Author Topic: Corny One for Friday  (Read 371187 times)

Orior

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3090 on: December 12, 2016, 10:48:46 PM »
On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife.

The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.

After being persuaded to go, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man and wondered what he was in for.

The old man handed a potion to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned, "This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful and then say '1-2-3'." When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life and you can perform as long as you want."

The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?"

"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,'" the medicine man responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."

The man was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he quickly took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!" Immediately, he was the manliest of men.

His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes as she asked "What was the 1-2-3 for?"

And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.
Cover me in chocolate and feed me to the lesbians

Orior

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3091 on: December 14, 2016, 11:36:37 PM »
Some useful tips from Viz:

Church goers - save money by choosing a place of worship with a new roof.​

Cinema builders - don't bother installing a front row as nobody ever sits there. Simply start in the second row.

Home owners - potatoes wrapped in tinfoil and kept in a cupboard become a welcome consolation if your house burns down.
Cover me in chocolate and feed me to the lesbians

muppet

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3092 on: December 24, 2016, 08:37:39 PM »
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MWWSI 2017

armaghniac

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3093 on: December 24, 2016, 09:26:56 PM »
Q: How many figures are there in the UKIP nativity scene.
A: None.
if at first you don't succeed, then goto Plan B

seafoid

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3094 on: January 07, 2017, 08:14:34 PM »
Les Dawson - An Audience With That Never Was

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47q6l3ddxnc
Last of the choc-ices there now

StGallsGAA

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3095 on: January 08, 2017, 08:27:03 PM »
Les Dawson - An Audience With That Never Was

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47q6l3ddxnc

Nice for the family but they might have waited another couple of years until the CGI was a bit more realistic.

Orior

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3096 on: January 26, 2017, 01:21:52 PM »
Electrical Engineer joke.
 
A Polish airline was on its daily flight from Warsaw to Switzerland. While flying over the Alps, the aircraft hit turbulence and started to shake violently and become unstable. The air hostess seeing the panicked reaction on the faces of the passengers took the microphone and said, "We need to make the aircraft stable. All Poles please move to the left half of the plane".
Cover me in chocolate and feed me to the lesbians

armaghniac

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3097 on: February 28, 2017, 10:33:42 PM »
Float in Karneval parade in Germany
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if at first you don't succeed, then goto Plan B

illdecide

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3098 on: April 14, 2017, 03:55:14 PM »
During labour, the pain is so great that women can almost imagine what punters go through when they lose a bet in the last minute.

I Dunno when have you ever heard a lad say oh I'd love to lose another bet in the last minute again? Yet women still want more kids! The pain isn't comparable.
I can swim a little but i can't fly an inch

brokencrossbar1

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3099 on: April 14, 2017, 05:17:11 PM »
"Hey dad why is my sister called Teresa ?"

"Because your mum loves easter and it's an anagram of easter !"

"Thanks dad !"

"No problem Alan"

BarryBreensBandage

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3100 on: April 15, 2017, 02:07:33 PM »
"Hey dad why is my sister called Teresa ?"

"Because your mum loves easter and it's an anagram of easter !"

"Thanks dad !"

"No problem Alan"

 ;D - is that your star joke?
"Some people say I am indecisive..... maybe I am, maybe I'm not".

longballin

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3101 on: April 15, 2017, 02:32:06 PM »
"Hey dad why is my sister called Teresa ?"

"Because your mum loves easter and it's an anagram of easter !"

"Thanks dad !"

"No problem Alan"

i dont get that  :-\
 ;D - is that your star joke?

BarryBreensBandage

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3102 on: May 07, 2017, 11:31:12 AM »
A female athlete went to the doctor, anxious about the steroids she was taking.
"The steroids I am using, because of them, I think I am growing a penis"
"Anabolic?" The doctor asked.
"No, just a penis" she replied.
"Some people say I am indecisive..... maybe I am, maybe I'm not".

seafoid

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3103 on: May 20, 2017, 02:43:22 PM »
Last of the choc-ices there now