Corny One for Friday

[johnnycool]

Absolutely devastated.
7 years of medical training and hard work resulting in a friend being struck off for a minor indiscretion.
He slept with one of his patients. He is no longer able to continue in the prof he loves.
A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.

[johnnycool]

https://twitter.com/i/status/1514235556615569412

[armaghniac]

This guy was walking along the street and he saw a sign "Freshly made sandwiches €4, w**k €10". So he went into the shop and there was a beautiful woman there.

He said, are you the woman providing the w**k, and she said yes, I am.

So he said, well then wash your hands I want a ham and cheese sandwich.

[armaghniac]

I asked the Doctor
'Is my overweight due to my underactive thyroid?'
He said 'No, it's due to your overactive knife and fork'

[armaghniac]

[armaghniac]

[armaghniac]

I've just bought the wife's Valentine's day present.

A trip in a hot air balloon across the US.

[Rudi]

https://www.donegaldaily.com/2023/03/07/gardai-finger-man-who-gave-them-the-middle-finger/

[Orior]

A burglar entered a house late one afternoon. He tied up the woman and at knife point asked the man to hand over the jewelry and money.

The man started sobbing and said "You can take anything you want. But please untie the rope and free her!"

Burglar "You must really love your wife"

Man "Not particularly, but she will be coming home shortly"

[armaghniac]

Election special!

A politician visited a remote little rural village, and asked the inhabitants what the government could do for them.

"We have two big needs," said a villager.
"First, we have a clinic but no doctor."

The politician whipped out his mobile phone, spoke for a while, and then said:
"I have sorted it out. A doctor will arrive here tomorrow. What is your other need?"

"We have no mobile reception at all in our village." ...

[Windmill abu]

To the person who stole my camouflage jacket and my flip flops. You can hide but you can't run.

[gawa316]

We learned the other day that Grandad is addicted to Viagra, we are all absolutely devastated by the news but nobody is taking it harder than Grandma!

[Orior]

Lifelong friends Paddy and Seamus was walking down the Shankill Road and were absolutely skint. Paddy sees a building with a sign "Become an Orangeman and get £100" and says to Seamus let's try it.

So Paddy goes into the building where he meets the orange grandmaster. The grandmaster tells Paddy that he has to answer three questions correctly before he can become an orangeman.

GM "Who won the battle of the Boyne?"
Paddy "Emmmm, King Billy"

GM "Who came second at the battle of the Boyne?"
Paddy "Emmmm, King James"

GM "What was the colour of King Billy's horse?"
Paddy "Emmmm, white"

GM "Congratulations. You got all three answers right. You're now an Orangeman. Here is your £100"

Paddy leaves the building and shows Seamus the £100.

Seamus "That's brilliant. I'll try it too, but what were the questions and answers?"

Paddy "I'm not telling you ye fenian bastard"

[armaghniac]

It takes me 5 minutes to walk from my home to the pub, and 45 minutes to walk from the pub to my home...

The difference is staggering!