way LeBron could turn it around, I admit it—I started crying for pure joy," said emotionally misguided Cavaliers fan Randall Peterman, who watched the game on a huge projector screen in Gateway Plaza alongside thousands of other jubilant fans, all of whom seemed unaware that their feelings of triumph-by-proxy revealed deep flaws in their outlook not only on sports, but on life as a whole. "I am more proud of my hometown tonight than I have ever been."

"This one's for the whole city [of Cleveland]," added Peterman, by all indications unaware of the shamefully absurd implications of appropriating another city's sports championship for one's own out of overblown, inarticulate feelings of betrayal. "Let's go Mavs! Let's go Mavs!"

Across the city, in bars and at Finals-watching parties, Cleveland sports fans erupted in a psychologically stunted caricature of joy at the sight of James, their former hero, slumped over in defeat. The celebration reportedly grew even sadder as Cleveland fans began referring to the Dallas team as the "Mavaliers," and became almost impossible to bear after the erection of a billboard on Ohio's Interstate 480 that said, "Congratulations, Mavericks."

As of press time, no Cleveland resident has apologized for acting like an immature child.

"Eleven months ago, when that classless jerk had his TV special to announce he was taking his talent to South Beach, I swore I would cheer against him for the rest of my life," said bartender Michelle Vlasik, who seemed unaware that her response to James' move was at least as juvenile and self-defeating as anything James himself had done. "Ask anyone here tonight and they'll tell you they feel the same way."

"This completely makes up for Jordan's shot over Ehlo," Vlasic added in reference to a basketball game that actually involved the Cleveland Cavaliers.

Sources confirmed official responses from the Cleveland area have been just as spiritually bereft. Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert, who had expected James to bring his team a championship, issued a statement that read, "This proves there are no shortcuts—none," as if the hard work put in by Dallas had been that of his own struggling organization. Moreover, Ohio governor John Kasich named the Mavericks honorary Ohioans with the issuing of a resolution as self-defeating as it was nonbinding.

"You have no idea how good it feels to be a Cleveland sports fan right now," said Gov. Kasich, to all appearances unaware of how condemning his statement was for a city that is home to three major sports franchises, none of which are directly responsible for the joy currently being experienced by said fans. "The people of Cleveland [seriously need to grow up and just get the f**k over it already]."

Though it has been five days since Dallas won the championship, fans across Cleveland have continued to react the way people would if their own team had won. Sales of merchandise for the Mavericks, a franchise located 1,000 miles away, is outselling Cavaliers apparel throughout Ohio. In addition, local hospitals have announced the birth of several baby boys named Dirk, and even a baby girl named Nowitzkee—all named after a man who has played basketball in the city of Cleveland maybe 20 times in his career, always on the opposing team.

Reports also indicated that grown men and women, unaware of what their bitter, shriveled souls have been reduced to, continued to high-five their coworkers at the mere mention of a young man losing a basketball championship.

"This is what Cleveland fans have been waiting for," Peterman said in a statement that is just jaw-droppingly sad. "We wouldn't have been able to bear the idea of LeBron winning a championship somewhere else, because that would mean he was right to leave Cleveland. And if this celebration proves anything, it's that he definitely made a mistake."

[Oraisteach]

Deiseach, what's the source of this article?

It's so over the top, petulant even, that it's got to be satire.

No Cleveland fanwould possibly consider Dallas's win Cleveland's greatest sporting moment, no more than a Waterford fan would think a Kilkenny defeat Waterford's finest moment.

If I had to choose a Cleveland moment, I'd have to go back in time, for sure, but maybe I'd pick the Browns over the Baltimore Colts in 1964 or the Indians' 1948 World Series win, or maybe even Cleveland's own Jesse Owens in the '36 Olympics.

But certainly not a Dallas anything (except perhaps Colt McCoy taking the Browns to the Superbowl--ah, well, hope springs eternal in the heart of a Cleveland sports fan)

[deiseach]

Click on the link at the top of the article. NB it's a piss-take

[Oraisteach]

Ah, ha, that's just what I was thinking.

[deiseach]

Ah, ha, that's just what I was thinking.

It had to be a satire. Didn't it? That's the genius of The Onion, in a country as big as America it's not hard to imagine there's someone out there who thinks like that

[Gabriel_Hurl]

Congrats to Derek Jeter on getting hit #3000 - on a home run to boot.

28th guy to hit 3000, one of 12 to have hit them with one team and the first Yankee to ever do it.

[stew]

Congrats to Derek Jeter on getting hit #3000 - on a home run to boot.

28th guy to hit 3000, one of 12 to have hit them with one team and the first Yankee to ever do it.

cant abide the feckin yankees but he is one of the greatest ever players to wear the pinstripes.hall of famer fo shure.

[Capt Pat]

Pardon my ignorance but what is the big deal in being the 28th guy to do something.

[anportmorforjfc]

Pardon my ignorance but what is the big deal in being the 28th guy to do something.

1st Yankee?

[AZOffaly]

Pardon my ignorance but what is the big deal in being the 28th guy to do something.

3,000 hits is one of the big career marks for a pro baseball hitter. It speaks to longevity and consistent production. You say what's the big deal in being the 28th guy to do something, but as of last year there have been over 17,200 people to play in pro baseball (in the majors). To be 28th, and the first Yankee, is a notable achievement. If you are a baseball fan, then scanning down through the list of names gives an indication of the type of player that joins the 3,000 club.

Roberto Clemente
Wade Boggs
Craig Biggio
Tony Gwynn
Cal Ripken Jr
Willie Mays
Honus Wagner
Cap Anson
Stan Musial
Hank Aaron
Ty Cobb
Pete Rose

and others.


Also conspicuous are the people missing from the list....

Babe Ruth
Joe DiMaggio
Ted Williams
Sammy Sosa
Mark McGwire
Barry Bonds etc etc.