F##k My Life

noeldebrun · February 06, 2009, 01:54:55 AM

found this website today some classics on it like

QuoteToday, I slept with this new guy for the first time. After sex, he said the doggie style postion was fun, it reminded him what it would be like to rape a girl. FML

http://www.fmylife.com

Puckoon · February 06, 2009, 01:59:02 AM

QuoteToday, I got in line at the grocery store. The woman in front of me looked right at me, turned to her friend, and said "That reminds me, I forgot to get acne cream." FML

QuoteToday, I bought a jacket with real fur on it. Turns out, i'm allergic and now my ears look like they have herpes on them. FML

I know the next guy.

QuoteToday, it was the first time I ever saw a vagina in person. It was during medical school training on how to do a pelvic exam. FML

Puckoon · February 06, 2009, 02:12:15 AM

QuoteToday whilst chatting with my mum on msn she unintentionally sends me an animated emoticon of a penis jerking off repeatedly. I don't even want to know the type of conversation she is having. FML

QuoteToday, and for the last 8 months my upstairs neighbours have been making a tremendous noise. I finally decided to go up to complain: "The amount of noise you make is unbelievable ! It sounds like you're driving tractors up here!". The woman replies: "My husband is paraplegic..." FML

stephenite · February 06, 2009, 02:25:15 AM

Quote
Today, I had just gotten over the flu and thought I was better. So me and my boyfriend decided to have sex. As I was about to orgasm, I puked all over his face. He was so disgusted that he ended up throwing up on me as well. FML

Puckoon · February 06, 2009, 02:36:34 AM

This fella needs to move to another country.

QuoteToday, I was having a cybersex chat with a "girl" on a website whilst at work. I noticed my colleague who sits next to me start cracking up with laughter. Turned out it was him I was chatting with and he was winding me up. Worst thing is it had given me a stiffy. FML

Lecale2 · February 06, 2009, 07:29:59 AM

Quote from: Puckoon on February 06, 2009, 02:36:34 AM
This fella needs to move to another country.

QuoteToday, I was having a cybersex chat with a "girl" on a website whilst at work. I noticed my colleague who sits next to me start cracking up with laughter. Turned out it was him I was chatting with and he was winding me up. Worst thing is it had given me a stiffy. FML

This fella is probably Ziggy.

orangeman · February 06, 2009, 10:39:30 AM

Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit

nutsy--1 · February 06, 2009, 10:58:03 AM

Quality stories!!

Billys Boots · February 06, 2009, 11:11:25 AM

QuoteToday, I got fired from my job. I worked for my parents. FML

Ouch.

Silky · February 06, 2009, 11:17:29 AM

Great website!

the green man · February 06, 2009, 11:27:32 AM

QuoteToday, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on... for half an hour. FML

Maximus Marillius · February 06, 2009, 11:29:50 AM

that is funny shit

Overthebar! · February 06, 2009, 12:25:37 PM

hilarious! none of the posters got any real life stories?

gerrykeegan · February 06, 2009, 12:35:51 PM

Today, I finally broke my two year dry spell, but as she was putting on the condom, I came. She laughed from the time she was putting on her clothes to when she walked out the door. I don't think she's going to call back. FML

SidelineKick · February 06, 2009, 12:58:52 PM

Quote from: gerrykeegan on February 06, 2009, 12:35:51 PM
Today, I finally broke my two year dry spell, but as she was putting on the condom, I came. She laughed from the time she was putting on her clothes to when she walked out the door. I don't think she's going to call back. FML

Sounds like a very successful date in my opinion.