Corny One for Friday

[4everGAA]

hear hear Orior

[5 Sams]

f**k sake lads this was supposed to be a joke thread and youse eejits have hijacked it with shite just like the Armagh heads do with other threads....I use to look forward to reading a good yarn on this thread .....in fact this whole board has become a joke since the changeover with a new arsehole joining everyday....my own county included......makes me yearn for the old board when all we had was one Portadown dickhead who spouted shite everytime he came on.

[pintsofguinness]

5sams

f**k sake lads this was supposed to be a joke thread and youse eejits have hijacked it with shite just like the Armagh heads do with other threads...

f**k sake  Repeat something often enough it might become the truth, what threads have the "armagh heads" hijacked now?

in fact this whole board has become a joke since the changeover with a new arsehole joining everyday.

Feel free to leave.

[stephenite]

Jesus H f**king Christ - what is going on here, will the legendary jokes thread ever be the same. Talk about some PC cnut hijacking something unreasonably and turning it into something it isn't
Skyblue - the parents took the photograph and dressed the child in it - now as far as I'm concerned to not dress the child might constitute some form of child abuse, but the harmless titallating message on the front does not however constitute child abuse in any shape or form.

What star do travellers follow?


Joe Dolan

[winghalfun]

Below is an exclusive photo of ITOB furiously firing off his latest missive.

[Mayo4Sam]

[theskull1]

Sky Blue

[Orior]

Whooops!

http://www.biertijd.com/mediaplayer/flvplayer.swf?file=http://media.biertijd.com/movies/200610/onderen.flv&autostart=true&fs=true

[Fiodoir Ard Mhacha]

It's a very sad world we live in when Sir Paul McCartney and his wife
are facing divorce and all anyone seems to want to do is make jokes
about her false leg. Personally, I think it's prosthetic.

News reports have confirmed that Paul McCartney has separated from his
wife Heather Mills-McCartney. Mrs Mills-McCartney is said to be
distraught over the split. "He has been my crutch for so long"! She said
in an earlier briefing, "I have no idea why this has happened, I'm
really stumped".

"She's running around in circles", according to a close friend, "she
will need all the support she can get. It's not like its easy to walk
out on a relationship like this" After his break up with Heather, Paul
was asked if he would ever consider going down on one knee again. Paul
said he would prefer it if we called her Heather.

It is not known whether a pre-nuptial agreement was signed prior to the
marriage. Paul McCartney is one of the richest men in the world, and if
an agreement has been signed it is believed that she won't have a leg to
stand on. Rumours abound over the split which have suggested that
infidelity may have been the cause. "She's terrible"
a source stated, "always trying to get her leg over".

Another source has suggested that her battle with alcoholism was the
cause.

"Macca couldn't handle it anymore" a friend said, "he would get home at
night and find her legless".

Many have attributed this to a problem which started with the present
that Paul bought her prior to the wedding. He gave her a new prosthetic
leg for Christmas but that was just a stocking-filler.

A miner in Africa has an accident and loses a leg. He says to his mate
"I've had it, who will want a one legged gold digger?" His mate says
"try Paul McCartney"

Finally a poem by Sir Paul McCartney:

I lay upon a grassy bank
My hands were all a quiver
I slowly removed her suspender belt - her leg fell in the river.

These jokes are funny but lets spare a thought for Paul please.
Now she has left him, he's going to struggle to find another woman who
can fill her shoe.

[Armagh Cúchulainns]

A newly married couple begin the long drive back to the airport at the end of the honeymoon, neither is in a good mood as they have just have their first married row which was very bitter,

not wishing to give in and concede defeat they remain silent until they pass a pig farm

The girl wanting to get one over on her partner blurts 'relatives of yours' and nodded in the direction of the farm

to which the partner responded 'yep, they're my in-laws'


as far as i know they still arent talking.

[Fionntamhnach]

A Northside girl and a Northside guy are in a bar when the girlnotices something strange about the wellies the guy is wearing. She says,

"Scuse me sir, Oi aint being funny or nuffin, but why doz one of your wellies av an L on it and the udder av R on it? So the guy smiles, puts down his glass of Guinness and replies, "Well, oim a little bit tick you see. The one with the R on it is for me roight foot and the one with the L is for me left foot" "Jaaasus", exclaims the girl, "So DAT's why me knickers uv got C&A on dem.

[Fionntamhnach]

A dog walks into a hardware shop and approaches the counter. He see's the attendant and says "Hello, Im looking for a job... Anything going?"

The attendant replys "soory, we dont hire talking dogs, would you not be better off going to the circus?"

The dog looks back at the man as if he has two heads, and replys..... "What the F**K would the circus want with a plumber!!!"

[liihb]

Worst Burglar
http://www.courttv.com/onair/shows/red/red_player.html?id=331&link=RED

[armaghniac]

This one should waste a few minutes
http://www.psychology.org.nz/industrial/aguanta.htm

if you are any good at it, either become a US air force pilot or perhaps try out for the Irish International Rules team.

[pintsofguinness]

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will
grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I
failed to
mention that there was a condition to your wishes.
Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"

The woman said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in
the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your
husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock
to".

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most
beautiful
woman and he will have eyes only for me."
So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the
world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the
world. And he will be ten times richer than you."
The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's
his is mine."
So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd
likea mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with
them.

Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you.
Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers : Please scroll down.
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The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife

Moral of the story : Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to
show that women never listen!!!