Depression

[God14]

Thanks for all the messages chaps, it does help tbh.
I've mentioned the Van Gogh exhibit and he'd love to go to that so must get it planned in.
He also likes the idea of a tour down the west. We have friend who hires out a camper, I suggested we take it for a long weekend and just head off. Mixed response but I think it would be a good option myself.

Covid lockdown definitely affected my kids.
During lockdown one of my kids was coming to the end of P7, this wee lad was in 1st year and our oldest was in 4th year. This is when they form relationships and friend groups and that was all missed.
We also suspect our lad might be struggling with his sexuality - but no real evidence to this other than that his friends are almost all girls. Its one of those ones where that could be because he has so much anxiety he can't relate to typical teen boy behaviour, or it could be because he might think he's gay.
We would always make sure all of our kids know we'd have no issues with anything like that (and in fact one of his mums Sister's is gay and lives with her partner), but I don't think it would help him if we confronted him about it either.

He used to play football at under age, was a decent wee player but that has all gone now.
I managed to get him to start going to golf lessons with a wee lad who he went to primary with (now at a different school). He actually played at a school tournament last week. I know the teacher in the school who runs it and I explained the craic to him and he persuaded him to go. Think he was awful, but he actually enjoyed it. So perhaps that's an outside interest to keep the head clear. He loves getting to the Derry matches (even the odd Tyrone match), but the night we found him cutting was after the mckenna cup final. He was in really good form that night on the way home, then he went to his room and cut himself. 

All we can do is be there for him, try to get him all the help we can and hope we can get him through it what ever way we can.

Thats exactly it tbrick... i think your doing a brilliant job as his Dad.

[laceer]

Good luck to you and your lad, tbrick.

[Walter Cronc]

Tbrick you are doing a great job fella. Fair play.

[whitey]

As the dad of 2 teenage boys here goes:

Do a little social engineering. Make an extra effort to do things with kids he likes. For us it was going to a rail trail on mountain bikes

If he's stressed academically, get him a "coach" if you can swing it. It made a huge difference for one of our guys. He has mild ADHD, but used to get overwhelmed when he fell behind

Find an empty parking lot and reach him how to drive (even if he's underage). Tell him you'll get his provisional license on the day he turns of age

Sleep-vitally important. We still battle, but have him shut down electronics an hour (or more) before bed

Traditions-find inflection points during the year and write activities into the calendar. Eg-Fathers Day climb a mountain. Good Friday-go fishing. Bank Holiday weekend-pick a rail trail and hike or bike

[Eamonnca1]

Thanks for all the messages chaps, it does help tbh.
I've mentioned the Van Gogh exhibit and he'd love to go to that so must get it planned in.
He also likes the idea of a tour down the west. We have friend who hires out a camper, I suggested we take it for a long weekend and just head off. Mixed response but I think it would be a good option myself.

Covid lockdown definitely affected my kids.
During lockdown one of my kids was coming to the end of P7, this wee lad was in 1st year and our oldest was in 4th year. This is when they form relationships and friend groups and that was all missed.
We also suspect our lad might be struggling with his sexuality - but no real evidence to this other than that his friends are almost all girls. Its one of those ones where that could be because he has so much anxiety he can't relate to typical teen boy behaviour, or it could be because he might think he's gay.
We would always make sure all of our kids know we'd have no issues with anything like that (and in fact one of his mums Sister's is gay and lives with her partner), but I don't think it would help him if we confronted him about it either.

He used to play football at under age, was a decent wee player but that has all gone now.
I managed to get him to start going to golf lessons with a wee lad who he went to primary with (now at a different school). He actually played at a school tournament last week. I know the teacher in the school who runs it and I explained the craic to him and he persuaded him to go. Think he was awful, but he actually enjoyed it. So perhaps that's an outside interest to keep the head clear. He loves getting to the Derry matches (even the odd Tyrone match), but the night we found him cutting was after the mckenna cup final. He was in really good form that night on the way home, then he went to his room and cut himself. 

All we can do is be there for him, try to get him all the help we can and hope we can get him through it what ever way we can.

Christ, that must be really hard to deal with.

Is counselling available? I'm actually making use of it now, been seeing a counsellor once a week for the last few weeks. It's been really helpful. I've always found it helpful.

Writing things down can also help. Maybe you can suggest to him to write everything down, even if it's on a piece of paper that he burns afterwards, or in a file that he deletes afterwards. It all helps. I've been known to write stuff down about stuff that happened to me years, even decades ago that I was still struggling to deal with. There's something about getting it down on paper or a screen that makes it easier to process. It starts to feel like something that happened to a previous version of me than something that happened to me personally and still has power over me.

[J70]

Good luck with it all tbrick.

My kids are not teens yet, but even so it's not always easy to find out what's going on with them. For now, they'll eventually tell us if, for example, bullies are at them, but I know that is going to get harder as they get older. Sounds like you're doing all the right things for your lad and the others here are providing good advice too. But I can imagine how difficult it must be to cope with what you've described. When they're small, you can sweep them up and away from the world, but as they get older you have to watch them learn to deal with the outside world as well as their growing sense of self and all it brings.

[paddyjohn]

Good luck tbrick, you're doing a good job under hard circumstances.

My 9 year old had recently been sent to a community hub centre for counselling. She's so body conscious at that age and she is so anxious about everything. My wife and i both struggle with our own mental health at times, my wife definitely had/has post natal depression and I've posted my own story here. I've recently finished a 10 week course of counselling which helped no end and my wife is starting one next week.

The last few years with covid etc has really had an impact also. Times are tough but we'll get there. I've found solace in nature and honestly I could spend hours at the beach with a flask of tea just listening to it.

No matter of our differences on here and in life, we are all here to help each other as get on. Everybody is fighting their own battles.

[AustinPowers]

Sleep, diet , daily exercise ( even if just a walk) is all important, and wee things  done right helps your  whole  wellbeing.

I think we tend to get stuck in  ruts. Get up,  school/work, home,  dinner, tv, bed...... sometimes it's difficult to have the time, energy  or motivation for regular  exercise , social events, pasttimes etc

It's hard to get kids to do stuff.  Like if you said, to them... let's go climb X mountain on Saturday..... you'd likely get a  puzzled look.  A weekend away or short break somewhere  they'd be more inclined.  I never climbed a mountain  before and had no real desire  to. But we were in Westport a few years ago , and I looked at  Croagh  Patrick and thought , jaysus  I wonder could we manage to get up there? Sure enough we gave it a go , and feck me, what a buzz!  I've been up a few hills/mountains since , and  I plan to do more. Same with the Achill greenway , did that when we were there , and  have completed other greenways/trips since.

I think you need to be out of your own  environment maybe to try new  things. And if you enjoy them while away on holiday , while you  have a different mindset, you might be likely to continue doing it when back home.  Complete a greenway cycle , and you might go mad for cycling . Sea swimming  might lead to swim lessons etc......

[Eamonnca1]

Trying something new has always helped me. There's something about learning a new skill that I find liberating. Making new connections in your brain must have some physical effect. I once took up violin lessons just for the hell of it, and I always fancied giving it a go. Absolutely loved it. Helped to take my mind off more stressful matters since it requires a bit of concentration. Any music-related activity will do that. Dance is another. When I'm in a dance lesson I'm laser-focused on the activity. Gives my mind a break from all the other stuff going on.

[Milltown Row2]

Trying something new has always helped me. There's something about learning a new skill that I find liberating. Making new connections in your brain must have some physical effect. I once took up violin lessons just for the hell of it, and I always fancied giving it a go. Absolutely loved it. Helped to take my mind off more stressful matters since it requires a bit of concentration. Any music-related activity will do that. Dance is another. When I'm in a dance lesson I'm laser-focused on the activity. Gives my mind a break from all the other stuff going on.

Violin!! I'm still laughing at remembering my daughter playing for us at xmas with the extending family in our house "go get the violin love, play that tune your learning" christ I'm laughing now, whispering to my wife "how much are we paying for these lesson" 

She did become very good at it and the flute, grade 7 or something but that was that, after school no more musical instruments

Find what makes them tick, it could be anything but needs to be their idea, pointless giving them examples let them come up with the activity and roll with it!

[Rois]

My eldest daugther is away at the moment on a ski trip from school and he'd love to do it. I told him he could go next year when he's eligible but he doesnt want to go away with the school. Says he'd want to do it as a family holiday.
So I'm looking into taking him somewhere for a few days, just the two of us as we already have a family holiday booked for the north coast come summer.

tbrick18, you're the kind of parent we aspire to be. 

On the skiing thing, and I know I'm a little obsessed, but it is the most fantastic way of escaping everything.  It is like a different world, and I love it because it lets me detach completely from work. 
It's probably too late now, but it really would be worth looking into it for the longer term as something to look forward to, and you can always start the process early by learning the basis at Craigavon ski slope or down in Kilternan in Dublin.  There are so many options depending on budget, and I would be really happy to send on my research on it.  You don't have to go for a week, it could just be a few days, and with flights just out for next year, you can get them at really good prices.  You could both learn to ski together if you haven't done it,  and I'd say the teachers wouldn't mind if you missed a few days of school to go off-peak. 

[seafoid]

https://www.irishtimes.com/sport/gaelic-games/2023/04/28/ronan-mcnamee-emerges-from-the-darkness-to-help-make-a-difference/

Ronan McNamee emerges from the darkness to help make a difference
Tyrone full back addressed his own difficulties in recent years and looks forward to the weeks ahead


Tyrone footballer Ronan McNamee has talked about his own mental health battles and will take part in the Darkness into Light on Saturday, May 6th. Photograph: Dan Sheridan/Inpho
Seán Moran
Fri Apr 28 2023 - 06:00

The extent of Ronan McNamee's commitment to being an ambassador for Pieta House is that the role hasn't always come easily to him. He spoke to media on Thursday about the suicide prevention charity's Darkness into Light fundraiser, a walk into the sunrise in 200 locations, supported by Electric Ireland and which takes place on Saturday, May 6th.

The Tyrone full back recounted how Antrim hurler Domhnall Nugent asked him to address a recent event in the 'Let's Face It' campaign, which promotes mental health.

"Speaking at that is uncomfortable and your emotions are hanging on a knife edge all the time, but the more I feel I can speak about it, then the easier it will get and you just might be able to get more comfortable with it."

His major revelation that he had attempted suicide erupted out of an arresting 2019 interview with Cahair O'Kane in the Irish News, which was meant to be about his first All Star.


"If there's something you can take from each other then you will. It's probably something that I haven't really addressed as well as I should have. But I'm probably getting better at that now."

Even if his acute problems are thankfully in the past, McNamee understands that he still has to tread carefully.

"Whenever you do speak about it, it reignites a lot of the emotions that you would have felt previously. It's not a case of it disappears and goes away and you realise that, the older you get."

A decorated footballer: All-Ireland winner with Tyrone and an All Star, he says that football has helped with his equilibrium.

"Massively. It gives you a structure."

Currently counting the days until the season can resume for him after the unexpected defeat by Monaghan in Omagh a couple of weeks ago, he says that unlike Mayo, who took time off after their championship defeat by Roscommon, Tyrone went straight back training.

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Comparing the new round-robin All-Ireland format to the prototype 'Super 8s' of 2018 and '19 – which went well for Tyrone, who reached an All-Ireland final and semi-final – he looks forward to re-engaging.

Pointing out that championship matches between Tyrone and Monaghan are nearly always extraordinarily tight (of the last seven meetings, only one was decided by more than a score) and that it was possible to take positives as well as the sickening negative of being beaten by an injury-time goal.

"That's all you'll think of for the following few days but if you lost by a couple of points and hadn't performed well, you'd be more annoyed and wondering what way to go at it. There were areas we were really good in during the game and a lot where we need to improve and it's just finding the balance.

"There's always going to be a purple patch and ultimately we didn't deal with that as well as we could have."

Having missed most of the league with injury, McNamee is back on board with the team and looking forward to the round robins, which start in three weeks' time.

Tuesday will reveal the draw for the group stages and the following Saturday, he will participate in Darkness into Light. It will be a fundraiser and also offers help along the way. This year the Tyrone walk takes place in Castlederg and he will be taking part with his girlfriend Clara, a mental health professional.


"She actually has a practice there and she is involved as well. The plan is to have her available that morning and if anybody talks or has issues they want to speak to her about they can. It is something that is rewarding and nice to be involved in."

[paddyjohn]

Things have taken a turn for the worst here. Work, home life and the illness of a close friend has really knocked me back on my heels totally.

Things will get better but at the minute it's hard to see that happening.

[Milltown Row2]

Things have taken a turn for the worst here. Work, home life and the illness of a close friend has really knocked me back on my heels totally.

Things will get better but at the minute it's hard to see that happening.

When shit hits the fan it's hard to think you'll get through it, we all do. Get back on the horse!!

[Rois]

Things have taken a turn for the worst here. Work, home life and the illness of a close friend has really knocked me back on my heels totally.

Things will get better but at the minute it's hard to see that happening.

You said previously that counselling really helped.  Can you think back and try to recall some of the techniques that you discovered to help you get through this hard phase?  Remember how the counselling had a positive effect on your outlook - and try to recreate the feeling, or at least recall that you were able to see a way through.