Mid life crisis

[Milltown Row2]

In the UK divorce rates are 30,000 less now than they were before social media.. could be couple factors in that, more people staying as partners rather getting married and just less people finding the right person.. Though one of the reasonsgiven was, the recession

So don't use social media, as trump would say... FAKE NEWS

[Tony Baloney]

I would echo what Iceman and MR2 have said. I think after a lot of years together (married or not) what "love" means changes from what it was when you first got together. Life i.e. mortgages, kids, bills, work etc. take up more and more of your time, meaning you have less time together. That means you have to put in the work to keep it going and that work inevitably includes getting that balance right that Iceman has talked about - you need to find time for the wains and the missus as a family group but it is important to make time for just you and her.

40 seems to be the age when I started to be reflective on what I had done and what I could have done and with the social media it is easy to get your head turned with other women, more lucrative work (potentially meaning more time away) especially if you have slipped into the "friend zone" with the missus as you are too busy for each other. But it really isn't hard to make some lifestyle adjustments and freshen things up a bit - as Iceman as said it seems very easy to jack the whole thing.

We have an agreement that it we were to divorce we would have a custody battle to make sure the other party kept the kids 

[The Iceman]

I'm 40 in November. Life can be very stressful at times but I wouldn't say I'm having a mid life crisis or anything yet. Marriage is good,work is good, don't have many regrets at all apart from wishing I had lived in a different country for 5 or 6 years, that would have been nice. Spent a year drinking and riding in Australia but that doesn't really count.
How do you know you're having a midlife crisis anyway?

On marriage,It is sad people break-up after a couple of years. The wife's brother and his (ex)wife only lasted 7 months.
I think alot of couples get caught up in the actual wedding itself. Sure some are planning it for a couple of years and it takes over their life. Then it's all over and reality hits home.
It's one thing being boyfriend and girlfriend but being married is a whole different kettle of fish.
I tell the wife everyday how lucky she is to have me, we're married 8 years so I like to think it's working.

What changes though?  Most couples are generally living together anyway and some already have kids.  I agree facebook and the like doesn't help, 'oh look, their life/marriage seems perfect and far better than ours, so there must be something wrong'.  Think it dawns on some people that they were never actually in love with the OH in the first place.

Facebook?? Ffs! People go through this who aren't on Facebook and went through it before Facebook! And anyone who looks at a friends Facebook page and envies it wants a good slap ! And probably shouldn't be married!

RE: the broken marriages I think people give up too easily. They hit upon a rough patch or an argument escalates and they think feck it this isn't worth the hassle. I know of men in Armagh walking away from 4 kids...another lad walked away from 2 young kids and one of them had Down Syndrome.

I don't believe I'm having a mid life crisis the way hollywood would describe it but I've definitely been thinking a lot about life and choices and time.  I think crisis is a negative word. I'm having more of a realization or awakening that life is short, I'm not invincible after all, that time is precious and the people I love deserve more of my time.....

Thankfully my woman is very easy going - though I never went for the high maintenance or daughter of satan type - why would anyone?
She isn't on any social media, she thinks it's the biggest waste of time.  I periodically turn FB off.  I definitely agree it could wreck marriages but more from the standpoint of exes being in touch or old school acquaintances getting a bit flirty and then taking it further.

I think it also worth stating that staying in a loveless/ negative marriage helps no-one, certainly not the kids, so I don't believe in the staying together for the kids sake. Sometimes people realise there is no fixing it and that people have changed and moved apart. Staying together for the sake of it is a recipe for disaster.

I've seen many relationships heal from "relationships that can't be fixed" but also recognize some marriages should never have happened.I would challenge the thinking that someone getting divorced after 7 months or 2 years didn't really try? Or a younger generation can't handle problems?

But this isn't all about marriage.... I agree more with MR2 on this and I'm not just pointing at men. I've had long conversations with my Mrs about this too and her role in life, what she wants, how she sometimes feels stuck or labelled as the "mummy" and sometimes needs to escape from that for 5 mins...
I would push back though that this happens when kids get older...I have 5 under 10 and I'm turning 40. A lot of people marry in their late 20s and early 30s now and don't get to the empty nest stage until their 50s and 60s...

[Milltown Row2]

I would echo what Iceman and MR2 have said. I think after a lot of years together (married or not) what "love" means changes from what it was when you first got together. Life i.e. mortgages, kids, bills, work etc. take up more and more of your time, meaning you have less time together. That means you have to put in the work to keep it going and that work inevitably includes getting that balance right that Iceman has talked about - you need to find time for the wains and the missus as a family group but it is important to make time for just you and her.

40 seems to be the age when I started to be reflective on what I had done and what I could have done and with the social media it is easy to get your head turned with other women, more lucrative work (potentially meaning more time away) especially if you have slipped into the "friend zone" with the missus as you are too busy for each other. But it really isn't hard to make some lifestyle adjustments and freshen things up a bit - as Iceman as said it seems very easy to jack the whole thing.

We have an agreement that it we were to divorce we would have a custody battle to make sure the other party kept the kids 

I'll just wait till they look after themselves... 50 is the new 40, so I've 4 years, my kids will be 22 and 19! 

Though i can honestly say that I've (we've) been through the mill  (a small mill) and back out the other end, dinner dates and Sat afternoon eating/drinking in Belfast or at the local, nights away and going to a play/musical can break up the mundane day to day

The one thing though for me, I have great friends where I live, and my proper old clubmate friends from the road,  my wife has her old friends too,  but its the friends we made when we moved and the kids went to school, great network, if that is missing then it can lead to more stress! Same bakes looking at each other all the time would be a nightmare

[Tony Baloney]

I would echo what Iceman and MR2 have said. I think after a lot of years together (married or not) what "love" means changes from what it was when you first got together. Life i.e. mortgages, kids, bills, work etc. take up more and more of your time, meaning you have less time together. That means you have to put in the work to keep it going and that work inevitably includes getting that balance right that Iceman has talked about - you need to find time for the wains and the missus as a family group but it is important to make time for just you and her.

40 seems to be the age when I started to be reflective on what I had done and what I could have done and with the social media it is easy to get your head turned with other women, more lucrative work (potentially meaning more time away) especially if you have slipped into the "friend zone" with the missus as you are too busy for each other. But it really isn't hard to make some lifestyle adjustments and freshen things up a bit - as Iceman as said it seems very easy to jack the whole thing.

We have an agreement that it we were to divorce we would have a custody battle to make sure the other party kept the kids 

I'll just wait till they look after themselves... 50 is the new 40, so I've 4 years, my kids will be 22 and 19! 

Though i can honestly say that I've (we've) been through the mill  (a small mill) and back out the other end, dinner dates and Sat afternoon eating/drinking in Belfast or at the local, nights away and going to a play/musical can break up the mundane day to day

The one thing though for me, I have great friends where I live, and my proper old clubmate friends from the road,  my wife has her old friends too,  but its the friends we made when we moved and the kids went to school, great network, if that is missing then it can lead to more stress! Same bakes looking at each other all the time would be a nightmare

We live near the wife's homeplace out in the sticks and you could walk to the houses of her parents and 4 of her 5 brothers and sisters whereas it is about 80 miles for me. She's a homebird and wouldn't be fussed on going out boozing so it took her a while to realise that we're not all the same and I'd need my own space to go out on the beer up at home or in Belfast with different sets of mates, even if that wasn't her scene. That realisation made things a lot easier as she was pretty selfish about it at one stage (in my opinion) but obviously when the kids were more hassle she'd have seen me as being the selfish one leaving her to deal with it.

[Look-Up!]

We should do a poll. Is your partner:

1) a daughter of Satan
2) high maintenance
3) easy going
4) missing in action

Mine is definitely 2, mind you she will probably tell you and am far too easy going (which I am) to the point that it has held me back in life..

Held you back from what my friend? Being a different person most likely. Nothing wrong with being easy going. Be proud and take comfort from who you are, someone probably well liked, and keep "Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners".

[Esmarelda]

Poor Facebook is getting an awful hammering today. It seems to have become trendy to bash it.

I use it as it's a great source of information. The key is to unfollow any of your "friends" whose every thought you don't want to read about. They still remain on your friends list but you don't have to put up with them.

[Look-Up!]

I went home earlier in July to Armagh and was home the year before that too. Something I noticed and I suppose I'm experiencing a bit of it myself is the scary realization that life is moving very fast, time is precious and lots of men (and maybe women too) around the age of 40 are having a bit of a mid life crisis and wondering if they chose the right path. I've changed jobs recently in to a brand new industry.  Some friends at home have done the same. I also see the negative side of things with people ending their marriages in the hope for something better....

I find myself concerned more about time.  Missed opportunities to spend time with my aging parents or missed opportunities to spend time with my kids.  My job change hopefully will provide more work/life balance and afford me more time at home and less travelling for work. But I still wonder what else I can do.

Anyone in the same boat?
#GaaBoardTherapy

In the same age bracket, and its a bit stark looking back: 20 year old me would not be impressed with the way things turned out.
That said, you improvise as you go along, and I often think of Robert Frost's 'The Road Not Taken' when looking back to see how I got here.
Best of luck with it all, especially the work-life balance, spending time with kids and parents.  Every minute is an investment in memories.

Wouldn't look back too harshly. Maybe 20 year old you had even less answers and a simplistic outlook. You must keep looking forward in life and can't compromise yourself too much. I think a lot of relationships breakdown because couples have unrealistic expectations of each other and refuse to yield or accept each other warts and all. You should not try to change someone too much or allow yourself to be changed too much either because that begs the question, what did people see in each other to begin with.

[trileacman]

I put it down to the decline of the influence of the Catholic Church here in Ireland.

Divorce that is, not a midlife crisis.

When word got round that a marriage was on the rocks the local PP would be dispatched round to the house of said couple where the PP would coerce the poor afflicted wife to stay with the adulterous, alcohol sodden, wife beating brute for the good of the family name or the kids.

That's fairly mean spirited, it was rarely the influence of the priest but society's view in general that marriages where meant to stay together.

I'd agree with iceman, people don't ride out the rough patches and make it work the way they used to. If the idealised view of the marriage they have doesn't work out they largely just say f**k it and leave. I look at the generation above my own and you see couples who lived through the troubles and the economic depression of the 70-80s. There's far too idealised a view of romance and marriage in the modern world. There's a large cohort of people who believe that it's meant to be like what they seen in the movies.

[JoG2]

Sex at least 3 times a week. Minimum

Ridezone

[Mikhail Prokhorov]

Poor Facebook is getting an awful hammering today. It seems to have become trendy to bash it.

I use it as it's a great source of information. The key is to unfollow any of your "friends" whose every thought you don't want to read about. They still remain on your friends list but you don't have to put up with them.

useless information though 

[trailer]

Social media reinforces peoples attitudes. Especially twitter. You're not going to follow someone or some media organisation you disagree with. Therefore you end up following what you believe to be true and therefore it just reinforces your own viewpoint.

I digress, a good bit of riding is very helpful. A great stress reliever I find.

[Look-Up!]

I put it down to the decline of the influence of the Catholic Church here in Ireland.

Divorce that is, not a midlife crisis.

When word got round that a marriage was on the rocks the local PP would be dispatched round to the house of said couple where the PP would coerce the poor afflicted wife to stay with the adulterous, alcohol sodden, wife beating brute for the good of the family name or the kids.

That's fairly mean spirited, it was rarely the influence of the priest but society's view in general that marriages where meant to stay together.

I'd agree with iceman, people don't ride out the rough patches and make it work the way they used to. If the idealised view of the marriage they have doesn't work out they largely just say f**k it and leave. I look at the generation above my own and you see couples who lived through the troubles and the economic depression of the 70-80s. There's far too idealised a view of romance and marriage in the modern world. There's a large cohort of people who believe that it's meant to be like what they seen in the movies.

All true. Gender roles were more defined in the past though where as now women are much more foot loose career wise and have more independence financially. Men too have more choices. But I'd agree with your point, people are now probably more self centred and have an idealised view of how things should be and will move on if it's not realised instead of working at it. To what I don't know because that path will most likely lead to unfulfilled and loneliness.

[Dinny Breen]

Social media reinforces peoples attitudes. Especially twitter. You're not going to follow someone or some media organisation you disagree with. Therefore you end up following what you believe to be true and therefore it just reinforces your own viewpoint.

I digress, a good bit of riding is very helpful. A great stress reliever I find.

You should follow Ewan MacKenna.

[TabClear]

Poor Facebook is getting an awful hammering today. It seems to have become trendy to bash it.

I use it as it's a great source of information. The key is to unfollow any of your "friends" whose every thought you don't want to read about. They still remain on your friends list but you don't have to put up with them.

Clearly Wall Street regularly check in here for market intelligence. Facebook shares down close to 20% yesterday wiping the equivalent value of McDonalds of the business! Mark Zuckerberg persoanlly  down over $15bn in a day....

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-44978452