Good Quotes

[Niall Quinn]

"We are like dwarfs standing upon the shoulders of giants, and so able to see more and see farther than the ancients."
Bernard of Chartres

"And what haunts me, is that in all the faces of all the bears that Treadwell ever filmed, I discover no kinship, no understanding, no mercy. I see only the overwhelming indifference of nature. To me, there is no such thing as a secret world of the bears. And this blank stare speaks only of a half-bored interest in food. But for Timothy Treadwell, this bear was a friend, a savior."
Werner Herzog

[He's] "like a lighthouse in the Bog of Allen, brilliant but useless"
Brian Lenihan, Snr

"What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?"
Nick Hornby

"Through all he said, even through his appalling sentimentality, I was reminded of something—an elusive rhythm, a fragment of lost words, that I had heard somewhere a long time ago. For a moment a phrase tried to take shape in my mouth and my lips parted like a dumb man's, as though there was more struggling upon them than a wisp of startled air. But they made no sound, and what I had almost remembered was uncommunicable forever."
F Scott Fitzgerald

[Olly]

"Rod Liddle. He's the guy who ran away and left his wife for a young one"

Eamonn Dunphy

[Hardy]

James Gogarty - "Will we get a receipt?"
Michael Bailey - "Will we f**k".

[ziggysego]

"You're like cow shite, never off the road"

Paddy Kielty's neighbour

[Maiden1]

50 funniest Homer Simpson Quotes


Operator! Give me the number for 911!


Oh, so they have internet on computers now!


Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!


Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.


I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.


Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.


Well, it's 1 a.m. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids.


Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene.'


Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.


Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?


You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.


Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.




When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!


Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.


I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!


[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!


What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.


Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.


Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.


The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!


When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.


I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!


Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.


I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?


Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.


It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.


Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.


I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.


Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.


Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that Alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But, it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harrassing that woman.


Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.


How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?


Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.


Homer no function beer well without.


I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is -- and it's me.


Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?


If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.


I'm never going to be disabled. I'm sick of being so healthy.


I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.


[Looking at a globe map...country being Uruguay]
Hee hee! Look at this country! 'You-are-gay.'


All my life I've had one dream, to achieve my many goals.


Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless.


But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder.


I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I'm around.


Dear Lord.. The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal.


That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!


Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.


If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing


I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!


'To Start Press Any Key'. Where's the ANY key?

[ziggysego]

50 funniest Homer Simpson Quotes


Operator! Give me the number for 911!

Reminds me of a Brian Butterfield quote

"Fire, fire! Quick someone ring nine hundred and ninety nine!"

[seafoid]

When will Suzi Quatro stop rocking? "When I go on stage, turn my back to the audience and shake my ass and there's silence - then I stop".

[johnneycool]

'It was resting in my account'

Nick Clegg, Lib Dem leader.

[Santino]

Kenny Powers on triathalons:
'I play real sports, not trying to be the best at exercising.'

[Olly]

Catholic homes caught fire because they were loaded with petrol bombs; Catholic churches were attacked and burned because they were arsenals and priests handed out sub-machine guns to parishioners.

Ian Paisley

After a loyalist rally in 1968, he justified the burning of Catholic homes.

[Olly]

They breed like rabbits and multiply like vermin.

Ian Paisley
Of Catholics, to loyalist rally in 1969.

[ziggysego]

What did he say in 1970?

[Olly]

Line dancing is as sinful as any other type of dancing, with its sexual gestures and touching. It is an incitement to lust.

Ian Paisley

Agreeing to historic power-sharing deal in Northern Ireland, March 2007.

[Olly]

I denounce you, Anti-Christ! I refuse you as Christ's enemy and Antichrist with all your false doctrine.

Ian Paisley
Addressed at Pope John Paul II on a visit to the European Parliament October 1988.

[Olly]

"I say NO, NO, NO, to the needless waste of fairy washing up liquid  in this fine seaside water feature."

Ian Parsley
Unionist and Conservative candidate in North Down, Ian Parsley has kicked off his shock-and-awe media blitz