Depression

[Tony Baloney]

Good post Sub. Plenty of fellas on here willing to lend an ear or a shoulder if needed.

[Milltown Row2]

So difficult to put into words I'd imagine but that's a brilliant thought provoking post.

[Eamonnca1]

10 years ago, I had the finer details of my suicide more or less arranged.  I had it all set up to look like a fishing accident- in my little head, it would make things easier for my parents and siblings.
I can't pinpoint any one reason why I didn't follow through,  nor can I pick something significant that changed things, which is a balls because it could be a very useful help for anyone else in a similar position.
I had gone to one doctor and described some of the things that were happening physically (seizing up in anxiety or panic attacks), behaviour-wise (I was finding it utterly exhausting trying to project a normal disposition at home and in work), and socially (I could handle football training sessions and matches, I actually enjoyed that, but after used every excuse under the sun to avoid having to socialise.  Doubtless some thought I was getting into dairying, there was so many 'cows calving').
The doctor was old school, near retirement.  He more or less dismissed it, telling me not to think so much.  Oh f**ing grand, it that all it was? 
The next lad was far more helpful, couple of good chats, referrals if I wanted, and good practices within a schedule,  and after if there was no change, he'd prescribe medication.  That probably turned the wheel enough.  I still had a fair bit of heavy lifting to do myself, and through reading and drawing my own conclusions, things changed, bit by bit.
I'm so thankful that never in the last 10 years have I ever been as low, and for whatever reasoning,  I don't envisage getting to that stage again.  I still have those days, and wobbles now and then, but unlike back then, now I can react and steady the ship- I can deal with them fully or piecemeal,  but I don't let them accumulate or take me over.
I suppose my point is that the light at the end of the tunnel isn't just a cliche.  It will come, eventually,  no matter what.  You just have to give yourself the chance. There are always means for getting back control,  for getting yourself into the driver's seat in your mind, and not just being an unwilling and frightened passenger in your own mind.
If you happen to be in that spiral,  or going through a tough phase where you don't even feel like yourself,  keep going.  There are ways for everyone,  and you'll find yours. 
If you ever want to hear a bit more or have any questions you want to ask, let us know.  I'm no guru, I'm no professional,  I mightn't have many answers, but I'll try my best.  All I know is I'm here, and life is good.  It's not perfect,  but it's better than being a 10 year old statistic and a headstone.

Great post. And some great advice in there too. Fair play.

[downtothecore]

Great post

[paddyjohn]

Bump this.

Hit the wall the other week. I'm slowly coming out the other side.

[Substandard]

Bump this.

Hit the wall the other week. I'm slowly coming out the other side.

Walls do that, but every wall has the other side.  Keep er lit, good stuff. Things find their balance, and you'll end up where you are meant to be at different times.  All the best.

[illdecide]

Guys I know depression has been around forever but would you say it's got a lot worse now with the smart phones and social media etc?. I see my two watching Tik Tok and whatever else they're doing for hours upon hours when i was out as a child climbing trees and playing football, I know society has changed and is a lot different now but interacting thru phones instead of face to face chats has to be a bad thing. Young ones are so vain and have to look a certain way and are under so much pressure, I'm so thankful I grew up in the era I did and not now.

[Eamonnca1]

My young ones are 3 and 6. Their screen time is strictly regulated. They get TV during the weekend only, and half of that is classic Disney DVDs from the local library that they come and help us pick out. We have no iPad or any tablet in the house. The missus and myself are not great at keeping our attention away from our phones, but we're better at not looking at them when the kids are about. I see some families at restaurants where every single one of them is looking at a screen in silence instead of talking to each other - it looks weird.

I don't know how much longer we're going to keep the smartphone door closed, but while it is I want to make sure the kids are immersed in as much wholesome activity as possible. They have to go outside and play every single day, and they're happy to do so. I draw roads with chalk on the driveway and they have fun for hours riding their bikes and scooters around them. We take them to museums, parks, and all sorts of places that don't involve looking down at screens. The older one is learning to read now, and we read to them every night.

My hope is that when the inevitable happens and the smartphones come into their lives, they'll have enough outside interests that the phones won't take over completely. Kinda like how we've never fed them sweets and they've never developed a sweet tooth, except maybe for ice cream (but even that's limited to weekends). But a lot depends on who their friends are and what kind of standards their parents have set, and we have no control over that. If she gets to the point where she's demanding a smartphone when all of her friends have one, it's going to be very hard to hold it back. I can't say I'm looking forward to it.

[Milltown Row2]

My kids didn't get smart phones till secondary school and the phones were in the upstairs landing charging when they went to bed.. no screen time after they went to bed, school had zero policy on phones also, this was over 12 years ago though. But it worked..

I paid for the phones, they were mine to do what I pleased.

If unhappy the phone would have been taken off them.

As for depression and social media phones TikTok and whatever else, I feel it's just highlighting more and not creating more, I guy in a shack in the Himalayas can have depression, it's got nowt to do with a smart phone.

I know plenty lads that were climbing trees and hurling and football with me that are no longer about..

If only 'fixing' depression was that easy

[paddyjohn]

There is no fix for depression from what I can see. I know my fix is hitting the beach in the early morning with some tea. I can sit for hours with a flask and my AirPods in.

I get what you're saying about a young person being under pressure to look a certain way and wear certain clothes. I've 3 kids and it's savage what they are saying about school etc. iPhone 15/16 in P5/P6.

We all have our own coping mechanisms, i build walls and keep the tribe small and close.

[Eamonnca1]

My wife's cousin has moved her son out of his school after another kid pulled a knife on him. Apparently that school has a toxic and over-competitive sports culture where the parents go to games and roar at each other. It's a primary school.

[AustinPowers]

There is no fix for depression from what I can see. I know my fix is hitting the beach in the early morning with some tea. I can sit for hours with a flask and my AirPods in.

I get what you're saying about a young person being under pressure to look a certain way and wear certain clothes. I've 3 kids and it's savage what they are saying about school etc. iPhone 15/16 in P5/P6.

We all have our own coping mechanisms, i build walls and keep the tribe small and close.

Some parents need to  have a word with themselves.

All this  "wee Johnny must have  this" , and what sort of parents  are we   if we cant  give Mary everything she wants..... Is this sort of attitude really benefitting  children in the  long run?

Friend of ours young  lad came home from school  last September (he's 5), looking a playstation or Xbox or whatever it was, because  everyone else  in  the class had  one.  Father says: ach we  had to get him one. We couldn't have him  being the only  one in his class without one.  I says, you could have just  said no.  He's only 5. And how do you even  know  everyone in the class has one?  Now  I hear them complain that he  never goes outside to play  because he's always on the box! Christ almighty

[screenexile]

P5s in the school this past year (8 years old)... 2 lads playing Grand Theft Auto were able to buy nudes in the game and were sending them to eachother. What parent is letting an 8 year old play GTA??!!

[Windmill abu]

Why is everybody on this thread talking about other people's children and what they get?
If you have children, you as a grown adult need to accept your responsibilities to give the best guidance possible to your children. If you do your best and deny your kids whatever you think is unsuitable for them, then you will have got it right. If you believe that access to social media is wrong for your family then stop them from using it. Stop using "other parents allow it" as an excuse to allow your kids to do it.

[paddyjohn]

Why is everybody on this thread talking about other people's children and what they get?
If you have children, you as a grown adult need to accept your responsibilities to give the best guidance possible to your children. If you do your best and deny your kids whatever you think is unsuitable for them, then you will have got it right. If you believe that access to social media is wrong for your family then stop them from using it. Stop using "other parents allow it" as an excuse to allow your kids to do it.

I'd say to you that if you've nothing positive to write on this thread then don't post on it.